Sunday, December 24, 2006

A Merry Christmas Eave

If your wondering where I got this cheery pic. Its from here:

But I thought I would leave you with this cheery Christmas EAVE

Oh and just to be bragging, I get to spend the next week lounging on a beach in Southern California with my very loving grandparents. :P Boasts aside, I wish you all the best of Chris-mooses and a Happy Moo- Year !

Thursday, December 21, 2006

So its Christmas Break I have a Computer and

My Cereal Personality Is...
Crazy Cow

You were a cereal? If we didn't see the cereal box we wouldn't have believed it. What was your gimmick? Spooky cow on a sugary cereal box? And where did the milk come from anyway? That's what we thought, crazy cow.

Incidently the above was from Aposteri I am also a black jack player.

It also so happens that I am 4 fingered Sully.
I have a quize here:

I have been exploring here:

P.S. Help making the above an actual link would be much appreciated.

And as if making a list of games for every scouting merit badge weren't enough, you might have noticed I've been a little bored lately, hence the proliferation of random personna tests. But Good luck, Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year or something like that.

If Statisticians ruled the world

If statisticians world the world it would be a very different place...

And do you John, fail to reject your null hypothesis of Marsha?
With a P-value of less tha 0.05 I Do fail to reject Marsha
And you, Marsha? Based on the available data on this man what is your conclusion?
With a 95% certainty I too fail to reject this man.

College Acceptance letters:

Dear Mr. Boom,

We regret to inform you that we have failed to reject your application.

Game shows:

Is that your final answer?
I fail to reject C +/- 2 letters with 99% confidence

Online Legal Notices:
Click here to fail to reject our terms

Courts of Law:
How do you plead?
+/- Not Guilty, where my null hypothesis is H0: T=0, where t is time spent in prison. My alternative hypothesis is H1: T >0 I will choose alpha to be 100% and walk away a free man because alpha is never 1.
Members of the jury report your findings.
We the members of the jury conclude that there is no significant difference between the hypothesis of the prosecution and the hypothesis of the defense therefore we fail to reject the null hypothesis that we even cared.

Clinical studies have shown that in 9 out of 10 cases our product has significantly improved the lifespan of its users by plus or minus 76 years! And it fails to reject the claim of whitening teeth too! Order now for three easy payments of a lot plus or minus some, We reject the claim of bein available in Canada.

School Administrations:
In a sample of size 1 it was found that your son's GPA with a 95% certainty is a 2.0 +/- 2.0. We regret to inform you that we must therefore reject and fail to reject the hypothesis that your son has made the valley view Honor roll.

You owe $X.YZ dollars. Given a 12 month sample of size U find a 95% confidence interval given a total error of 3.00 or less, solve for X Y and Z

Now Jimmy, here's how you tie your shoes within one standard deviation.
Young man, I want with a 99% certainty the sample Y-X to = 0 where Y is the Number of vegtables served at time zero and X is the number of vegtables consumed at time final. Find P(x
Jimmy, Sally, and Joh-- There is no significant difference in my love for each of you. I love equally all 2.4 of you

Hey Mom, can I watch channel 07 +/- 02

I am on page 135 +/- 0.01

Phone Books:

555-1123 +/- 1
somewhere within the interval bounded by 10th West and 10th East and 10th South and 10th North, Somewhere within the United States with a 95% certainty.

Clothing Stores:
Ma'm do you have a size small +/- and XL?
I have a 48 +/- 12 inch waist, and a 13 +/- 2 shoe size.

Its a good thing only lawyers run our society and not statisticians.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Santa is an Eagle Scout


Santa is an Eagle Scout,
it's very plain to see.
Just listen to this little poem
and you'll agree

Santa navigates by the stars
on Christmas Eve.
After all, his first merit badge
was Astronomy.

To fly his sleigh
with finesse,
Santa took
Aviation merit badge next.

Santa and his reindeer
have a friendly alliance.
He learned it all
while earning Veterinarian Science.

Engineering merit badge
was very hard for Santa Claus.
Going down a chimney is an engineering feat,
if there ever was.

Santa's service project
was for all the boys and girls.
He delivers toys
all around the world.

And lastly, Santa's work on
Communication merit badge was out of sight
That's when he thought of the phrase
"Merry Christmas and to all a good night"

written by Todd McMahon

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Online quizes are never wrong right?

So if we were to believe the highly reputable source of bored dot com, as to whether I am a boring person or not, I would have to believe:

" I may be termed a Boring person by my peers. This is sometimes because of your non-enthusiasm, dull attitude and old fashioned ways. it would do you good to add some zing to your life!"

There you have it folks, straight from the ehorse's mouth. I am boring. Now for another batch of 101 puns to cheer me up.

More Alternative Definitions

1. Beverage:
The age of a rodent cutting down trees

2. Impov:
Sans Skript

Beantler: The second branch fromt eh base of a deer's antler

Bibliomancy: making random predictions from the bible.

3. Bicuspid:
When the dentist isn't pulling your leg.

4. Bigamist:
Large Italian fog

5. Biceps:
Your Flexability

6. Bigarreau:
An Opera by Mozart (actually a type of cherry)

7. Binary:
2 Canaries

8. Topless Beach:
A place with no strings attached (sorry)

9. Bilge:
What gets sailors pumped up

10. Billings Gate: a fish market in London known for foul vulgar abusive talk--Not to be confused with the talk that results from dealing with a special computer someone.

11. Billionaire:
Middle class

12. Bullemia:
Life with its urps and downs

13. Biochemistry:
A totally tube-ular science

14. Bird of Prey:
A catholic eagle

15. Birth:
Your comming out day

16. Black eyed Susan:
An abuse case

17. Blade:
A way of making your point

18 Beach farming:
Splash and Berm agriculture

19. Blank verse:
Not doing an English assignment

20. The Blarney Stone:
Something that needs kissing up to

21. Future Blazonry:
Harlding times to come

A job that is spotty at best

23. Blintz:
Rollin in the dough

24. blockade:
The kid who helps you put away your blocks

25. Blockage:
See arteries

26. Blonde:
Its not a hair color its a way of life

27. Fugitive:
One who is chaste

28. blow torch:
Escaping by the ascetalyne of your pants

29. Bludgeon stick:
Night club

Random joke:
Which aviation enthusiast and early 1900s philanthropist really likes color?
Howard Hues

30. Successful Bluff:
Call collect

31. Boar:
One who hogs a communication

32. Bobby Pin:
A British Police sting

33. Bob sled Runner:
A Slayer

34. Corset:
Chest Compressions
Wrap sheet
See also low Resolution

35. Full Cavity check:
A good dentist

36. Ebola:
An online website devoted to thrown weapons on a string used for entangling.

37. bad bolt:
One that doesn't hold its ground well

38. Bomb Shell:
The remains of an animal found on an Iraqi beach

39. A fighter jet taking off with after burners:
A device for leaving you wondering whats the uproar

40. Book of matches:
The most reading some people do

41. Boomerang:
A return investment
Something that can't easily be tossed away

42. Border patrol:
A boundary value problem

43. Bulkans:
I can't hear you you are breaking up

44. I think the dealings at the Boston Tea Party went a little overboard

Botryoidal :resssembling a bunch of grapes

45. Boutique:
A Craft Fare

46. Bow:
A device with a lot of drawbacks (the same is true of a football team)

47. Bowsprit:
The part of a ship that really gets you a wake

48. Violin bow:
We all have our foibbles

Random joke:
What do astronomers fold?
The plait-eis

49. Bracers:
Armed gaurds

50. Bracing:
Whats the hold up

51. Braille:
Connect the dots

52. Brain:
Connect the thoughts

53. Unlavend bread:
Last but not yeast

54. Breeding ground:
A Teem environment

55. Brew:
Good for what ales ya

56. Brick Kiln:
A place under heavy mortar fire

57. A bride without a groom:
One who weds herself

58. What do you call a euphausid clock:
Time to krill

59. Brine:

60. Returns:
Taken aback

61. Broach:
What is found in unclean bapartments

62. Broken:
World Piece

63. Brooding:
A mother worrying about her young

64. Toddler snakes:
Brownie in motion

Brume: is a fog

Bubble and Squek is an English dish of cabbage and potatoes

67. Budget:
A spendable allowance

68. treadmill:
Something that gives you the run around

A Bumbershoot is an umbrella

69. Bunghole:
One who gets tight with barrels

70. Burdock
See an attachment

71. Burdock:
A real stickler

72. Bunsen Burner:
An old flame

73. Burreau:
Holding agency

74. Burreaucrat:
Red tape dispencer

75. Burgomeister:
A magnate material

76. Burlesque:
A house of Whore

77. Burlesque:
A place where they practice can-can-abalism

78. Burn when things are starting to heat up

79. Butt Joint:
Don't even think about smoking it

80. Button:
Something that must be pushed, especially if red

81.Button Mold:
What grows on your nice shirts if you don't wash them

82. Buttress:
A female butterfly
Like a mistress but for your butt
What ladies wear that is long an flowing and covers their back side (butt dress)

85. Buzz saw:
What was seen by Edwin Aldrin on the first landing on the moon. What _____

86. Buzz saw:
How a bee cuts wood

87. Byzantine:
Roman in the fall

I've been Bee-zy, but I'll post a few more for good Bee-ness. Since the dictionary ran out of words witha bee that I could make fun of I thought perhaps I could finish off with a spelling Bee of sorts.

88. does a Bee break out in hives??

89. Do Bee matriachs have to worry about beeing drag queens?

90. What is an Apis mellifera's (the scientific name for a bee) favorite online game?

91. What does the relative of a wasp sleep?
When it is her Bee-dtime

92. What was the question on a bumblers math final?
Two Bee or not two bee?

93. Bee paparatzi stay up on the latest buzz.

94. What do you call a clutsy flying insect?
A Bumbling bee

95. Do bees play hive and go seek?

96. Two bees were in a race to a flower?
It was necter necter all the way

97. Do bees go into pollentics?

98. What is a bees favorite piano piece by Chopin?
His pollen-aise

99. What does a bee call an Italian cornmeal dish?

100. Who is an insects favorite blues guitar player?
Bee-Bee King

101. Hive a Great Day!! And remember BEE prepared.


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates ya know.


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

What, Its not like I have an Ego or anything?

I am nerdier than 98% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My latest mental wanderings

Consider, if you will, the philosophy of math. Most people will usually start with the point and work their way outward expanding on the logic that came before Inductive reasoning at its finest. I'm going to try the reverse. Imagine if you will a four dimensional object. Any four dimensional object. Ok that didn't work. We'll go slightly smaller to make it somewhat easier. Imagine if you will a three dimensional object, any object in R3 (that's fancy math speak for it has three dimensions). Why was it there? What is it that determines where it exists and for how long?

Some might answer that it is the mathematician that holds the entire fate of this shape in his hands controlling where it is place what its dimensions are where it is defined and the rest of the whole gamut of a 3D objects life. Is this the case, or is it that the shape was always there and the mathematicians have just now discovered it? Was Shroedenger right? Do we need to oberserve something for it to exist or is its existance independant of our observation? Can we reach our full potential on our own or do we need the input of others? Does our work exist if there is no one to recognize it? Or are we dependant upon the imaginations of others in our very existance? Can we determine ourself or are we constructed by society?

Let us consider this shape further. Regardless of the details a shape exists (?). But why does it take the form it does? One answer to this is that it is defined by what came before, a shape is defined by the pieces that make it up. A cube is defined by the square. A sphere is defined by its circle. All of these can be represented by equations once initial parameters have been defined. We are a product of our component parts and we too are subject to what has come before. We are the integration of our genetics, our parent's are friends all of history, all of time and space. We are a product of the equations that compose us DNA RNA et al, and we are of our environment. We are the function that effects and is effected by the vector field. There are forces acting upon us at every point in every second for all time. But here there is a difference between us and the cube. We are non-deterministic. We have free will we are able to choose our path and our actions even though they might be played out for us.

How is this possible you might ask. Consider this, On my calculator I have on my calculator a function composed of three completely random variables. It is impossible for me to predict the path it will take, I do not know how long it will take, but I know without a doubt the final outcome. Always. Even though the function is completly random. I love this program as it is metaphoric of our very existance. Some might say that if we truly have free will how then can an all knowing God know what we will do? Others suggest that if there is no god what then is the point of our existance (to find our very purpose IS our purpose, but this is a subject for a later day!). But if we have a devine plan how can we possibly have free will? The function to which I earlier alluded provides the key. There is an equation that models the path. There is a god over seeing our lives, there is a purpose an equation of life if you will. But there is also free will randomness. The answer is known, and yet it isn't! I suggest as evidence of this, consider God hedging his bets. Inspiring two people simultaneously one accepting one choicing to reject, perhaps even God doesn't know which is which. Perhaps he can see all possible outcomes of either one or both. I do not know. but this would predict, if it were true that many people should be inspired by similar ideas at about the same time. Alexander Graham Bell Patented the telephone 4 hours before a William (?) Grey. Nichola Tessla patented the radio days before Marconi. The pattern repeats throughout history. What does that mean? That is for you to say.
But, we are not done yet. Let us consider again that shape we obtained earlier. It is true that a shape is defined by its component parts, but how we perceive these parts is subject to interpretation. See this post and its link. (check it out later its worth it.)

That shape we were mentioning: what would happen if it were a cylinder? When viewed from the side its component part is a two dimensional rectangle. If you are in a 2D mindset no matter how you look at it, even if you consider all of the evidence available to you, you will only, can only see a 2 dimensional rectangle. If you are in side of this rectangle you will see material in every direction you look. If you are suck viewing this object from above or below you will see something completely contradictory to a rectangle. You will see a circle. Were the viewer of the circle to meet the viewer of the rectangle or the viewer of empty space They would each be solidly convinced (I would apologize for the pun, but its my site so I won't) that what they saw was truly universal truth. It could be no other way. For how on Earth can a circle be a rectangle. You are WRONG I am RIGHT! Universal truth is MINE! GOD is on MY SIDE! Your comment that God is a rectangle--pure lunacy! We shall war!

But wait, they are both right, even though they are contradictory. God is one, God is all. He is within us and around us. We are in his image. He act through us and we become him. God is singular and he is pluaral. He is here and now and there and then. He has a plan and we are part of it yet we are allowed to do our thing. 3-1-300,000 It is all the same. Truth exists for everyone.

Ah, but here's the kicker. We still are not done! We have considered the solid, made mention of the fact there are probably other solids out there possibly even in here. It is only a matter of where you search and being open to the answers you find. Let us complete our mathematical journey and consider my final point (pun intended). The zero dimensional object.

We have said that a shape is determined by is component surfaces--Remembering it is entirely possible to have infinitely many surfaces, a shape is nonetheless determined by them. And that a surface is constrained by the many vectors that make up its existance. But what about a point? Why is a point there? A line exists and is defined if only one other point exists. A rule a guideline. A constraint of society. Others will force us into a fixed mold, but the point is free. The point is Zen. Two points is rules and society. Interaction with others. One point is self and the only thing that can be said of the point is where it is at and that it exists. Our observation affects the point because as soon as we observe it there is a distance between us and it there is a path a destination a line/line segment--a line cut short of its full potential. It is unknown what it could have been or how far along in its life it would have been if we were not there. A point, an individual can become anything go anywhere. More fascinating still is that from just a few points an entire world can be defined. Change even 1 point and the world is a different place. Change even one life and the world is changed.

Remember the individual is free to act. And it is the individual at the intersection of infinitely many others that changes the path the others were traveling. X two lines composed of infinitely many individuals intersect always at only one point. It is up to the dot the zero dimensional object. The things that cannot be measured and are not seen that matter most. They are the ones who can change the line of societies path.

In short, be the dot! Change the worlds path! You can do it! All you have to do is plot out how. Good Night, Good Luck!

101 Pop Culture Puns

Ha! Fooled you! I was refering to soda pop! I know I know these puns are as-soda-ed.

1. Who's your soda daddy?
Your soda pop.

2. What is a soda musical?
The fanta of the Opera

3/4. What do you call a soda pixie?
A Fanta-asm
A Sprite

5. What do steel mills and soda factories have in common?
They both have coke

6. Hear about the soda that lost his/her job?
He got canned

7. What about the boxing soda?
He got popped

8. What goes well with soda?
Pop corn


In 1767, the first drinkable man-made glass of carbonated water was created by Englishmen Doctor Joseph Priestley. Three years later, Swedish chemist Torbern Bergman invented a generating apparatus that made carbonated water from chalk by the use of sulfuric acid. Bergman's apparatus allowed imitation mineral water to be produced in large amounts.

9. Alternative definiton: Vender
Name for a math student dealing with intersecting circles usually two or three

10. With the increase of CO2 into the atmosphere, does that make the US a Carbon-nation?

11. What is a Wicked soda song?

From Wikipedia:
In Arabic countries soft drinks are usually called either mashroob ghasi, meaning literally "gas drinks" مشروبات غازي

Canned Coffee is popular in japan.

Drink Concentrates in England are called squash.

12. What do you get if you mix root beer and Godzilla?

13. If the market for Energy Drinks is going up but still losing money, is that a Red Bull Market?

14. How do you season a cola?
With a pinch of Dr. Pepper

15. What do you call a eucalyptus eating marsupial soda?
A Cola bear

16. What do you call the inability to digest a soda?

More from Wiki:

17. Pschitt is a French soda created by Perrier in 1954. The name originates in the transcription in French of the noise made by a Perrier bottle when it is opened.

Pascual Boing is a Mexican soft drinks company.

Amrat Cola is a brand of cola manufactured by the Pakistan Mineral Water Bottling Plant.

18. If you are in Paraguay drinking a soda and are mauled by a lion, is that Simba?

Julmust is a Sweedish holiday drink of great secrets and popularity. (In the month of December Julmust outnumbers Sweedes ( gal/ sweede)

19. Aparently it is an artificial Sweedener. That joke Julmust worked.

20. What do you call a lying soft drink?
Mr. Phibb

21. The grapefruit soda was arrested?
When the police got there he was freshca-ed

22. What does a Swedish passion fruit and the largest city in Australia have in common?
One is Sydney, the other is a Sidni

23. What does a non-carbonated Swedish drink have in common with a holiday from Seinfeld?
One is a festivus for the rest of us and the other is a Festis (that joke really didn't work but I had to include it after completely missing festivus in my last batch so enjoy and go put up a pole)

Milkis is a carbonated milk beverage bottled in Korea. It is said to improve your ability at starcraft?

24. You had better bundle up, you might catch a cola.

25. Are soda bacteria E. cola?

26. What do you call a Tinidad and tobago soad rapper?
BUSTA rhymes

27. What do you call a boy band made of soda?
pop singers

28. Nuclear soda scientist developed nuclear Fizz-ion

29. After getting seven green and white mushrooms on Mario bros, what soda have you earned?
A 7 up

30. What is a soda popular in Sweden?
Sven up

31. After being shocked I got a jolt from my cafenated soda.

32. What do you call fizzy bottled water Pilgrims?

33. What do you call a perverted soda?
Dr. Peeper

34. Don't mind root beer, their barq is vorse than their bite.

35. What do you call a track event for soda?
Cola VAULTing

36. How do sodas know who is on their phones?
With cola id

37. The orange soda couldn't get a date. He was Crushed.

38. They are now making a soda popular with surfers.
They are calling it Blue Crush (If you don't get this Blue Crush was an older relatively obscure surf movie)

39. Have you heard about a root beer coorporation accepting applications?
They are now Hire-ing

40. What do you get if you mix up A Wand with a keg?
A and W

41. Why movie starred Kevin Costner and a field of vanilla flavored sodas?
Field of creams

42. What is a haunted soda called?
Scream soda

43. What do you get if you cross vector calculus of mass losing particles going into space and an imitiation soda?
Diet Dr. Rocket Science

44. What do you call soda groupies?
A fanta club

45. What do you call a Disney movie about sodas?

46. Dr. Pepper was originally bottled as a medicine if it had instead been a ginger product would the motto have been "Good for what ales ya"

47. If P. Cola is Pepsi Cola is a strong wind really a soda?
G. ale (gail/ ginger ale)

48. What do you call a soda that can stop rain?
Hawaiian Puncho

49. Before and after Hawaiian Puncho Villa

50. What do you get if you cross a multi flavor soda brewing company with an action oriented archaeologist?
Indiana Jones

51/53. Who cleans up after sodas?
The minute maid She is also married to the minute man, the one who lives on Drury Lane.

54. What do you get if you cross a yellow soda with Yo-yo Ma?
Mello cello. (And from here on out there will be no mo Yo yo Ma was so fat or stupid or other wise jokes)

55. What do you get if you cross a highly caffenated soda with a sketch artist?
Mountain Drew

56/58. If you shoot a root beer can what is it?
a. Can tankardous
b. holy
c. A Mug shot

59. Energy orb soda has gone into Orbitz.

60. What does Patriot's Choice cola and a computer have in common?
They are both PCs

61. Why is buying a generic soda condescending?
Because they are both Patriotnizing.

When invented Pepsi's theme line was "Exhilarating, Invigorating, Aids Digestion."

62. What does a soda brand have in common with a remote car?
Both are R.C.s

63. What do you call ginger ale under the carpet?
A Schweppe under the rug

64. What do you call the governator of soda California?
Arnold Schweppes-seneiger

65. The sodas won all of their games it was a clean schweppe.

66. Sierra shot, but Sierra Mist

67. What do you call a Jamaican soda religion?

68. who pays for a diet soda?
Whoever picks up the tab?

69. What soda is found on a keyboard?

70. How do you turn off a soda's lights?
With a Sunny De-Light

71. Where do sodas store their money?
In a vault

72. What do you call an expulsive release of gas from a grape soda company?

73. What type of clothes do drinks wear?

74. What do you call a changable soda?
A Capri-cious

75. What grows in soda gardens?
A Dr. Bell Pepper

76. How do you fix a hole in a beverage?
With a soda machine

77.How do root beers great each other?
IBCing you real soon

78. Does the orange soda that golfs need to work on its slice?

79. What soda is the most popular with squid?

80. What do you get if you have a fulcrum and a soda arm?
Beverage and Arcimedies said if you give me enough beverage I could move the world.

81. What is a soda's favorite flower?
A POP-py

82/85.Characters in Soda wars:
Master Soda
Obi Wan CANobe
Darth Soda

86. What is a fun computer game with Ginger ale?
Mine Schwepper

87. What is a famous soda golf course?
Pibb-le beach

88. Who is a famous soda actor?
William Shasta

89. Before and After/alternative definition: Microsoft drink
What you get at McDonalds after you remove all the ice.

90. How do the Ice Borg move across the universe?
In an Ice cube

91. If you freeze a cream soda what do you get?
Vanilla Ice

92. Are arguments about drink siphons largely strawman arguments?

93. What type of speciation affects beverage container tops?
Al-lid-patric speciation

Warning offensive:
94. What determines the amount of enjoyment obtained from a soda?
Cup size (SORRY!)

95. Where does a soda take a visiting alien?
Two liter

96. What do you give a saccrine-aholic for his/her anniversary?
A Suc-rose

97. Alternative definition: Cannibull
The container for a brand of energy drink

98. Where is most ginger ale is bottled?

99. What do you call it when one of the Spice Girls calls in sick?
Ginger ail

100. What is a not so soft drink?
GINger ale

101. Is it over?

Alternative definition: Pop
What your brain just did.

Monday, December 11, 2006

A vote if you will

So previous post proclaimed to the world that I am a kind blog, however after reading my holiday puns some of them are pretty bad. Do I keep the kind blog and try to be even kinder and gentler, is my stuff not as offensive as I am imagining it to be or should I drop the kind blog in shame for miserably failing at my aim of controversial, funny, D&d esques, but never offensive. So vote and I promise there will be no hanging chads here.

101 Holiday Puns

But first this guy.

101 Holiday Puns
(Ever notice the correlation between 101 and lol ?)

1 What is a the favorite vietnamese Nintendo game played during december?

2. Are Jewish Christmases a Minorah-ty? (Sorry!)

3. Is being cut off from all Hallow's eve being halloweaned?

4. What is the favorite holiday of bars and pubs?
The fifth of July

5. What do you call a December 25 fog?
A Christ-mist

6. What is a popular board game around the holidays?
Its a Wonderful LIFE.

7. What is a time-travelers favorite season?
Christmas, because of all the present that is there

8. What do you eat with firemilk during the fourth of July?

9. Who does Adam go with to the year end party?
New Year's Eve

10. How do holiday mascots go to sleep?
Ala the Santa man

11. Which actress is popular with Christmas trees?
Judy Garland

12. What does a golfer do at Christamas?
Puts up a Christmas Tee

13. Do fast paced song artists rap their gifts?

14. Does an archery director wrap his/her gift with a bow?

15. How do you lift a frozen car?
With a Jack Frost

16. How does santa work in his garden?
With his ho-ho-ho

17. Why is santa like three statisticians?
He has three separate Ho:s

18. What do military personnel of an African persuasion celebrate in?
A Kawansa hut

19. What do you call a house that is being shot at?
A Hunted house

20. What do coyotes put out for halloween?
A Jackel-lantern

21. What is the favorite holiday of Pfizer?
Valium-tines day.

22. Which day is a day of firsts?
Prescidence day

23. What holiday always comes late?
Tardi Gras.

24. I couldn't celebrate fat tuesday, I had to mow the gras.

25. What is a day of hoe-downs?

January 15 is National cat herder's day

Jan 2 is New year's for cats.

Jan 3 is tolkeins birthday.

26. If you were born on April 20, 1970 would you be celebrating your B-Earth-day?

27. Which day gets the most waves?
Flag day

Mar 18 is Awkward moments day and snowman burning day and Grover Cleaveland's Birthday

28. April 15 is a very taxing day

29. Do boats celebrate birth days?

30. What do hamburgers celebrate on the 17th of March?
St. Paddies Day

31. Does a Jewish garden have a Rosh bush?

32. What do you call a holiday for the relatives of butterflies?
Moth-ers day

33. HIJKMNO = Christmas--No L

34. Happy Horse/ beast of burden Equine-ox

35. Why is the Month after Black history month in Washington DC important?
It celebrates the March on Washington

36. How is Elvis like Martin Luther?
Both are the King

37. Which old time actor is popular around Christmas?
Yule Brenner

38. Which April holiday is popular with chemists?

39. What do you call Jewish fish?
Yom Kippers

40. What holiday does Miracle whip sponser?
Cinco de Mayo

41. What holiday does Home Depot sponser?
Sink-o de Mayo

42. Which mascot is the hardest to spell?
Punxsutawney--Incidently he too is bad with jokes

43. Which day is feared by pigs?
Ground-hogs day

44. What is an affalatus on jan 6 called?
an epiphany

45. Epiphany--Bless you

46. Which holiday mascot has the least spare change?
St. Nickel-less

47. Which bell ringing army is constantly drooling?
The Salivation Army

48. If someone gets a cell phone for Christmas have they been blessed with the gift of gab?

49. This Christmas take an umbrella their might be reindeer (and their droppings).

50. Which Christmas song is sung in the tropics?
Jungle Bells

51. If they hold a pie eating contest this holiday season, which song will they sing?
Oh, Come all ye facefuls.

52. How is a planetarium presentation like a rednosed ungulate?
Both are reindeerers

53. Rudolph robbed a bank--the teller was reindeered helpless.

54. What is the favorite Christmas song aboard a ship?
Deck the Halls

55. What did the gift recipient say after dropping her new china mug?
I saw three chips I saw three Chips

56. Of course Grandmasters bragging about thier wins in a hotel lobbey is chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

57. Chip and Dale got caught in a wildfire. Disney compsed a song about it. It starts something like this: Chipmunks roasting in an open fire...

58. Why did they couple get hitched on the 24 of December?
So they could have a married Christmas

59. Merry Christ-moose.

60. Or if you are in a salon Merry Christ-mousse

61. There was another animal in the fire that got Chip and Dale. they are now whishing everyone a merry Crisp moose

62. What is the name of Mrs. Burnett's latest holiday show?
A Christmas Carrol

63. They played an Orphan play by Dickens to celebrate Christmas.
Aparently it had a Twist ending

64. What is a popular Jewish book on winter relationships?
Wemon are from Venus Minorah from Mars.

October 30 is Haunted Refrigerator day

65. On October 31 if you bang on anything it will ring, it is after all all Hollows day.

66. What is the holiest of Islamic soups?
Top Ramadan

67. Jewish holidays that don't stand up for themselves are a real passover (sorry!)

68. A Jewish holiday took a break it is on a shavotical

69. On the 5 of November is Roy Rodgers birthday.
Beware people tend to be Trigger happy

70. What day is popular among small female ruddy canines?
Guy Fawkes day

71. Which day is popular at retirement homes?
In-Depends-dance Day

72. What does an oriental seasoning sauce wish to the world?
Soy to the world

73. What is a middle executives favorite Christmas song?
Away in a manager

74. What is a dog's favorite carol?
Bark! The harald Angels Sing

75. What is a pirates favorite Christmas song?
We three kings of orient ARRRGH!

76. What is the favorite carol of prison gaurds?
Guard arrest these merry Gentlemen

77. Which Christmas song got in a fight?
Deck the halls

78. Subordinate clause, Insubordinate clause, verb clause , noun clause, Santa claus.

79. A cat goes to the beach it get sady claws.

80. Aliens celebrate fat Tuesday.
They call it martin Gras

81. If someone gets killed on Fat Tuesday, is it a Coup de Gras?

82. Which Baha'i holiday is really a type of gum?
Bub-ble gum

83. Which day of the year is a military order/
March Fourth

84. What does the mathematician exclaim on March 14th?
Piday at My House!

85. Alternative definition: Festivity
What that sore on the back of your neck is.

86. Which holiday has the most warfare?
Tanks giving.

87. Why is easter the best holiday?
because it is Eggcellant and quite eggstraordinary

88. What do you call a pervert in an easter candy factory?
A Peep-ing Tom

89. What do you call an Easter accessory shelf?
A basket case

90. How is a dental cleaning like the fourth of July?
They both involve sparklers

91. What do you get if you cross a house with a harald angel?
Hearth the harald angel sings.

92. What happens if santa is lactose intolerant?

93. How do you find the value of taking Yule the the xth power?
You take the yule log

94. What is a monkey's favorite holiday?
Thanks gibbon

95-103. The real reindeer names:
Pincher, Pantser, prankster, vomit, stupid, dummer, quicksand, blitzkreig

Sorry I'm a cynic.

And just for later:

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love aimed at me
Twelve druglords dealing,
Eleven pipetters piping,
Ten hords a-srceeching,
Nine blades a slashing,
Eight maces a-macing,
Seven guns a-shooting,
Six needles a stabing,
Five Navel rings,
Four calling cards,
Three blasting caps,
Two hurtful shoves,
And a Cartridge filled with BB!

Caution don't do any of this at home and don't let that last one ruin your Christmas, I'm not really that mean I promise.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

So I am a Complete Techno-illiterati

The long and short of it is I think this Lady is trying to do something cool. I support her quest. However, I can't figure out how to post her little deally off in a corner somewhere, so mine will just be smack in the center of my posts. Incidently, I think I can make an exception about speaking harm to no one in order to continue the story of Fitch. He is just too interesting of a character to simply forget about him simply because he has a nasty habit of stabbing monsters from another realm in their backs.

Behold the Kind of logo I like:

Friday, December 08, 2006

Da Vinci gets printed

Yeah according to "" They just reconstructed Leonardo Da Vinci's left index fingerprint!? Aparently he woul eat and work and leave 400 year old greasy prints all over the place. It also turns out that you can almost tell a persons race based on their fingerprints. His mother may have been a Tuscan slave from Istanbul. Check it out its pretty spiffy!

A New Kind of Science!

Holy cow! This is cool stuff! is a link to guy who designed Mathematica and currently works for SETI. His latest venture is a form of fractal music with nearly infinite possibilities. Fractals they are everywhere.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Christmas trees et al

So here's some really great ideas I had for Christmas tree designs:

A Lego Tree
One made entirely of Legos

A tree on a neutron star
Flat green disk for tree

Godzilla Tree
Add mouth tail arms legs to green body of tree to make Godzilla

A Tree tree
Decorate the tree with smaller mini trees

A fractal tree
decorate it with all sorts of mendelbrots et al.

To be cont.

Friday, December 01, 2006

So Aparently ...

I did it! I posed a blog a day for the entire month of November. Yes I posted daily despite what the actual dates on the blog headers say. I think the reason some of them are off is either a. posted right around midnight and it hadn't quite rolled over. b. there were some I went back and edited. And there were some that were typed on one day saved and then actually put online the next. But I did it! And it does appear to be true, daily blogging does keep the wookies away. Master Yoda was right.