Wednesday, October 31, 2007
3. Death drinking a health conscious fruit slushy
1. A scientific paper
Honorable mentions go to Jesus and his disciples, the chemistry professor, The Mullet, Lord Vader :), and the gay Jamacan bobsledder (who I later found out wasn't pretending to be gay.)
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Because two of my very close friends have had or a currently battling cancer. This post is for them!
1/2. Why didn't the rhino virus go to the ball?
He had cold feet and gave his date the cold shoulder.
3. If a fruit and a dog get sick, is that a melon collie?
4. If a fruit gets terminally ill is that melon-noma?
5. If a fantastic imp gets cancer is that a melan-Gnome-a?
6. To help compromised immune system people to hear should we send them hearing AIDS?
7. Who were the physicians of the 1600s in Italy?
8. Why was the Greek doctor fired?
For being asclep on the job.
9.Which pugilist doctor finally came out of the closet?
10. Who treats riverhorses?
11. Who treats gangsters?
12. WHich bird is a medic?
13. Which inventor of the microscope goes fishing?
14. Where does the count of monty cristo go for a good skin doctor?
To his local Dumastologist
15. What is the favorite medical branch of poker players?
16. What's the oppocite of oncology?
17. Who treats sick farm birds?
18. What closes a clam shell?
The adductor muslce
19. Who does Old MacDonnald go to see when he is sick?
20. Are Middle Eastern Archaeologists URologists?
Keraunomedicine is the medical study of lightning casualties. According to Wiki
21. What is the zodiac sign for People in your condition?
22. What do you call optical surgery?
23. What type of experience was reported by the plastic surgeon’s patient?
An uplifting one.
24. What is the favorite type of poetry of RNs?
25. Where do you treat Equines?
At a horse-pital
26. If given to cattle would the medicine you are on be cow-madin?
27. If it were given to a sad cow would it be cow-maudlin?
28. If it knocks you out will it be coma-din?
29. There was a Beetles song written about your treatment—VAC in the USSR!
30. What is another name for orienteering? Pathology
31. Is a knight with melanoma a can-sir?
32. Does Pepsi promote Can-cer research?
33. Is a cancer in an Arizonan desert a Sonoma?
34. If a section of lymph is vibrating at 0 amplitude, is that a Lymph node?
35. If a cancer spreads and uses a T-Test, is that metastatistic cancer?
36. How does a cancer patient win at Bingo? With the number B-9
37. If you have cancer of muscle connections is that a maligament tumor?
38. Which country is often visted by cancer cells? East Tumor
39. What do cancer cells drive? A Car-cinogen
40. How do cancer cells flavor their egg nog? With car cinnamon
41. If the guy who invented the rotisserie grill were found to be a genetic source of cancer would he be a Roncogene?
42. In traffic do you often find Honk-ogenes?
43. If you take two tissue samples from a Cyclops would they be a biclopsy?
44. What do you call a scientist who studies FM and AM? A radiologist.
45. I suspect Picasso had cancer. But I don’t know if he was ever Diagnal nosed
46. If the protagonist of the Matrix had cancer would that be a Neo-plasm?
47. What types of growths do you find in the marshy fens of England? Tum-moors
48. What type of growth did Othello have? A tum-moor
49. What type of growth did King Tut have? A tumb-mor
50. If this is your penultimate surgery what do you have? Two more
51. Are US Postal service growths Mail-ignant?
52. Do the chondrichthyes experience sharkonomas?
53. What do microbiologists study? Germ Cells
54. What type of tumor was studied after World War I? Germany cells
55. If you can’t walk well is it limp-oma?
56. Do sea shells get limpet-phoma?
57. What illness will a Starwars Character probably get? Lukeima
58. If this “:” got sick, would it be colon cancer? And would “;” be semicolon cancer?
59. What type of cancer is treated with dynamite? Blastic tumors
60. If the Great Lion in the sky succumbed to cancer would it be Leomyoma?
61. –Oma, -Oma on the range.
62. If you fall flat is it prostrate cancer?
63. Do biochemists get substrate cancer?
64. Do fencers get lungecancer?
65. Do non pig relatives get non-hog-kins lymphoma?
66. Is endometriosis of Latin poets caused by Ovid-arian cancer?
67. Is another common cancer of starwars Xwing’s sarcoma?
68. What is the cancer of the Midwest? Oklahoma
69. If you built a monument to track the sun out of ruptured blood cells, would that be Hemorrhenge/
Cachexia is the medical term for wasting!
70. If someone diagnoses a cancer of the mind are they psychopath-ologists?
71. If the doctors screw up the tumor analysis is that a biopsy?
72. If a highly religious D&D character undergoes extreme cancer surgery, is that a Pallidinative treatment?
73. If your cancer is treated with small glass shelled marine organisms, have you been treated using radiolarian therapy?
74. Which two muppets are really a cancer treatment? Ebrt and Ernie
75. What part of a plant is the healthiest? The stem cells.
76. What do the cells that cause breast cancer call the medication used? Hearse-ceptin
77. If a queen had breast cancer would it be treated by her-septor?
78. If you treat cancer with antibodies from a Spanish cow, would it be a vacca-cine?
79. How do you treat bovine pain? With Ox-ycodone.
80. How do you treat pain in your RNA? With Oxy-codon
81. What is a cancer patients favorite C.S. Lewis book? The Chronicles of Nausia
82. Which Spice girl works as a nurse? Hospice
83. What is the opposite of oncology? Off cology
84. How do you treat a small northern albeit extinct penguin-like flightless bird with cancer? Via Aukology
85. What type of martial arts work out program do doctors use to test medicines? Placebo
86. If Monty Python had been written by the National Institute of Health what would have been one of their more famous lines? We are now the Knights of NIH.
87. Is buying someone a pair of pants to help them feel better, Jean therapy?
88. What is the first book in the cancer Bible? CarcinoGenesis
89. Who was a famous cancer comedian? Johnny Carcin
90. What caused Greek cancers? DNA µtations
91. What causes dog cancers? Mutt-agens
92. What causes cancer of the remote? Mute-agens
93. What causes skin cancer of Sport Utility Vehicles? S-UV rays
94. What killed the ewoks? Endor-metrial cancer.
95. What killed the main character of Orson Scott Card? Endermetrial cancer
96. What kills large ratite birds? Ostrichsarcoma
97. What is the cancer of toilets called? Lew-kemia
98. What treatment is used in treating tubers? Potato-oncogenes.
99. I never metastasis I liked.
100. What is every cancer student’s dream test? A self-examination
101. How are sodas tested for cancer? With a pop smear
Friday, October 26, 2007
101 Traffic Puns
1. What do Columbian drug lords get stuck in?
2. What do you put on traffic bread?
3. Where do cars go swimming?
4. What do vehicles get after a long day at work?
Car pool tunnel syndrome
5. is Moscow trafffic the Czar Pool lane?
6. What is a vehicles favorite mathematical property?
The commuteative property
7. What form of government are most people caught in traffic?
They are commutists
8. What did the mountain men get stuck in?
9. What are the two main regions of world wide commuting?
The traffic of Cancer and the traffic of capricorn
10. Where does Count Dracula drive to?
11. What do road junkies need?
12. What do dieting commuters drink?
A stop light
13. What is the opposite of a stop sign?
A stop cosign
14. Carl Marx once said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I think its under construction and paved with pot holes
15. Alternative definition: Pot Hole
Where a junky hides his stash
16. What is between a cars toes?
17. What do car musicians get together to do?
A traffic jam session
18. What do you get on the Serengheti?
A giraffic jam
19. How do you silence a traffic jam?
With a com-mute
20. One way two way freeway
21. Whe the freeway nearly had a heart attack what did the doctors do?
They gave him a bypass
22. When is a car not a car when it turns into a drive way
23. Only in America do we drive on parkways and park on driveways
24. What is the favorite postition in a restaurant for UTA?
The bus boy
25. Why do people avoid taking mass transit?
To avoid the hustle and Bus-tle
26. How do catholics get to church?
they take mass transit
27. How do astronomers get to work?
They take the transit system
28. What do you call it if Iron takes the bus?
A transit-ional metal
29. What is a chemists favorite traffic sign?
The % Yield
30. And now for the biggest joke out there: Driver's ed
31. Do SCUBA professionals have to take Diver's ed
32. Aren't all high school and college students, student drivers
33. How do police officers keep the city parking stalls so clean?
They have highered a meter maid
34/35. Other traffic jokes:
Down town parking
And men at work
36. Where does Supperman live?
The intersections of Lois and lana Lanes
37. What do you call free will in traffic?
A moving volition
38. What is the favorite part of a car for D&D clerics?
The turning signal
39. If flashers mean your car is in distress, does that mean a turn signal suggests half of your car is in distress?
40. What is the best Steiner story about traffic and precious metals?
the Roads gold mine
41. How are golfers like commuters?
They are both good drivers, except in UTah
42. How did the traffic engineer finally, after much deliberation get through the intersection?
He went about it in a roundabout maner
43. Is one train times the train track sin theta a train track crossing?
44. If police officers are the order of the shield are their cars the order fo the windshield?
45. WHat is the favorite clothing article of police officers?
The pull over
46. Who are law enforcement's favorite band?
47. What do unclean officers have in their hair?
48. Wha tis a policemans favorite chemical element?
49. What type of construction is going on to get rid of invasive plants?
50. More big jokes of the driven world:
51. Alternative definition:
2 limb amputee
What you will be after paying for said gas prices
52. Are gas station attendents Not tgas pumps, but gas pimps?
53. What do you call a high heeled gas station?
A gas pump
54. How do snails get fuel?
From a gastropod pump
55 how do somaches get feul?
From a gastrointestinal pump
56. WHa tis the favorite name for a gastion attendent?
57. What do you calll te talk radio people listen to while in traffic?
58. Who has more incedents of road rage than anyone else?
Dr. Kavorkian--he is good at cutting people off
59. Have your heard about UTA's new mass transit train?
Ah its just a front
60. But at least they are up front about it.
61. How is a rude and insulting client of a maseuse like a car peel out?
One is burnt rubber the other is a burned rubber
62. If you go really high really fast in a plane and suddenly find a place to park, is it a parking stall
63. Alternative definition:
What you call the cars at a mall parking lot
64. Where do you keep your dogs?
in a barking lot
65, Alternative definition:
what you call a peppermint in a parking lot
66. In China do they have Peking lots
67. Where do good golfers keep their carts?
In a par-king lot
68. Who do shoppers reviere?
69. What is the favorite measure of a white or yellow equally space road marking?
Just a dash
70. Do tranformers turn in for the night?
71. What do you call a heavy commute?
72. What do you call variable commuting?
73. If you lift a truck, is it a pickup truck
74. What do much of the NAvy drive?
75. What is the favorite country of cars?
76. What do you call acar that doesn't move?
77. What else do you call a car that doesn't move?
A stationary wagon
78. How do we see traffic?
With traffic cones
79. WHat type of traffic do you find in a commodities market?
80. WHere do people traffic toilets?
In a commode-ities market
ok I have Chem now. Time 12:50 = 38 minutes rate 2.105 puns per minute. That's not too bad. I gotta go more puns to be posted later.
Part the second Time 4:27pm 10/29/07
81. What do you call someone exploring the fullness of the idea of gender while on a bus?
A mass transitvestite
82. What are teh only things constant in New York?
Death and Taxis
83. Where do you find stuffed cabs?
At a taxi-dermist
84. What do you call a statue of the founder of UTA?
85. What is are the only things constant within Utah's transportation administration?
Death and Traxes
86. What is the favorite restaurant of mass commuters?
87. If you drive to work on a Mac is it a laptop commuter?
88. How do heart surgeons get to work?
They take the bypass
89. WHat do you call a spooky cargo carrier?
A fright train
90. Where do cabbose operators practice?
On a training ground
91. If all planes are grounded again, will our flies be undone?
92. If sending something by ship is shipping and sending something by truck is trucking is sending something by train training?
93. How do cars play billiards?
On a carpool table
94. What is an elephant's favorite part of a car?
The stick shift (and you thought I was going to say the trunk)
95. How do you keep your cars safe?
With a gridlock
96. What do you call a red traffic jam?
97. Who is a famous Republican traffic talk show host (Not the transvestite pagan pharmacist Jane Austen Loving kind, the other kind)?
Rush hour Limbaugh
98. What do you call a between state sleeping pill?
99. Is biking opiates pedaling drugs?
100. Where do you go to buy followers?
The stocker and bondage market
101. A sane and peaceful commute
time 4:44:44 oh yeah! 17 minutes + 38 = 55 minutes/ 101 traffic puns 1.8 puns/minute.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
|1.||Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%)|
|2.||Liberal Quakers (82%)|
|3.||Unitarian Universalism (82%)|
|4.||Bahá'í Faith (79%)|
|7.||Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (68%)|
|8.||Jehovah's Witness (68%)|
|9.||Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (66%)|
|10.||Orthodox Quaker (64%)|
|11.||Eastern Orthodox (63%)|
|12.||Roman Catholic (63%)|
|13.||Reform Judaism (62%)|
|16.||New Age (59%)|
|17.||Orthodox Judaism (58%)|
|18.||Mahayana Buddhism (57%)|
|19.||Theravada Buddhism (56%)|
|20.||Seventh Day Adventist (55%)|
|21.||New Thought (53%)|
|22.||Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (51%)|
|23.||Secular Humanism (47%)|
Fascinating test. To try it click the title. I guess I still have some learning to then don't I?
When she waltzed into the room, the first stimulus of the telerecoptors, his photosensing organs quickly reached threshold potential sending the depolarization wave of the sodiums and potassiums through the retina and into the optic ganglion again triggering the pulse of ions familiar to her form. This wall of charge hopped along the myelinated schwann cells as it passed into the occipital lobe and was there relayed into the prefontal cortex for conscious cognition of her beauty. Following the Axon potential chain triggered by the retina, next came the stimulus of the chemoreceptors in his olfactory bulb and the susequent triggering of his memories he had locked away deep inside his hypothalamus. As he possessed neither a vomero nasal organ nor the ampullae of lorenzini his exogenous thermo receptors did not pick up on the increased temperature of the room when she entered, not having the appropriate elctro or magnetoreceptors he could not detect the electrical and magnetic stimuli of her ever so subtle sino-atrio palpitations. Though being highly attuned to his own endogenous aortic baroreceptors his afferent neurons picked up the impulse, carried it to medulla oblongata this triggered an increase in heartrate and corresponding blood pressure levels. The enervations of the gastrointestinal system merrily fired away, triggering the hypothalamus to secrete its hormone levels, the stomach sufficently parastaltated began turning knots. He desperately hoped that she might at least be faintly cognizant of his proprio receptors. How more polymodal could his senses be? When she left without saying anything it was then that the membrane potentials of his nociceptors surged strong.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
101 hairy pottery puns (but because I have decreed that today should be a random day, they get weird later. Today's theme is puns that I have posted today.)
1. You should make with ceramics a ceramic donught. It could be a glazed donut.
2. Or a bat bat.
3. Is what you have made a skull-pture?
4. I must say, your halloween decorations have a certain flair about them.
5.That skull is hot, oooh burn!
6.You should make a ceramic weed, it would be pottery pot.
7. Beware he could kiln a man.
8. or you should make a ceramic barn--its the pottery barn.
9. I am sure you are fired up about your new project.
10. A toast to you.
11. You should put a ceramic cow out in a pasteur, let it out to glaze.
12. If you made an iceberg, would it be a glazier.
13. If it is a knight, is it sir-amic?
14. Now that you have passed ceramics are you potty trained?
15. Potty at your house, sorry for all the potty humor.
16. If they made a pottery spinning device made of herbs would it be a wheel of thyme?
17. If you made a ceramic futuristic gun is it a glazer beam?
18. If you don't want to make ceramics are you glazy?
And now for something completely different, just to bug you
19. Which insect best describes your relatives?
20. What is the motto of the Bug scouts?
21. What is an insects mouth parts favorite horror movie character?
22. What do you call a snowman mad by an insects body segments after their thorax?
The abdominal Snowman
23. Why don't people like beetles?
They bug people
24. How is our current Government like a curious two year old?
They both play with bugs (among other reasons)
25. What did the bee with a lisp say when someone stepped on his leg?
Hey, wasp where you steph
26. What was the permiscuous bug arrested for?
27. Who is an insects favorite king?
28. What is an insects favorite car?
The VW Beetle
29. Which insect grows on the north side of trees?
30. This thing is a Giant Weta. Its about 8 inches long, heavier than a sparrow and it fulfills the same niche as a mouse. Its name is a shortening of the Maori Wetanga- God of Ugly things. Incidently Peter Jacksons workshop is the Weta Workshop. This thing is so ugly it makes me want to weta myself.
31. Do insect students have to turn in a term-ite paper?
32. What do you call a fly with no wings?
33. Why did the fly go into journalism?
To stay up on the latest buzz
34. What did the bug use to cut down a Norse Tree?
35. Which insect will you find under Mistle toe?
A Madagascar Kissing cockroach
36. What comes out of insect volcanoes?
Beware it changes again right here.
37. What is a Raman packets favorite hero?
38. Why are most noodle packets Islamic?
They like to celebrate Raman-dan
39. What is the motto of a noodle pack?
When in Raman do as the Ramans
40. Why did Abraham have soup while in the desert?
Because God will provide the Raman
41. What uncooked soup did Moses eat while in the desert?
42. Which soup do the Hindus worship?
43. Which soup god do the Egyptians worship?
44. What is imbibed heavily in the Carribbean?
45. What type of soup eaters are cattle?
46. What is a famous Reggae song about soup?
Bob Marley's "We be Raman, You can be a Raman too."
47. Which dangerous yearly bovine festival is celebrated in Spain?
The Raman of the bulls
48. How did knights of the Middle Ages storm the soup castles?
With a battering raman
49. What is the favorite soup of a courtroom?
The soup de Jour
50. What city is the capital of soup?
Noodlei (New Delhi)
51. What do soups do for a hobby?
They pasta time
52. Wha tis a soup flavoring packets favorite movie?
MSG and commander
53. What happend to the noodle when he found himself on a deserted island?
He was Stranded
54. What do you say to raman that has done a job well?
55. What is a soups officianado's favorite movie?
Raman (rain man)
56. What brand of soup do you get if you have a bone marrow transplant?
57. What did the spectator say about the newly wed bowl of noodles?
Ah they make a cute cup o'
58. How do they fit so much flavor into the raman seasoning?
59. What is a child soups favorite dish?
Mac a raman and cheese
Random fact from Wikipedia:
Raman spectroscopy is a spectroscopic technique used in condensed matter physics and chemistry to study vibrational, rotational, and other low-frequency modes in a system.
60. So how do chemists know what something is made of?
They use Raman Spectroscopy
So for the above posts I have realized again that I have been misspelling one of my favorite soups. Sorry, corrections to come later, but for now, more cool facts from Wiki:
Ramen ラーメン or 拉麺, rāmen is a Japanese dish of noodles served in broth that originated in China. It tends to be served in a meat-based broth, and uses toppings such as sliced pork (チャーシュー, chāshū), dried seaweed (海苔, nori), kamaboko, green onions, and even corn. Almost every locality or prefecture in Japan has its own variation of ramen, from the tonkotsu ramen of Kyūshū to the miso ramen of Hokkaidō.
62. What is a German hard rock enthusiast's favorite soup band?
63. What is a famous old time movie about noodle soup?
Singing in the ramen
Still quoting Wiki
- Shio ("salt") ramen soup is clear, almost transparent. It is probably the oldest of the four and, like the Chinese maotang (毛湯), is a simple chicken broth.
- Tonkotsu ("pork bone") ramen is usually cloudy white. It is similar to the Chinese baitang (白湯) and is a thick broth made with crushed pork bones that have been boiled for hours. It is a specialty of Kyūshū and is often served with beni shoga (pickled ginger).
- Shōyu ("soy sauce") ramen soup is made by adding a soy-based sauce to a clear stock usually made from chicken and various vegetables. It is popular in Honshū. A popular seasoning is black pepper.
- Miso ramen is a relative newcomer, having reached national prominence around 1965. This uniquely Japanese ramen, which was developed in Hokkaidō, features a broth that combines chicken stock with a fermented soybean paste. It is often topped with sweetcorn and butter.
Sapporo, from the capital of Hokkaidō, is especially famous for its ramen. Most people in Japan associate Sapporo with its rich miso ramen which was invented there and which is ideal for Hokkaidō's harsh, snowy winters. Sapporo miso ramen is typically topped with sweetcorn, butter, beansprouts, finely chopped pork, and garlic, and sometimes local seafood such as scallop, squid, and crab.
Kitakata in northern Honshū is known for its rather thick, flat, curly noodles served in a pork-and-niboshi broth. The area within its former city boundaries has the highest per-capita number of ramen establishments. Ramen has such prominence in the region that locally, the word soba usually refers to ramen, and not to actual soba which is referred to as nihon soba ("Japanese soba").
What is known as Tokyo style ramen consists of slightly thin, curly noodles served in a soy-flavoured chicken broth. The broth typically has a touch of dashi, as old ramen establishments in Tokyo often originate from soba eateries. Standard toppings on top of chopped scallion, menma, and sliced pork are kamaboko, egg, nori, and spinach. Ikebukuro, Ogikubo and Ebisu are three areas in Tokyo known for their ramen.
Hakata ramen originates from Hakata district of Fukuoka city. It has a rich, milky, pork-bone tonkotsu broth and rather thin, non-curly and resilient noodles. Often, distinctive toppings such as beni shoga (pickled ginger), sesame seeds, and picked greens are left on tables for customers to serve themselves. Ramen stalls in Hakata and Tenjin are well-known within Japan. Recent ramen trends have made Hakata ramen one of the most popular types of ramen in Japan, and these days several chain restaurants specializing in Hakata ramen can be found all over the country.
Again, avoiding copyright problems, that's from Wikipedia "ramen" accessed on 10/23/07 12:0364. So are oriental soup clothings called Ramenents?
65. Is a naked noodle a Nude-le?
66. What was Roosevelt's famous anti depression soup campaign?
The Noodle (new deal)
67. Why are the Japanese salty ramens so flashy?
Its all for Shio
68. How much does pork bone Ramen weigh?
69. What type of toy trucks are popular in Japan?
70. How do you learn to make soy sauce soup?
71. Why is Hokkaido's famous national soups always served in pairs?
Because Miso-ry loves company
72. What comes out of the ramen trees?
73. When a Spianiard cries for help and wants some soup, does he Cry Sopporo Sopporo!
(Soccoro is Spanish for help)
74. What HBO mafia show is popular among Japanese soup gourmands?
75. If a Kitty cat were made into a Japanese soup would it be a Kitakata?
76. SO if you are playing magic the Gathering and someone plays the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Flash, Have they played Instant Noodles? (http://www.venganza.org/ It won't help, but it is funny.)
77. What is the favorite type of soup for athelets?
Sweet and sour
78. What does a ramen chef do to his car?
He soups it up.
79. Is the favorite type of chemistry of Guido d'Arezzo?
80. What seaserpent appears randomly?
The randomness monster
81. Have you heard about Ayn's morphine dispenser that was put on random mode?
It is a Rand numb generator
82. What are these jokes getting to be?
83. Why will religion never be administered in shots?
Because then you will be taking the Lord's name in vein.
84. What is a cartoon elephants favorite movie?
85. What do chaotic infants suck?
86. If you aren't fast enough to be random can you still be jogdom?
87. If you fall apart while being random are you really rend dom?
88. How do you get power from randomness?
Hook it up to a random generator
Don't look back the lemmings are gaining on you.
89. I don't want to work in a cubicle when I grow up, though I wouldn't mind a hypercubicle.
90. Singularities are NOT pointless
91. If lions make a mistake doe they erroar?
92. If you are sick can you cure it with a home ramendy?
93. Wedding rings, fields, and vectors
94. Alls weld that ends weld
95. H.G. Welds
96. Have you heard about the aquifers that contained mercury?
They are said to be authentic Hg Wells
97. That is just a real pain in the asprine
98. Moses spent 40 days on top of the mountain because God typed the stone tablets in Windows 1.0
100. Why do geneticists like DNA to do math with? Because they can practice adenine and subtractenine
101. I am sane.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.
There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the
existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is
-- Richard Davisson
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
-- Charles A. Beard
The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
soda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which
when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
-- Galileo Galilei
And one from http://www.flickriver.com/groups/71332142@N00/pool/
Friday, October 19, 2007
2. What is the study of how clergy think?
3. Who is the most famous Greek letter to be a psychologist?
4. What is Freud's favorite childhood game?
Id and Ego seek
5. What do you call an impulsive and beast like moron?
6. What is a Star Wars queen of the brain?
7. What part ofthe brain is a russian fighter jet?
8. What do lady psychologists sleep with?
10. What type of parenting do novelists have?
11. Would a the brain still be a nervous system if it breathed more?
12. What type of behavioral modification technique involves turning
you upside down?
13. If God were a psychologist, what would his biggest commandment be?
Axon and ye shall recievon
14. Where do neural lions live?
In their Den-drites
15. Why are psychologists lobbying so hard in Washington DC?
For equal dend-rights
16. What so you call the distribution of Super sonic planes?
A Bell X-1 curve
17. Why did the psychologist start using a white cane?
To practice a blind study
18. What type of window coverings are in the home of a psychologist?
19. What type of martial artsesque excercise do psychologists do?
20. What type of ray gun in Star Trek will leave you speachless?
21. Have you heard about the vocal region of the brain that didn't
have any money?
It was Broca
22. Who is a speech pathologists favorite News Anchor man?
23. What is the region of the brain associated with the period of art
in Europe from 1600-1750?
The Baroque-a's area.
24. What is the mantra of happy ocean pollip based psychology scientists?
Coral elation does not equal causation
25. How about the mantra for the head of the North Pole Elves association?
Correlation does not equal Claus ation
26. How does a statistical average connect muscle to bone?
By its central Tendon-cy
27. If you burn a thought, is it a cog-ignition?
28. If the region of the brain associated with muscle memory, balance,
and smooth movement were instead made of sheep skin, would it be a
29. How do memory scientists like their soup?
30. If you put A shampoo like product on a violin, is that a classical
31. There are classical conditioning experiments, but are there also
quantum condition experiments.
32. Is understanding how a gear or wheel thinks, COGnition?
33. What type of chords do musical psychologists like?
34. If you and I went on a date, and you wanted to try to find a
universal meaning about what the absence of daylight meant, what would
The night is still Jung
35. Which Rudyard Kipling book/Disney movie has the most archetypes in it?
The Jung-le book
36. If all of the world fell asleep at once, would be be collectively
37. I don't have OCD, I have CDO--its in alphabetical order that way.
(Courtesy of my friend Wade)
38. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have disassociative identity
disorder, and so do I.
39. If someone with DID threatened to commit suicide, is that
considered to be a hostage situation?
40. Have you heard about the disassociative Identity disorder murder suspect?
The police think he DID it
41. What did Piaget say about training doctors to be actors?
They need to have an operational stage
42. Have you heard about the felon who founded a random variable institute?
It was Confounded
43. Are today's video game obsessed teens, tomorrows Control group
44. If a computer scientist were studying the effects alt and del on a
computer, what did he forget?
A control group
45. What is the motto of a metal fabrication plant?
Causation is not implied by corregation
46. If you put shampoo on a kitchen counter is that counter conditioning?
47. If you interrupt a musician's practice session, what is it?
A cross sectional study
48. If you analyze a whole series of Spearman's intelligences, are
these a G-string?
49. Which psychologist would get along well with a middle ages prolific author?
Martin Spearman with William Shakespear
50. If you are trying to study the effects of heart confederates in a
study, but can't find any, instead of studying the cohort effect, are
you really studying the ahortic effect.
51. What is the region of a Roman gladiator's brain between their
The Corpus Colloseum
52. What is this region called in dolphins?
The porpoise collosum
53. If you cut this region, which constitutional amendment have you
lost? Your right to search and seizure
54. how does a person with seizures choose their clothes?
By their epileptic fit
55. How do electrical engineers think? Reasoning by inductance
56. How do you measure the temperature of a flag?
By its degrees of freedom
57. IF you are trying to study the effects of meteorites and what
affects their impact depths, what would be the depened dent variable?
58. How did the developer of Rational-Emotive Therapy get into America?
Through Ellis Island
59. Which neuro-transmitters keep porpoises happy?
60. What do you call a crazy psychologist, and no normal doesn't count?
61. What do you call it if an experimenter always choices a 1960s
female folk singer for his experiment?
62. What is the favorite type of study for lawyers?
A Case Study
63. Does a mathematician have FUNCTIONal fixedness?
64. How much does it cost to become a member of the psychiatric association?
Nothing. It is a free association.
65. Is a very cunning and well planned Mexican wolf, a prefrontal Lobo?
66. What region of the brain do meteorologists use?
Their front-al lobes
67. Is the temporal lobe of your brain your ear lobe?
68. Which neurotransmitter is really a 1980s soft rock band?
69. What is Fred Flintstone's favorite neural transmitter?
GABA GABA DOO
70. What do transgendered individuals eat?
Lots of gender rolls.
72. What do holistic psychologists put on their food?
Gestalt and gestpepper
73. If a bunch of psychology students were forced to go to the
Antarctic, because no one objected, or differed in opinion, would that
be an example of group polarization?
74. Why do crabs taste so good?
Be they are gustations
75. What do you call a psychiatrist with vision?
76. Why did Frodo continue to wear the ring?
Because he was hobit-uated to it.
77. Is the Nathanial Hawthorne Effect, the fact that his books are
different by the mere fact you have read them?
78. If two psychologists get married will their towels say on them,
Hisistic and heuristic
79. How are Maslow and Noah alike?
They both have Higher Archys
80. Where do large African mammals go to school?
At a hippocampus
81. Have you heard about the gentleman who transfered nerves from his
olfactory region to his pelvis?
He had hip-noses
82. I think there is a difference between how well you can choose
things versus how well I can choose things. What should my null
Your guess is as good as mine.
83. Which psychological disorder had a crush with Jenifer Lopez?
84. Has someone who has undergone a lobotomy, lost part of their mind?
85. What do you call it if you think a grasshopper rules your life?
An External Locust of control
86. What motivates twins?
Intwinsic or extwinsic motivations
87. Why did the student lose points on his dream assignment?
He only got half credit for it being latent.
88. What system of emotion has the lowest threshold for what it can be under?
The limbo-ic system
89. What type of dreams do astronauts have?
Shannon Lucid dreams
90. Did you hear about the brainstem that went to war?
It earned the Medulla of honor
91. What type of personality inventory tells you which type of bird you are?
The Minnesota Multphesant personality Inventory
92. Have your heard about the baby that passed the rouge test?
He felt red in the face.
93. What part of the brain is always being picked upon?
The pariah tal lobe
94. Freud has a very old vine covered house, what do they call this
particular species of vine?
95. Are male dinosaurs that are envious of their fathers suffering
form Oedipus T-rex complexes?
96. What region of my brain is responsible for all of the terrible jokes?
97. Where do LDS psychologists go to church?
A psychiatric ward
98. Every emotionally intense action has an opposite and equal
99. If a monkey is trained to press a button, but then forgets he did
it does he repress?
100. Where do many psychoanalists live?
In a Rorshack
101. What does a psychoanalist do after squashing a bug?
Lifts his shoe and tries to determine what it really is (rorschach bug inkblots)
102. If you can't sleep do you have zero tonin?
103. What is the favorite neural transmitter of copy machines?
104. What is a musicians favorite neural transmitter?
105. What do you do with a sex compass?
Find your sexual orientation
106. If the gentleman who wrote Walden 2 were a speed reader would he
be B.F. Skimmer?
107. Is going broke a de-cent-itisation?
Rudolf Goeckel in 1590 is the first recorded use of the term
psychology. It wasn't popularized until Christian Wolff used it in
"psychologia empirica and psychologia rationalis"
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
So True. This one comes by way of Dave Berry.
-- Gifts for Men --
Men are amused by almost any idiot thing -- that is why
professionalice hockey is so popular -- so buying gifts
for them is easy. But you should never buy them clothes.
Men believe they already have all the clothes they will
ever need, and new ones make them nervous. For example,
your average man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only
three of them. He has learned, through humiliating trial
and error,that if he wears any of the other 81 ties, his
wife will probably laugh at him ("You're not going to wear
THAT tie with that suit, are you?"). So he has narrowed it
down to three safe ties, and has gone several years without
being laughed at. If you give him a new tie, he will
pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Oh and it is world blogger awareness day, so please do something nice for the planet today.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Hmm, it seems I need to work on my awkwardness a bit. Moreover, I think I am over represented in the computer bit, but seriously UNDER represented in quite a few areas. I mean come on non mutually exclusive or exhaustive choices, no ALL of them options! As per dating they stop at a year sans date, There have been times where the wait interval between dates was ones of years. Their reading/book options did not include for multiple books over 300 pages, phone books, dictionaries, phone books, or even as I have said the all of the above option. They asked me who created Battle Star Galactica--and I assumed Ben Bova the author of the original book series, of which they did not have an option for, or for his sequal Black hole. They allowed for only ONE of the many ways in which Aristotle was wrong. They did not ask in what I could code. And what is with the one choice options, that don't even make sense? They don't have tried out for Jeopardy and nearly actually got on Jeopardy. Moreover again I cannot believe they do not make reference to the most classic of movies. Where's the Monty Python man! Show the love. In the pick one out of the six catagories they need more "Screw this group options" I would personally trade all of group 2, 4, 5, and 6 for an extra blip on group 1. Ah well, I can still revel in my nerdom status, even if it isn't where I rightfully belong, but oh well I guess they can't please every one. ;)
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be
offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin
a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount
of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of
affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately.
When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating.
Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.
-- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior
Friday, October 05, 2007
Thursday, October 04, 2007
The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our
authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as
the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as
the light of seven days." Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much
as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we
receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the
Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will
heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to
the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much
heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for
radiation, (T(H)/T(E))^4 = 50, where T(E) is the absolute temperature of the
earth (~300K), gives T(H) as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell
cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says "But the
fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which
burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone means
that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C. We
have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
-- From "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972
Nice. The strange part is that the math works.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
So my latest pondering when something like this: "What is the means to salvation? Is it by faith, or is it by works?" I know, I know there are oodles and oodles of scripture on the matter, but I wanted to test it empirically. Faith and salvation are a little tricky to define, but work--physicists got that one covered. Its absurd but we'll start with the physics definition of work. Work (w) is Force (f) times Distance (d). According to Newton Force is f=ma where f has already been defined m is mass and a is acceleration, but thanks to Einstein and his e=mc^2, we can rewrite force as f= (E/C^2) a where C is the speed of light. Now a is the acceleration, which is the change in velocity over time. But acceleration, as an example, in the case of a circle, can also be the change in course over time and the change in time is time. We will call this dK/T where T is time and dK is our change in Kourse (I would have used C, but that was taken by light already so K = course (Clearly it must be the German spelling)). Thus force is (EdK/C^2T). But remember it is not force we are interested in. It is works. And while we are here let us also remember as Einstein suggests that space and time are one thus d=T. Which replaced into our earlier equation leaves us w= (EdK/C^2T)*T (I will leave the T in the equation even though it cancels as it will be important later.) But remember we are interested in the "good works" so we will need some additional definitions a little closer to what we are seeking. E is our total energy and is the sum of our energy devoted to works (E(w)), thoughts (E(t)) and deeds (E(d)) . Thus E = E(w) + E(t)+E(d). Let us also consider what does it mean for us to change our course spiritually. What does dK/T mean? It means we must over come something. We must change something about ourselves. Notice that it is over time. That means it matters little if our change is only temporary it must be long term. It is this term that explains sin and Satan in our equation, for as we see if dK/t= if we never had to over come anything nor change anything about ourselves, if we were perfect from the start absent of free will a zero is thrown into the equation which in a few moments we will see will have disasterous consequences. So what does it mean to do good works? w = [((E(w)+E(t)+E(d))*dK] T/ [c^2T] Thus the net total of our good works is equal to the sum of the energy we have spent on works, thoughts, and deeds of a spiritual nature. This is multiplied by how much we have overcome, how much we have changed and grown over our lifetime divided by a very large constant--keep this constant in mind it will become important shortly. Using what we have derived in the last post the impact (I) = Quality * Quantity. Ah but what is our impact? Our impact is salvation (s). How do we measure the quality of faith? I would suggest there are two terms to this equation F(G) faith in God and F(s) faith in the son. Now at this point I would like to point out a few things. In every depiction of either Christ or the father there are always halos of light. In every description and encounter with them they are often described as being wrapped in or coming down from or emitting pillars of light. God is also described as being omnipresent. Omnipresent means he is in all places at all times. The only way you can do this is if you can stop time. the only way you can stop time is to travel at the speed of light, C (look to Einstein for the proof of that one.) But, since God, the father and the son are 1 in purpose, and 1 is the son of the other (you know which is which) might that not also suggest that F(s) = C as well? If we assume it does and use this term as a measure of the quality of our faith and use our works as the quantity then we have an expression relating most of what we know about religion. s = F(G)*F(S)*[((E(w)+E(t)+E(d))*dK] T/ [c^2T]. Thus, if I am right, our degree of salvation is equal to our faith in God, multiplied by our faith in his son times the sum of our energy devoted to their works, thoughts, and deeds. We must over come sin (at least 1) The T term remains because it is multiplied by the length of our lives notice that the Ts cancel, thus it does not matter if our life is long or if it is short, but the T on top must equal the T on bottom. We cannot cut our life short lestwise they will not cancel i.e. you are perfectly allowed to commit suicide but you are cutting short your life equation. Notice also that if either faith in God or faith in Christ is absent 0* anything =0 "first among these is to love thy god and to love thy neighbor" "The first article of faith is faith is Jesus Christ" they are also the first terms in our equation. They are also linear not regulated by constants as our other terms are. Notice also that individually we could forgo works, thoughts or deed so long as we did not have none of them yet the more of them we have the greater is our reward. Notice also that all of our works, thoughts and deeds are divided by C^2 = 1/8.9875517877x10^16 which accounts for 0.0000000000000000111265005605th of our end result. So, if you think you can get to heaven by works alone you had better get started. But remember even a small faith in God the Father and Christ the son yields bounteous rewards, in fact remember earlier where we postulated that both F(s) and F(G) =C this means that if you live a full life and if you have full faith in both of them the equation is simplified to s= C*C *[((E(w)+E(t)+E(d))*dK] T/ [c^2T] where the Ts cancel as do the Cs leaving us only [((E(w)+E(t)+E(d))*dK] the energy we have invested in others and the things we have overcome. Thus if you have faith the only thing that matters is how you treat other people and what you have made of your self. Good luck! Godspeed. Keep believin' and get cracking on them works.
So first of all here's the line of thinking that lead up to my grand
discovery. I was walking out of the bookstore and I saw a poster
advertising the US Marines. The ad ran something like this Superior
Thinking always exceeds superior man power. This lead me on a math
quest plotting thought power versus man power and integrating the
thing. Also if taken as a system thought power and man power is an
unstable dynamic. A positive feedback loop is created if thought goes
from an individual to a group, whereas a negative feedback occurs if
the reverse is traveled. Any way, from this I began thinking What was
the total power of man power and thought power. My thinking was thus
and for 2 hours now I have yet to find a hole in my logic (you are all
welcome to help look(Tear his theory down bwa ha ha ha! I know is what
you all should be thinking.)) Anyway, power is work divided by time.
P=W/T. The magnitude of work is simply the magnitude of the force
time the distance. W=Fd And Force is the Mass times the Acceleration.
And mass is simply the quantity of the something you have. putting it
all together one gets Power equals
this equation for ideas. Now ideas may have mass based on the number
of ions that passed through you brain to make that idea, but let us
instead replace mass with "the effect that an idea has (E)" Since mass
is just how much of something you have how effective an idea is is
roughly equivilent to how massive it is (its a stretch but roll with
me) Thus P=EAD/T Now distance divided by time is the velocity we can
then replace d/t with V. Leaving
us P=EAV. Now momentum, once going how hard is it to stop, is
mass times the velocity MV remembering we substitiuted E for M thus EV
gives us the intelectual momentum how hard an idea is to stop once it
has been unleashed. Acceleration can be thought of as how much was
accomplished how fast. And intellectual power can be defined as what
is the lasting effect of this idea. This generalizes to How long and
idea will continue over time Times the ammount achieved over time
equals the impression left . Both of these together are what makes an impression.
If there is 0 quality it does not matter the quantity you will still
go nowhere. But, if there is an imense quantity times even a little
quality a big impression will be made. Now let's explore and see if
this concepts works in more than just theory. Puns, which is
remembered longer a person who tells one really really really funny
joke, or the person who tells 12,000 somewhat funny jokes? Who becomes
more famous the person who composes one great work or the person who
composes thousands of songs and if those songs are of any qualitiy
that person becomes a legend e.g. Motzart, Beethoven et al. Consider
also politics. If you know no one of power (quality) you will not get
elected. But the more people you know (quantity) the more likely you
will leave an impression. In general the many oft outway the few.
Non point source pollution (polution from every one(quantity) out
weighs the larger more noticeable pollutants of the few (quality).
Microscopic algae produce individually much less oxygen than their
larger counterparts, but their are far more of them. It is the many that are
important and not the few. To become famous you must accomplish much
in a short time rather than one grand idea. It is easier to have a
higher Intellectual acceleration than Intellectual momentum for the same
impression (fame). I invite you to debunk my scheme. Good luck,
1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
6. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
8. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
9. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
10. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
11. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the
12. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
13. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
14. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
15. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed
in the end.
16. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a
17. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
18. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.
19. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
20. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of