Thursday, April 19, 2007

101 Cat Jokes--part 1

1. What do you call it if all of the world's dogs and cats suddenly vanish?
A dog gone Cat tastrophy

2. It might also be called cat aclysmic

3. What do you call a herd of cats?
Cat tle

4. What is a cats favorite movie?
Meow lin Rouge

5. What do you call the realm between cat heaven and cat hell?

6. What is a cats favorite color?
Purr ple

7. What is a cats favorite jewelry?

8. What do you call a stolen cat?
Purr loined

9. What do you call a person who heists a cat?
A cat burgalar

10. What do you call a comatose cat?
Cat atonic (also what you call cat drinks)

11. What does a cat holic learn?
Their Cat echism

12. What is a male cat's favorite musical instrument?
A tom tom

13. Alternative definition:
Tom Cruise
What a cat does to find a mate

14. A female cat runs into a wall--dam.

15. What is a felines favorite sauce?
cat sup

16. What do cats wait in?
fe lines

17. What do you wish a spanish cat around Christmas time?
Felis navidad

18. What did the cat say when he realized he didn't have any money at the bar?
Put it on my tabby

19. What is a cat's favorite key on a computer?
the tab by key?

20./21. If a cat has every thing what might you call it?
It eithe has the whole kitten kaboodle
or it has everything except the kitten sink

22. What type of chemical reaction destroys cats?
catabolic ones

23. What do you call a cat observatory for Astronomers?
Kitt ens peak

24/25. Why was the African big cat expelled from school?
For lion and being a cheetah

26. What is the most important part in catwoman's car?
The cat alytic converter

27. How do you spot a leopard?
You don't they are born that way.

28. What encircles a cats yard?
A chain Lynx fence

29. What do cats drive?
A Jaguar

30. If you give a cat a lemon is it a sour puss?

31. If a cat has 8 arms is it an octo puss?

32. does a radio active cat have 18 half lifes?

33. Why did the smalled spotted cat make all fo the purchases he wanted to?
Because it ocelot (costs alot)

34. Alternative definition: A dull roar
A bored lion

35. Knock knock
Who's there?
Panther who?
Panther no panth I'm going thwiming

36. Alternative definition:
Litter box
A two year olds room

37. What holiday is a cats favorite?
Christmas--They like Santa Claws

38. A feline got sick--the doctor recomended a CAT scan.

39. What do you call a bowling feline?
An Alley cat

A Grimalkin is an elderly female cat

40. Where do you bury cats when they die?
In a meowsoleum

41. Who was a terrible fashist cat dictator?
Meow solini

42. What do you call a desert feline?
A cat tus

43. A group of cats is called a clowder, but is a group of clams a clam clowder?

Puss comes from Dutch poes meaning cat

comes from the Latin carne for meat and val coming from vale meaning stay strong--usually taken as a farewell. Thus carnival comes from the festival held to bid farewell to meat ie just before lent.

44. I never much liked groups of lions. I always thought them to be too prideful

45. What is a good name for a small wildcat?

Manx are tailless while Rex are the only curly haired cat

46. Is a cat lizard a T-rex?

47. Two curly haired cats collide it was quite the rex.

48. What do you call a patchwork bovine?
A Cow lico

49. What do you call a cat-sle wall?
A purr a pet (parapet)

50. What is a cat's favorite type of fish?
A purr ana

51. When does the cat start to get serious?
When Puss comes to shove

52. What do you build to pay homage to felines?
A Cat-edral

53. How do you measure the length of cat hair?
In Furr longs

54. what type of rug did the cat own?
A Purr-sian

55. What do you put a baby kitten in?
A cat's cradle

56. Where are many cats from?

57. Where else might a feline be from?
Cat-a lina

58. What do cats sail?
A Cat a maran

59. what hobby to cats often take up?
Puddy Tating

60. Who do felines listen to?
Cat stevensen

61. What type of dessert do cats like most?
a Pudding tat

62. What are cat leisure suits made out of?
100% Sylvester

63. How do you throw a cat?
With a cat a pult

64. What did the hunter say after hitting the leopard?
Ah that hits the spot.

65. What is a rock band popular among cats?
Def Leopard

66. what is a rock band popular amid the gravely ill?
Deaf Leper

67. Who is a favorite comedian amoung once tame now wild cats?
Will Ferral

68. What type of ammusement park ride to lions ride?
A roar-coaster

69. If a feline fails it Cat do something.

70. Why couldn't the mouser talk?
Because the cat had its tongue

71. What is it called if one cat is diagnal from another?
Kitty corner

72. What do you call an underground cat?

73. How do felines keep their fur looking nice?
With a cat-e-comb

74. Hear about the dyslexic who fell down and broke his arm?
He spent six weeks in a cats

75. Who is a famous Chinese cat dictator?
Meow ze Dong

76. Who is the most famous russian feline?
Cat-arine the Great

77. Name a famous feline ice skater?
Cat-erina Witt

78. What is an early kitten machine gun?
A cat-ling gun

79. What is a felines favorite type of nut?
A cat-shew

80. How do cats cut the grass?
with a lawn Meower

81. What do you call a boxing feline?
An Ali Cat

82. What is a cat's favorite president?
James A. Garfield

83. If you divide Garfield's friend by her length, what happens?
She has been Nermal-ized

84. What do you call said kitten's stomach?

85. Which upper divisional math class is similar to the canine friend of Garfield?
Oddies (ODEs--if you still don't get it don't worry about it)

86. What type of music does garfield listen to?
Oddies but Goodies

87. If Garfield has to go, is he on the Jon? (sorry)
Or does he use a Cat-thoder

89. What does a cat cry when splashing into the water?
Cat-on Ball

90. What doe s a feline use to clean house?
A Cat-ton ball

91. What was the name of the feline space probe sent up by the ESA recently?

92. What do you call a cat that is a public ham?
One that is Malkin it for all its worth.

93. Wha tis the comedy show on Fox about adolescent life of cats?
Malkin in the Middle

94. Are two grey and brown cats alike or different?
They are all the Siam

95. What is a country band popular with young cats?
The Nitty Kitty Dirt Band

96. Is a dead cat a cat daver?

97. Is another name for a feline on a chandelier a cat-delobra?

98. Is a felinexs favorite insect a Cat-erpilar?

99. What hold up a cat?
A cat-er pilar

100. What do you call a cat in love?
A Cat-sinova

101. I cat take it anymore No more Cat jokes! If you tell one more cat joke I am making a feline for the restroom. You can't Malkin me take any more. I have had it Tom my ears. I am a nervous Rex. You are going to have to puddy me away in an insane asylum. Tats all I can take.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i liked it a lot!