How to use math to get out of a parking ticket

I recently "found" this letter for how "some guy" got out of a parking ticket. I thought this was pretty cool, so I am going to repost it here.

24 August 2011

[Sender Address Info]

Court Referee
City of Colorado Springs Municipal Court
P.O. Box 2169
Colorado Springs, CO 80901-2169

To whom it may concern:

Whereas, I, wish to contest the issuance of an “Overtime Violation 10.15.104(D)” written on this day 24 August 2011 on the grounds that the citation given was in direct opposition to the Constitution of the United States of America--a federally ratified, and legally binding document the Great State of Colorado is beholden to follow. This letter shall show the particulars of my case.

On the 24th of August 2011at 1:25 pm I parked a white Chevrolet Cobalt LT license plate ### ### at a metered parking in front of the Italian eatery Il Vicino. I ordered lasagna and 3 glasses of water. My bill came to $9.16 (I alas discarded my receipt, but a consultation with the vendor will verify the approximate time.) At this time I deposited $1.00 an amount that allowed me to lease the parking space from the city of Colorado Springs for a time equal to 1.00 hr a rate equal to $0.0167/min. According to my estimation the clock should have expired at 2:25 pm. I received a citation for the amount of $20.00 at 2:34pm. I did not notice this citation and at 2:35pm deposited an additional $1.00 into said meter, granting me an additional 1.00 hr parking space rental. I only stayed an additional 15 minutes, leaving the remainder of my $1.00 time unused. Herein is where I object to the constitutionality of said fine. Your Honor I ask you to consider the following examples:

My local library allows a 2 day grace period before issuing a fine for books. Considering the average price of Barnes and Noble’s top five selling books for 2011 came to $29.19 and the fine from my local library for not returning the books on time is $0.50/day this amounts to a fine of $0.000347/min (not including the allowed 2 day grace period). This amounts to a 1.71% fine.

My rental car allows a 29 minute grace period. If I am late I am penalized $3.50/hr or $0.0583/min a fine of 2.65% .

For being late on my $750 apartment rent payment (After a 6 day grace period) I am given a $50 fine, amounting to $0.001138/min and equating to a 6.67% fine.

For being late on a phone payment of 52.99/mo (2 day grace period) I am billed $5/month, which is $0.000114/min, a fine of 18.87%.

For missing a bank payment and bouncing a $100 check (Again with a 1 day grace period), I am charged $25-35, a 25-35% fine.

For missing a credit card payment I am billed upto 45%.

For missing a $0.25 meter payment in downtown Colorado Springs, I am apparently given a 9 minute grace period and fined 4000% interest amounting to a rate 5790 times the rate billed by my library and 88.8 times even the rate of my credit cards.

For the amount I was billed I could have/should have spent half of my vacation parked in said parking spot, let alone 9 minutes. This egregious gouging by city of Colorado Springs clearly and unquestionably goes against the 8th amendment which reads:

“Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.”

When credit card companies joking advertize barbarians with battle axes to reflect exorbitantly high interest payments, what then would they use for a city that bills at almost 90 times the interest rate of even these Mongrel Hordes?! This is an excessive fine, and is therefore unconstitutional. I, therefore, highly object to the payment of said recompense.

In short your Honor, in light of this outrageous affront to my civil liberties protected under the sacred auspices of the U.S. Constitution I will confine my counter suit to the city of Colorado Springs to the amount of $0.50 plus any legal fees accrued. My logic is thus, I paid for an additional hour of time when I left. I used 15 minutes of this time, a value equal to $0.25. The city says I owe 10 minutes worth of parking rent to which I will gladly donate 5 min of the time I paid for to the city of Colorado Springs, an amount totaling an additional $0.25. Time used plus time owed subtracted from time already paid leaves a reimbursement of $0.50 already paid and not used.

Sincerely,

[Signature]

--Case Dismissed--