Friday, August 31, 2007

Stupidity strikes again

So to quote from my friend's blog, who is in turn quoting from Einstein: There are only two things in the universe that are infinite, the universe and stupidity, and I am not sure about the universe. To see why I posted this click the title. It links to an epic piece of stupidity.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Ahh Home.

Home. What more can I say? [P.S.] this is one of those links where you click the title. It will take you to the above address

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Tribute to the Wonderful 2007 Camp Steiner Staff

101 2007 Steiner Staff Puns

Happy 77th year Steiner. As always I am dreadfully sorry if any of these offend, I promise it is not my intent.

1. The best part about camping is that it is intents (intense)!

2. If the week before scouts arrive were held for long necked mammals would it be Giraffe week?

3. If Robert gets a pet insect, would it be an adamant?

4. If Mr. Adams took from a bank would he have Rob-bed it?

5. Why is Darth Pike such a good archer?
Because he is an excellent Bohman

6. What do you call puns that keep returning?
A Boom-erang

7. What do you call it when I worked at shotgun?
A Big Boom

8. Why do I get to tell papers outlining what goes on what to do?
Because I am the Program Director

9. If this were instead a Russian work camp, what would I be?
The Progoram Director

10. What is Mrs. Bullough's favorite skit?
The Kingie, the Queenie, and the Katie

11. What small furry rodent is where Mike is from?
New Hampster

12. What small furry mammal lives in the trading post?
A Wolverine

13. If Kayla were the line used to create a hyperbola what would she be?
The handicraft directrix

14. IF Kayla could have her way, if she died would she be buried in a grave-y?

15. If Mike sat down would there be peas on Earth?

16. If Braden played poker would he be a card dealer?

17. If he played with potatoes would he be Peeler?

18. If Mr. Degraw sold womens apparel would he be a drag dealer? (sorry Braden :)

19. What is Mr. Eastman's favorite pinneped?
The bearded seal

20. If Jeremy disappeared, what would it be?
An ordinary week. But he might be called a Roo-dini

21. What do you call a soup made from Jeremys?
A Roo

22. If Jeremy went into the cleaning business what would it be?
A Roo-to Rooter

23. What do you call a pure silver wombat?

24. What is Mr. Evensen's favorite book?

24. If Arthur impersonated Elvis would he still be the King?

25. If Arthur becomes senior staff will he get to carry a walkie Talkachin

26. Since he works a lot down in archery, what should his leadership course really be known as?

27. What is Erin's favorite Wyoming town?
Evensen (Sorry Erin)

28. Why does Erin like the night?
She likes star parties, and because she is Knock-ternal

29. What are her favorite jokes?
Knock Knock Jokes

30. What would you get if you mixed an archer with a gun?
You would Knock and Load

31. What would Tiny be teaching if he burned down the camp?
Pyro-mental Science?

32. Where do counselors in training live?
In the big CIT (City)

33. If Spencer hits someone with the bolt of a gun, what is it?
A disciplinary action

34. Why does Angie do Bobo?
She finds it apeeling

35. What doe she use to clean it up?
A bandana

36. If either Cat or Reid got punched, would the Halls be decked?

37. What do you get if you cross a cow with a Cat?
Mudder Nature

38. What do you get if you teach Soil and Water with a metal disk?
Soil and Water Gong-servation

39. What is the person who teaches Soil and Water's favorite musical variety show?
Soil Train

40. What is a Cat's favorite skit?
The Kinglin, the Queenlin, and the Caitlin

41. Is a sleeping Caitlin Cat-atonic?

42. If Mr. Hall's son doesn't eat will he be a Nathin?

43. Who is the tallest staff member?
Mount Everett

44. If Everett made a mess would it be a SPL (Spill)?

45. If William Cullins Byrant WROTE about a mini Hall would it be Nathanatosis?

46. How did our SPL live?
Happily Everetter

47. Why does Brian look so happy?
Because he always has a blast

48. If he writes a book, what will it be?
The Book of James

49. If Chief Rocket Foot writes a book what will it be?
The book of Daniel

50. Where does Brian sit in a car?

51. If water came out fo shooting sports ear protection what would this be?
Wednesday, but it might be called Ear-igation

52. How do you protect the square root of negative one?
With i protection

53. How do you keep bottles of alcohol safe?
With beer protection

54. Why is a shotgun range like the ocean?
They both have shells

55. How do you see fishing instructors?
With a 100 Wyatt light bulb

56. If Mr. Koeven wore a pin-stripped suit, what would it be?
A zoot suit Wyatt

57. What is Mr. Koeven's favorite color?
Pure Wyatt (white)

58. If Daniel Lewis were a cook would he be chef rocket feet?

59. Who is the bravest staff member?
Mr. Lewis, he is both brave and Darren

60. If the cooks wanted to hang someone what would they be?
A lunch mob

61. If our head cook goes to Paul's Peak at 5:15am is it a LaDawn hike?

62. What scares the cooks?

63. If a movie were made about camp would LaDawn's be the movie trailer?

64. Who protects camp?
The KP-ed Crusader

65. Who is the whitest guy on staff?
The one with the most Lustyer

66. Why didn't he find that joke funny?
Because he's Ben there done that

67. If I keep making jokes about amphibians will I be sued for Salamander (slander)

68. Where do I get jokes about potty humor?
From the John

69. What is the best part about being program director?
The paperwork

70. What is a book written by Garth Nix about E. Prep?
Sabrinal (Sabriel)

71. Who on staff has a parade named after them/
Mrs. Massey's

72. If Mrs. Massey were immersed in salt would she be Sa-brine-a

73. If she like pain is she a Sabrina Masey-cist?

74. If Mr. McCrae were on woodbadge, which patrol would he be in?
The Al Patrol

75. If Al goes to McDonald's does he order aMcCraeFish sandwich

76. If Amy were unconscious would she be a head Coma-issioner?

77. If Amy were a pirate would she be a Comission-AAARH!!!

78. IF Scott makes a comission he gets a percentage of ascent

79. The walkie talkies accidently got baked into breakfast. They are now HAM radios.

80. If Jeremy and the Orienteering guy merged they would be an AND ROO

81. What do you call orienteering doodles?

82. What does Mrs. Nielson wear on her feet?
Jill Insoles

83. What is her least favorite candy?
The Jilly Bean

84. What is Mrs. Nielson most afraid of in the water?
Electric Jills (eels)

85. If Mr. Padia talks back is it a Tex return?

86. IF he gets arrested is he put into a Padia wagon?

87. How does Tex keep his stuff safe?
With a Padia lock

88. Are codes from Daniel a Tex messages?

89. Are Sabrina's back rubs a Tex massage?

90. Whose name do Pentecostal Steiner staffers shout?

91. Is the Pope Catholic?
As a matter of fact, No!

92. What should pioneering really be called?
Pope's ropes

93. What do you call people who incessantly take pictures of Taylor?
The Pope-ratzzi

94. What is Taylor's favorite pizza topping?

95. What does Taylor drive?
The Pope-mobile

96. If the waterfront direct were a pirate would he be J ARRGH!?

97. How much can JR's wife hold?
As much as she can Carrie

98. What does Alisha drive?
A Pruess

99. What is Beaker's favorite Monte Python line?
What is your Quist?

100. What is his favorite drink?
Sun Quist

101. What is Mr. Quist's favorite book?
Beaker for the Dead

102. What is Fabio's favorite TV show?

103. What is Roger's Son's favorite place to camp (other than Steiner of course)?
Bryce Canyon

104. What does Zach invest in?

105. What is Wes's favorite fish?
A pike?

106. What happens if he is fired?
He will have his head on a pike

107. What is the tallest peak in Germanada?
Pike's Peak

108. If Spencer and Amanda ran the place would they be Tegen over?

109. If Pineapple had a twin would they be the Warner Brothers? (sorry)

110. IF pineapple taught geology would he deal with weathering?

111. What mug are we?
Camp Steiner

112. Why are we so cool?
Because Steiner Rocks. All 150 billion of them. (But according to one scoutmaster there are too many rocks at Steiner.)

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Strike while the Irony is hot

So as my previous post mentioned, I have been an LDS member for four weeks now. In that time I have noticed a few things I find very ironic. The first is that to get into temples you need a temple recomend, which is now being made into a barcode. Price check on worthiness, price check on worthiness. God loves all of his creations, especially member number 101110110. Oh Mr. Smith I am sorry your salvation was declined please try again. Ladies and gentlemen we regret to inform you, but today no one will achieve salvation, our computers are down. No, perhaps it would be more apropos to say, now boarding temple recommends A-Smith, A-Smith. What if other religions did this? Catholic: I'm sorry sir I need to see your ID before you can go see father O'Malley. No Card No Confession. Pentecostal: He has a Card Brethren! Hallelujiah for He is Saved! Oh, Ma'am we don't actually fully scan cards here we only look at them. Praise the Lord! Unitarian: No mater who you are or where you are in live's journey, you are welcome here--As long as you have your card to prove it.
I can see this causing problems on wedding days. Tuxedo--Check. Bride--Check, Flowers, Ring --Check, ah crap! I left my card in my other pants! :( Or hmm, my card isn't registering it must be the High powered Tessla Coil I keep in my pocket. Do you think the church will let such things SLIDE ? If it gets stolen, is it swipped? Is this card going to be like a spiritual Totin' Chip? As long as I still have my card I am good, but I lose a corner each time I am bad. When there are no more corners then the excamunicating beat down begins? Did you ever imagine that our mortal existance might be like a Giant library for souls? Hi I am going to use my card and check out a John Boom. I'll have him back to ya in 76 years or so. Yeah Yeah that's fine, just make sure you return him in one piece otherwise there will be a fine.

Ever so Sorry. I just thought the above was rather funny. Please don't disown me yet!

Monday, August 20, 2007

What a Crazy Summer!

So the summer started off ordinarily enough. The first few weeks I was the nature director for Camp Steiner, the highest camp in the northern hemisphere 10,400 feet. This entailed a usual progression from Doctor Seuss, to George Washington, to the Environ-Mental scientist, to a rousing round of tick off scouts day. But about mid summer things got strange. 1. I got promoted to program director. I was now the nut running the nut house. And 2. I am now a member of the LDS church. Gasp! Me. Yeaup its true. I joined the LDS church. Proof I like to read: I have been a member now for three weeks and I have read the D&C, the Book of Mormon, The Bible, Jesus the Christ, Preach my Gospel, True to the Faith, Gospel Principles, Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, The Youth pamphlets, and quite a few others. The other unusual things that happened is that we had a family of bears in camp. Oh and stay tuned more puns are forth coming. Good luck all of my new readers I hope you enjoy my personal realm of insanity.