Monday, September 24, 2007

101 of the Worst Jokes You Haven't Heard

As a tribute to Marcel Marceau, because I can. Hear are 101 Jokes About Mimes. (See previous post for the article that inspired this silent barrage.)

1. What is the motto of a mime?
Mime your own business

2. What is the hardest thing for mimes to do?
Think outside the box

3. Have you heard about the invisible rope?
It was a real drag

4. Where should you be careful to step?
In a mime field.

5. Why is it so sad Mr. Marceau died?
Because a mime is a terrible thing to waste

6. Why couldn't Mr. Marceau pantomime someone's hips?
Because a waist is a terrible thing to mime.

7. What is the favorite weapon of a mime assassin?
A silencer

8. Does a mime's mother get mad at her young mime if he plays a blank tape at full volume?

9. What is Mr. Marceau's favorite line from Finding Nemo?
Mime Mime Mime!

10. What is a his favorite battle in Lord of the Rings?
the battle for Mime-as Tirth.

11. What does a mime wear on his legs?
A pair of pantomimes.

12. What is a mime's favorite book?
All Quiet on the Western Front

13. If you ran over a mime with a steam roller what would it be?
A silent film

14. What is a mime's favorite type of pen?
A bip

15. What did Einstein silently prove?
The relatedness of Mime and space.

Marceau wrote the preface to the French high wire artist Philippe Petit's 1985 book, On The High Wire.

Michael Jackson's "moonwalk" dance was inspired by Marceau's Walking Against the Wind routine

(Source Wikipedia)

16. What type of drawing program does a mime use?
A Bip map

17. Do you duplicate a mime with a mime-eograph?

18. What is a pantomimist's favorite Florida city?
Mime-mi

19. What was a famous silent TV voyage on PBS during the early 90s?
Voyage of the Mime-i (Mimi)

20. Is a pregnant mime in Jest ation?

21. What is a mime's favorite poker card?
A Joker

22. Why is Marceau's pantomime so famous?
Because it is moving.

23. What type of jokes are these?
the are an exercise in Pun-to-mime

24. If a mime kicks a bucket has he stubbed his pan-toe-mime?

25. What is a miming sheep's favorite movie?
Silence of the Lambs

26. Do two silent nickels make a mime?

27. Is the culture of silent acting when it is passed from generation to generation considered a mime (meme--its a psychology term)

28. So if the 24th letter of the Arabic alphabet were modest and silent what would it be?
A mim mime mim

29. Did you know Marcel Marceau had a photographic Mime-ory?

30. Not to be redundant but is a quiet mime, a mum mime?

31. If you wound or cripple a silent street performer have you critically mimed them?

32. If jack and the beanstalk had been a modest, dull silent mother what would he be?
A mim mime mum mom

33. Is a silent Briton a Mimey Limey?

34/35. In the early days of Disney land who was the wife of Mickey?
Mimey Mouse
(Wasn't he also the one who wore a yellow spandex suit?)

36. Is a 60 second performance a Mimet?

37. What is a silent orchestral dance piece?
A mime-uet

"Mimis are fairy-like beings of Arnhem Land in the folklore of the Indigenous Australians of northern Australia. They are described as having extremely thin and elongated bodies, so thin as to be in danger of breaking in case of a high wind. To avoid this, they usually spend most of their time living in rock crevices. They are said to have taught the Aborigines of Australia how to hunt, prepare kangaroo meat and use fire. They are like humans but they live in a different dimension. They were depicted during the freshwater period (1200 kya).

Their name might come from the song of a Zebra Finch."

The above is from: Mimi_(folklore). (n.d.). Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Retrieved September 24, 2007, from Reference.com website: http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Mimi_(folklore)

38. So if they were silent would they be Mime-is?

39. Who is a silent Egyptian philosopher of the 12th century?
Mime-onides

40. When do you not want to talk out in school?
When you are in mime school.

41. How do you act out a silent tree?
With plant-omime

42. What do you call a humorous bovine?
A cow-median.

43. If I stop telling jokes is it comic relief.

44. What do you call a German leader parody play by Shakespeare?
The Comedy of Furors

45. When do you do the comedic Heimlich maneuver?
When someone is joking

46. If a bacterium performs is all the world a stage?

47. What do you call going from a solid mime to a gas mime?
Subl-mime-ation

48. Who is Marcel Marceau's favorite character on the Drew Carry Show?
Mime

49. Who is the Greek demigod of silent trickery?
Pan-tomime

50. Its not yours its mime!

51. You be Beethoven I will be Bach! I gotta go but tomorrow please re-mime me to finish these jokes.

So tomorrow came somewhat earlier that I thought.

52. What is a famous mime's favorite bit o' junk food?
A marcel-mellow

53. What is a mime's favorite sports car?
A Marceau-rati

54. What is a mime's favorite dessert?
Marceau-pan

55. What do you call comics in the desert?
Camel-dians

56. If Marcel joins a club is he a mime-ber?

57.If he tears his pants does he Marceau it up?

58. If he gets married has he found his Marceau-l mate?

59. If in 1801 instead of John Adams Marcel Marceau took over what would it be?
The silent revolution.

60. If Marcel Marceau did a flip would that too be a silent revolution?

61. What do mime's keep around their castles?
A mute with a drawbridge

62. Why do mimes like playing the trumpet?
It has lots of mutes

63. What is a mime's favorite button on the remote?
The mute button

64. Why do mime's like sunrises?
Because the colors are often muted.

65. Does an LDS mime go to mute-ual?

66. What is a mime's favorite piece of music?
John Cage's 4:33 (Its actually 4 minutes and 33 seconds of pure silence!)

67. If Marcel took rock ore from the earth would he be a miming engineer?

68. What is a mime's favorite movie?
Re-mime-er the Titans

69. I live in a house whose walls are so thin I am constantly telling my mime neighbor to"Keep it Down over there!"

70. Can mime's play racket ball?

71. My public speaking teacher was so lousy the mime gave a better speech! (The sad part is I am only partially joking. )

72. What is a mime's favorite subject in school?
Historyionics (histrionics means acting)

73. Does an offensive mime make an ob scene?

74. Who is a mime's favorite Opera singer?
Improv-erati

75. What do you call a monkey for a mime?
An impersonaper

76. Are two mimes in bed thespians?

77. What is a mime's favorite type of fish?
A clown fish

78. What do you call a mime heaven?
Clown 9

79. What is a clown's favorite meal?
Dinty Moore Beef stooge

80. If dorsal is the opposite of ventral are there dorsaloquilists?

81. WHy did the dummy leave his Ventriloquist?
He was tired of being called a blockhead

82. The worst part about being a mime is that you can't call in sick for work. Especially not with laryngitis.

83. What is a mime's favorite old world ape?
A Buffoon

84. Why didn't the actor pass his class?
because he was understudied

85. What city has more mime's than any other?
Harlequin, NY

86. Why did the mime wear a wig?
because he was going ribald

87. When did the mime die?
At a ribald age (ripe old age)

88. What is a punster's (aka a picador's) favorite type of bird?
A Pierrot-kete

89. What do picador's set off during the Fourth of July?
Wisecrackers

90. What is a punster's favorite Pokeman?
Picador-achiu

91. Who is a comics favorite author?
Zany Grey

92. What is a punsters favorite book?
The Count of Montebank Cristo

93. Who was the pundit mugged by?
A gagster

94. What do you call it if someone steals a famous French puppet?
Taking a Punch.

a punchinello is a synonym for a punster :)

95. Marcel Marceau is a fraud. Everything he ever did was a charade!

96. God told me to take miming. He said I would see a sign.

97. Did you know Marcel Marceau was bald (He's not but...)?
Yeah I always thought he was a dupee

98. If he were a potato would he be an imitator?

99. Did the comedian choke?
No he gagged.

100. What is a comedian's favorite movie?
Gag to the future

101. So if I were to enact my puns would you be fighting the gag reflex.

Thank you I am here all week try the veal.

5 comments:

Boom said...

So for the xteenth zillion time Blogger has suggested that I can make money by putting ads on my site. Not only ads, but content relevant ads. Oh boy what on Earth would that be? This blog is so random there are mathematicians out there using it for a number generator. Yeesh! Sorry no ads for me! Back ye ads I say back. There will be no primitive spade like objects on my blogs. For now I shall remain ads free! My motto is to subtract the ads how about yours?

Darth Pike said...

Oh my...how close does that put you to the goal of 101 sets?
And THANK YOU for not allowing ads...stupid ads...I don't like ads...

I just realized I like using the ...
too much...

Boom said...

Psst! Matt my Running total is on the Right side toward the bottom. It will also tell you which date you need to go to to get to any set of puns I have published.

Boom said...

Hey, Matt you should make your own blog and link it to mine and create a worm hole of doom! Doom I say Doom! Bwa ha ha ha!

Darth Pike said...

well i have a dead site
steinerstaff.googlepages.com
as the name implies, it is a dysfunctional staff site
with nothing other then a skeleton
and yes, once i finish my enormously large load of homework i will