And the winners for three best costume Ideas for today are...
3. Death drinking a health conscious fruit slushy
2. Algae
1. A scientific paper
Honorable mentions go to Jesus and his disciples, the chemistry professor, The Mullet, Lord Vader :), and the gay Jamacan bobsledder (who I later found out wasn't pretending to be gay.)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Infectious Laughter
The Best Medicine, hope you don't overdose.
Because two of my very close friends have had or a currently battling cancer. This post is for them!
1/2. Why didn't the rhino virus go to the ball?
He had cold feet and gave his date the cold shoulder.
3. If a fruit and a dog get sick, is that a melon collie?
4. If a fruit gets terminally ill is that melon-noma?
5. If a fantastic imp gets cancer is that a melan-Gnome-a?
6. To help compromised immune system people to hear should we send them hearing AIDS?
Sorry.
7. Who were the physicians of the 1600s in Italy?
The Medicines
8. Why was the Greek doctor fired?
For being asclep on the job.
9.Which pugilist doctor finally came out of the closet?
Gaylen
10. Who treats riverhorses?
Hippo-crates
11. Who treats gangsters?
Tupoc-retes
12. WHich bird is a medic?
Florence Nightengale
13. Which inventor of the microscope goes fishing?
Robert Fishhook
14. Where does the count of monty cristo go for a good skin doctor?
To his local Dumastologist
15. What is the favorite medical branch of poker players?
Cardiology
16. What's the oppocite of oncology?
Offcology
17. Who treats sick farm birds?
A duck-tor
18. What closes a clam shell?
The adductor muslce
19. Who does Old MacDonnald go to see when he is sick?
A farmacologist
20. Are Middle Eastern Archaeologists URologists?
Keraunomedicine is the medical study of lightning casualties. According to Wiki
21. What is the zodiac sign for People in your condition?
Cancer.
22. What do you call optical surgery?
Eye opening
23. What type of experience was reported by the plastic surgeon’s patient?
An uplifting one.
24. What is the favorite type of poetry of RNs?
Nurse-ery Rhymes
25. Where do you treat Equines?
At a horse-pital
26. If given to cattle would the medicine you are on be cow-madin?
27. If it were given to a sad cow would it be cow-maudlin?
28. If it knocks you out will it be coma-din?
29. There was a Beetles song written about your treatment—VAC in the USSR!
30. What is another name for orienteering? Pathology
31. Is a knight with melanoma a can-sir?
32. Does Pepsi promote Can-cer research?
33. Is a cancer in an Arizonan desert a Sonoma?
34. If a section of lymph is vibrating at 0 amplitude, is that a Lymph node?
35. If a cancer spreads and uses a T-Test, is that metastatistic cancer?
36. How does a cancer patient win at Bingo? With the number B-9
37. If you have cancer of muscle connections is that a maligament tumor?
38. Which country is often visted by cancer cells? East Tumor
39. What do cancer cells drive? A Car-cinogen
40. How do cancer cells flavor their egg nog? With car cinnamon
41. If the guy who invented the rotisserie grill were found to be a genetic source of cancer would he be a Roncogene?
42. In traffic do you often find Honk-ogenes?
43. If you take two tissue samples from a Cyclops would they be a biclopsy?
44. What do you call a scientist who studies FM and AM? A radiologist.
45. I suspect Picasso had cancer. But I don’t know if he was ever Diagnal nosed
46. If the protagonist of the Matrix had cancer would that be a Neo-plasm?
47. What types of growths do you find in the marshy fens of England? Tum-moors
48. What type of growth did Othello have? A tum-moor
49. What type of growth did King Tut have? A tumb-mor
50. If this is your penultimate surgery what do you have? Two more
51. Are US Postal service growths Mail-ignant?
52. Do the chondrichthyes experience sharkonomas?
53. What do microbiologists study? Germ Cells
54. What type of tumor was studied after World War I? Germany cells
55. If you can’t walk well is it limp-oma?
56. Do sea shells get limpet-phoma?
57. What illness will a Starwars Character probably get? Lukeima
58. If this “:” got sick, would it be colon cancer? And would “;” be semicolon cancer?
59. What type of cancer is treated with dynamite? Blastic tumors
60. If the Great Lion in the sky succumbed to cancer would it be Leomyoma?
61. –Oma, -Oma on the range.
62. If you fall flat is it prostrate cancer?
63. Do biochemists get substrate cancer?
64. Do fencers get lungecancer?
65. Do non pig relatives get non-hog-kins lymphoma?
66. Is endometriosis of Latin poets caused by Ovid-arian cancer?
67. Is another common cancer of starwars Xwing’s sarcoma?
68. What is the cancer of the Midwest? Oklahoma
69. If you built a monument to track the sun out of ruptured blood cells, would that be Hemorrhenge/
Cachexia is the medical term for wasting!
70. If someone diagnoses a cancer of the mind are they psychopath-ologists?
71. If the doctors screw up the tumor analysis is that a biopsy?
72. If a highly religious D&D character undergoes extreme cancer surgery, is that a Pallidinative treatment?
73. If your cancer is treated with small glass shelled marine organisms, have you been treated using radiolarian therapy?
74. Which two muppets are really a cancer treatment? Ebrt and Ernie
75. What part of a plant is the healthiest? The stem cells.
76. What do the cells that cause breast cancer call the medication used? Hearse-ceptin
77. If a queen had breast cancer would it be treated by her-septor?
78. If you treat cancer with antibodies from a Spanish cow, would it be a vacca-cine?
79. How do you treat bovine pain? With Ox-ycodone.
80. How do you treat pain in your RNA? With Oxy-codon
81. What is a cancer patients favorite C.S. Lewis book? The Chronicles of Nausia
82. Which Spice girl works as a nurse? Hospice
83. What is the opposite of oncology? Off cology
84. How do you treat a small northern albeit extinct penguin-like flightless bird with cancer? Via Aukology
85. What type of martial arts work out program do doctors use to test medicines? Placebo
86. If Monty Python had been written by the National Institute of Health what would have been one of their more famous lines? We are now the Knights of NIH.
87. Is buying someone a pair of pants to help them feel better, Jean therapy?
88. What is the first book in the cancer Bible? CarcinoGenesis
89. Who was a famous cancer comedian? Johnny Carcin
90. What caused Greek cancers? DNA µtations
91. What causes dog cancers? Mutt-agens
92. What causes cancer of the remote? Mute-agens
93. What causes skin cancer of Sport Utility Vehicles? S-UV rays
94. What killed the ewoks? Endor-metrial cancer.
95. What killed the main character of Orson Scott Card? Endermetrial cancer
96. What kills large ratite birds? Ostrichsarcoma
97. What is the cancer of toilets called? Lew-kemia
98. What treatment is used in treating tubers? Potato-oncogenes.
99. I never metastasis I liked.
100. What is every cancer student’s dream test? A self-examination
101. How are sodas tested for cancer? With a pop smear
Because two of my very close friends have had or a currently battling cancer. This post is for them!
1/2. Why didn't the rhino virus go to the ball?
He had cold feet and gave his date the cold shoulder.
3. If a fruit and a dog get sick, is that a melon collie?
4. If a fruit gets terminally ill is that melon-noma?
5. If a fantastic imp gets cancer is that a melan-Gnome-a?
6. To help compromised immune system people to hear should we send them hearing AIDS?
Sorry.
7. Who were the physicians of the 1600s in Italy?
The Medicines
8. Why was the Greek doctor fired?
For being asclep on the job.
9.Which pugilist doctor finally came out of the closet?
Gaylen
10. Who treats riverhorses?
Hippo-crates
11. Who treats gangsters?
Tupoc-retes
12. WHich bird is a medic?
Florence Nightengale
13. Which inventor of the microscope goes fishing?
Robert Fishhook
14. Where does the count of monty cristo go for a good skin doctor?
To his local Dumastologist
15. What is the favorite medical branch of poker players?
Cardiology
16. What's the oppocite of oncology?
Offcology
17. Who treats sick farm birds?
A duck-tor
18. What closes a clam shell?
The adductor muslce
19. Who does Old MacDonnald go to see when he is sick?
A farmacologist
20. Are Middle Eastern Archaeologists URologists?
Keraunomedicine is the medical study of lightning casualties. According to Wiki
21. What is the zodiac sign for People in your condition?
Cancer.
22. What do you call optical surgery?
Eye opening
23. What type of experience was reported by the plastic surgeon’s patient?
An uplifting one.
24. What is the favorite type of poetry of RNs?
Nurse-ery Rhymes
25. Where do you treat Equines?
At a horse-pital
26. If given to cattle would the medicine you are on be cow-madin?
27. If it were given to a sad cow would it be cow-maudlin?
28. If it knocks you out will it be coma-din?
29. There was a Beetles song written about your treatment—VAC in the USSR!
30. What is another name for orienteering? Pathology
31. Is a knight with melanoma a can-sir?
32. Does Pepsi promote Can-cer research?
33. Is a cancer in an Arizonan desert a Sonoma?
34. If a section of lymph is vibrating at 0 amplitude, is that a Lymph node?
35. If a cancer spreads and uses a T-Test, is that metastatistic cancer?
36. How does a cancer patient win at Bingo? With the number B-9
37. If you have cancer of muscle connections is that a maligament tumor?
38. Which country is often visted by cancer cells? East Tumor
39. What do cancer cells drive? A Car-cinogen
40. How do cancer cells flavor their egg nog? With car cinnamon
41. If the guy who invented the rotisserie grill were found to be a genetic source of cancer would he be a Roncogene?
42. In traffic do you often find Honk-ogenes?
43. If you take two tissue samples from a Cyclops would they be a biclopsy?
44. What do you call a scientist who studies FM and AM? A radiologist.
45. I suspect Picasso had cancer. But I don’t know if he was ever Diagnal nosed
46. If the protagonist of the Matrix had cancer would that be a Neo-plasm?
47. What types of growths do you find in the marshy fens of England? Tum-moors
48. What type of growth did Othello have? A tum-moor
49. What type of growth did King Tut have? A tumb-mor
50. If this is your penultimate surgery what do you have? Two more
51. Are US Postal service growths Mail-ignant?
52. Do the chondrichthyes experience sharkonomas?
53. What do microbiologists study? Germ Cells
54. What type of tumor was studied after World War I? Germany cells
55. If you can’t walk well is it limp-oma?
56. Do sea shells get limpet-phoma?
57. What illness will a Starwars Character probably get? Lukeima
58. If this “:” got sick, would it be colon cancer? And would “;” be semicolon cancer?
59. What type of cancer is treated with dynamite? Blastic tumors
60. If the Great Lion in the sky succumbed to cancer would it be Leomyoma?
61. –Oma, -Oma on the range.
62. If you fall flat is it prostrate cancer?
63. Do biochemists get substrate cancer?
64. Do fencers get lungecancer?
65. Do non pig relatives get non-hog-kins lymphoma?
66. Is endometriosis of Latin poets caused by Ovid-arian cancer?
67. Is another common cancer of starwars Xwing’s sarcoma?
68. What is the cancer of the Midwest? Oklahoma
69. If you built a monument to track the sun out of ruptured blood cells, would that be Hemorrhenge/
Cachexia is the medical term for wasting!
70. If someone diagnoses a cancer of the mind are they psychopath-ologists?
71. If the doctors screw up the tumor analysis is that a biopsy?
72. If a highly religious D&D character undergoes extreme cancer surgery, is that a Pallidinative treatment?
73. If your cancer is treated with small glass shelled marine organisms, have you been treated using radiolarian therapy?
74. Which two muppets are really a cancer treatment? Ebrt and Ernie
75. What part of a plant is the healthiest? The stem cells.
76. What do the cells that cause breast cancer call the medication used? Hearse-ceptin
77. If a queen had breast cancer would it be treated by her-septor?
78. If you treat cancer with antibodies from a Spanish cow, would it be a vacca-cine?
79. How do you treat bovine pain? With Ox-ycodone.
80. How do you treat pain in your RNA? With Oxy-codon
81. What is a cancer patients favorite C.S. Lewis book? The Chronicles of Nausia
82. Which Spice girl works as a nurse? Hospice
83. What is the opposite of oncology? Off cology
84. How do you treat a small northern albeit extinct penguin-like flightless bird with cancer? Via Aukology
85. What type of martial arts work out program do doctors use to test medicines? Placebo
86. If Monty Python had been written by the National Institute of Health what would have been one of their more famous lines? We are now the Knights of NIH.
87. Is buying someone a pair of pants to help them feel better, Jean therapy?
88. What is the first book in the cancer Bible? CarcinoGenesis
89. Who was a famous cancer comedian? Johnny Carcin
90. What caused Greek cancers? DNA µtations
91. What causes dog cancers? Mutt-agens
92. What causes cancer of the remote? Mute-agens
93. What causes skin cancer of Sport Utility Vehicles? S-UV rays
94. What killed the ewoks? Endor-metrial cancer.
95. What killed the main character of Orson Scott Card? Endermetrial cancer
96. What kills large ratite birds? Ostrichsarcoma
97. What is the cancer of toilets called? Lew-kemia
98. What treatment is used in treating tubers? Potato-oncogenes.
99. I never metastasis I liked.
100. What is every cancer student’s dream test? A self-examination
101. How are sodas tested for cancer? With a pop smear
Courtesy of My Friend Jarrett
Latin palindromes anyone?
S A T O R
A R E P O
T E N E T
O P E R A
R O T A S
I Sew or plant, while aside she holds her
work, soon the cycle will go round round.
And if that still weren't cool enough, read
it again along the vertical!
S A T O R
A R E P O
T E N E T
O P E R A
R O T A S
I Sew or plant, while aside she holds her
work, soon the cycle will go round round.
And if that still weren't cool enough, read
it again along the vertical!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Traffic Part 1
So I only have about an hour we'll see how far I can get with the traffic puns, more to come shortly. Time 12:12 10/26/07
101 Traffic Puns
1. What do Columbian drug lords get stuck in?
Drug traffic
2. What do you put on traffic bread?
Traffic jam
3. Where do cars go swimming?
The carpool
4. What do vehicles get after a long day at work?
Car pool tunnel syndrome
5. is Moscow trafffic the Czar Pool lane?
6. What is a vehicles favorite mathematical property?
The commuteative property
7. What form of government are most people caught in traffic?
They are commutists
8. What did the mountain men get stuck in?
Morning Trapic
9. What are the two main regions of world wide commuting?
The traffic of Cancer and the traffic of capricorn
10. Where does Count Dracula drive to?
Traffic-sylvania
11. What do road junkies need?
A traffix
12. What do dieting commuters drink?
A stop light
13. What is the opposite of a stop sign?
A stop cosign
14. Carl Marx once said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I think its under construction and paved with pot holes
15. Alternative definition: Pot Hole
Where a junky hides his stash
16. What is between a cars toes?
Traffic jam
17. What do car musicians get together to do?
A traffic jam session
18. What do you get on the Serengheti?
A giraffic jam
19. How do you silence a traffic jam?
With a com-mute
20. One way two way freeway
21. Whe the freeway nearly had a heart attack what did the doctors do?
They gave him a bypass
22. When is a car not a car when it turns into a drive way
23. Only in America do we drive on parkways and park on driveways
24. What is the favorite postition in a restaurant for UTA?
The bus boy
25. Why do people avoid taking mass transit?
To avoid the hustle and Bus-tle
26. How do catholics get to church?
they take mass transit
27. How do astronomers get to work?
They take the transit system
28. What do you call it if Iron takes the bus?
A transit-ional metal
29. What is a chemists favorite traffic sign?
The % Yield
30. And now for the biggest joke out there: Driver's ed
31. Do SCUBA professionals have to take Diver's ed
32. Aren't all high school and college students, student drivers
33. How do police officers keep the city parking stalls so clean?
They have highered a meter maid
34/35. Other traffic jokes:
Down town parking
And men at work
36. Where does Supperman live?
The intersections of Lois and lana Lanes
37. What do you call free will in traffic?
A moving volition
38. What is the favorite part of a car for D&D clerics?
The turning signal
39. If flashers mean your car is in distress, does that mean a turn signal suggests half of your car is in distress?
40. What is the best Steiner story about traffic and precious metals?
the Roads gold mine
41. How are golfers like commuters?
They are both good drivers, except in UTah
42. How did the traffic engineer finally, after much deliberation get through the intersection?
He went about it in a roundabout maner
43. Is one train times the train track sin theta a train track crossing?
44. If police officers are the order of the shield are their cars the order fo the windshield?
45. WHat is the favorite clothing article of police officers?
The pull over
46. Who are law enforcement's favorite band?
the police
47. What do unclean officers have in their hair?
Police
48. Wha tis a policemans favorite chemical element?
Copper
49. What type of construction is going on to get rid of invasive plants?
Woad work
50. More big jokes of the driven world:
Gas prices
51. Alternative definition:
2 limb amputee
What you will be after paying for said gas prices
52. Are gas station attendents Not tgas pumps, but gas pimps?
53. What do you call a high heeled gas station?
A gas pump
54. How do snails get fuel?
From a gastropod pump
55 how do somaches get feul?
From a gastrointestinal pump
56. WHa tis the favorite name for a gastion attendent?
Phillup
57. What do you calll te talk radio people listen to while in traffic?
Drive-l
58. Who has more incedents of road rage than anyone else?
Dr. Kavorkian--he is good at cutting people off
59. Have your heard about UTA's new mass transit train?
Ah its just a front
60. But at least they are up front about it.
61. How is a rude and insulting client of a maseuse like a car peel out?
One is burnt rubber the other is a burned rubber
62. If you go really high really fast in a plane and suddenly find a place to park, is it a parking stall
63. Alternative definition:
Installed
What you call the cars at a mall parking lot
64. Where do you keep your dogs?
in a barking lot
65, Alternative definition:
Allotment
what you call a peppermint in a parking lot
66. In China do they have Peking lots
67. Where do good golfers keep their carts?
In a par-king lot
68. Who do shoppers reviere?
The Par-king
69. What is the favorite measure of a white or yellow equally space road marking?
Just a dash
70. Do tranformers turn in for the night?
71. What do you call a heavy commute?
Traffthick
72. What do you call variable commuting?
Trafficile
73. If you lift a truck, is it a pickup truck
74. What do much of the NAvy drive?
SUVmarines
75. What is the favorite country of cars?
the Sedan
76. What do you call acar that doesn't move?
a commuter
77. What else do you call a car that doesn't move?
A stationary wagon
78. How do we see traffic?
With traffic cones
79. WHat type of traffic do you find in a commodities market?
A interchange
80. WHere do people traffic toilets?
In a commode-ities market
ok I have Chem now. Time 12:50 = 38 minutes rate 2.105 puns per minute. That's not too bad. I gotta go more puns to be posted later.
Part the second Time 4:27pm 10/29/07
81. What do you call someone exploring the fullness of the idea of gender while on a bus?
A mass transitvestite
82. What are teh only things constant in New York?
Death and Taxis
83. Where do you find stuffed cabs?
At a taxi-dermist
84. What do you call a statue of the founder of UTA?
A Bus-t
85. What is are the only things constant within Utah's transportation administration?
Death and Traxes
86. What is the favorite restaurant of mass commuters?
Subway
87. If you drive to work on a Mac is it a laptop commuter?
88. How do heart surgeons get to work?
They take the bypass
89. WHat do you call a spooky cargo carrier?
A fright train
90. Where do cabbose operators practice?
On a training ground
91. If all planes are grounded again, will our flies be undone?
Sorry.
92. If sending something by ship is shipping and sending something by truck is trucking is sending something by train training?
93. How do cars play billiards?
On a carpool table
94. What is an elephant's favorite part of a car?
The stick shift (and you thought I was going to say the trunk)
95. How do you keep your cars safe?
With a gridlock
96. What do you call a red traffic jam?
Rouge hour
97. Who is a famous Republican traffic talk show host (Not the transvestite pagan pharmacist Jane Austen Loving kind, the other kind)?
Rush hour Limbaugh
98. What do you call a between state sleeping pill?
An intersedate
99. Is biking opiates pedaling drugs?
100. Where do you go to buy followers?
The stocker and bondage market
101. A sane and peaceful commute
time 4:44:44 oh yeah! 17 minutes + 38 = 55 minutes/ 101 traffic puns 1.8 puns/minute.
101 Traffic Puns
1. What do Columbian drug lords get stuck in?
Drug traffic
2. What do you put on traffic bread?
Traffic jam
3. Where do cars go swimming?
The carpool
4. What do vehicles get after a long day at work?
Car pool tunnel syndrome
5. is Moscow trafffic the Czar Pool lane?
6. What is a vehicles favorite mathematical property?
The commuteative property
7. What form of government are most people caught in traffic?
They are commutists
8. What did the mountain men get stuck in?
Morning Trapic
9. What are the two main regions of world wide commuting?
The traffic of Cancer and the traffic of capricorn
10. Where does Count Dracula drive to?
Traffic-sylvania
11. What do road junkies need?
A traffix
12. What do dieting commuters drink?
A stop light
13. What is the opposite of a stop sign?
A stop cosign
14. Carl Marx once said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I think its under construction and paved with pot holes
15. Alternative definition: Pot Hole
Where a junky hides his stash
16. What is between a cars toes?
Traffic jam
17. What do car musicians get together to do?
A traffic jam session
18. What do you get on the Serengheti?
A giraffic jam
19. How do you silence a traffic jam?
With a com-mute
20. One way two way freeway
21. Whe the freeway nearly had a heart attack what did the doctors do?
They gave him a bypass
22. When is a car not a car when it turns into a drive way
23. Only in America do we drive on parkways and park on driveways
24. What is the favorite postition in a restaurant for UTA?
The bus boy
25. Why do people avoid taking mass transit?
To avoid the hustle and Bus-tle
26. How do catholics get to church?
they take mass transit
27. How do astronomers get to work?
They take the transit system
28. What do you call it if Iron takes the bus?
A transit-ional metal
29. What is a chemists favorite traffic sign?
The % Yield
30. And now for the biggest joke out there: Driver's ed
31. Do SCUBA professionals have to take Diver's ed
32. Aren't all high school and college students, student drivers
33. How do police officers keep the city parking stalls so clean?
They have highered a meter maid
34/35. Other traffic jokes:
Down town parking
And men at work
36. Where does Supperman live?
The intersections of Lois and lana Lanes
37. What do you call free will in traffic?
A moving volition
38. What is the favorite part of a car for D&D clerics?
The turning signal
39. If flashers mean your car is in distress, does that mean a turn signal suggests half of your car is in distress?
40. What is the best Steiner story about traffic and precious metals?
the Roads gold mine
41. How are golfers like commuters?
They are both good drivers, except in UTah
42. How did the traffic engineer finally, after much deliberation get through the intersection?
He went about it in a roundabout maner
43. Is one train times the train track sin theta a train track crossing?
44. If police officers are the order of the shield are their cars the order fo the windshield?
45. WHat is the favorite clothing article of police officers?
The pull over
46. Who are law enforcement's favorite band?
the police
47. What do unclean officers have in their hair?
Police
48. Wha tis a policemans favorite chemical element?
Copper
49. What type of construction is going on to get rid of invasive plants?
Woad work
50. More big jokes of the driven world:
Gas prices
51. Alternative definition:
2 limb amputee
What you will be after paying for said gas prices
52. Are gas station attendents Not tgas pumps, but gas pimps?
53. What do you call a high heeled gas station?
A gas pump
54. How do snails get fuel?
From a gastropod pump
55 how do somaches get feul?
From a gastrointestinal pump
56. WHa tis the favorite name for a gastion attendent?
Phillup
57. What do you calll te talk radio people listen to while in traffic?
Drive-l
58. Who has more incedents of road rage than anyone else?
Dr. Kavorkian--he is good at cutting people off
59. Have your heard about UTA's new mass transit train?
Ah its just a front
60. But at least they are up front about it.
61. How is a rude and insulting client of a maseuse like a car peel out?
One is burnt rubber the other is a burned rubber
62. If you go really high really fast in a plane and suddenly find a place to park, is it a parking stall
63. Alternative definition:
Installed
What you call the cars at a mall parking lot
64. Where do you keep your dogs?
in a barking lot
65, Alternative definition:
Allotment
what you call a peppermint in a parking lot
66. In China do they have Peking lots
67. Where do good golfers keep their carts?
In a par-king lot
68. Who do shoppers reviere?
The Par-king
69. What is the favorite measure of a white or yellow equally space road marking?
Just a dash
70. Do tranformers turn in for the night?
71. What do you call a heavy commute?
Traffthick
72. What do you call variable commuting?
Trafficile
73. If you lift a truck, is it a pickup truck
74. What do much of the NAvy drive?
SUVmarines
75. What is the favorite country of cars?
the Sedan
76. What do you call acar that doesn't move?
a commuter
77. What else do you call a car that doesn't move?
A stationary wagon
78. How do we see traffic?
With traffic cones
79. WHat type of traffic do you find in a commodities market?
A interchange
80. WHere do people traffic toilets?
In a commode-ities market
ok I have Chem now. Time 12:50 = 38 minutes rate 2.105 puns per minute. That's not too bad. I gotta go more puns to be posted later.
Part the second Time 4:27pm 10/29/07
81. What do you call someone exploring the fullness of the idea of gender while on a bus?
A mass transitvestite
82. What are teh only things constant in New York?
Death and Taxis
83. Where do you find stuffed cabs?
At a taxi-dermist
84. What do you call a statue of the founder of UTA?
A Bus-t
85. What is are the only things constant within Utah's transportation administration?
Death and Traxes
86. What is the favorite restaurant of mass commuters?
Subway
87. If you drive to work on a Mac is it a laptop commuter?
88. How do heart surgeons get to work?
They take the bypass
89. WHat do you call a spooky cargo carrier?
A fright train
90. Where do cabbose operators practice?
On a training ground
91. If all planes are grounded again, will our flies be undone?
Sorry.
92. If sending something by ship is shipping and sending something by truck is trucking is sending something by train training?
93. How do cars play billiards?
On a carpool table
94. What is an elephant's favorite part of a car?
The stick shift (and you thought I was going to say the trunk)
95. How do you keep your cars safe?
With a gridlock
96. What do you call a red traffic jam?
Rouge hour
97. Who is a famous Republican traffic talk show host (Not the transvestite pagan pharmacist Jane Austen Loving kind, the other kind)?
Rush hour Limbaugh
98. What do you call a between state sleeping pill?
An intersedate
99. Is biking opiates pedaling drugs?
100. Where do you go to buy followers?
The stocker and bondage market
101. A sane and peaceful commute
time 4:44:44 oh yeah! 17 minutes + 38 = 55 minutes/ 101 traffic puns 1.8 puns/minute.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Interesting
| 1. | Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (100%) |
| 2. | Liberal Quakers (82%) |
| 3. | Unitarian Universalism (82%) |
| 4. | Bahá'í Faith (79%) |
| 5. | Sikhism (70%) |
| 6. | Hinduism (69%) |
| 7. | Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (68%) |
| 8. | Jehovah's Witness (68%) |
| 9. | Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (66%) |
| 10. | Orthodox Quaker (64%) |
| 11. | Eastern Orthodox (63%) |
| 12. | Roman Catholic (63%) |
| 13. | Reform Judaism (62%) |
| 14. | Neo-Pagan (61%) |
| 15. | Jainism (60%) |
| 16. | New Age (59%) |
| 17. | Orthodox Judaism (58%) |
| 18. | Mahayana Buddhism (57%) |
| 19. | Theravada Buddhism (56%) |
| 20. | Seventh Day Adventist (55%) |
| 21. | New Thought (53%) |
| 22. | Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (51%) |
| 23. | Secular Humanism (47%) |
| 24. | Taoism (42%) |
| 25. | Scientology (39%) |
| 26. | Islam (35%) |
| 27. | Nontheist (20%) Fascinating test. To try it click the title. I guess I still have some learning to then don't I? |
So Umm...
1. my last post was number 200 yay! 2. I have over 1,000 page visits according to Mr. Sitemeter. 3. I really don't think it is that great an idea to use ALL of your senses in writing.
When she waltzed into the room, the first stimulus of the telerecoptors, his photosensing organs quickly reached threshold potential sending the depolarization wave of the sodiums and potassiums through the retina and into the optic ganglion again triggering the pulse of ions familiar to her form. This wall of charge hopped along the myelinated schwann cells as it passed into the occipital lobe and was there relayed into the prefontal cortex for conscious cognition of her beauty. Following the Axon potential chain triggered by the retina, next came the stimulus of the chemoreceptors in his olfactory bulb and the susequent triggering of his memories he had locked away deep inside his hypothalamus. As he possessed neither a vomero nasal organ nor the ampullae of lorenzini his exogenous thermo receptors did not pick up on the increased temperature of the room when she entered, not having the appropriate elctro or magnetoreceptors he could not detect the electrical and magnetic stimuli of her ever so subtle sino-atrio palpitations. Though being highly attuned to his own endogenous aortic baroreceptors his afferent neurons picked up the impulse, carried it to medulla oblongata this triggered an increase in heartrate and corresponding blood pressure levels. The enervations of the gastrointestinal system merrily fired away, triggering the hypothalamus to secrete its hormone levels, the stomach sufficently parastaltated began turning knots. He desperately hoped that she might at least be faintly cognizant of his proprio receptors. How more polymodal could his senses be? When she left without saying anything it was then that the membrane potentials of his nociceptors surged strong.
When she waltzed into the room, the first stimulus of the telerecoptors, his photosensing organs quickly reached threshold potential sending the depolarization wave of the sodiums and potassiums through the retina and into the optic ganglion again triggering the pulse of ions familiar to her form. This wall of charge hopped along the myelinated schwann cells as it passed into the occipital lobe and was there relayed into the prefontal cortex for conscious cognition of her beauty. Following the Axon potential chain triggered by the retina, next came the stimulus of the chemoreceptors in his olfactory bulb and the susequent triggering of his memories he had locked away deep inside his hypothalamus. As he possessed neither a vomero nasal organ nor the ampullae of lorenzini his exogenous thermo receptors did not pick up on the increased temperature of the room when she entered, not having the appropriate elctro or magnetoreceptors he could not detect the electrical and magnetic stimuli of her ever so subtle sino-atrio palpitations. Though being highly attuned to his own endogenous aortic baroreceptors his afferent neurons picked up the impulse, carried it to medulla oblongata this triggered an increase in heartrate and corresponding blood pressure levels. The enervations of the gastrointestinal system merrily fired away, triggering the hypothalamus to secrete its hormone levels, the stomach sufficently parastaltated began turning knots. He desperately hoped that she might at least be faintly cognizant of his proprio receptors. How more polymodal could his senses be? When she left without saying anything it was then that the membrane potentials of his nociceptors surged strong.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Puns et al
In reference to ...
101 hairy pottery puns (but because I have decreed that today should be a random day, they get weird later. Today's theme is puns that I have posted today.)
1. You should make with ceramics a ceramic donught. It could be a glazed donut.
2. Or a bat bat.
3. Is what you have made a skull-pture?
4. I must say, your halloween decorations have a certain flair about them.
5.That skull is hot, oooh burn!
6.You should make a ceramic weed, it would be pottery pot.
7. Beware he could kiln a man.
8. or you should make a ceramic barn--its the pottery barn.
9. I am sure you are fired up about your new project.
10. A toast to you.
11. You should put a ceramic cow out in a pasteur, let it out to glaze.
12. If you made an iceberg, would it be a glazier.
13. If it is a knight, is it sir-amic?
14. Now that you have passed ceramics are you potty trained?
15. Potty at your house, sorry for all the potty humor.
16. If they made a pottery spinning device made of herbs would it be a wheel of thyme?
17. If you made a ceramic futuristic gun is it a glazer beam?
18. If you don't want to make ceramics are you glazy?
And now for something completely different, just to bug you
19. Which insect best describes your relatives?
Your ants
20. What is the motto of the Bug scouts?
Bee Prepared
21. What is an insects mouth parts favorite horror movie character?
Mandible Lectre
22. What do you call a snowman mad by an insects body segments after their thorax?
The abdominal Snowman
23. Why don't people like beetles?
They bug people
24. How is our current Government like a curious two year old?
They both play with bugs (among other reasons)
25. What did the bee with a lisp say when someone stepped on his leg?
Hey, wasp where you steph
26. What was the permiscuous bug arrested for?
Insects
27. Who is an insects favorite king?
King Arthur-opod
28. What is an insects favorite car?
The VW Beetle
29. Which insect grows on the north side of trees?
Moth
30. This thing is a Giant Weta. Its about 8 inches long, heavier than a sparrow and it fulfills the same niche as a mouse. Its name is a shortening of the Maori Wetanga- God of Ugly things. Incidently Peter Jacksons workshop is the Weta Workshop. This thing is so ugly it makes me want to weta myself.
31. Do insect students have to turn in a term-ite paper?
32. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
33. Why did the fly go into journalism?
To stay up on the latest buzz
34. What did the bug use to cut down a Norse Tree?
Its Thorax
35. Which insect will you find under Mistle toe?
A Madagascar Kissing cockroach
36. What comes out of insect volcanoes?
Hot Larva
Beware it changes again right here.
37. What is a Raman packets favorite hero?
Soup-erman
38. Why are most noodle packets Islamic?
They like to celebrate Raman-dan
39. What is the motto of a noodle pack?
When in Raman do as the Ramans
40. Why did Abraham have soup while in the desert?
Because God will provide the Raman
41. What uncooked soup did Moses eat while in the desert?
Ramana
42. Which soup do the Hindus worship?
Braman
43. Which soup god do the Egyptians worship?
RAman
44. What is imbibed heavily in the Carribbean?
Ruman
45. What type of soup eaters are cattle?
Ramanants
46. What is a famous Reggae song about soup?
Bob Marley's "We be Raman, You can be a Raman too."
47. Which dangerous yearly bovine festival is celebrated in Spain?
The Raman of the bulls
48. How did knights of the Middle Ages storm the soup castles?
With a battering raman
49. What is the favorite soup of a courtroom?
The soup de Jour
50. What city is the capital of soup?
Noodlei (New Delhi)
51. What do soups do for a hobby?
They pasta time
52. Wha tis a soup flavoring packets favorite movie?
MSG and commander
53. What happend to the noodle when he found himself on a deserted island?
He was Stranded
54. What do you say to raman that has done a job well?
Soup-erb
55. What is a soups officianado's favorite movie?
Raman (rain man)
56. What brand of soup do you get if you have a bone marrow transplant?
Marrowchan
57. What did the spectator say about the newly wed bowl of noodles?
Ah they make a cute cup o'
58. How do they fit so much flavor into the raman seasoning?
They packet
59. What is a child soups favorite dish?
Mac a raman and cheese
Random fact from Wikipedia:
Raman spectroscopy is a spectroscopic technique used in condensed matter physics and chemistry to study vibrational, rotational, and other low-frequency modes in a system.
60. So how do chemists know what something is made of?
They use Raman Spectroscopy
So for the above posts I have realized again that I have been misspelling one of my favorite soups. Sorry, corrections to come later, but for now, more cool facts from Wiki:
Ramen ラーメン or 拉麺 rāmen is a Japanese dish of noodles served in broth that originated in China. It tends to be served in a meat-based broth, and uses toppings such as sliced pork (チャーシュー chāshū), dried seaweed (海苔 nori), kamaboko, green onions, and even corn. Almost every locality or prefecture in Japan has its own variation of ramen, from the tonkotsu ramen of Kyūshū to the miso ramen of Hokkaidō.
62. What is a German hard rock enthusiast's favorite soup band?
Ramenstein
63. What is a famous old time movie about noodle soup?
Singing in the ramen
Still quoting Wiki
Hakata-men
65. Is a naked noodle a Nude-le?
66. What was Roosevelt's famous anti depression soup campaign?
The Noodle (new deal)
67. Why are the Japanese salty ramens so flashy?
Its all for Shio
68. How much does pork bone Ramen weigh?
One Tonkotsu
69. What type of toy trucks are popular in Japan?
Tonka-tsu
70. How do you learn to make soy sauce soup?
I shoyu
71. Why is Hokkaido's famous national soups always served in pairs?
Because Miso-ry loves company
72. What comes out of the ramen trees?
Sapporo
73. When a Spianiard cries for help and wants some soup, does he Cry Sopporo Sopporo!
(Soccoro is Spanish for help)
74. What HBO mafia show is popular among Japanese soup gourmands?
The Sopporo-nos
75. If a Kitty cat were made into a Japanese soup would it be a Kitakata?
76. SO if you are playing magic the Gathering and someone plays the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Flash, Have they played Instant Noodles? (http://www.venganza.org/ It won't help, but it is funny.)
77. What is the favorite type of soup for athelets?
Sweet and sour
78. What does a ramen chef do to his car?
He soups it up.
79. Is the favorite type of chemistry of Guido d'Arezzo?
Organum Chemistry
80. What seaserpent appears randomly?
The randomness monster
81. Have you heard about Ayn's morphine dispenser that was put on random mode?
It is a Rand numb generator
82. What are these jokes getting to be?
Rand Dumb
83. Why will religion never be administered in shots?
Because then you will be taking the Lord's name in vein.
84. What is a cartoon elephants favorite movie?
Randumbo
85. What do chaotic infants suck?
Their randthumbs
86. If you aren't fast enough to be random can you still be jogdom?
87. If you fall apart while being random are you really rend dom?
http://www.random.org/
88. How do you get power from randomness?
Hook it up to a random generator
Don't look back the lemmings are gaining on you.
89. I don't want to work in a cubicle when I grow up, though I wouldn't mind a hypercubicle.
90. Singularities are NOT pointless
91. If lions make a mistake doe they erroar?
92. If you are sick can you cure it with a home ramendy?
93. Wedding rings, fields, and vectors
94. Alls weld that ends weld
95. H.G. Welds
96. Have you heard about the aquifers that contained mercury?
They are said to be authentic Hg Wells
97. That is just a real pain in the asprine
98. Moses spent 40 days on top of the mountain because God typed the stone tablets in Windows 1.0
99.
100. Why do geneticists like DNA to do math with? Because they can practice adenine and subtractenine
101. I am sane.
101 hairy pottery puns (but because I have decreed that today should be a random day, they get weird later. Today's theme is puns that I have posted today.)
1. You should make with ceramics a ceramic donught. It could be a glazed donut.
2. Or a bat bat.
3. Is what you have made a skull-pture?
4. I must say, your halloween decorations have a certain flair about them.
5.That skull is hot, oooh burn!
6.You should make a ceramic weed, it would be pottery pot.
7. Beware he could kiln a man.
8. or you should make a ceramic barn--its the pottery barn.
9. I am sure you are fired up about your new project.
10. A toast to you.
11. You should put a ceramic cow out in a pasteur, let it out to glaze.
12. If you made an iceberg, would it be a glazier.
13. If it is a knight, is it sir-amic?
14. Now that you have passed ceramics are you potty trained?
15. Potty at your house, sorry for all the potty humor.
16. If they made a pottery spinning device made of herbs would it be a wheel of thyme?
17. If you made a ceramic futuristic gun is it a glazer beam?
18. If you don't want to make ceramics are you glazy?
And now for something completely different, just to bug you
19. Which insect best describes your relatives?
Your ants
20. What is the motto of the Bug scouts?
Bee Prepared
21. What is an insects mouth parts favorite horror movie character?
Mandible Lectre
22. What do you call a snowman mad by an insects body segments after their thorax?
The abdominal Snowman
23. Why don't people like beetles?
They bug people
24. How is our current Government like a curious two year old?
They both play with bugs (among other reasons)
25. What did the bee with a lisp say when someone stepped on his leg?
Hey, wasp where you steph
26. What was the permiscuous bug arrested for?
Insects
27. Who is an insects favorite king?
King Arthur-opod
28. What is an insects favorite car?
The VW Beetle
29. Which insect grows on the north side of trees?
Moth
30. This thing is a Giant Weta. Its about 8 inches long, heavier than a sparrow and it fulfills the same niche as a mouse. Its name is a shortening of the Maori Wetanga- God of Ugly things. Incidently Peter Jacksons workshop is the Weta Workshop. This thing is so ugly it makes me want to weta myself.
31. Do insect students have to turn in a term-ite paper?
32. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
33. Why did the fly go into journalism?
To stay up on the latest buzz
34. What did the bug use to cut down a Norse Tree?
Its Thorax
35. Which insect will you find under Mistle toe?
A Madagascar Kissing cockroach
36. What comes out of insect volcanoes?
Hot Larva
Beware it changes again right here.
37. What is a Raman packets favorite hero?
Soup-erman
38. Why are most noodle packets Islamic?
They like to celebrate Raman-dan
39. What is the motto of a noodle pack?
When in Raman do as the Ramans
40. Why did Abraham have soup while in the desert?
Because God will provide the Raman
41. What uncooked soup did Moses eat while in the desert?
Ramana
42. Which soup do the Hindus worship?
Braman
43. Which soup god do the Egyptians worship?
RAman
44. What is imbibed heavily in the Carribbean?
Ruman
45. What type of soup eaters are cattle?
Ramanants
46. What is a famous Reggae song about soup?
Bob Marley's "We be Raman, You can be a Raman too."
47. Which dangerous yearly bovine festival is celebrated in Spain?
The Raman of the bulls
48. How did knights of the Middle Ages storm the soup castles?
With a battering raman
49. What is the favorite soup of a courtroom?
The soup de Jour
50. What city is the capital of soup?
Noodlei (New Delhi)
51. What do soups do for a hobby?
They pasta time
52. Wha tis a soup flavoring packets favorite movie?
MSG and commander
53. What happend to the noodle when he found himself on a deserted island?
He was Stranded
54. What do you say to raman that has done a job well?
Soup-erb
55. What is a soups officianado's favorite movie?
Raman (rain man)
56. What brand of soup do you get if you have a bone marrow transplant?
Marrowchan
57. What did the spectator say about the newly wed bowl of noodles?
Ah they make a cute cup o'
58. How do they fit so much flavor into the raman seasoning?
They packet
59. What is a child soups favorite dish?
Mac a raman and cheese
Random fact from Wikipedia:
Raman spectroscopy is a spectroscopic technique used in condensed matter physics and chemistry to study vibrational, rotational, and other low-frequency modes in a system.
60. So how do chemists know what something is made of?
They use Raman Spectroscopy
So for the above posts I have realized again that I have been misspelling one of my favorite soups. Sorry, corrections to come later, but for now, more cool facts from Wiki:
Ramen ラーメン or 拉麺 rāmen is a Japanese dish of noodles served in broth that originated in China. It tends to be served in a meat-based broth, and uses toppings such as sliced pork (チャーシュー chāshū), dried seaweed (海苔 nori), kamaboko, green onions, and even corn. Almost every locality or prefecture in Japan has its own variation of ramen, from the tonkotsu ramen of Kyūshū to the miso ramen of Hokkaidō.
62. What is a German hard rock enthusiast's favorite soup band?
Ramenstein
63. What is a famous old time movie about noodle soup?
Singing in the ramen
Still quoting Wiki
- Shio ("salt") ramen soup is clear, almost transparent. It is probably the oldest of the four and, like the Chinese maotang (毛湯), is a simple chicken broth.
- Tonkotsu ("pork bone") ramen is usually cloudy white. It is similar to the Chinese baitang (白湯) and is a thick broth made with crushed pork bones that have been boiled for hours. It is a specialty of Kyūshū and is often served with beni shoga (pickled ginger).
- Shōyu ("soy sauce") ramen soup is made by adding a soy-based sauce to a clear stock usually made from chicken and various vegetables. It is popular in Honshū. A popular seasoning is black pepper.
- Miso ramen is a relative newcomer, having reached national prominence around 1965. This uniquely Japanese ramen, which was developed in Hokkaidō, features a broth that combines chicken stock with a fermented soybean paste. It is often topped with sweetcorn and butter.
Sapporo, from the capital of Hokkaidō, is especially famous for its ramen. Most people in Japan associate Sapporo with its rich miso ramen which was invented there and which is ideal for Hokkaidō's harsh, snowy winters. Sapporo miso ramen is typically topped with sweetcorn, butter, beansprouts, finely chopped pork, and garlic, and sometimes local seafood such as scallop, squid, and crab.
Kitakata in northern Honshū is known for its rather thick, flat, curly noodles served in a pork-and-niboshi broth. The area within its former city boundaries has the highest per-capita number of ramen establishments. Ramen has such prominence in the region that locally, the word soba usually refers to ramen, and not to actual soba which is referred to as nihon soba ("Japanese soba").
What is known as Tokyo style ramen consists of slightly thin, curly noodles served in a soy-flavoured chicken broth. The broth typically has a touch of dashi, as old ramen establishments in Tokyo often originate from soba eateries. Standard toppings on top of chopped scallion, menma, and sliced pork are kamaboko, egg, nori, and spinach. Ikebukuro, Ogikubo and Ebisu are three areas in Tokyo known for their ramen.
Ie-kei (家系) ramen is from Yokohama and consists of thick, straight-ish noodles served in a soy-pork broth.
Hakata ramen originates from Hakata district of Fukuoka city. It has a rich, milky, pork-bone tonkotsu broth and rather thin, non-curly and resilient noodles. Often, distinctive toppings such as beni shoga (pickled ginger), sesame seeds, and picked greens are left on tables for customers to serve themselves. Ramen stalls in Hakata and Tenjin are well-known within Japan. Recent ramen trends have made Hakata ramen one of the most popular types of ramen in Japan, and these days several chain restaurants specializing in Hakata ramen can be found all over the country.
Again, avoiding copyright problems, that's from Wikipedia "ramen" accessed on 10/23/07 12:03
64. So are oriental soup clothings called Ramenents?65. Is a naked noodle a Nude-le?
66. What was Roosevelt's famous anti depression soup campaign?
The Noodle (new deal)
67. Why are the Japanese salty ramens so flashy?
Its all for Shio
68. How much does pork bone Ramen weigh?
One Tonkotsu
69. What type of toy trucks are popular in Japan?
Tonka-tsu
70. How do you learn to make soy sauce soup?
I shoyu
71. Why is Hokkaido's famous national soups always served in pairs?
Because Miso-ry loves company
72. What comes out of the ramen trees?
Sapporo
73. When a Spianiard cries for help and wants some soup, does he Cry Sopporo Sopporo!
(Soccoro is Spanish for help)
74. What HBO mafia show is popular among Japanese soup gourmands?
The Sopporo-nos
75. If a Kitty cat were made into a Japanese soup would it be a Kitakata?
76. SO if you are playing magic the Gathering and someone plays the Flying Spaghetti Monster with Flash, Have they played Instant Noodles? (http://www.venganza.org/ It won't help, but it is funny.)
77. What is the favorite type of soup for athelets?
Sweet and sour
78. What does a ramen chef do to his car?
He soups it up.
79. Is the favorite type of chemistry of Guido d'Arezzo?
Organum Chemistry
80. What seaserpent appears randomly?
The randomness monster
81. Have you heard about Ayn's morphine dispenser that was put on random mode?
It is a Rand numb generator
82. What are these jokes getting to be?
Rand Dumb
83. Why will religion never be administered in shots?
Because then you will be taking the Lord's name in vein.
84. What is a cartoon elephants favorite movie?
Randumbo
85. What do chaotic infants suck?
Their randthumbs
86. If you aren't fast enough to be random can you still be jogdom?
87. If you fall apart while being random are you really rend dom?
http://www.random.org/
88. How do you get power from randomness?
Hook it up to a random generator
Don't look back the lemmings are gaining on you.
89. I don't want to work in a cubicle when I grow up, though I wouldn't mind a hypercubicle.
90. Singularities are NOT pointless
91. If lions make a mistake doe they erroar?
92. If you are sick can you cure it with a home ramendy?
93. Wedding rings, fields, and vectors
94. Alls weld that ends weld
95. H.G. Welds
96. Have you heard about the aquifers that contained mercury?
They are said to be authentic Hg Wells
97. That is just a real pain in the asprine
98. Moses spent 40 days on top of the mountain because God typed the stone tablets in Windows 1.0
99.
100. Why do geneticists like DNA to do math with? Because they can practice adenine and subtractenine
101. I am sane.
Monday, October 22, 2007
VOTE NOW!!!
SO for anyone interested, I am sponsoring a stump the Boom contest. You propose a topic, I try to come up with 101 puns on that topic, if you stump me prizes possibly to come, or not, but at least you will have the fine honor and distinction of having stumped me, not an easy task I assure you. If you don't feel like competing for possibly imaginary prizes you can also just submit a topic and I will shortly drown you in puns on it as soon as I can. Thank you all. Good luck, good day.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Random findings from Macgyver.com
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"
Conversation, n.:
A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath
is called the listener.
There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the
existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is
obviously impossible.
-- Richard Davisson
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
independence.
-- Charles A. Beard
The marvels of today's modern technology include the development of a
soda can, when discarded will last forever ... and a $7,000 car which
when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
-- Galileo Galilei
And one from http://www.flickriver.com/groups/71332142@N00/pool/
Friday, October 19, 2007
Psychology Puns
1. What do you call the science of gasping for air?
Sigh cology
2. What is the study of how clergy think?
Psy-collar-gy
3. Who is the most famous Greek letter to be a psychologist?
Sigma Freud
4. What is Freud's favorite childhood game?
Id and Ego seek
5. What do you call an impulsive and beast like moron?
An IDiot
6. What is a Star Wars queen of the brain?
Queen Amygdala
7. What part ofthe brain is a russian fighter jet?
The a-MIG-dala
8. What do lady psychologists sleep with?
Amygdollys
Sigh cology
2. What is the study of how clergy think?
Psy-collar-gy
3. Who is the most famous Greek letter to be a psychologist?
Sigma Freud
4. What is Freud's favorite childhood game?
Id and Ego seek
5. What do you call an impulsive and beast like moron?
An IDiot
6. What is a Star Wars queen of the brain?
Queen Amygdala
7. What part ofthe brain is a russian fighter jet?
The a-MIG-dala
8. What do lady psychologists sleep with?
Amygdollys
9. In 1999 What personality type did Panama become?
Canal Retentive.
10. What type of parenting do novelists have?
Author-itarian
11. Would a the brain still be a nervous system if it breathed more?
12. What type of behavioral modification technique involves turning
you upside down?
Inversion therapy
13. If God were a psychologist, what would his biggest commandment be?
Axon and ye shall recievon
14. Where do neural lions live?
In their Den-drites
15. Why are psychologists lobbying so hard in Washington DC?
For equal dend-rights
16. What so you call the distribution of Super sonic planes?
A Bell X-1 curve
17. Why did the psychologist start using a white cane?
To practice a blind study
18. What type of window coverings are in the home of a psychologist?
Double blinds
19. What type of martial artsesque excercise do psychologists do?
Placebo
20. What type of ray gun in Star Trek will leave you speachless?
Aphasia
21. Have you heard about the vocal region of the brain that didn't
have any money?
It was Broca
22. Who is a speech pathologists favorite News Anchor man?
Tom Broca
23. What is the region of the brain associated with the period of art
in Europe from 1600-1750?
The Baroque-a's area.
24. What is the mantra of happy ocean pollip based psychology scientists?
Coral elation does not equal causation
25. How about the mantra for the head of the North Pole Elves association?
Correlation does not equal Claus ation
26. How does a statistical average connect muscle to bone?
By its central Tendon-cy
27. If you burn a thought, is it a cog-ignition?
28. If the region of the brain associated with muscle memory, balance,
and smooth movement were instead made of sheep skin, would it be a
cerevellum?
29. How do memory scientists like their soup?
Chunky
30. If you put A shampoo like product on a violin, is that a classical
conditioner?
31. There are classical conditioning experiments, but are there also
quantum condition experiments.
32. Is understanding how a gear or wheel thinks, COGnition?
33. What type of chords do musical psychologists like?
Cognitive dissonance
34. If you and I went on a date, and you wanted to try to find a
universal meaning about what the absence of daylight meant, what would
I say?
The night is still Jung
35. Which Rudyard Kipling book/Disney movie has the most archetypes in it?
The Jung-le book
36. If all of the world fell asleep at once, would be be collectively
unconscious?
37. I don't have OCD, I have CDO--its in alphabetical order that way.
(Courtesy of my friend Wade)
38. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have disassociative identity
disorder, and so do I.
39. If someone with DID threatened to commit suicide, is that
considered to be a hostage situation?
40. Have you heard about the disassociative Identity disorder murder suspect?
The police think he DID it
41. What did Piaget say about training doctors to be actors?
They need to have an operational stage
42. Have you heard about the felon who founded a random variable institute?
It was Confounded
43. Are today's video game obsessed teens, tomorrows Control group
44. If a computer scientist were studying the effects alt and del on a
computer, what did he forget?
A control group
45. What is the motto of a metal fabrication plant?
Causation is not implied by corregation
46. If you put shampoo on a kitchen counter is that counter conditioning?
47. If you interrupt a musician's practice session, what is it?
A cross sectional study
48. If you analyze a whole series of Spearman's intelligences, are
these a G-string?
49. Which psychologist would get along well with a middle ages prolific author?
Martin Spearman with William Shakespear
50. If you are trying to study the effects of heart confederates in a
study, but can't find any, instead of studying the cohort effect, are
you really studying the ahortic effect.
51. What is the region of a Roman gladiator's brain between their
hemispheres called?
The Corpus Colloseum
52. What is this region called in dolphins?
The porpoise collosum
53. If you cut this region, which constitutional amendment have you
lost? Your right to search and seizure
54. how does a person with seizures choose their clothes?
By their epileptic fit
55. How do electrical engineers think? Reasoning by inductance
56. How do you measure the temperature of a flag?
By its degrees of freedom
57. IF you are trying to study the effects of meteorites and what
affects their impact depths, what would be the depened dent variable?
58. How did the developer of Rational-Emotive Therapy get into America?
Through Ellis Island
59. Which neuro-transmitters keep porpoises happy?
Endolphins
60. What do you call a crazy psychologist, and no normal doesn't count?
An experi-Mental-ist
61. What do you call it if an experimenter always choices a 1960s
female folk singer for his experiment?
Experimenter Biez
62. What is the favorite type of study for lawyers?
A Case Study
63. Does a mathematician have FUNCTIONal fixedness?
64. How much does it cost to become a member of the psychiatric association?
Nothing. It is a free association.
65. Is a very cunning and well planned Mexican wolf, a prefrontal Lobo?
66. What region of the brain do meteorologists use?
Their front-al lobes
67. Is the temporal lobe of your brain your ear lobe?
68. Which neurotransmitter is really a 1980s soft rock band?
GABA
69. What is Fred Flintstone's favorite neural transmitter?
GABA GABA DOO
70. What do transgendered individuals eat?
Lots of gender rolls.
71. Gestalt!
Bless you.
72. What do holistic psychologists put on their food?
Gestalt and gestpepper
73. If a bunch of psychology students were forced to go to the
Antarctic, because no one objected, or differed in opinion, would that
be an example of group polarization?
74. Why do crabs taste so good?
Be they are gustations
75. What do you call a psychiatrist with vision?
Hallucinating
76. Why did Frodo continue to wear the ring?
Because he was hobit-uated to it.
77. Is the Nathanial Hawthorne Effect, the fact that his books are
different by the mere fact you have read them?
78. If two psychologists get married will their towels say on them,
Hisistic and heuristic
79. How are Maslow and Noah alike?
They both have Higher Archys
80. Where do large African mammals go to school?
At a hippocampus
81. Have you heard about the gentleman who transfered nerves from his
olfactory region to his pelvis?
He had hip-noses
82. I think there is a difference between how well you can choose
things versus how well I can choose things. What should my null
hypothesis be?
Your guess is as good as mine.
83. Which psychological disorder had a crush with Jenifer Lopez?
Flat Affleck
84. Has someone who has undergone a lobotomy, lost part of their mind?
85. What do you call it if you think a grasshopper rules your life?
An External Locust of control
86. What motivates twins?
Intwinsic or extwinsic motivations
87. Why did the student lose points on his dream assignment?
He only got half credit for it being latent.
88. What system of emotion has the lowest threshold for what it can be under?
The limbo-ic system
89. What type of dreams do astronauts have?
Shannon Lucid dreams
90. Did you hear about the brainstem that went to war?
It earned the Medulla of honor
91. What type of personality inventory tells you which type of bird you are?
The Minnesota Multphesant personality Inventory
92. Have your heard about the baby that passed the rouge test?
He felt red in the face.
93. What part of the brain is always being picked upon?
The pariah tal lobe
94. Freud has a very old vine covered house, what do they call this
particular species of vine?
Penis Ivy
95. Are male dinosaurs that are envious of their fathers suffering
form Oedipus T-rex complexes?
96. What region of my brain is responsible for all of the terrible jokes?
The puns
97. Where do LDS psychologists go to church?
A psychiatric ward
98. Every emotionally intense action has an opposite and equal
reaction formation.
99. If a monkey is trained to press a button, but then forgets he did
it does he repress?
100. Where do many psychoanalists live?
In a Rorshack
101. What does a psychoanalist do after squashing a bug?
Lifts his shoe and tries to determine what it really is (rorschach bug inkblots)
102. If you can't sleep do you have zero tonin?
103. What is the favorite neural transmitter of copy machines?
Sero-toner
104. What is a musicians favorite neural transmitter?
Sero tuning
105. What do you do with a sex compass?
Find your sexual orientation
106. If the gentleman who wrote Walden 2 were a speed reader would he
be B.F. Skimmer?
107. Is going broke a de-cent-itisation?
Rudolf Goeckel in 1590 is the first recorded use of the term
psychology. It wasn't popularized until Christian Wolff used it in
"psychologia empirica and psychologia rationalis"
Canal Retentive.
10. What type of parenting do novelists have?
Author-itarian
11. Would a the brain still be a nervous system if it breathed more?
12. What type of behavioral modification technique involves turning
you upside down?
Inversion therapy
13. If God were a psychologist, what would his biggest commandment be?
Axon and ye shall recievon
14. Where do neural lions live?
In their Den-drites
15. Why are psychologists lobbying so hard in Washington DC?
For equal dend-rights
16. What so you call the distribution of Super sonic planes?
A Bell X-1 curve
17. Why did the psychologist start using a white cane?
To practice a blind study
18. What type of window coverings are in the home of a psychologist?
Double blinds
19. What type of martial artsesque excercise do psychologists do?
Placebo
20. What type of ray gun in Star Trek will leave you speachless?
Aphasia
21. Have you heard about the vocal region of the brain that didn't
have any money?
It was Broca
22. Who is a speech pathologists favorite News Anchor man?
Tom Broca
23. What is the region of the brain associated with the period of art
in Europe from 1600-1750?
The Baroque-a's area.
24. What is the mantra of happy ocean pollip based psychology scientists?
Coral elation does not equal causation
25. How about the mantra for the head of the North Pole Elves association?
Correlation does not equal Claus ation
26. How does a statistical average connect muscle to bone?
By its central Tendon-cy
27. If you burn a thought, is it a cog-ignition?
28. If the region of the brain associated with muscle memory, balance,
and smooth movement were instead made of sheep skin, would it be a
cerevellum?
29. How do memory scientists like their soup?
Chunky
30. If you put A shampoo like product on a violin, is that a classical
conditioner?
31. There are classical conditioning experiments, but are there also
quantum condition experiments.
32. Is understanding how a gear or wheel thinks, COGnition?
33. What type of chords do musical psychologists like?
Cognitive dissonance
34. If you and I went on a date, and you wanted to try to find a
universal meaning about what the absence of daylight meant, what would
I say?
The night is still Jung
35. Which Rudyard Kipling book/Disney movie has the most archetypes in it?
The Jung-le book
36. If all of the world fell asleep at once, would be be collectively
unconscious?
37. I don't have OCD, I have CDO--its in alphabetical order that way.
(Courtesy of my friend Wade)
38. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have disassociative identity
disorder, and so do I.
39. If someone with DID threatened to commit suicide, is that
considered to be a hostage situation?
40. Have you heard about the disassociative Identity disorder murder suspect?
The police think he DID it
41. What did Piaget say about training doctors to be actors?
They need to have an operational stage
42. Have you heard about the felon who founded a random variable institute?
It was Confounded
43. Are today's video game obsessed teens, tomorrows Control group
44. If a computer scientist were studying the effects alt and del on a
computer, what did he forget?
A control group
45. What is the motto of a metal fabrication plant?
Causation is not implied by corregation
46. If you put shampoo on a kitchen counter is that counter conditioning?
47. If you interrupt a musician's practice session, what is it?
A cross sectional study
48. If you analyze a whole series of Spearman's intelligences, are
these a G-string?
49. Which psychologist would get along well with a middle ages prolific author?
Martin Spearman with William Shakespear
50. If you are trying to study the effects of heart confederates in a
study, but can't find any, instead of studying the cohort effect, are
you really studying the ahortic effect.
51. What is the region of a Roman gladiator's brain between their
hemispheres called?
The Corpus Colloseum
52. What is this region called in dolphins?
The porpoise collosum
53. If you cut this region, which constitutional amendment have you
lost? Your right to search and seizure
54. how does a person with seizures choose their clothes?
By their epileptic fit
55. How do electrical engineers think? Reasoning by inductance
56. How do you measure the temperature of a flag?
By its degrees of freedom
57. IF you are trying to study the effects of meteorites and what
affects their impact depths, what would be the depened dent variable?
58. How did the developer of Rational-Emotive Therapy get into America?
Through Ellis Island
59. Which neuro-transmitters keep porpoises happy?
Endolphins
60. What do you call a crazy psychologist, and no normal doesn't count?
An experi-Mental-ist
61. What do you call it if an experimenter always choices a 1960s
female folk singer for his experiment?
Experimenter Biez
62. What is the favorite type of study for lawyers?
A Case Study
63. Does a mathematician have FUNCTIONal fixedness?
64. How much does it cost to become a member of the psychiatric association?
Nothing. It is a free association.
65. Is a very cunning and well planned Mexican wolf, a prefrontal Lobo?
66. What region of the brain do meteorologists use?
Their front-al lobes
67. Is the temporal lobe of your brain your ear lobe?
68. Which neurotransmitter is really a 1980s soft rock band?
GABA
69. What is Fred Flintstone's favorite neural transmitter?
GABA GABA DOO
70. What do transgendered individuals eat?
Lots of gender rolls.
71. Gestalt!
Bless you.
72. What do holistic psychologists put on their food?
Gestalt and gestpepper
73. If a bunch of psychology students were forced to go to the
Antarctic, because no one objected, or differed in opinion, would that
be an example of group polarization?
74. Why do crabs taste so good?
Be they are gustations
75. What do you call a psychiatrist with vision?
Hallucinating
76. Why did Frodo continue to wear the ring?
Because he was hobit-uated to it.
77. Is the Nathanial Hawthorne Effect, the fact that his books are
different by the mere fact you have read them?
78. If two psychologists get married will their towels say on them,
Hisistic and heuristic
79. How are Maslow and Noah alike?
They both have Higher Archys
80. Where do large African mammals go to school?
At a hippocampus
81. Have you heard about the gentleman who transfered nerves from his
olfactory region to his pelvis?
He had hip-noses
82. I think there is a difference between how well you can choose
things versus how well I can choose things. What should my null
hypothesis be?
Your guess is as good as mine.
83. Which psychological disorder had a crush with Jenifer Lopez?
Flat Affleck
84. Has someone who has undergone a lobotomy, lost part of their mind?
85. What do you call it if you think a grasshopper rules your life?
An External Locust of control
86. What motivates twins?
Intwinsic or extwinsic motivations
87. Why did the student lose points on his dream assignment?
He only got half credit for it being latent.
88. What system of emotion has the lowest threshold for what it can be under?
The limbo-ic system
89. What type of dreams do astronauts have?
Shannon Lucid dreams
90. Did you hear about the brainstem that went to war?
It earned the Medulla of honor
91. What type of personality inventory tells you which type of bird you are?
The Minnesota Multphesant personality Inventory
92. Have your heard about the baby that passed the rouge test?
He felt red in the face.
93. What part of the brain is always being picked upon?
The pariah tal lobe
94. Freud has a very old vine covered house, what do they call this
particular species of vine?
Penis Ivy
95. Are male dinosaurs that are envious of their fathers suffering
form Oedipus T-rex complexes?
96. What region of my brain is responsible for all of the terrible jokes?
The puns
97. Where do LDS psychologists go to church?
A psychiatric ward
98. Every emotionally intense action has an opposite and equal
reaction formation.
99. If a monkey is trained to press a button, but then forgets he did
it does he repress?
100. Where do many psychoanalists live?
In a Rorshack
101. What does a psychoanalist do after squashing a bug?
Lifts his shoe and tries to determine what it really is (rorschach bug inkblots)
102. If you can't sleep do you have zero tonin?
103. What is the favorite neural transmitter of copy machines?
Sero-toner
104. What is a musicians favorite neural transmitter?
Sero tuning
105. What do you do with a sex compass?
Find your sexual orientation
106. If the gentleman who wrote Walden 2 were a speed reader would he
be B.F. Skimmer?
107. Is going broke a de-cent-itisation?
Rudolf Goeckel in 1590 is the first recorded use of the term
psychology. It wasn't popularized until Christian Wolff used it in
"psychologia empirica and psychologia rationalis"
Thursday, October 18, 2007
So I find it interesting that...
I think it is interesting that I have a company trying to make money off of me. The company that bought a similarly spelled domain name as mine is "http://boomsblog.blogpsot.com/" note the blogPSOT .com and is a worldwide seller of Bibles!
So I deleted the last one...
You may or may not have noticed that I deleted the last post. It got annoying not being able to click anything. Though if you get the chance, rent and see Plan 9 from Outer Space! It is quite possible the worst movie EVER MADE!!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Macgyver.com guest book..
So True. This one comes by way of Dave Berry.
-- Gifts for Men --
Men are amused by almost any idiot thing -- that is why
professionalice hockey is so popular -- so buying gifts
for them is easy. But you should never buy them clothes.
Men believe they already have all the clothes they will
ever need, and new ones make them nervous. For example,
your average man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only
three of them. He has learned, through humiliating trial
and error,that if he wears any of the other 81 ties, his
wife will probably laugh at him ("You're not going to wear
THAT tie with that suit, are you?"). So he has narrowed it
down to three safe ties, and has gone several years without
being laughed at. If you give him a new tie, he will
pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
WOW! By Far the Coolest blog I have yet found!
Sorry to anyone whose ego may be hurt by the above statement, but this is definitely the coolest blog I have ever seen. Go on click it! Scroll through the pictures, they never end and every last one of them is just as beautiful as the last. So amazed!
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