Saturday, December 18, 2010

n^2+1 Scholarly Puns

1. What do academics wear around their necks?
A s-collar

2. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has a boat called NOAA's arc.

3. What do you call a crescent shaped jail for scholars?
Sickle cell academia

4. What do scientists keep to record their public thoughts?
A scientific journal

5. Was the work on Barlett's Pear Reviewed?

6. Where do you house falsehoods?
In a Lie-brary

7. Where can you find stores of calcium hydroxide?
In A Lie-brary

8. Where do you read about thorns?
In a Li-briar

9. Are the works of urologists peer reviewed?

10. I like to buy my moduli in bulk.

11. Newton said to Young don't stress. (A Newton is a unit of force and another name for how easily a beam will bend is the bulk or Young's modulus ergo they are talking about strain).

There a brief dose of puns as per Tim's suggestion of just doing 10.1 puns ten times. The problem with this is the law of large numbers doesn't set in. Oh well enjoy.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Its no wonder the machines used us as batteries!

Hello world.

To use a phrase from a favored professor at Weber State. I am taking a thermal physics/statistical mechanics class for fun, along with an electronics class too. One of the problems I just finished was to use the Stefan-Boltzmann law (Power is proportional to area times temperature raised to the fourth power) to find the power output of a person. But to do this I need an area formula for said person. Never fear according to Mosteller (1987) he provides the following commonly accepted formula for the surface area of an average human. (height[cm]*weight[kg]/3600)^1/2. (Or you can use the physicist's assumption of a spherical human which in the limit of Wisconsin is approximately true.) Anyway, plugging in the canonical astronomer multiplying by the number of seconds in a sidereal day and timesing by the population of the planet leaves us with about fifty five gadjillion Joules/day (5.54*10^17 J/day) in unspent energy! Its no freaking wonder the zombies want our brains and the machines want our ATP pumps!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Resurrection/ Reincarnation

Do I believe in resurrection?
Do I believe in reincarnation?
Yes. But neither of the above answers are as simple as they may seem.

I live and I die, and when all is said and done my cosmic makings will return to the cosmos from whence they came. I am part soil, part plant. I am part earthworm and sea jelly. I am a part of all things. I am even a part of you, as you are of me. My atoms will never die they can only cycle. My atoms are or will be in all things and a part of all things. My atoms came from the supernovae of stars and if given time enough will recompose planets, other suns, galaxies, and even the Universe itself. This is reincarnation, not even the most strident atheist can deny. As spectacular and profound as this is? Is this all? Amid all of these pieces is there nothing that is me? Am I merely the sum of my hundred trillion parts, or is there something more? There is evidence of a chemical memory, but is all that I have seen and done nothing more than the bond energies between electrons? How very depressing to think that all that I am is nothing more than atoms arranged and glued together purely by chance by the designs of the Universe.

Even if it is only hubris and self preserving pride. I would like to think that I am something. I would like to think that what I do matters. Previously, preforming the pre-frontal logic of Pascal I posited the presence of a God. Given then that there is a God even though I am but an unimaginable speck in the great scheme of things and surely a speck as small as I am can't matter right? Though taking out pieces of any size from any well working machine never did seem like a good idea. And plus if what my religion tells me is true, then all of us just happen to be specks personally favored by the creator of the universe him self hand crafted to resemble the Divine somehow.

So admitting the bias that it is in my own interest to be a firm believer (FYI probably a note about the mathematics of believing and believing coming soon.) in an immortal soul, I do believe I have a soul. I do not believe that anyone can take my soul. I believe myself and my soul can learn else why are we here on Earth? In some respects it can change in others it is soully my own. Albeit I like the idea of my soul being tangent to a great many other souls touching and shaping who they are and who they will become. Ideas like that give me purpose in life. Ah but was my soul ever a slug. I do not think so. The soul is my own. The slug had its chance. I don't think my soul will diverge backward either. I believe that I am me and as I have said my soul is my own. I also believe that it always will be. If not who then really is me. I claim there is a me. But who I am doesn't matter what I look like or what happens to me. I suspect that a person's soul plays a large part of who they are. Case in point, ask a mother of identical newborn twins if they have different personalities. Chances are the new mother will say that even at birth they are two different people. How can this be? Twins from the same mother have had the same environment, if the twins are identical they have the same genetics and yet there are differences. This must mean that there is something other than nature or nurture determining who and what they are and will be. To me this is the soul.

So is my soul reborn? I doubt it. If souls are recycled how does this work if the population is growing. Sure the total number of people through out history is a thousand times greater than it is now, but at any given time we have a larger population than before. It seems to me that souls are brought into this planet anew and not reused. So does this mean I believe in the Hindu/Buddhist idea of Samsara? It does. But wait, I thought you said you didn't believe one's soul could be recycled. If you don't believe in recycling, how can you believe in Samsara?

I think Samsara is the day to day battle of us against our addictions. Our goal is not so much to get out of mortal life, but to get ourselves out of the addictions and holds of mortality but also to get not out of but as much out of mortality as we can. This is I think the purpose of Samsara--to perfect ourselves--a purpose coincident with religions the world over. Samsara is Jihad. These are the struggles and wars we wage, not with others but with ourselves. As the Buddhist says this is the path to enlightenment, the path to perfection. Hold on! How can Samsara be Jihad? Samsara involves continual life, death and rebirth? The close of each day marks the death of all days that have gone before. Once gone a day cannot return it cannot come back again. It is dead. But on the morrow the day begins afresh (stay tuned posts about the arbitrarity of days also coming soon). Each morning a day is reborn and we are given another chance to apply what we have learned to fight hard, to struggle, and to make progress on our path or to lose the way and backtrack as we and our conscience see fit. Each day the old days die, the new days are reborn, and the battle us against our self begins again. Reincarnation.

But what of resurrection? I am only a very weak scholar of the Quaran but as I understand it there is an exceedingly beautiful passage about Allah reviving the dry Earth after a rain storm and if He (salutations be upon him) can do this than raising of the flesh of the dead is mere trifle. I do believe there will be a raising of the dead a true 9th level cleric casting the great resurrection. The Way of nature is a way of cycles, a Way of recycling. I believe in the resurrection, because I have a hard time believing the operating principles inherent in Nature could allow so much of what is gained in life to go to waste. And now for the thrilling conclusion. Imagine how profound it would be if it wasn't just our bodies that were reanimated and given life again, but what if every atom that ever was, ever has, or ever will make up You could be restored unto You!? What if it wasn't just restored, but what if you could understand the journeys of every atom that made you?

If you really could comprehend the paths of the atoms and voyages of the finery that made you then inherent in you is the understanding of a God. The Resurrection.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Twinky Quality Control Manager

So I love my job. But just to be safe I have been applying for backup jobs just in case. Here's one of the jobs I found:

Yes that's right quality control for the people who make twinkies! Gain 100 lbs in a day. Dream job woot! I think I'll keep the one I already have.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Close Encounters

Almost Overheard:
Parapsychologist: Fine! How do you define a close encounter?

Mathematician: When object UFO comes within dr of the parameter space of the orthonormal projection of object YOU that is a close encounter.

Parapsychologist: ...

Friday, July 23, 2010

The Economic Argument

Hello all. I have just finished Aldo Leopold's "A Sand County Almanac." Its great I would recommend it to all. It is this work that leads me to post today. My thoughts have been brewing for some time. I think they are about ripe. I will however start with a brief excursion due to potential lack of time.

Wildlife bridges

Above major roadways we have human bridges. This prevents human roadkill. No kids found squashed in the middle of the road. Bridges are good. They connect us to the places we need to be. But consider this, if instead of wearing a backpack you wear an all organic fur coat, instead of getting a bridge, you will get a sign that says your name followed by crossing. This does nothing to actually help you get across the road it merely paints a target on you and lets the motorized hunters know what is in season. We need bridges. Both the human kind and a lot more of the animal kind. Animals need to get from their homes to their stores, from work, to food, to water, and to rest. Why are their no bridges for them? Oh yeah, the economic argument.

As I said, that just was the diversion (tee hee tee hee, yes I meant that kind of diversion too.). The real "overarching" goal of this post was to compare ideas of ecology to those of economics. Alas my stop draws near my thoughts shall have to wait.

Friday, July 09, 2010

Post sortings and the value of math

So I haven't posted in a while. No kidding Sherloxx I hadn't noticed, is probably what you are thinking. I would just like to gloat about some of the spam I rejected today--some of it is pretty funny. I got an invitation to premier in Bollywood, India and also to premier as a Jewish comic in a New York Comedian brokerage. Other fun comments that got the boom official stamp of rejection of course the regular male enhancers, and "Thank you. You speak as well words you helped me on my college assignment." Then of course the investment blowhard who was trying to smoothly tie in his website with phrases like let me just follow-up on that with a brief discourse about high yield portfolios yeah like that's the stuff I talk about on my blog. My favorite was the random spam about gooey ducks (a variant of this spelling is a type of clam known as the phallus worm--And with a word like phallus in my posts I'll be curious to see what type of search bots I attract now--not.) Other random spam bots include a 2012 world's going to end so bury your hummers now and join the Hare Krishnas nut. Someone wanted me to sell 210 pounds of shoes. My 101 Cheese jokes got a blue cheese wholesaler. And I received an ad for an electronic environmentally friendly cigarette. Oh then there's the Scandinavian boat auction or how about physics replica rolex professors and archimedes sh"replica Rolexes!" Nor can I forget the black hat illegal online marketing either or the professional do it yourself psychiatric help bookseller. I don't get any of it. But none of this was actually the reason I actually posted tonight. The real reason is I wanted to brag about my latest mathematical escapades.

I got paid $65 to do an integral--9 of them actually. The aquarium was conducting a summer camp and wanted to know the bite pressure of a macaw and therefore needed to know rather precisely the surface area of a collection of nuts. It got awkward rather awkward when people asked what I was doing measuring my nuts--sorry. Take math it pays and apologies again about the last line. Enjoy.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Blogdor! Blogginating the Country Side!

For your viewing pleasure. Today I created this:

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pet Incumbos

I have decided that the world needs a word for the opposite of a pet peeve. I submit that even the greatest of us have their pet peeves. Alright, maybe not the greatest of us, "Man you should see the look in Christ's eye in when you lick his shoe lachet the wrong way!" Yeah that seems a little absurb. But for the rest of us everyday there could be hundreds of little things that just rub us the wrong way. But dwelling upon these, that just makes for a negative experience. We need to as that ol' song says "Eliminate the negative we got to accentuate the positive sides of life."

I propose a pet incumbo. Incumbo is the Latin word for favor and so a pet incumbo is a little thing that makes your day go well. Examples include turning right on a busy street when a bus goes straight--yeah I know I am safe if any cars come through they smash into a bus and not me woot! An other example is finding enough cash in the couch to buy lunch, or even better finding that 20 you stashed in your coat pocket a few years ago and totally forgot about. Or your work has a 20 digit door code that some just walked out of so you don't have to enter a thing! Though my favorite pet incumbo is the speeding ticket insta-karma. The jerk with the babies on board bumper sticker that cuts you off whizzes at break-neck speed endangering everyone on the road who gets pulled over at the ext hill. Pet incumbos. Speaking of pets I have one. I also apparently also have my own personal angel. I'll tell you this story in just a bit, but first let me set the stage with the background material.

My church has lots of meetings. Their not my favorite pet incumbos but usually they are pretty good. I went to one such meeting last night. The speaker waxed maudlin about his trip to the sacred grove and about how wonderful it was. Generic platitudes about abstract blessings followed and a really funny bit about how he took a leaf from 200 year old beech tree. This leaf was there it saw the first vision it holds the light that fell from the father and the son! Meanwhile I am thinking that leaf is less than a year old and the SUN holds the light from then too and you can see that anywhere. I mock but he had a very personal deeply moving experience and other than some small details it was a good talk. The main thrust of it was that we need to slow down, stop and experience/enjoy the universe amen. Immediately following this everyone gets in their cars and whizzes off one kid even got on a motorbike and drove off 100mph. I decided to follow the advice and pause to meditate a bit. This is where it gets good.

I was rather in my own reverie pondering the universe when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up and see a lady dressed in white back-lit by the sun. I am thinking "wow is this an angel?" My next thought is alright ask for her hand and depending what the outcome will tell me the nature of this person. As I am thinking this she offers her hand of course its solid we introduce and she walks back across the street to her abode.

A Pet Incumbo

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm Not Dead Yet!

So today's latest rant. 1. You should all now that I am doing marine biology in a landlocked state. Neiner neiner. And 2. that really had nothing to do with today's post. 3. My Charla love is at Kitt Peak AZ doing world class astronomy which is pretty cool. And now for the long awaited post.
(yeah like that's a good thing), water, This bottle looked at real 100% juice, grape juice, orange juice, weird unregulated nonFDA approved herbal supplements, contains retina rotting alcohol, preservatives, pickling agents, dyes, liver and kidney disinfectants and trace quantities of antifreeze. Sadly though no mango or melon, not even natural flavors or extracts and the saddest part I am not even joking today all of that was in my sobe. The even sadder part is that after a year without posting my first post is about the horrors of the soda bottling industry.