Monday, February 12, 2007

101 Random Puns: The Sequel

1. What types of naps do kittens take?
Cat naps

2. What type of naps do two dimensional kittens take?
Flat naps

3. The Chemistry department is giving away neutrons.
They are free of charge. (But only after the rebate)

4. Garth Nix wrote a book about offspring of a lamp covering?
Its called Shade's Children

5. Why couldn't the wine keeper make any of his appointments?
He had pressing demands

6. If you didn't like the last joke I don't want to hear any wining.

7. is the person in charge of setting up chairs at a function the chairman?

8. Why was Ginger Rogers so ashamed?
She couldn't bear all of the awkward Astaires

9. Why did the possesed man go to the gym?
He wanted to have his Demons Excercised

10. What do you find in foam books?
Foam numbers

11. What do you get if you cross long wiggly bacteria that cause Lyme disease, with household avian pets, with a common packaging material?

12. What do you monastic apes?

13. Where can you go to see interesting vegetables in captivity?
The Zoo-cchini

14. What did the boy portal of entry say to the girl port of entry?
I A-door you

15. What does a clock maker get on February 14?

16. Why would a knighted outer electron make a good security guard?
Because it is Sir Valence

17. What is a dog's favorite version of our national anthem?
The star Spaniel Banner

18. What is the favorite trash TV show for dogs?
Jerry Springer Spaniel

19. What is a tortise's favorite pasta?

20. What do you call it when you are in an argument with a Russian Legend?

21. What do you call a storage fascility for people who make cake mix?
A battered womens shelter.

22. Why is writing jokes about confectionry so easy?
Its a piece of cake

23. What do you call these jokes?
Half baked

24. Alternative definition: Baked Alaska
See Global Warming.

25. What do you get if you cover a girl scout in fudge?
A brownie

26. If you put computer tracking devices in the GSA are they Girl Scout Cookies?

27. What do you call the study of A Yellow Wood?

28. Alternative definition: Cooking

29. Alternative definition: Horse drawn carriage
A wagon artistically penciled by an ungulate

30. What do you call chaos in the Kitchen (and don't answer "normal")?

31. What do you call a wide screen picture taken of someone's kitchen?
A pan-orama

32. Why do people like dairy cattle?
Because they can milk them for all they are worth.

33. What do cookies expell?
Cookie sheet

34. Do eggs live a Shell-tered egg-sistance?

35. Why is boxing like most Friday dinners?
They both in volve takeouts

36. The spatula was just scraping by in life.

37. What do pot cleaning nurses wear?

38. What do you call something on fire floating on water?
Flame bouyant

39. Have you heard of the disease you can catch in an airport?
Its Terminal

40. How is a brassier maker like a chef?
They both involve measuring cups

41. How is a basketball game like its players?
They both bouunce checks.

42. Do you kno the motto of unleavened bread makers?
Last but not yeast

43. Have you heard about the bread market?
Sales are rising

44. What do the Brits wear around 4 pm in the afternoon?
Tea shirts

45. What do you call fermented cabbage down a storm drain?
Sewer Kraut

46. What do you call cabbage fermentedd by a tailor?
Sewer Kraut

47. How do you get into a locked computer?
You use the right Key-board

48. What is a Narwhale's biggest concern?
Tooth decay.

49. What magazine services singing mammals?
Fur-tune 500

50. Alternative definition: OPEC
The muscles located on the OChest

51. Alternative definition: Cyanide
Non addicting sleep aid

52. AD: Strictnine
One more than my Eight hardest teachers

53. AD: Hemlock
A new wrestling move where they hold you by your inseams

54. What does an enlightened densist seek?
Universal tooth

55. Hey I am making lots of bread jokes, I guess I am on a roll.
(sourdough or wheat)

56. What type of underwear do healthy cereals of champions wear?
Wheaty tightys

57. Why did the computer science student go broke?
He gave his teacher an APPLE a day.

58. What is blogger's favorite sci fi movie?
Blog to the future

59. How is this post similar to a twice formed bog?
There might be some re-peat

60. What is a swamp's favorite sci fi movie?
Bog to the future

61. If you are buying a fen what do you put it in?
A shopping bog

62. What do you call micro-organisms living in a marsh?

63. What was a famous swamp actor?
Humpfrey Bog-gart

64. If you buy a bad citrus fruit, did you buy a lemon?

65. What is the worst part about shopping for citrus?
Waiting in Lime

66. Who is a muts favorite Russian Author?

67. There is a new brand of horse STD protection. They are calling it the TROJAN horse

68. What do you call it if a book by Ayn Rand starts taking in water?
The Drinking Fountainhead

69. How do you get rid of paranatural billys, kids, nannys, etc?
You call the Goats-busters

70. Have you heard of the garbage eating goat?
He got canned?

71. Did you hear about the guy who fell asleep in a packing plant?
He got canned.

72. How about the guy who backed up inot a meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.

73. What do you call a shirt on a goat?
A goat-tee

74. The goat wanted needed someone to watch his Kid Billy so he hired a Nanny.

75. How does a sheep store documents on a computer?
On the RAM

76. Disney land is an ironic place it is a people trap run by a mouse

77. Why doesn't a mouse trap work during Easter?
Its Spring Break

78. What was that last joke?

79. Why did the out of control guy go to the guilletine?
He los this head.

... He took a little of the top.

... He had his ears lowered.

82. Why do hair stylists never need to go to Jenny Craig?
Because they already have a trim figure

83. What type of watch does a tape worm wear?
A scolex

84. What do you call well seasoned celery?

85. What food product can be found in the bible that goes well with Olive oil?
Psalmic Vinegar

86. If a pronoun takes the place fo a noun, What does a proverb take the place of??

What was that?
A bit of foreshortening.

88. If the Bay of Bengal is in the Indian Ocean, which sea has the ebay??

89. How are my jokes like oil?
They are crude at first but eventually they get more refined.

90. I wouldn't want to be a clock hand. They are going in circles all day, round the clock.

91. Is an editor a draftsman?

92. Alternative definition _____
Drawing a blank.

93. What is the space in a sentence you haven't hit yet?
You're coming up blank.

94. What were those two jokes?

95. What was the above?
Coma tary

96. What comes after a period?
An epoch

97. Are geologists stoners?

98. Are potters Pot heads?

99. What do you call an earthenware cow being fired in a field?
Its out glazing in a field

100. Is a fired torus a glazed doughnut?

101. What is a broken pots favorite color?
Shard treuse

1 comment:

Boom said...

The above is dedicated to those of you who are going through hard times right now. Good luck and remember that if everything is coming your way in life, you are probably in the wrong lane. Mr. Fang, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Hope these cheer you up a bit.