Friday, September 28, 2007

Wait... What!?!

Ok well that makes life as a zoology major easier. Weird though. really weird.

Hmmm?

Why does the world appear the way it does? Ah sure Descartes pondered
this one, and the Matrix took a stab at it, and so did a horde of
others, but lets take one more look at this age old problem shall we?
As far as I can tell there are essentially three only reasons this
could be so. 1. There is a God. From what I have heard he is a
benevolent god and he has created the world a certain way and him
being benevolent wants us to search and explore and enjoy this world.
Because he is benevolent he will not lie to us or deceive us. This
world really is how he created it. 2. There is a creator, but he is a
mischievous creator trying to trick and deceive us. The problem is if
we knew it was a trick we would stop believing and stop acting the way
he wanted us to. The third option is that there really is no God and
what we see is how the world really is. There are two facts that leave
me wondering about this. 1. 96% of the universe is dark matter--stuff
we can't even hope to see. It neither emits nor receives photons. In
other words dark matter doesn't interact with light. That means we
could not see it even if it were piled high smack dab in front of us.
So then the question then becomes why is the universe hiding most of
itself from us? Are we not ready for it? Is it just part of the
universe and as of yet are we still too stupid to figure out a way of
looking at it? Is this dark matter part of the world that evil creator
is hiding? That's the first evidence the second is here [Click
it, its trippy]. Since there are things in this world trying to trick
us clearly there must be an antibeneficial creator, because we cannot
trust our senses. [Actually we can trust our senses. They are seeing
what is, but we cannot trust our thinking center for it is within our
brain the miscommunication lies. It is within our processing center
that the data from our senses is interpreted.] Yet even with "tricked" senses we have still been able to develop advanced mathematics and complex physics. If all there were was a malefactor creator then we shouldn't be able to develop anything thing. For it seems to me that if one were trying to keep us confused why have anything work at all. If you were trying to spawn frustration, why allow success? Thus the world we see, we may assume is
real, at least the 4% we can see, as far as we can tell. But we have
no guarantee that the input on our senses is as we are interpreting
it.

However, let us also consider the abundance of these optical illusions. Dreams are real and fairly common, but often they are quickly forgotten, and also often they never to appear quite as life like as "actual sensory experience." So in most cases we have a way of telling them apart. With optical illusions we are often able to recognize what it is that is creating them. If they were the product of an evil trickster we shouldn't be able to recognize them. Moreover, optical illusions are really rather rare. In day to day life I am forced to trust what my senses are telling me (assuming 1 trust/sec) 86,400 times per day. I can go weeks, months or even years before I encounter things that make me call my senses into question. Moreover again most times when most people's senses are called into question is when they are doing things they shouldn't [drugs, alcohol, staying up much much longer than you should have] Most of the time, when you are doing the things you should your senses are behaving as you would expect. Therefore what if the things we call optical illusions are not the offspring of an all powerful evil trickster trying to deceive us but rather like a visual pun. 1 Sensory input with multiple interpretations. What if they are not "proof of something sinister," but rather a note for us to lighten up. Maybe they can be thought of as a coming from a mirthful God poking fun at our human frailties and of what we think we know is out there. But they most certainly cannot be from a crafty and malicious being because we are eventually let in on the trick--true deception it seems to me would not be so kind (unless of course all of it really is a trick and we won't be let in on it until the very end, but again why let us have so much order if that were so?). It may not actually be order, but it works, so we will roll with it and hope for the best. And maybe all that dark matter is not the sly villain concealing his plans from us, but the careful parent who doesn't teach their 2 year old about differential calculus before he knows trig, geometry, algebra, the ideas of numbers, adding subtracting, dividing, and multiplication first. I think for now I am inclined to support the later and watch the former on the Matrix.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

This one cracked me up too.

Click the title. And for reference a Fourier Transform is a messy and complicated formula for converting any function into a series of Sins and Cos. Its funny because because Fourier Transforms though proven that they will converge to any function often in actual application they are only the crudest of approximations. Therefore it is quite sad and yet quite humorous what he did to his cat. Ah yeah for over analyzing.

Wow! Such insight!

So this is pretty much the coolest comic series I have ever found! I found this particularly thought provoking. As always click the title.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Great finds from the sage Macgyver

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his
followers.
One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
"Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his
commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile? What is your
Purpose in Life, anyway?"
Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU". (The
Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened.
Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"

I get up each morning, gather my wits.
Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

F U cn rd ths u r trbl t splng

If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There's nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"

101 of the Worst Jokes You Haven't Heard

As a tribute to Marcel Marceau, because I can. Hear are 101 Jokes About Mimes. (See previous post for the article that inspired this silent barrage.)

1. What is the motto of a mime?
Mime your own business

2. What is the hardest thing for mimes to do?
Think outside the box

3. Have you heard about the invisible rope?
It was a real drag

4. Where should you be careful to step?
In a mime field.

5. Why is it so sad Mr. Marceau died?
Because a mime is a terrible thing to waste

6. Why couldn't Mr. Marceau pantomime someone's hips?
Because a waist is a terrible thing to mime.

7. What is the favorite weapon of a mime assassin?
A silencer

8. Does a mime's mother get mad at her young mime if he plays a blank tape at full volume?

9. What is Mr. Marceau's favorite line from Finding Nemo?
Mime Mime Mime!

10. What is a his favorite battle in Lord of the Rings?
the battle for Mime-as Tirth.

11. What does a mime wear on his legs?
A pair of pantomimes.

12. What is a mime's favorite book?
All Quiet on the Western Front

13. If you ran over a mime with a steam roller what would it be?
A silent film

14. What is a mime's favorite type of pen?
A bip

15. What did Einstein silently prove?
The relatedness of Mime and space.

Marceau wrote the preface to the French high wire artist Philippe Petit's 1985 book, On The High Wire.

Michael Jackson's "moonwalk" dance was inspired by Marceau's Walking Against the Wind routine

(Source Wikipedia)

16. What type of drawing program does a mime use?
A Bip map

17. Do you duplicate a mime with a mime-eograph?

18. What is a pantomimist's favorite Florida city?
Mime-mi

19. What was a famous silent TV voyage on PBS during the early 90s?
Voyage of the Mime-i (Mimi)

20. Is a pregnant mime in Jest ation?

21. What is a mime's favorite poker card?
A Joker

22. Why is Marceau's pantomime so famous?
Because it is moving.

23. What type of jokes are these?
the are an exercise in Pun-to-mime

24. If a mime kicks a bucket has he stubbed his pan-toe-mime?

25. What is a miming sheep's favorite movie?
Silence of the Lambs

26. Do two silent nickels make a mime?

27. Is the culture of silent acting when it is passed from generation to generation considered a mime (meme--its a psychology term)

28. So if the 24th letter of the Arabic alphabet were modest and silent what would it be?
A mim mime mim

29. Did you know Marcel Marceau had a photographic Mime-ory?

30. Not to be redundant but is a quiet mime, a mum mime?

31. If you wound or cripple a silent street performer have you critically mimed them?

32. If jack and the beanstalk had been a modest, dull silent mother what would he be?
A mim mime mum mom

33. Is a silent Briton a Mimey Limey?

34/35. In the early days of Disney land who was the wife of Mickey?
Mimey Mouse
(Wasn't he also the one who wore a yellow spandex suit?)

36. Is a 60 second performance a Mimet?

37. What is a silent orchestral dance piece?
A mime-uet

"Mimis are fairy-like beings of Arnhem Land in the folklore of the Indigenous Australians of northern Australia. They are described as having extremely thin and elongated bodies, so thin as to be in danger of breaking in case of a high wind. To avoid this, they usually spend most of their time living in rock crevices. They are said to have taught the Aborigines of Australia how to hunt, prepare kangaroo meat and use fire. They are like humans but they live in a different dimension. They were depicted during the freshwater period (1200 kya).

Their name might come from the song of a Zebra Finch."

The above is from: Mimi_(folklore). (n.d.). Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved September 24, 2007, from Reference.com website: http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Mimi_(folklore)

38. So if they were silent would they be Mime-is?

39. Who is a silent Egyptian philosopher of the 12th century?
Mime-onides

40. When do you not want to talk out in school?
When you are in mime school.

41. How do you act out a silent tree?
With plant-omime

42. What do you call a humorous bovine?
A cow-median.

43. If I stop telling jokes is it comic relief.

44. What do you call a German leader parody play by Shakespeare?
The Comedy of Furors

45. When do you do the comedic Heimlich maneuver?
When someone is joking

46. If a bacterium performs is all the world a stage?

47. What do you call going from a solid mime to a gas mime?
Subl-mime-ation

48. Who is Marcel Marceau's favorite character on the Drew Carry Show?
Mime

49. Who is the Greek demigod of silent trickery?
Pan-tomime

50. Its not yours its mime!

51. You be Beethoven I will be Bach! I gotta go but tomorrow please re-mime me to finish these jokes.

So tomorrow came somewhat earlier that I thought.

52. What is a famous mime's favorite bit o' junk food?
A marcel-mellow

53. What is a mime's favorite sports car?
A Marceau-rati

54. What is a mime's favorite dessert?
Marceau-pan

55. What do you call comics in the desert?
Camel-dians

56. If Marcel joins a club is he a mime-ber?

57.If he tears his pants does he Marceau it up?

58. If he gets married has he found his Marceau-l mate?

59. If in 1801 instead of John Adams Marcel Marceau took over what would it be?
The silent revolution.

60. If Marcel Marceau did a flip would that too be a silent revolution?

61. What do mime's keep around their castles?
A mute with a drawbridge

62. Why do mimes like playing the trumpet?
It has lots of mutes

63. What is a mime's favorite button on the remote?
The mute button

64. Why do mime's like sunrises?
Because the colors are often muted.

65. Does an LDS mime go to mute-ual?

66. What is a mime's favorite piece of music?
John Cage's 4:33 (Its actually 4 minutes and 33 seconds of pure silence!)

67. If Marcel took rock ore from the earth would he be a miming engineer?

68. What is a mime's favorite movie?
Re-mime-er the Titans

69. I live in a house whose walls are so thin I am constantly telling my mime neighbor to"Keep it Down over there!"

70. Can mime's play racket ball?

71. My public speaking teacher was so lousy the mime gave a better speech! (The sad part is I am only partially joking. )

72. What is a mime's favorite subject in school?
Historyionics (histrionics means acting)

73. Does an offensive mime make an ob scene?

74. Who is a mime's favorite Opera singer?
Improv-erati

75. What do you call a monkey for a mime?
An impersonaper

76. Are two mimes in bed thespians?

77. What is a mime's favorite type of fish?
A clown fish

78. What do you call a mime heaven?
Clown 9

79. What is a clown's favorite meal?
Dinty Moore Beef stooge

80. If dorsal is the opposite of ventral are there dorsaloquilists?

81. WHy did the dummy leave his Ventriloquist?
He was tired of being called a blockhead

82. The worst part about being a mime is that you can't call in sick for work. Especially not with laryngitis.

83. What is a mime's favorite old world ape?
A Buffoon

84. Why didn't the actor pass his class?
because he was understudied

85. What city has more mime's than any other?
Harlequin, NY

86. Why did the mime wear a wig?
because he was going ribald

87. When did the mime die?
At a ribald age (ripe old age)

88. What is a punster's (aka a picador's) favorite type of bird?
A Pierrot-kete

89. What do picador's set off during the Fourth of July?
Wisecrackers

90. What is a punster's favorite Pokeman?
Picador-achiu

91. Who is a comics favorite author?
Zany Grey

92. What is a punsters favorite book?
The Count of Montebank Cristo

93. Who was the pundit mugged by?
A gagster

94. What do you call it if someone steals a famous French puppet?
Taking a Punch.

a punchinello is a synonym for a punster :)

95. Marcel Marceau is a fraud. Everything he ever did was a charade!

96. God told me to take miming. He said I would see a sign.

97. Did you know Marcel Marceau was bald (He's not but...)?
Yeah I always thought he was a dupee

98. If he were a potato would he be an imitator?

99. Did the comedian choke?
No he gagged.

100. What is a comedian's favorite movie?
Gag to the future

101. So if I were to enact my puns would you be fighting the gag reflex.

Thank you I am here all week try the veal.

HOLY CRAP!!!

Click the title for today's eye opening moment of depression. People this is from the Washington Post, not some biased liberal quack pot publication--the WASHINGTON POST! If this article is not a call to action that something--anything, anything but this should be done then I really don't know what is! But hey its just money right?

A moment of silence.

[Click the title] I am speechless. I don't know what to say. There just aren't words for this. A mime is such a terrible thing to waste. He must have died walking through a mime field. So while he is in heaven will the angels really be playing harps or just pantomiming it? Alas enough of the fun and games for now. Good Luck Marceau.

What the?

Overheard [While in a rainstorm] :
"Why are you holding your umbrella like that?"
"I don't want to get it wet"
"!?!"

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The excellent things I have learned while taking SCUBA.

So I have been taking a SCUBA [Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus] class. I am posting because the book has some amazing sources of insight. Such as:

You should take an underwater flashlight just in case there is an
unexpected underwater solar eclipse.

So today we are learning about Nitrogen
Narcosis. Basically it is a condition that can happen while diving
that causes the diver to loose touch with reality. The example the
instructor gave was a gentleman who went off swimming after fish
trying to offer them his regulator. He was working under the logic
that "fish need oxygen too!"

In skin diving you will use all of your SCUBA equipment, except for the SCUBA unit.

And most importantly don't ever breathe air that tastes bad. And while I am at it I should mention that you should only get air from reputable dealers. No Air Can Be Bad!

Through SCUBA I am even learning some very important life lessons: If it is very pretty, or very ugly or it doesn't flee from you don't touch it.
If taken out of the context of SCUBA and applied to dating that fairly well sums up many of my experiences.

Don't drink and dive. Drunk diving can kill.

That's all for today. Stay tuned for future posts of diver enlightenment.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

My Angry Rant

Just click the title and read the comments.

That's Cool--Bwa Ha Ha Ha!

Your results:
You are Mr. Freeze


































Mr. Freeze
68%
The Joker
68%
Two-Face
67%
Venom
66%
Apocalypse
65%
Dr. Doom
60%
Dark Phoenix
53%
Magneto
53%
Green Goblin
51%
Riddler
48%
Lex Luthor
48%
Mystique
47%
Juggernaut
39%
Poison Ivy
36%
Kingpin
30%
Catwoman
26%
You are cold and you think everyone else should be also, literally.


Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Take bets on how he dies?

So for anyone who is actually listening--Please click today's title and send comments about how this guy dies.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Boom's Bet

Boom's Bet: A binomial expansion of Blaise Pascal's wager.

So the gist of Pascal's wager is that there is either a god or there isn't a god. And given that choice you can either choose to believe in a god or not to believe in a god. Basically he suggests there are four possibilities:

What you belive/what is

There is a God.

There is not a God.

You believe there is a God.

Infinite reward.

You have lived well and have not lost much. Score: + some. .

You do not believe there is a God.

You have angered God. You loose. Minus infinity.

No loss, no gain. Score: + 0.



Thus Pascal suggests that it is a better bet, regardless of what actually is, to believe in a God. If you are right you stand to gain an infinite amount, but if you believe in a God and you are wrong--you really haven't lost much. As opposed to the alternative where you have nothing to gain. I have herein sought to expand upon this idea and explore the notion, "Well, how many gods should I then believe in 1,2, infinitely many?" Let us suppose that to get into heaven is dependent upon not ticking off the God/Gods. Also assuming that heaven is heaven regardless of how many Gods there are. We will call this value C this then makes heaven a constant and the expected value of a reward of C [f(C)] is the probability of not ticking off a God [1-f(C)] times the reward C.

Thus if we believe that there is no God then there is no chance of reward thus 0 times C = 0. However, if we believed that there is one God then the probability of reward is [n!/k!(n-k)!]x^(n-k)(1-x)^k. {Its the binomial expansion theorem. If you have suddenly just panicked, click the title, it will take you to an article that might help.} Where n is the number of ways of not ticking off one or more gods. k is the number of possible actions. n-k is the total number of ways of ticking off one or more Gods. x is the probability that he is ticked off 1-x is the probability he is not ticked off. Since we do not know these probabilities we will assume the worst and say that it is 50/50 (there is actually a mathematical proof that this is the best/worst scenario, but the proof is left as an excercise for the reader.) So if there is one God I have 1 way of not ticking him off. Do what is asked. Since he has only given us a finite number of commandments, regardless of religion there can only be a finite number of ways we can tick him/her/it off. Thus one over a finite number times is a finite number p. Now if there were two Gods I could tick off one and thus not get into heaven. I could tick off the other and not get in, or I could tick off both with the same result. The only way I would be assured of getting in is if I didn't tick off either. Thus I have 1 way of not ticking off two gods and three ways of doing so. Thus our probability is is 1/4. If we assume that there are three Gods, Gods A,B, and C. I could tick off A, B, C, or AB but not C, A&C, but not B, B&C, but not A or all three. Thus there are 6 ways I can not get the reward, but again only one way that I can by not ticking off AB or C. Thus our probability is 1/8 We can see a pattern emerging the probability of not ticking off a god is at worst 1/2^n again where n is equal to the number of gods. It is actually P^n where p is the actual probability of not ticking off a God, but the point is clear the more Gods there are the less chance of actually being able to please them all. Therefore, the optimal belief, regardless of how many Gods there are is 1 because 0 has a 100% probability of no reward and any number greater than 1 the probability only diminishes. Ergo it is safest to believe that there is only one God. There are some problems with this. 1. This does not prove that there IS only one God, only that it is the safest bet to believe that there is only one God. It is also confounded by the fact that multiple Gods could have the same "Standards" and by pleasing one you have pleased the others, e.g. I have assumed that not ticking off one God was independent of not ticking off another. But nonetheless I still find the idea interesting.

Assortid


The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!




<

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."


Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor).





Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz
ever created.

Get Sorted Now!




So apparently I am the above with a 92. Seems to Suit me. Second place was Gryffindor with an 89. Third I am Huffle Puff at 74. And I am only 57% Siltheran. :)

Friday, September 14, 2007

Overheard from a math professor...

There are two types of equations: bananas and non-bananas. Right now we can only solve the non-banana equations.--Enrique

Thursday, September 13, 2007

So while you wait...

So while all you lovely people wait patiently by while I try to fix the sound on my skydiving video, I thought you might enjoy this:

Your results:
You are Spider-Man
























Spider-Man
90%
Superman
80%
Robin
62%
Iron Man
60%
Hulk
60%
Green Lantern
55%
Batman
55%
Supergirl
47%
Catwoman
45%
The Flash
35%
Wonder Woman
22%
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.


Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test



(Or if you don't want to click there clicking the title will also do it.)

It has arrived!!

video

So here it is at long last. This is the video of me falling out of a plane. I am currently having some technical difficulties with the sound, but I assure you it will be fixed in future postings. For now enjoy my unbridled enthusiasm with this colorized silent film. And Because I can I'll give you a play by play--running commentary if you will.

So it starts with the people at SkyDive Utah showing off their stuff and few girls showing their stuff too. Alas, those aren't me I have somewhat less grace than they do.

They actually edited som of the first part. They asked me what I was up to--I told them 13,500 feet. And of course I offered the salutations of love toward my parents and friends.

As for diving out of the plane it is unbelievable how much wind is blowing at you while you are falling at 125 miles per hour. You can see the effects that much air has on your face. It really doesn't feel like you are falling but more like you are flying. The ground seems to stay there and you don't really notice that it is getting really close. The strangest sensation is to look up and see the camera guy just floating there amid the clouds. Then Fish (the big South African controlling the shute) pulls the chord (actually a bright blue golf ball) and it is like someone very large sneaking up on you and suddenly lifting you by the seat of your pants. Once we deployed, he asks me if I wanted to control the shute. If you pull on the left side it spins left then we pulled the right side and it spun hardcore. Upon landing when you see the Earth it is a natural instinct to want to walk. Don't. Earth is a very large object. It hurts when you collide with it. so we slid.

Some things not mentioned on the video are 1. There is a 2 page waiver that in and of itself is quite frightening. Its list EVERY possible way you can die by doing this sport. 2. The training. More about that later. and 3. The things you can hit. More about those later too. For now ciao! More Later I promise.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

And its sequal

Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe stress
freaks and crystallography weenies. FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who
wear white socks.

Also found on Macgyver.com

Quote and link of the while

Quote "They are only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!"

For the link click the title and hit refresh periodically--great fun.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Dummy o' D Day

Genius pure genius. Click the title.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Beware the Blogfractal! BEWARE!

Oh Yeah. The title is totally linked to a blogfractal.

So I would just like to brag...

So, OVER the Labor Day Weekend I went diving. But wait, was that SCUBA diving or skydiving. It was both. I spent the first part of the day under water and the last part falling out of a plane. [Video of goodness to come.] And my ears still haven't fully figured out which altitude I am at, but oh well so worth it. I'll describe what it was like in a play by play commentary on the video that is yet to come, but for now I just wanted to brag. Nah na :P {Sorry about that, I couldn't contain myself.}

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Another D'Oh! of the Day..

Today's D'Oh! of the Day is brought to you by Fark.com. As always click the link to find articles of goodness.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

World Take Notice!

Coming soon from the most amazing author anyone has ever met Shaunna Goldberry. Her latest book, appearing soon on Amazon.com. Its called the Wedding Dress Maker, it involves romance, vernal utah, a cross-dressing garbage collector, environmental degradation and aliens. Honestly, who can ask for anything more amazing than that. Everyone should order it, I everyone Everyone knows should order it too, and pick up a few copies for your friends too while you at it.

The Irony...

To see today's idiot of fame, once again click today's title.