Saturday, December 08, 2007


You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.


Your Quirk Factor: 78%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

Silly Idealist, Librals are for kids!

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 40% Conservative, 60% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

So True. I like it, though I don't think it fully encompasses my diversity because my oppinions are actually somewhat different than either choice.

They said it, not me!

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read.
Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few


What Your Favorite Color Blue Says About You:

Emotional --- Affected --- Sensitive
Peaceful --- Tranquil --- Connected
Spiritual --- Experimental --- Deep

Love is blind...

But friendship closes its eyes.

And I shall Call Him Cream Cheese!

You Should Own a Beagle

Low maintenance, very friendly, and sturdy.

um ok I'll keep that in mind.

Your Anti Climactic Fortune

Deep into your future, I forsee: A bad case of food poisoning


You Are 52% Weirdo

You're definitely quite strange, but you can act like a normal person when you have to.
(But just because you can act normally, it certainly doesn't mean you want to!)
You have normal aspects to your personality... but you usually don't choose to emphasize them.

I love It!

You Are an Alien

You're so strange, people occasionally wonder if you're from another world.
You don't try to be different, but you see most things from a very unique, very offbeat perspective.
Brilliant to the point of genius, you definitely have some advanced intelligence going on.
No matter what circles you travel in, you always feel like a stranger. And it's a feeling you've learned to like.

Your greatest power: Your superhuman brain

Your greatest weakness: Your lack of empathy - you just don't get humans

You play well with: Zombies

Friday, December 07, 2007

They need a question about Warshing Machines

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

20% Upper Midwestern

5% Yankee

0% Dixie

0% Midwestern

And this too...

You Have Good Karma

In general, you like to do the right thing when it comes to others.
Your caring personality really shines through.
Sure, you have your moments of weakness - and occasionally act out.
But, all in all, you're karma is good... even with those few dark spots.

And this one

You Are the Super Ego

While some people may think first and act later... you often don't act at all.
You rather be safe than sorry, and you take ethics pretty seriously.
Like everyone, you have some pretty crazy desires. But unlike everyone, you restrain yourself.
You have high standards for your own behavior. And you happily exceed them.

And The Winner Is...

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around.

You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy.

You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you.

How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I suspect...

I suspect that this is an urban legend, but it funny nonetheless. Almost as funny as the electric wheel chair with hydraulics I saw in Indianapolis.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Part the Fifth

Now we have seen that much can be gleaned from the equation of faith. We have shown that faith itself has a term in this equation (actually more correctly we have shown that the relationship of our faith to the supreme deity's faith and the faith in His son has a term), but can we show all faith comes from this same source? The next few posts will be my attempts at just that.

To start we'll explore my own faith, the LDS faith. What does it mean to be a member of the LDS church? Here we will take a brief detour and I will give the answer I gave in church:

"What does it mean to be LDS. This is an enormously broad topic to discuss.
How does one even start to approach this. Well fortunately we are
given guidance in this matter, published on October 6th 1890 is the
document that outlines what it means to be a member of the LDS church.
It begins with "we." We is the the first person plural pronoun.
What this implies is that each one of us has come to this church for
our own reasons. We have all had our own experiences. Our our trials
and tribulations, but WE have all come to the same conclusion
together. What does it mean to be a member, a member of a club, a
member of a gang, a member of a family, and finally a member of the
church? It means to belong to, to be accepted. It means to be loved
and welcomed, which brings me to my next point. We Believe, belief is
knowing without seeing, knowing God the eternal father. THE eternal
father, there is only one. He is our father and like any good parent
in his eyes we ARE accepted, loved appreaciated and welcomed now and
for all time, for he is eternal without begining and without end. We
believe in God, the eternal father, and in his son Jesus Christ. We
believe that he died for us, that he is the pathway back to salvation,
the guiding light should we err. We believe that men shall be judged
for their own sins and not the transgressions of Adam. What does this
mean? It means that we have the best of both worlds. Adam had to
take the bite of the apple for man to know what sin was--this suggests
a plan, devine guidance. But, we are "graded" on our own sins
suggesting that we have free will. We are allowed to choose, to make
our own sins upon which we are to be judged. We are not merely the
pawns of some all powerful controlling being's game, we are children
of god, guided by our maker but allowed to choose our path. We
believe in the atonement of Christ. One man divided by zero sin, an
infinite sacrifice, an infinite sacrifice given freely for us. Christ
is not the well for our sins, for any reservoir, no matter how large,
if only filled and never emptied will one day overflow, Christ did not
store our sines, but rather he destroyed them. In his death because
he was untainted by sin he has freed us from our bonds. Whatsmore,
this ultimate gift would not be nearly so powerful if Christ were
naught but a God, for it would be easy for a God to overcome anything
that was thrown at him, but Christ was a mortal, feeble like us.
Suffering like we have, it was this property that made his sacrifice
so great. But what does all of it mean if we do not believe in him
our redeemer? If we do not believe then his death was without
purpose. Second only to faith in Christ is repentance, verily he
spoke unto us saying "Repent and sin no more!" For repentance is as
Elder Russel Nielson said in his Spring 2007 General Conference address,
"when Christ uttered these words they were recorded as the Greek
phrase Metanoeos coming from the root words of meta meaning a change,
pneuma meaning breathe, gnosis, knowledge, Neuma spirit, Taken
together this was an imperative for us, when we repent to experience a
change in our mind, body, knowldege, breath and spirit." This is no
light charge, and indeed none would be expected from the man who died
for our sins.
The Articles of Faith continue by saying that they believe in men
being ordained by profesey by the laying on of hands and by the
complete baptism by immersion. Indeed, baptism comes from the Greek
word of the same name meaning to dip or imerse. In the bible
dictionary it says that baptism by any other means is not a baptism.
Indeed if we claim to be followers of Christ then we must do as he has
done. In the book of John Chapters 1-3 the story of Christ's
immersion is told. If prophesy is of no consequence, why then does
the entirety of the Old testament set the stage for Christ to come?
If the laying on of hands are of no import why then does Christ
himself lay his hands upon the heads of each of his apostles in his
last moments during the last supper? If personal revelation and
responsibility are not an important part of this church why did Christ
and the father themselves descend upon Joseph Smith? Nay I say these
things are of the utmost importance. Now there are many more things I
could go into on what it means to be a member of the LDS church, but
alas, my time draws short. There are still 7 Articles yet to be
discussed, but sadly these shall have to be the venues of yet another
discussion, though there is one last thing I would like to leave you
with today. I would like you all to note the name at the very end of
the passage. Joseph Smith. I believe him to be a prophet and
enlighted seeer of the world the way it is. Let us, for the sake of
argument, assume that he is wrong. Tell me even in error, how many
1000+ page books printed in over 100 languages and countries around
the world have you published? How many 13 million member religions,
have you with high school and college educations started recently?
How many Harvard, Standford, and Yale graduates have you convinced,
how many papers have you published that can withstand 200 years of
scientific scrutiny the world over? I dare say, that even if he is
wrong, this man is one of the most influential people in history. And
if it were all a lie, why should he standby this lie even unto death?
Truly he has the marks of an enlightened man. I believe these things
are true, I cannot doubt their veracity. These things I say in
Jesus's name. Amen!"

So, can any of these things be found within my equations? And what about those other 7 articles, they are clearly part of the creed of what it means to be a Latter Day Saint, but what are my opinions of them? Stay tuned we'll see.

Part IV

When we last left this mortal solenoid, we had solved for everything except faith. Let us now explore the ramifications of solving for F(G)and F(S). F(g)=(S*C^2TE)/(F(S)EdkTL), F(S)=(S*C^2TE)/(F(G)EdkTL). Wait what? How can this be a stronger faith in Christ reduces our faith in God. The more things we overcome, and the more energy we devote to others all suggest a diminished faith in the divine. Even if we take into account the fact that Faith in Christ is related to faith in God and treating faith as one term F(G)F(S)=S*C^2/EdkTL we are still left with a paradox. Why should an increase of the energy invested on our part represent a decrease in our total faith. At first glimpse our equation clearly shows an inconsistency, yet given the staggering, awe inspiring predictions I am loath to cast it aside as of yet. Further study reveals that the paradox is resolved by realizing faith has crossed the barrier of the equals sign. Our faith is being viewed from a cosmic perspective. From the vantage of God and Christ all of our actions all of our trials amount to what appears to be very little. This is simply a reaffirmation that faith cannot be gained through energy works but must be gained independent of our energies and trials. However, this is still only marginally satisfying. If works do not increase faith, why then do so many religions insist on service in a mission? Why then have so many who have served testify to the opposite of this claim. Perhaps, our equation has a glitch. What if the terms F(G) and F(S) are not faith in God and Christ as I have thought, but what if it is instead the ratio of our faith, to the faith in God and the Son. My faith is F(M). Yet how many times greater is the faith of God and Christ? Faith enough to die for the entire world and never call unto him the powers of heaven to prevent it. 1/A great expanse of faith that is God and Christ neither separated from the other F(M)/F(G)F(S)=TLdkE/(S*C^2TE) And now the light is upon us for the greatest way of increasing the ratio of our faith to the faith of God and Christ is through an energy of devotion, love, endeavoring to change and to live our fullest life.

There is one other powerful point to be made. When derived, this equation was based on the idea that work is equal to force times distance, this is true, but it is not the most general form. In its broadest form work is defined as Force Cross Distance. Our cross is a product of the net force and total distance traveled in ALL directions and all dimensions. What wonders will we derive if instead of using the classic particulate force, but instead the electroweak, The nuclear strong, Coulomb's law and the many other functions of compulsion.

Just as a fork if seen from one vantage appears as but three separate dots, from another it is a single line segment, from a third it is a highly filigreed, ornate handle. Each of these views contradicts the others for clearly something that is three separate tines cannot be a single line, but viewed from an all seeing higher realm it is something more proving all three all three sights to be a true part of the whole. So too do I view religions. Perhaps with a better understanding of not only the cross product of our forces and their distances but work when viewed from every direction, perhaps then truth and understanding among religions will ensue.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Equations of the Universe Part III

If you recall, when we last met, I had derived for you a relation that went something like this. Salvation is equal to the product of Faith in God, Faith in the Son, Energy devoted to others, Obstacles overcome, and Time lived. All divided by the product of C^2 times the expected amount of time that you should live, or in math speak S=(F(G)F(S)*E*TL dK)/(C2*TE). The true sign that I am either off my rocker on really on to something is that it has generated a lot of
very concerned messages. Some interesting points that have been brought up are: "How do you know that your terms are really constants and not functions?", "Yes, your numbers are nice, but how do you know that's what the universe is really doing?", "There are other definitions for force, mass, time, etc how do you know you have substituted in the right ones?" and the list goes on. The answer to all of these is that I don't know. But an interesting test of any good mathematical equation is to see what it predicts. Here now are some of the predictions of the equation I have coined.

It has been said, that the greatest of the commandments is love. Love thy God with thy heart mind and soul. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Any equation propounding to be one of faith should have an expression for this. Does mine? Yes. The S term comes from a derivation of the
impact of something. This particular impact is the impact of love. For Faith is synonymous with love thus F(G)F(S) (Faith in God and Faith in the Son) show up as love. Energy devoted to others = love for them. dkTL the change in course times the time lived represents a
respect of self and a desire to overcome and to endure. A desire to live to the end. Love.

Now suppose instead of Salvation being the solution, what would happen if we solved instead for the energy spent. E=S*C^2*TE/F(G)*F(S)*TL*dk In other words, The Energy of helping other people is a form of salvation, it provides great light. And if TE the time we are
expected here on this Earth might be substituted as a divine plan then helping someone else is part of this plan. But as this equation points out Helping someone else will take time. The less time you know someone the more energy it will take to help them. Energy devoted to others will cause change, though interestingly the smaller the change the greater the energy it will take. Large changes can be done easily, but small ones become progressively harder. And if there
is nothing that needs to be changed, then an infinite amount of energy is released. Consider this, God is perfect, there is nothing about him that is in need of change and thus according to our relation, his energy must be infinite. Moreover, helping others not only is a part of God's plan, a part of his being, but also an act of faith. And the greater your faith in both God and Christ the less energy it will take to help another. If your faith is low, then helping others becomes very difficult and much energy must be invested. There is one other important feature of this particular rendition. The astute reader should note that all things that are controlled by God are on one side of the dividing line, while all things that are under our control are under God's watchful eye and are separated by a thin dividing line. A line has no width God is infinitely close to us 0 distance away 0 thickness is the line of the boundary that separates us from Him. Yet, This line, this veil if you will is still quite difficult for us to cross of our own. Moreover the energy we devote to others is on the same level as God himself! Hmm. Fascinating.

What can we learn if instead we solve for our change in course? dk=S*C^2*TE/(F(G)F(S)*E*TL) The things we overcome are essential to salvation. They will provide us will light. They are part of TE--the great plan. Failure to change is why Satan's plan failed. There is no room to change and to grow. The greater our faith the smaller our choices will be, the easier they will become. The more we help others, the smaller our choices become. And as our life progresses on so do do our choices become clearer. If what the LDS church, the
church I have so recently joined, if what they say is true, and I believe it is, this would suggest that Salvation is probably one of several constants. My faith tells me that there are 3 levels of
heaven, yet heaven for you, will be just as rewarding as heaven for me. This suggests the possibility that heaven is quantized. Somewhat particulate, yet also continous revealing both a wave and particle like nature. It is constant and existing as a distinct value. Goodness and Light, light squared too is a constant. TE I suspect is also a constant, though the idea
that it is a function is intriguing as well, but all of this means that change is not constant as the old adage goes, but it is nearly so. Change depends upon our faith, our energy , and our choices,
change is almost entirely in our hands!

TE and TL are too inseparable terms. Why are we here if we are not a part of God's plan? So too why should so many cultures have a God if something of the sort were not supposed to be in our life? TL The life we live is S, Salvation, C^2, light, light in all we can see, TE, a part of God's plan/Faiths Energies and changes (dk) So too is our life. If we are separated from God's plan, then we will be divided by differing faiths, energy and change. Life it appears is a very interesting function. Salvation as suggested earlier, I believe to be on. C^2 is a constant. Faith and Energy are in my hands. Change is tricky. I have control, but probably not all. And thus, taken as a whole, my life is not entirely in my hands, but it is for the most part under my control. Life is a symbiosis, a symbiosis of free will. I am a stake holder in
the changes of it and in my faith. I may choose the amount of energy to devote, but it is also a product of a divine plan. But remember TL and TE are coupled. TE=F(G)F(S)E*dK*TL/(C^2*S). How long we live, our expected life span and how it fits into the cosmic scheme cannot decrease except by our choising TL. The Greater our faith and the more we devote to others from an eternal perspective the longer our lives will be. So how should we maximize the ratio of how long we are expected to live to how long we actually live? Our fullest life TE/TL=F(G)F(S)*E*dk/S*C^2. Thus the key to not only salvation, but to living our longest possible life is to life one full of Faith and Love. To strive to overcome that which is thrown at us and to always mindful of that which is good and and light and to keep our own salvation underfoot--Hmm Calvinism has reared its head. While we are on the topic of the course of our lives unbeknownst to us our equation has hidden another expression for the length of our lives. To see the full beauty of this equation let us again examine it in its original form. S=F(G)F(S)*E*TL*dk/C^2 TE but if you will remember TE came from the acceleration term in work. Acceleration was defined as dk/dt where we proposed that dt was the change in time and therefore equal to time, though this generalization is correct, let us see what happens if we did this equation its full justice and integrated it properly. Separating like terms we are now left with dt/TL = (F(G)F(S)*E/S*C^2)dk, you will recognize this as a fancier version of the equation we had before. Here we will converse with God in his native tongue, mathematics. Now one should note, that it was pointed out earlier our faith in God and Christ is probably more accurately described by a function of k; however, I have not yet been granted privy to this precise function I will deal only in the simplest case--F(G)and F(S) as constants. If this is true we are able to antidifferentiate with respect to time, a neutral time outside of our life or God's. Doing so, the veil is lifted slightly and we are left with The natural logarithm of Time=(F*E/S*C^2)K + a constant. Hmm, time has a natural rhythm, there is an algorithm, a plan for our life. Our total faith, and our total energies divided among a constant of all encompassing light and salvation times all of the things we have over come K. It takes an entire lifetime to overcome all that we can, thus K=TL. Notice K has no limits. We may never be able to completely overcome all things, but we are a source of infinite potential (Proof of this forthcoming.) The other thing that is amazing is now that we are on the other side, in a higher dimension, our life is summed totaled and complete we realize that hidden this entire time has been a constant. What is this higher dimensional constant companion you ask? There is but one thing it can be--the Holy Ghost. Ah good, and now our Trinity is complete. This leaves only three things to solve for. The speed of light squared is a fundamental part of our equations. This means that we can solve for goodness and light a supposed constant in terms of functions, functions not of God's control, but of ours! Our choices can affect the entirety of the rest of the universe! Michaelson and Morely have shown quite conclusively that the speed of light is indeed constant for all points and observers. Something has to change, but what? Einstein has fortunately provided us with the answer to this one. Space distances and time itself will change to preserve the sanctity of goodness and light. This means that every Joule of of energy we devote to someone else brings time to a stop distances mean nothing god is among us, and because time has stopped we have gained an eternity all dependent on us overcoming our sins, helping others, and keeping a strong faith in God and Christ!

And the homerun for weirdness, goes to...


Strike Three and the Irony is Out!

Read this one carefully. Its the name of the store that makes the heist so great.

And the Irony Strikes Again

So on one paper I was both marked down for doing too little, and too much? Can anyone say "Law of Averages" not holding?

Monday, November 26, 2007

The Irony

So please let me know if anyone else finds this ironic. The WSU Underground, a club devoted to secrecy and subterfuge, is now announcing their December social.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Word Yo!

Friends, Romans, Hipsters,
Let me clue you in;
I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him.
The square kicks some cats are on stay with them;
The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus
Gave you the message: Caesar had big eyes;
If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea,
And, like, old Caesar really set them straight.
Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, -- for Brutus is a real cool cat;
So are they all, all cool cats, --
Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down.


Blink Blink Blink

Somewhat funny this is.

Well that didn't end well...

This man's death is a terrible tragedy. My condolences to his family. Yet still, the irony gets me.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


A challenge was issued. Battle lines were drawn, but tonight a winner will be decided. In an all out battle royale we have in the blue corner, The Unstoppable Force! His foe, the undefeated adversary, in the red corner is the challenger, The Immovable Object. Who will win? Stay tuned as they proceed to duke it out. But first, some definitions of terms. As we know, force is equal to mass times acceleration. F=Ma. If we break out the calculus this turns into F=mdv/dt or the change in velocity over the change in time. An unstoppable object translates into an object with infinite force. Meanwhile though, we have the immotile object meaning it has an infinite amount of inertia. Inertia is a property of mass, as such momentum is a decent approximation of said inertness. Where, momentum is defined as the mass times the velocity P=mV. Ah, two infinities colliding to produce any of several different possibilities: If the force is the larger of the two countable infinities then the wall will move; if however, the wall has a greater amount of inertia than the force can act upon then the force will not only stop, but it will change directions as well. It is possible that both could annihilate each other or that they will equal each other, in that the immovable wall will not move nor will the force cease it will simply have encountered its equal. The force may simply change directions going around the wall, or possibly through it. DING! And there’s the bell, our prefight match up has ended and the two have collided (To officially answer the question we will need to know about the nature of the collision, is it completely elastic, entirely inelastic or a combination of something in between, but fear not for I have some tricks up my sleeve yet.)! What does it mean for a wall to be immovable since we are measuring its momentum it must have a velocity of 0, otherwise it would be moving, but if it has infinite momentum it must have an infinite mass(we’ll play with the prerequisite calculus necessary to deal with 0x∞ in a bit.). To be unstoppable what must an unstoppable force have? It must have either/ both an infinite mass or an infinite acceleration. If it has an infinite mass and at least some acceleration then one would suspect that because it has two terms whereas the wall has only one that the force should trump the wall, however, this is not the nature of infinities. Though it is true that one infinity can be much larger than another (You should read Cantor and his seating paradox to really get this one.), it may not be true that just because force has two infinite terms while momentum has but one, that the force is stronger. The other alternative is interesting though, if instead of infinite mass, the unstoppable force has an infinite acceleration this means it must change velocity in zero seconds which means it is not really in this universe since time and distance are related if the force exists outside of time it exists out side of this universe—which has interesting side applications for religion, but we shan’t venture into these just yet. So what do we do? We collide the force with the momentum. F/dv/dt=m è P= (F/dv/dt)V. We have solved force for the mass and replaced the momentum term with said force. Hmmm, it appears as though masses are not the solution to our problem, as in this instance they have both canceled. For kicks let’s see what happens if we solve for velocity. If you haven’t had calculus, panic! If you have, no sweat we’ll just separate the equation and we find we are left with dV/V=(F/P)dt. If you haven’t had training in the tools of Leibnitz and Newton, what we are going to next is smash the thing to itty-bitty tinsy tiny parts and then add them all back together. When we do this we are left with LnV=(F/P)T +C. Where C is our initial velocity, but since the wall by definition was not moving we are safe to say c=0 Taking the inverse log we are left with V=e(F/P)t which in and of its self is pretty cool. It means that given time force and momentum you can solve for velocity. But let us continue our sadism one step further let us instead solve for position, recalling that v=dx/dt è dx= e(F/P)tdt. Pulling our favorite trick of integrating the crap out of it again (for the non math geeks who have actually stuck with it this far integrating is the trick we pulled where we smashed it into bits and added up all of the broken bits), we are left with x = (P/F)e(F/P)t+C Hmmm, that pesky C popped in again, but fear not, for we are crafty theoreticians and are prepared for just such an unfortunate event. Based on careful prior planning we have placed our wall exactly on a spot we have called 0. Ho, ho, luck is with us for c=0 yet again. Woot! (It is important to note that in this instance C refers not to the speed of light, but to some unknown constant. Letting it equal 0 is perfectly acceptable for our purposes.) Ok, now for the fun stuff. Let’s see what happens when we let both force and momentum go off to infinity. If x goes negative the force wins as the wall will have been pushed back. If x goes positive it means the wall will force back the force. If it stays zero, its hard to tell whether the force pushes the wall equally, or if both are destroyed. If x goes to infinity the force won. And now for the moment of truth, we let both F and P limit to infinity and what do we get? (We should also note that the force and the wall are opposing each other and should therefore be opposite in sign from each other.) ( -∞/∞)e(∞/∞)t . This is clearly undefined, resume panicking! Oh yeah, we have L’Hospital’s Rule e-∞ = 0 so if P/F goes to infinity the value is still undefined, if it goes to any finite value then its still 0. So dP/dF= -1/1=-1,- 1x0=0 The wall wins! The unstoppable force has been either stopped or destroyed. The wall having only mass to go on beat the multiple valued unstoppable force! Though, sadly we know the position of the wall so well we can longer be certain if it has a momentum, it may have destroyed itself stopping the force, though Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been done, the force has been stopped.

Something to think about...

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American
are spent by the government in less than a second.
-- Jim Fiebig

Please Note...

This is NOT how you change a tire!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

The phsyics of Skydiving

So many of you know I went skydiving some weeks ago, today I was thinking of it again and decided to crunch some numbers on the physics of skydiving. The plane has a land speed velocity of roughly 500 mph (223.5 m/s) at t=0 I fall out of the plane cruzing at 13,000 feet. After 5.7 seconds I am traveling 125 mph (55.88m/s) In those 5 seconds I have dropped 316 m and seen the plane cover a distance of just under half a mile. For the next 43.4 seconds I am weightless but experiencing a 2,000 pascal wind pushing on me. 1728 pounds of pressure are exerted over my body every inch though it doesn't seem like much is pushed with 2 ounces of thrust. In one second I will displace approximately 62 cubic meters of air.After nearly a minute of falling the 'chute opens and in a span of 3 seconds or so an additional 1,600 newtons kick you back up. In 3 seconds you decelerate from 125 miles per hour to just over 7. The decceleration is -1.78 times the acceleration due to gravity. Given that the parachuting pilot has a sadistic sense of glea, the next 10 s are spent in a madhouse stomach churning spin pulling 21,600 degrees per minute 2Pi rad/s 560 newtons a spin. Soon after your stomach returns to its initial position and the remaining 320 s are spent wondering how on Earth are you going to relieve an 890 newton harness wedgie. With 20 or so seconds left you begin to see the ground, it looks so nice and welcoming, you think to yourself that solid ground never looked quite so beautiful natural instinct kicks in your feet extend you are ready to walk home, but what you fail to realize after trying so hard to avoid that powerpole and radio antenna, is that when you set out to walk on lovely terrafied firma you will collide with her with a force of nearly 200 newtons. This hurts and is not strongly recomended. My personal suggestion is to increase your impulse time to something on the order of 5 or so seconds reducing the bone jaring impact to a mere lollup from a kitty cat on steroids. Resuming landing on the ground it then takes approximately 5.8 weeks to realize the extent of what just happened and how amaziningly cool that was!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Blogs that aren't me

So today's post is inspired by the fact that I couldn't type my own address and as a result found a whole lot of blogs that aren't me. So for your viewing pleasure, none of these are mine:



Wednesday, October 31, 2007

And the winners are...

And the winners for three best costume Ideas for today are...

3. Death drinking a health conscious fruit slushy

2. Algae

1. A scientific paper

Honorable mentions go to Jesus and his disciples, the chemistry professor, The Mullet, Lord Vader :), and the gay Jamacan bobsledder (who I later found out wasn't pretending to be gay.)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Infectious Laughter

The Best Medicine, hope you don't overdose.

Because two of my very close friends have had or a currently battling cancer. This post is for them!

1/2. Why didn't the rhino virus go to the ball?
He had cold feet and gave his date the cold shoulder.

3. If a fruit and a dog get sick, is that a melon collie?

4. If a fruit gets terminally ill is that melon-noma?

5. If a fantastic imp gets cancer is that a melan-Gnome-a?

6. To help compromised immune system people to hear should we send them hearing AIDS?

7. Who were the physicians of the 1600s in Italy?
The Medicines

8. Why was the Greek doctor fired?
For being asclep on the job.

9.Which pugilist doctor finally came out of the closet?

10. Who treats riverhorses?

11. Who treats gangsters?

12. WHich bird is a medic?
Florence Nightengale

13. Which inventor of the microscope goes fishing?
Robert Fishhook

14. Where does the count of monty cristo go for a good skin doctor?
To his local Dumastologist

15. What is the favorite medical branch of poker players?

16. What's the oppocite of oncology?

17. Who treats sick farm birds?
A duck-tor

18. What closes a clam shell?
The adductor muslce

19. Who does Old MacDonnald go to see when he is sick?
A farmacologist

20. Are Middle Eastern Archaeologists URologists?

Keraunomedicine is the medical study of lightning casualties. According to Wiki
21. What is the zodiac sign for People in your condition?

22. What do you call optical surgery?
Eye opening

23. What type of experience was reported by the plastic surgeon’s patient?
An uplifting one.

24. What is the favorite type of poetry of RNs?
Nurse-ery Rhymes

25. Where do you treat Equines?
At a horse-pital

26. If given to cattle would the medicine you are on be cow-madin?
27. If it were given to a sad cow would it be cow-maudlin?
28. If it knocks you out will it be coma-din?
29. There was a Beetles song written about your treatment—VAC in the USSR!
30. What is another name for orienteering? Pathology
31. Is a knight with melanoma a can-sir?
32. Does Pepsi promote Can-cer research?
33. Is a cancer in an Arizonan desert a Sonoma?
34. If a section of lymph is vibrating at 0 amplitude, is that a Lymph node?
35. If a cancer spreads and uses a T-Test, is that metastatistic cancer?
36. How does a cancer patient win at Bingo? With the number B-9
37. If you have cancer of muscle connections is that a maligament tumor?
38. Which country is often visted by cancer cells? East Tumor
39. What do cancer cells drive? A Car-cinogen
40. How do cancer cells flavor their egg nog? With car cinnamon
41. If the guy who invented the rotisserie grill were found to be a genetic source of cancer would he be a Roncogene?
42. In traffic do you often find Honk-ogenes?
43. If you take two tissue samples from a Cyclops would they be a biclopsy?
44. What do you call a scientist who studies FM and AM? A radiologist.
45. I suspect Picasso had cancer. But I don’t know if he was ever Diagnal nosed
46. If the protagonist of the Matrix had cancer would that be a Neo-plasm?
47. What types of growths do you find in the marshy fens of England? Tum-moors
48. What type of growth did Othello have? A tum-moor
49. What type of growth did King Tut have? A tumb-mor
50. If this is your penultimate surgery what do you have? Two more
51. Are US Postal service growths Mail-ignant?
52. Do the chondrichthyes experience sharkonomas?
53. What do microbiologists study? Germ Cells
54. What type of tumor was studied after World War I? Germany cells
55. If you can’t walk well is it limp-oma?
56. Do sea shells get limpet-phoma?
57. What illness will a Starwars Character probably get? Lukeima
58. If this “:” got sick, would it be colon cancer? And would “;” be semicolon cancer?
59. What type of cancer is treated with dynamite? Blastic tumors
60. If the Great Lion in the sky succumbed to cancer would it be Leomyoma?
61. –Oma, -Oma on the range.
62. If you fall flat is it prostrate cancer?
63. Do biochemists get substrate cancer?
64. Do fencers get lungecancer?
65. Do non pig relatives get non-hog-kins lymphoma?
66. Is endometriosis of Latin poets caused by Ovid-arian cancer?
67. Is another common cancer of starwars Xwing’s sarcoma?
68. What is the cancer of the Midwest? Oklahoma
69. If you built a monument to track the sun out of ruptured blood cells, would that be Hemorrhenge/
Cachexia is the medical term for wasting!
70. If someone diagnoses a cancer of the mind are they psychopath-ologists?
71. If the doctors screw up the tumor analysis is that a biopsy?
72. If a highly religious D&D character undergoes extreme cancer surgery, is that a Pallidinative treatment?
73. If your cancer is treated with small glass shelled marine organisms, have you been treated using radiolarian therapy?
74. Which two muppets are really a cancer treatment? Ebrt and Ernie
75. What part of a plant is the healthiest? The stem cells.
76. What do the cells that cause breast cancer call the medication used? Hearse-ceptin
77. If a queen had breast cancer would it be treated by her-septor?
78. If you treat cancer with antibodies from a Spanish cow, would it be a vacca-cine?
79. How do you treat bovine pain? With Ox-ycodone.
80. How do you treat pain in your RNA? With Oxy-codon
81. What is a cancer patients favorite C.S. Lewis book? The Chronicles of Nausia
82. Which Spice girl works as a nurse? Hospice
83. What is the opposite of oncology? Off cology
84. How do you treat a small northern albeit extinct penguin-like flightless bird with cancer? Via Aukology
85. What type of martial arts work out program do doctors use to test medicines? Placebo
86. If Monty Python had been written by the National Institute of Health what would have been one of their more famous lines? We are now the Knights of NIH.
87. Is buying someone a pair of pants to help them feel better, Jean therapy?
88. What is the first book in the cancer Bible? CarcinoGenesis
89. Who was a famous cancer comedian? Johnny Carcin
90. What caused Greek cancers? DNA µtations
91. What causes dog cancers? Mutt-agens
92. What causes cancer of the remote? Mute-agens
93. What causes skin cancer of Sport Utility Vehicles? S-UV rays
94. What killed the ewoks? Endor-metrial cancer.
95. What killed the main character of Orson Scott Card? Endermetrial cancer
96. What kills large ratite birds? Ostrichsarcoma
97. What is the cancer of toilets called? Lew-kemia
98. What treatment is used in treating tubers? Potato-oncogenes.
99. I never metastasis I liked.
100. What is every cancer student’s dream test? A self-examination
101. How are sodas tested for cancer? With a pop smear

Courtesy of My Friend Jarrett

Latin palindromes anyone?


I Sew or plant, while aside she holds her
work, soon the cycle will go round round.

And if that still weren't cool enough, read
it again along the vertical!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Traffic Part 1

So I only have about an hour we'll see how far I can get with the traffic puns, more to come shortly. Time 12:12 10/26/07

101 Traffic Puns

1. What do Columbian drug lords get stuck in?
Drug traffic

2. What do you put on traffic bread?
Traffic jam

3. Where do cars go swimming?
The carpool

4. What do vehicles get after a long day at work?
Car pool tunnel syndrome

5. is Moscow trafffic the Czar Pool lane?

6. What is a vehicles favorite mathematical property?
The commuteative property

7. What form of government are most people caught in traffic?
They are commutists

8. What did the mountain men get stuck in?
Morning Trapic

9. What are the two main regions of world wide commuting?
The traffic of Cancer and the traffic of capricorn

10. Where does Count Dracula drive to?

11. What do road junkies need?
A traffix

12. What do dieting commuters drink?
A stop light

13. What is the opposite of a stop sign?
A stop cosign

14. Carl Marx once said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I think its under construction and paved with pot holes

15. Alternative definition: Pot Hole
Where a junky hides his stash

16. What is between a cars toes?
Traffic jam

17. What do car musicians get together to do?
A traffic jam session

18. What do you get on the Serengheti?
A giraffic jam

19. How do you silence a traffic jam?
With a com-mute

20. One way two way freeway

21. Whe the freeway nearly had a heart attack what did the doctors do?
They gave him a bypass

22. When is a car not a car when it turns into a drive way

23. Only in America do we drive on parkways and park on driveways

24. What is the favorite postition in a restaurant for UTA?
The bus boy

25. Why do people avoid taking mass transit?
To avoid the hustle and Bus-tle

26. How do catholics get to church?
they take mass transit

27. How do astronomers get to work?
They take the transit system

28. What do you call it if Iron takes the bus?
A transit-ional metal

29. What is a chemists favorite traffic sign?
The % Yield

30. And now for the biggest joke out there: Driver's ed

31. Do SCUBA professionals have to take Diver's ed

32. Aren't all high school and college students, student drivers

33. How do police officers keep the city parking stalls so clean?
They have highered a meter maid

34/35. Other traffic jokes:
Down town parking
And men at work

36. Where does Supperman live?
The intersections of Lois and lana Lanes

37. What do you call free will in traffic?
A moving volition

38. What is the favorite part of a car for D&D clerics?
The turning signal

39. If flashers mean your car is in distress, does that mean a turn signal suggests half of your car is in distress?

40. What is the best Steiner story about traffic and precious metals?
the Roads gold mine

41. How are golfers like commuters?
They are both good drivers, except in UTah

42. How did the traffic engineer finally, after much deliberation get through the intersection?
He went about it in a roundabout maner

43. Is one train times the train track sin theta a train track crossing?

44. If police officers are the order of the shield are their cars the order fo the windshield?

45. WHat is the favorite clothing article of police officers?
The pull over

46. Who are law enforcement's favorite band?
the police

47. What do unclean officers have in their hair?

48. Wha tis a policemans favorite chemical element?

49. What type of construction is going on to get rid of invasive plants?
Woad work

50. More big jokes of the driven world:
Gas prices

51. Alternative definition:
2 limb amputee
What you will be after paying for said gas prices

52. Are gas station attendents Not tgas pumps, but gas pimps?

53. What do you call a high heeled gas station?
A gas pump

54. How do snails get fuel?
From a gastropod pump

55 how do somaches get feul?
From a gastrointestinal pump

56. WHa tis the favorite name for a gastion attendent?

57. What do you calll te talk radio people listen to while in traffic?

58. Who has more incedents of road rage than anyone else?
Dr. Kavorkian--he is good at cutting people off

59. Have your heard about UTA's new mass transit train?
Ah its just a front

60. But at least they are up front about it.

61. How is a rude and insulting client of a maseuse like a car peel out?
One is burnt rubber the other is a burned rubber

62. If you go really high really fast in a plane and suddenly find a place to park, is it a parking stall

63. Alternative definition:
What you call the cars at a mall parking lot

64. Where do you keep your dogs?
in a barking lot

65, Alternative definition:
what you call a peppermint in a parking lot

66. In China do they have Peking lots

67. Where do good golfers keep their carts?
In a par-king lot

68. Who do shoppers reviere?
The Par-king

69. What is the favorite measure of a white or yellow equally space road marking?
Just a dash

70. Do tranformers turn in for the night?

71. What do you call a heavy commute?

72. What do you call variable commuting?

73. If you lift a truck, is it a pickup truck

74. What do much of the NAvy drive?

75. What is the favorite country of cars?
the Sedan

76. What do you call acar that doesn't move?
a commuter

77. What else do you call a car that doesn't move?
A stationary wagon

78. How do we see traffic?
With traffic cones

79. WHat type of traffic do you find in a commodities market?
A interchange

80. WHere do people traffic toilets?
In a commode-ities market

ok I have Chem now. Time 12:50 = 38 minutes rate 2.105 puns per minute. That's not too bad. I gotta go more puns to be posted later.

Part the second Time 4:27pm 10/29/07

81. What do you call someone exploring the fullness of the idea of gender while on a bus?
A mass transitvestite

82. What are teh only things constant in New York?
Death and Taxis

83. Where do you find stuffed cabs?
At a taxi-dermist

84. What do you call a statue of the founder of UTA?
A Bus-t

85. What is are the only things constant within Utah's transportation administration?
Death and Traxes

86. What is the favorite restaurant of mass commuters?

87. If you drive to work on a Mac is it a laptop commuter?

88. How do heart surgeons get to work?
They take the bypass

89. WHat do you call a spooky cargo carrier?
A fright train

90. Where do cabbose operators practice?
On a training ground

91. If all planes are grounded again, will our flies be undone?

92. If sending something by ship is shipping and sending something by truck is trucking is sending something by train training?

93. How do cars play billiards?
On a carpool table

94. What is an elephant's favorite part of a car?
The stick shift (and you thought I was going to say the trunk)

95. How do you keep your cars safe?
With a gridlock

96. What do you call a red traffic jam?
Rouge hour

97. Who is a famous Republican traffic talk show host (Not the transvestite pagan pharmacist Jane Austen Loving kind, the other kind)?
Rush hour Limbaugh

98. What do you call a between state sleeping pill?
An intersedate

99. Is biking opiates pedaling drugs?

100. Where do you go to buy followers?
The stocker and bondage market

101. A sane and peaceful commute

time 4:44:44 oh yeah! 17 minutes + 38 = 55 minutes/ 101 traffic puns 1.8 puns/minute.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


1. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (82%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (82%)
4. Bahá'í Faith (79%)
5. Sikhism (70%)
6. Hinduism (69%)
7. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (68%)
8. Jehovah's Witness (68%)
9. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (66%)
10. Orthodox Quaker (64%)
11. Eastern Orthodox (63%)
12. Roman Catholic (63%)
13. Reform Judaism (62%)
14. Neo-Pagan (61%)
15. Jainism (60%)
16. New Age (59%)
17. Orthodox Judaism (58%)
18. Mahayana Buddhism (57%)
19. Theravada Buddhism (56%)
20. Seventh Day Adventist (55%)
21. New Thought (53%)
22. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (51%)
23. Secular Humanism (47%)
24. Taoism (42%)
25. Scientology (39%)
26. Islam (35%)
27. Nontheist (20%)

Fascinating test. To try it click the title. I guess I still have some learning to then don't I?

So Umm...

1. my last post was number 200 yay! 2. I have over 1,000 page visits according to Mr. Sitemeter. 3. I really don't think it is that great an idea to use ALL of your senses in writing.

When she waltzed into the room, the first stimulus of the telerecoptors, his photosensing organs quickly reached threshold potential sending the depolarization wave of the sodiums and potassiums through the retina and into the optic ganglion again triggering the pulse of ions familiar to her form. This wall of charge hopped along the myelinated schwann cells as it passed into the occipital lobe and was there relayed into the prefontal cortex for conscious cognition of her beauty. Following the Axon potential chain triggered by the retina, next came the stimulus of the chemoreceptors in his olfactory bulb and the susequent triggering of his memories he had locked away deep inside his hypothalamus. As he possessed neither a vomero nasal organ nor the ampullae of lorenzini his exogenous thermo receptors did not pick up on the increased temperature of the room when she entered, not having the appropriate elctro or magnetoreceptors he could not detect the electrical and magnetic stimuli of her ever so subtle sino-atrio palpitations. Though being highly attuned to his own endogenous aortic baroreceptors his afferent neurons picked up the impulse, carried it to medulla oblongata this triggered an increase in heartrate and corresponding blood pressure levels. The enervations of the gastrointestinal system merrily fired away, triggering the hypothalamus to secrete its hormone levels, the stomach sufficently parastaltated began turning knots. He desperately hoped that she might at least be faintly cognizant of his proprio receptors. How more polymodal could his senses be? When she left without saying anything it was then that the membrane potentials of his nociceptors surged strong.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Puns et al

In reference to ...

101 hairy pottery puns (but because I have decreed that today should be a random day, they get weird later. Today's theme is puns that I have posted today.)

1. You should make with ceramics a ceramic donught. It could be a glazed donut.

2. Or a bat bat.

3. Is what you have made a skull-pture?

4. I must say, your halloween decorations have a certain flair about them.

5.That skull is hot, oooh burn!

6.You should make a ceramic weed, it would be pottery pot.

7. Beware he could kiln a man.

8. or you should make a ceramic barn--its the pottery barn.

9. I am sure you are fired up about your new project.

10. A toast to you.

11. You should put a ceramic cow out in a pasteur, let it out to glaze.

12. If you made an iceberg, would it be a glazier.

13. If it is a knight, is it sir-amic?

14. Now that you have passed ceramics are you potty trained?

15. Potty at your house, sorry for all the potty humor.

16. If they made a pottery spinning device made of herbs would it be a wheel of thyme?

17. If you made a ceramic futuristic gun is it a glazer beam?

18. If you don't want to make ceramics are you glazy?

And now for something completely different, just to bug you

19. Which insect best describes your relatives?
Your ants

20. What is the motto of the Bug scouts?
Bee Prepared

21. What is an insects mouth parts favorite horror movie character?
Mandible Lectre

22. What do you call a snowman mad by an insects body segments after their thorax?
The abdominal Snowman

23. Why don't people like beetles?
They bug people

24. How is our current Government like a curious two year old?
They both play with bugs (among other reasons)

25. What did the bee with a lisp say when someone stepped on his leg?
Hey, wasp where you steph

26. What was the permiscuous bug arrested for?

27. Who is an insects favorite king?
King Arthur-opod

28. What is an insects favorite car?
The VW Beetle

29. Which insect grows on the north side of trees?

30. This thing is a Giant Weta. Its about 8 inches long, heavier than a sparrow and it fulfills the same niche as a mouse. Its name is a shortening of the Maori Wetanga- God of Ugly things. Incidently Peter Jacksons workshop is the Weta Workshop. This thing is so ugly it makes me want to weta myself.

31. Do insect students have to turn in a term-ite paper?

32. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

33. Why did the fly go into journalism?
To stay up on the latest buzz

34. What did the bug use to cut down a Norse Tree?
Its Thorax

35. Which insect will you find under Mistle toe?
A Madagascar Kissing cockroach

36. What comes out of insect volcanoes?
Hot Larva

Beware it changes again right here.

37. What is a Raman packets favorite hero?

38. Why are most noodle packets Islamic?
They like to celebrate Raman-dan

39. What is the motto of a noodle pack?
When in Raman do as the Ramans

40. Why did Abraham have soup while in the desert?
Because God will provide the Raman

41. What uncooked soup did Moses eat while in the desert?

42. Which soup do the Hindus worship?

43. Which soup god do the Egyptians worship?

44. What is imbibed heavily in the Carribbean?

45. What type of soup eaters are cattle?

46. What is a famous Reggae song about soup?
Bob Marley's "We be Raman, You can be a Raman too."

47. Which dangerous yearly bovine festival is celebrated in Spain?
The Raman of the bulls

48. How did knights of the Middle Ages storm the soup castles?
With a battering raman

49. What is the favorite soup of a courtroom?
The soup de Jour

50. What city is the capital of soup?
Noodlei (New Delhi)

51. What do soups do for a hobby?
They pasta time

52. Wha tis a soup flavoring packets favorite movie?
MSG and commander

53. What happend to the noodle when he found himself on a deserted island?
He was Stranded

54. What do you say to raman that has done a job well?

55. What is a soups officianado's favorite movie?
Raman (rain man)

56. What brand of soup do you get if you have a bone marrow transplant?

57. What did the spectator say about the newly wed bowl of noodles?
Ah they make a cute cup o'

58. How do they fit so much flavor into the raman seasoning?
They packet

59. What is a child soups favorite dish?
Mac a raman and cheese

Random fact from Wikipedia:
Raman spectroscopy is a spectroscopic technique used in condensed matter physics and chemistry to study vibrational, rotational, and other low-frequency modes in a system.

60. So how do chemists know what something is made of?
They use Raman Spectroscopy

So for the above posts I have realized again that I have been misspelling one of my favorite soups. Sorry, corrections to come later, but for now, more cool facts from Wiki:

Ramen ラーメン or 拉麺 rāmen is a Japanese dish of noodles served in broth that originated in China. It tends to be served in a meat-based broth, and uses toppings such as sliced pork (チャーシュー chāshū), dried seaweed (海苔 nori), kamaboko, green onions, and even corn. Almost every locality or prefecture in Japan has its own variation of ramen, from the tonkotsu ramen of Kyūshū to the miso ramen of Hokkaidō.

62. What is a German hard rock enthusiast's favorite soup band?

63. What is a famous old time movie about noodle soup?
Singing in the ramen

Still quoting Wiki
  • Shio ("salt") ramen soup is clear, almost transparent. It is probably the oldest of the four and, like the Chinese maotang (毛湯), is a simple chicken broth.
  • Tonkotsu ("pork bone") ramen is usually cloudy white. It is similar to the Chinese baitang (白湯) and is a thick broth made with crushed pork bones that have been boiled for hours. It is a specialty of Kyūshū and is often served with beni shoga (pickled ginger).
  • Shōyu ("soy sauce") ramen soup is made by adding a soy-based sauce to a clear stock usually made from chicken and various vegetables. It is popular in Honshū. A popular seasoning is black pepper.
  • Miso ramen is a relative newcomer, having reached national prominence around 1965. This uniquely Japanese ramen, which was developed in Hokkaidō, features a broth that combines chicken stock with a fermented soybean paste. It is often topped with sweetcorn and butter.

Sapporo, from the capital of Hokkaidō, is especially famous for its ramen. Most people in Japan associate Sapporo with its rich miso ramen which was invented there and which is ideal for Hokkaidō's harsh, snowy winters. Sapporo miso ramen is typically topped with sweetcorn, butter, beansprouts, finely chopped pork, and garlic, and sometimes local seafood such as scallop, squid, and crab.

Kitakata in northern Honshū is known for its rather thick, flat, curly noodles served in a pork-and-niboshi broth. The area within its former city boundaries has the highest per-capita number of ramen establishments. Ramen has such prominence in the region that locally, the word soba usually refers to ramen, and not to actual soba which is referred to as nihon soba ("Japanese soba").

What is known as Tokyo style ramen consists of slightly thin, curly noodles served in a soy-flavoured chicken broth. The broth typically has a touch of dashi, as old ramen establishments in Tokyo often originate from soba eateries. Standard toppings on top of chopped scallion, menma, and sliced pork are kamaboko, egg, nori, and spinach. Ikebukuro, Ogikubo and Ebisu are three areas in Tokyo known for their ramen.

Ie-kei (家系) ramen is from Yokohama and consists of thick, straight-ish noodles served in a soy-pork broth.


Hakata ramen originates from Hakata district of Fukuoka city. It has a rich, milky, pork-bone tonkotsu broth and rather thin, non-curly and resilient noodles. Often, distinctive toppings such as beni shoga (pickled ginger), sesame seeds, and picked greens are left on tables for customers to serve themselves. Ramen stalls in Hakata and Tenjin are well-known within Japan. Recent ramen trends have made Hakata ramen one of the most popular types of ramen in Japan, and these days several chain restaurants specializing in Hakata ramen can be found all over the country.

Again, avoiding copyright problems, that's from Wikipedia "ramen" accessed on 10/23/07 12:03

64. So are oriental soup clothings called Ramenents?

65. Is a naked noodle a Nude-le?

66. What was Roosevelt's famous anti depression soup campaign?
The Noodle (new deal)

67. Why are the Japanese salty ramens so flashy?
Its all for Shio

68. How much does pork bone Ramen weigh?
One Tonkotsu

69. What type of toy trucks are popular in Japan?

70. How do you learn to make soy sauce soup?
I shoyu

71. Why is Hokkaido's famous national soups always served in pairs?
Because Miso-ry loves company

72. What comes out of the ramen trees?

73. When a Spianiard cries for help and wants some soup, does he Cry Sopporo Sopporo!
(Soccoro is Spanish for help)

74. What HBO mafia show is popular among Japanese soup gourmands?
The Sopporo-nos

75. If a Kitty cat were made into a Japanese soup would it be a Kitakata?

76. SO if you are playing magic the Gathering and someone plays the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Flash, Have they played Instant Noodles? ( It won't help, but it is funny.)

77. What is the favorite type of soup for athelets?
Sweet and sour

78. What does a ramen chef do to his car?
He soups it up.

79. Is the favorite type of chemistry of Guido d'Arezzo?
Organum Chemistry

80. What seaserpent appears randomly?
The randomness monster

81. Have you heard about Ayn's morphine dispenser that was put on random mode?
It is a Rand numb generator

82. What are these jokes getting to be?
Rand Dumb

83. Why will religion never be administered in shots?
Because then you will be taking the Lord's name in vein.

84. What is a cartoon elephants favorite movie?

85. What do chaotic infants suck?
Their randthumbs

86. If you aren't fast enough to be random can you still be jogdom?

87. If you fall apart while being random are you really rend dom?

88. How do you get power from randomness?
Hook it up to a random generator

Don't look back the lemmings are gaining on you.

89. I don't want to work in a cubicle when I grow up, though I wouldn't mind a hypercubicle.

90. Singularities are NOT pointless

91. If lions make a mistake doe they erroar?

92. If you are sick can you cure it with a home ramendy?

93. Wedding rings, fields, and vectors

94. Alls weld that ends weld

95. H.G. Welds

96. Have you heard about the aquifers that contained mercury?
They are said to be authentic Hg Wells

97. That is just a real pain in the asprine

98. Moses spent 40 days on top of the mountain because God typed the stone tablets in Windows 1.0


100. Why do geneticists like DNA to do math with? Because they can practice adenine and subtractenine

101. I am sane.


And THIS labels and Jellyspoons is why I am an environmentalist!

Ok whatever...

This is one of those links where you just have to click the title.

Monday, October 22, 2007


SO for anyone interested, I am sponsoring a stump the Boom contest. You propose a topic, I try to come up with 101 puns on that topic, if you stump me prizes possibly to come, or not, but at least you will have the fine honor and distinction of having stumped me, not an easy task I assure you. If you don't feel like competing for possibly imaginary prizes you can also just submit a topic and I will shortly drown you in puns on it as soon as I can. Thank you all. Good luck, good day.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Random findings from

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"

Conversation, n.:
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.

There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the
existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is
obviously impossible.
-- Richard Davisson

You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
-- Charles A. Beard

The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
soda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which
when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
-- Galileo Galilei

And one from

Friday, October 19, 2007

Ha ha ha BANG!!

And the winner for "story of the year" goes to...

Psychology Puns

1. What do you call the science of gasping for air?
Sigh cology

2. What is the study of how clergy think?

3. Who is the most famous Greek letter to be a psychologist?
Sigma Freud

4. What is Freud's favorite childhood game?
Id and Ego seek

5. What do you call an impulsive and beast like moron?
An IDiot

6. What is a Star Wars queen of the brain?
Queen Amygdala

7. What part ofthe brain is a russian fighter jet?
The a-MIG-dala

8. What do lady psychologists sleep with?

9. In 1999 What personality type did Panama become?
Canal Retentive.

10. What type of parenting do novelists have?

11. Would a the brain still be a nervous system if it breathed more?

12. What type of behavioral modification technique involves turning
you upside down?
Inversion therapy

13. If God were a psychologist, what would his biggest commandment be?
Axon and ye shall recievon

14. Where do neural lions live?
In their Den-drites

15. Why are psychologists lobbying so hard in Washington DC?
For equal dend-rights

16. What so you call the distribution of Super sonic planes?
A Bell X-1 curve

17. Why did the psychologist start using a white cane?
To practice a blind study

18. What type of window coverings are in the home of a psychologist?
Double blinds

19. What type of martial artsesque excercise do psychologists do?

20. What type of ray gun in Star Trek will leave you speachless?

21. Have you heard about the vocal region of the brain that didn't
have any money?
It was Broca

22. Who is a speech pathologists favorite News Anchor man?
Tom Broca

23. What is the region of the brain associated with the period of art
in Europe from 1600-1750?
The Baroque-a's area.

24. What is the mantra of happy ocean pollip based psychology scientists?
Coral elation does not equal causation

25. How about the mantra for the head of the North Pole Elves association?
Correlation does not equal Claus ation

26. How does a statistical average connect muscle to bone?
By its central Tendon-cy

27. If you burn a thought, is it a cog-ignition?

28. If the region of the brain associated with muscle memory, balance,
and smooth movement were instead made of sheep skin, would it be a

29. How do memory scientists like their soup?

30. If you put A shampoo like product on a violin, is that a classical

31. There are classical conditioning experiments, but are there also
quantum condition experiments.

32. Is understanding how a gear or wheel thinks, COGnition?

33. What type of chords do musical psychologists like?
Cognitive dissonance

34. If you and I went on a date, and you wanted to try to find a
universal meaning about what the absence of daylight meant, what would
I say?
The night is still Jung

35. Which Rudyard Kipling book/Disney movie has the most archetypes in it?
The Jung-le book

36. If all of the world fell asleep at once, would be be collectively

37. I don't have OCD, I have CDO--its in alphabetical order that way.
(Courtesy of my friend Wade)

38. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have disassociative identity
disorder, and so do I.

39. If someone with DID threatened to commit suicide, is that
considered to be a hostage situation?

40. Have you heard about the disassociative Identity disorder murder suspect?
The police think he DID it

41. What did Piaget say about training doctors to be actors?
They need to have an operational stage

42. Have you heard about the felon who founded a random variable institute?
It was Confounded

43. Are today's video game obsessed teens, tomorrows Control group

44. If a computer scientist were studying the effects alt and del on a
computer, what did he forget?
A control group

45. What is the motto of a metal fabrication plant?
Causation is not implied by corregation

46. If you put shampoo on a kitchen counter is that counter conditioning?

47. If you interrupt a musician's practice session, what is it?
A cross sectional study

48. If you analyze a whole series of Spearman's intelligences, are
these a G-string?

49. Which psychologist would get along well with a middle ages prolific author?
Martin Spearman with William Shakespear

50. If you are trying to study the effects of heart confederates in a
study, but can't find any, instead of studying the cohort effect, are
you really studying the ahortic effect.

51. What is the region of a Roman gladiator's brain between their
hemispheres called?
The Corpus Colloseum

52. What is this region called in dolphins?
The porpoise collosum

53. If you cut this region, which constitutional amendment have you
lost? Your right to search and seizure

54. how does a person with seizures choose their clothes?
By their epileptic fit

55. How do electrical engineers think? Reasoning by inductance

56. How do you measure the temperature of a flag?
By its degrees of freedom

57. IF you are trying to study the effects of meteorites and what
affects their impact depths, what would be the depened dent variable?

58. How did the developer of Rational-Emotive Therapy get into America?
Through Ellis Island

59. Which neuro-transmitters keep porpoises happy?

60. What do you call a crazy psychologist, and no normal doesn't count?
An experi-Mental-ist

61. What do you call it if an experimenter always choices a 1960s
female folk singer for his experiment?
Experimenter Biez

62. What is the favorite type of study for lawyers?
A Case Study

63. Does a mathematician have FUNCTIONal fixedness?

64. How much does it cost to become a member of the psychiatric association?
Nothing. It is a free association.

65. Is a very cunning and well planned Mexican wolf, a prefrontal Lobo?

66. What region of the brain do meteorologists use?
Their front-al lobes

67. Is the temporal lobe of your brain your ear lobe?

68. Which neurotransmitter is really a 1980s soft rock band?

69. What is Fred Flintstone's favorite neural transmitter?

70. What do transgendered individuals eat?
Lots of gender rolls.

71. Gestalt!
Bless you.

72. What do holistic psychologists put on their food?
Gestalt and gestpepper

73. If a bunch of psychology students were forced to go to the
Antarctic, because no one objected, or differed in opinion, would that
be an example of group polarization?

74. Why do crabs taste so good?
Be they are gustations

75. What do you call a psychiatrist with vision?

76. Why did Frodo continue to wear the ring?
Because he was hobit-uated to it.

77. Is the Nathanial Hawthorne Effect, the fact that his books are
different by the mere fact you have read them?

78. If two psychologists get married will their towels say on them,
Hisistic and heuristic

79. How are Maslow and Noah alike?
They both have Higher Archys

80. Where do large African mammals go to school?
At a hippocampus

81. Have you heard about the gentleman who transfered nerves from his
olfactory region to his pelvis?
He had hip-noses

82. I think there is a difference between how well you can choose
things versus how well I can choose things. What should my null
hypothesis be?
Your guess is as good as mine.

83. Which psychological disorder had a crush with Jenifer Lopez?
Flat Affleck

84. Has someone who has undergone a lobotomy, lost part of their mind?

85. What do you call it if you think a grasshopper rules your life?
An External Locust of control

86. What motivates twins?
Intwinsic or extwinsic motivations

87. Why did the student lose points on his dream assignment?
He only got half credit for it being latent.

88. What system of emotion has the lowest threshold for what it can be under?
The limbo-ic system

89. What type of dreams do astronauts have?
Shannon Lucid dreams

90. Did you hear about the brainstem that went to war?
It earned the Medulla of honor

91. What type of personality inventory tells you which type of bird you are?
The Minnesota Multphesant personality Inventory

92. Have your heard about the baby that passed the rouge test?
He felt red in the face.

93. What part of the brain is always being picked upon?
The pariah tal lobe

94. Freud has a very old vine covered house, what do they call this
particular species of vine?
Penis Ivy

95. Are male dinosaurs that are envious of their fathers suffering
form Oedipus T-rex complexes?

96. What region of my brain is responsible for all of the terrible jokes?
The puns

97. Where do LDS psychologists go to church?
A psychiatric ward

98. Every emotionally intense action has an opposite and equal
reaction formation.

99. If a monkey is trained to press a button, but then forgets he did
it does he repress?

100. Where do many psychoanalists live?
In a Rorshack

101. What does a psychoanalist do after squashing a bug?
Lifts his shoe and tries to determine what it really is (rorschach bug inkblots)

102. If you can't sleep do you have zero tonin?

103. What is the favorite neural transmitter of copy machines?

104. What is a musicians favorite neural transmitter?
Sero tuning

105. What do you do with a sex compass?
Find your sexual orientation

106. If the gentleman who wrote Walden 2 were a speed reader would he
be B.F. Skimmer?

107. Is going broke a de-cent-itisation?

Rudolf Goeckel in 1590 is the first recorded use of the term
psychology. It wasn't popularized until Christian Wolff used it in
"psychologia empirica and psychologia rationalis"