Overheard...

Correct:
A cub scout follows Akela
The cub scout helps the pack go.
The pack helps the cub scout grow.
A cub scout gives goodwill

Note: Akela comes from Rudyard Kipling, and refers to a trusted leader in cub scouts.

Not Quite Correct:
A cub scout follows al Qaeda...

A gem of wisdom from my mom!

Alright, I am guilty as charged. I do not often enough compliment my mom. In fact most of my relationship with my mom is under the pretense of an exasperated "MOTHER!...." Today though, she issued a gem of wisdom I thought worth repeating.

American's can't find jobs, but we are watching a Britton and an Italian judge Russians in how well they dance Spanish and Argentine dances.

A quiz

Here are 2 actual problems encountered during my day...

Problem 1. Multiple Choice
I just placed a large creit card order. I therefore do not want to spend money on my credit card. I have $10 in my wallet, but I want to save this for an upcoming book purchase. I also have a B&N gift card and a hungry stomach. How do I get something to eat?

a. Raid the loose change literally floating around inside the car (Yes it is haunted, that's why its floating.).
b. Use the Barnes and Nobel Card on the book and use the money for lunch.
c.Visit Costco and raid the delicious free samples profered.
d. None of the above

Problem 2. Essay
The lady in line behind you is bragging about how well she did on her biology test. What is her major?

Answers and explanations.

Problem 1. D. None of the above. A. is not correct because that would be stealing. I will not steal from own mother just because I am hungry! B. is incorrect because if I buy the book from B&N it will cost me $30 I only have a $5 gift card. If I buy the book at a particular used book store near where I live it costs only $9+tax. Clearly using the book card for a book is not the correct solution. I cannot chose option C because I have left my Costco card at home and have no means of sneaking past the angry Costco gateway centurions (most places call them "greeters", but I know their true insidious nature.) Finally, option D-None of the above. Here's how I got lunch for free... Barnes and Noble has a cafe. I used my Barnes and Noble giftcard to get a free lunch in their cafe. I used my $10 to buy the book and I used my card for a new $200 phone which with a $50 mail in rebate and a previous phone upgrade was also free.

Problem 2. After overhearing the lady in the line behind me discussing the intricacies of biology it is readily apparent that here major is the new mortuarial science degree program offered at SLCC! If you didn't get that last one fear not, the author didn't see it coming either. Mortuary Science one of the few majors that will quite literally kill conversation faster than "Hi I'm a math major."

I am the mountain

So today was one of those classic moment's in a travelers life... First I am the climbing director for Bear Lake Aquatics Base with the Boy Scouts of America. As such I am on the bus reading about mountaineering. An elderly gent, a wizened wizard, or a lost hippie-your choice, occupied the seat behind me. A conversation (mostly a monologue with nodding) ensued. The cosmic spectre, crazy and drunk as he was offered some amazing insight that I will share with you know: First look up this guy.

And now for the wisdom: "Far too many people spend every night of their life looking up at a white ceiling. Every night for the past 20 years I have starred into the stars of God's great creation. If you already have everything, then what you have is ALL that you have. If you have nothing then all the world is yours and you are truly blessed by already having EVERYTHING. When you sit atop of the mountain you become part of the mountain, until that is all you are. You ARE the mountain. We ALL are the mountain. When I die I will see you on the mountain."

To the old man of the mountain, Dude you rock! May I see you on the mountain too.

Close Encounters

Almost Overheard:
...
Parapsychologist: Fine! How do you define a close encounter?

Mathematician: When object UFO comes within dr of the parameter space of the orthonormal projection of object YOU that is a close encounter.

Parapsychologist: ...

Square Root of Seventeen

Me: ...And what does that equal?
Tutee: Some weird crazy number
Me: Good! And is that a rational function?
Tutee: No, crazy numbers cannot be rational!

Qoute of the days

"Congratulations, your having a baby! Do you know what its name will be yet?"
" No we're not going to worry about little details like that!"

So I find it interesting that...

I think it is interesting that I have a company trying to make money off of me. The company that bought a similarly spelled domain name as mine is "http://boomsblog.blogpsot.com/" note the blogPSOT .com and is a worldwide seller of Bibles!

What the?

Overheard [While in a rainstorm] :
"Why are you holding your umbrella like that?"
"I don't want to get it wet"
"!?!"

The excellent things I have learned while taking SCUBA.

So I have been taking a SCUBA [Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus] class. I am posting because the book has some amazing sources of insight. Such as:

You should take an underwater flashlight just in case there is an
unexpected underwater solar eclipse.

So today we are learning about Nitrogen
Narcosis. Basically it is a condition that can happen while diving
that causes the diver to loose touch with reality. The example the
instructor gave was a gentleman who went off swimming after fish
trying to offer them his regulator. He was working under the logic
that "fish need oxygen too!"

In skin diving you will use all of your SCUBA equipment, except for the SCUBA unit.

And most importantly don't ever breathe air that tastes bad. And while I am at it I should mention that you should only get air from reputable dealers. No Air Can Be Bad!

Through SCUBA I am even learning some very important life lessons: If it is very pretty, or very ugly or it doesn't flee from you don't touch it.

If taken out of the context of SCUBA and applied to dating that fairly well sums up many of my experiences.

Don't drink and dive. Drunk diving can kill.

That's all for today. Stay tuned for future posts of diver enlightenment.

Take bets on how he dies?

So for anyone who is actually listening--Please click today's title and send comments about how this guy dies.

Overheard from a math professor...

There are two types of equations: bananas and non-bananas. Right now we can only solve the non-banana equations.--Enrique

It has arrived!!

So here it is at long last. This is the video of me falling out of a plane. I am currently having some technical difficulties with the sound, but I assure you it will be fixed in future postings. For now enjoy my unbridled enthusiasm with this colorized silent film. And Because I can I'll give you a play by play--running commentary if you will.

So it starts with the people at SkyDive Utah showing off their stuff and few girls showing their stuff too. Alas, those aren't me I have somewhat less grace than they do.

They actually edited som of the first part. They asked me what I was up to--I told them 13,500 feet. And of course I offered the salutations of love toward my parents and friends.

As for diving out of the plane it is unbelievable how much wind is blowing at you while you are falling at 125 miles per hour. You can see the effects that much air has on your face. It really doesn't feel like you are falling but more like you are flying. The ground seems to stay there and you don't really notice that it is getting really close. The strangest sensation is to look up and see the camera guy just floating there amid the clouds. Then Fish (the big South African controlling the shute) pulls the chord (actually a bright blue golf ball) and it is like someone very large sneaking up on you and suddenly lifting you by the seat of your pants. Once we deployed, he asks me if I wanted to control the shute. If you pull on the left side it spins left then we pulled the right side and it spun hardcore. Upon landing when you see the Earth it is a natural instinct to want to walk. Don't. Earth is a very large object. It hurts when you collide with it. so we slid.

Some things not mentioned on the video are 1. There is a 2 page waiver that in and of itself is quite frightening. Its list EVERY possible way you can die by doing this sport. 2. The training. More about that later. and 3. The things you can hit. More about those later too. For now ciao! More Later I promise.

World Take Notice!

Coming soon from the most amazing author anyone has ever met Shaunna Goldberry. Her latest book, appearing soon on Amazon.com. Its called the Wedding Dress Maker, it involves romance, vernal utah, a cross-dressing garbage collector, environmental degradation and aliens. Honestly, who can ask for anything more amazing than that. Everyone should order it, I everyone Everyone knows should order it too, and pick up a few copies for your friends too while you at it.

I am NOT Normal...

But if you divided me by 1.8796 meters I would be.

Should have been overheard

Professor: So this is real astrophysics here. I am not pulling any punches. This is the real stuff. Now do you want to solve problems or do you want to whine about it. ... 'cause I know I like to whine about it--Just ask my wife.

Student: I thought whining about it is what Teddy Bears are for.

Other Student: No, they're for solving calculus problems.

Overheard

Me: Why'd you throw out the milk?
Dad: It SMELLED warm.

Ah, The Joys of Irony

So between classes today I found a poster that made me laugh. "NEED HELP WITH MATHEMATICS OVER THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY? Come to the Math tutoring lab We will be open during the Thanksgiving break!

Closed: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.