101 D & D puns

1. What game is a role-playing joke?
Pungeons and dragons

2. What RPG does the Spanish Armada play?
Dungeons and Dragoons

3. What RPG do idiots play?
Dunces and dragons

4. Gamers don't DIE they just:
roll a d0
pass
fail to be resurected

5. WHy didi the gamer build a porch?
He wanted to level up

6. What games does the Pilsbury Doughboy like to play?
Any ROLL playing game

7. What games do fishermen play?
Reel time strategies

8. What games do chefs play?
Real Thyme Strategies

9. In D&D which job has the most paper work?
Desk cleric

10. What birds do clerics enjoy?
The ability to tern undead

(10b. One of my friends submitted this one:
what do clerics compete in?

11. What determines a D&D characters love life?
His Armour class

12. How does a D&D character get a date?
Based on his hit-on points

13. Beware the level 5 Geek and his masterwork +5 slide rule

14. Will the creators of D&D still play when they are dead?
I think they will be rolling in their graves

15. WHat is the oppocite of a standard?
A sit-adel

16. What do D&D characters drive?
A Car-isma

17. When dealing with check books what is a helpful skill?
Balance

18. When dealing with pets what is a helpful skill?
Heel

19.What do you call religious gene knight?
A paladjinn

20. What do you call a D&D lawyer?
A BAR-barian

21. Is a halfling tall fellow really a three-quaterling?

22. In what Asian country will you NOT find a lot of ranged weapons?
Meleesia (maylaysia)

23.What do you call a multipurpose halberd?
A guisarmy knife

24. How did the ogre ranged weapon specialist with the "detatch limbs"
feat arrive for work?
With his arm in a sling

25. In D&D what metal is symbolized by the symbol Ko
Kobold (Cobalt)

(I thought of these after I had already started
25 b. What do you call a goblin with no hair?
A kobald
25c. How does a goblin make his typing stand out?
By highlighting it and making it koBOLD)

26. If you die from an inspire courage attack what happened?
You died of a bard attack

27.When trading for goods and services if you get them for a song,
what system were you using?
The Barder system

28.The minstrel that travel between CA and TX keeping out illegal
alieans are what?
The Barder patrol

29. What do topologists and druids have in common?
The ability to shape shift

30. What do you call a sleeping mage?
A snore-soror

31. Why was the halfling wizard slapped on his first date?
He was getting a LITTLE Familiar

32.Why do boils and blemishes pick up the "leadership" feat at sixth level?
So they can attract a co-wart

33. Which D&D class rubbed a lamp from which a genie appeared?
The p-aladin

34. Why didi the clutsy fighter specialize in left handed fighting and
left handed archery?
Because he was all left feat

35. Why was the spell caster so badly beaten in battle?
He got schooled (or rather forgot to)

36. When spell casters get old and feeble how do they get around?
With an arcane

37. Why are long computer windows like wizards?
They both involve scrolling and they both run on xp

38. Why is a wizard like an elementary school teacher?
They both have spell books

39. How do D&D characters fix a broken ship?
With a portable hull

(39b. what company makes portable ships out of feathers?
Qual-comm)

40. Which book of cheese is essential in D&D?
THe munster manual

41. What do rangers like to eat?
Their number one flavored enemy

42. What does a D&D T-shirt say?
Bane there smote that

43. Why was the D&D character in such a hurry?
Because he was hastey

44. Why else might a D&D character build a porch?
To increase his deck-stair-ity

45. After a heard of cattle pass by what does your campaign turn into?
A DUNGeon (sorry)

46. What is the pague of unclean paladins?
Dust smites

47. What happens if you make a ranged weapon mad?
You get a cross-bow

48. How does a crossbow flea?
It bolts

49.The language specialist blood vessels clogged, what happened?
IT was a poly-clot

50.How do fairies get by?
On Fay-th (faith)

51.Why did the spell caster cast a very colorful and deadly spell behind bars?
He was in prisim

52. What charter was adopted by Wizards of the coast?
The Constitution

53. Why was the wizard convention so successful?
They had a good staff

54. When a weapon is infected with maggots what does it become?
Melee

55. How much did the goddess of halflings buy her gear for?
Yondalla (one dollar)

56.Which D&D god is best at stacking wood?
Kord (he is also the best with string)

57. How do D&D characters do their laundry?
With a washer and druid

58. What are the hard drives on really old computers good for?
Tower shields

59. Why did the D&D characters marry a fly?
Because she looked fine

60. What is the oppocite of improved disarm?
Improved dat-arm

61. What is a useful feat for a hurried artist?
Quick draw

62. Which feat requires all other players to say "bless you" afterward?
Achoo materials

63. What type of armor did the coward wear?
Hide armor

64.What do you pay heros in?
Armor checks

65. What do you call a characters who paints cloaks?
An es-cape artist

66. What is the D&D leveling up operating system?
Windows XP

67. What is the scienc of classifing gnomes called?
Gnomenclature

68.What is a popular game played in the land of D&D?
Sissors, paper, roc

69. Why are large very fiercsome birds good at calculus?
Because they can easily find AROCS and IROCS

70. What feat does a 1st level druid gain when she just doesn't care?
Wild apathy

71. How does a minstrel excuse himself?
Bard-on me

72. Why couldn't the singer get past the door?
It was bard

73. What sings in trees?
A bard (bird)

74. When a bardic song goes horribly awry what is it called?
Inspire incompetance

75. Why didi the sorscoror (?) take out his fishinhg pole in the
middle of a battle?
He wanted to try his hand at combat casting

76. Some useful acronyms to know: cp, sp, gp, pp, TP

77. What do you call an unarmored slobberer?
A drool-ist

78.What is the highest degree in gaming?
the Ph. B

79.Why did the fighter carry a stove into battle?
He wanted a RANGEd weapon

80. What do you call a fighter who looses his bow?
De ranged

81. Why didi the fighter wear lots of belts?
Because he was a profiecient buckler

82. What happened when the adeventuring party ran into very large
demon creatures?
They were in dire consequences

83. What do you call a campaign setting around Christmas?
An advent-ure

84. What are the philosophical musicings of D&D?
Whether the goblin is half empty of half full

85. What happened when the dwarf, the elf, and the orc challenged each other?
It was a race

86. Why are most prisons offwhite?
Because they are dun-geons (as oposed to Donne-geons those write epic poetry)

87. WHen the DM ran for president what did he do?
He put up campaign posters

88. What do you get if you cross a fighter and a druid?
A bar-BEAR-ian

89. Why is black coffee such a piopular drink in taverns?
It cures what ales ya

90. Why do bar keeps rul on all fights?
Becasue they are the meade-eators

91. How didi the barbarian fell like when he woke up in a tavern?
He was a little groggy

92.Why is death so mad?
He is scything with anger

93.Why are potion containers so evil?
They are just vial

94. What do post office employees hate to deliver?
Chain mail

95. What do fighters eat upon?
Full plates

96. When a protective suit serves the Spanish court well and in turn
becomes a lord, what is it?
Donning armor

97. What musical duo does armor listen to?
Donning and mari9e

98.The fighter wasn't paying attention while getting dressed. What
happened to his armor?
It donned on him

99.What is a fighter's favorite tiem of the day?
Don

100.. What does a fighter jock wear?
Studded leather

101. As you can tell I have very few RANKs in the perform jokes skill.
What does this usually result in?
A Pun-alty