Thursday, March 29, 2007

Comedy Bronze

So I have never tried my hand at stand up comedy...So I thought I'd try sit down comedy. It has been said that you can only make fun of the things you know, So I guess that leaves me doing jokes about white nerdy middle class protestants. You know what that means, now not only will I tick off the NSA, but also the Klan. I never wore glasses in school--The bullies kept taking them. And its just hurtful and not true that Nerds wear their pants about four inches above their saddle shoes, I am a nerd I know this, its only 3. For once in my life I couldn't do my math, the other day my slide rule ran out of batteries , so'd my pencil. You know those guys who you paid to do your homework, yeah, I never was one of them... I was their Union boss. Yesterday, things got a little messy--Uhm, I forgot to wear protection. My pen leaked. I forgot my pocket protector. When the paternity test came back I got an A+ (And I didn't even study.)
I think I could have made a really good cowboy. I would mossey down to the OK coral, solve for K and challenge some cow poke to draw... He'd whip out his gun, I'd whip out my abacus, calculate the trajectory of his ballistic projectile... and probably be dead. I had a GREAT date yesterday! I brought my calculus book and the girl never showed. It took 12 hours before I noticed. Oh, before that, I was doing some programming homework. If any of you have ever programmed before, you are usually programing something that is really annoying and time consuming to do. My homework was just that, long, hard, tedious and boring. Just like... we won't go there. So I wrote a program to do it for me. Just type in my program, and let the computer do it all the work. What I was trying to have the computer do was write a program that would write the program for me. While I was doing this, the computer responded with a message. It was worried about losing items in its memory. So it reached out and slapped a post it note on my head. So they say I need to get out more, get some excercise. I tell them that I already have some of the most well defined muscles on the planet. (My mother tells me my joystick controlling muscles don't count.) My Dad says playing sports, especially full contact sports would do me good. I tell him I do play a sport, its even full contact. Surprised, he asked me what I played, I told him. Tag. I'm 22.
So being a computer programmer, last week I had to attend a convention--A Star Trek Convention. I was hosting it. It was in my Mom's basement. It went for two weeks, we all came out level twelves.
Personally, I like TVs--They make great paper weights. In all seriousness I do love to watch a few shows. Channels 7 and 9 have some really great stuff, unfortunately they are always begging you to use the telephones instead.
I never had a lot of friends in school but now Hey, I have friends, and they don't even have weird names like Poindexter or Einstein. Just plain old ordinary guys, with ordinary names like Billy and Alan--You know Gates, and Yankovich.
So, I had a computer problem the other day. I thought I'd call tech support--The line was busy. Aparently, the call got patched through to my house.
In elementary school, we had a sub, you know the ones fresh out of high school, terrified of being in front of little kids, doing this only because they need 30 hours of student teaching. You know the kind, the one's that trembled at the very mention of having to answe a question. Well, I had one of those. I had a question. I politely asked her, and she told me to find the smartest kid in the class and ask him. I told her I was. She quit. I continued teaching. I was in third grade. I would do more, but my 57 Advanced Credit classes and 11 extra credit assignments in the classes I don't have are do. So, Good Night, Good Luck, and come check it out, next week I am performing live and in person in the exclusive and fully booked Shower.

4 comments:

Ki said...

Bwhahahahaha!

YEah! YEah! Yeah! Amazing!

I connected.

You're good at this...

Anonymous said...

Haha! Okay, you are clearly skilled at this, so I challenge you to finish a classic "How many does it take?" joke. So, How many geeks does it take to factor an nth degree polynomial?

Boom said...

An nth degree polynomial factors provably into 4 or less geeks. It could also be said that it really only takes one geek and a supercomputer. Pssh, I already solved that give me a REAL challenge. 1 Geek to research it, then get side tracked on miscellaneous other cool topics, 1 geek to start it but get side tracked on other miscellaneous cool projects, 1 geek to eventually get around to it, and three to discuss it without actually doing anything on it. 1 really good one. What you mean you haven't factored it yet by now? 1 But it then takes a veritable army to understand what the geek just rambled.... The list diverges.

Amaris said...

Well written article.