Friday, October 19, 2007

Psychology Puns

1. What do you call the science of gasping for air?
Sigh cology

2. What is the study of how clergy think?
Psy-collar-gy

3. Who is the most famous Greek letter to be a psychologist?
Sigma Freud

4. What is Freud's favorite childhood game?
Id and Ego seek

5. What do you call an impulsive and beast like moron?
An IDiot

6. What is a Star Wars queen of the brain?
Queen Amygdala

7. What part ofthe brain is a russian fighter jet?
The a-MIG-dala

8. What do lady psychologists sleep with?
Amygdollys

9. In 1999 What personality type did Panama become?
Canal Retentive.

10. What type of parenting do novelists have?
Author-itarian

11. Would a the brain still be a nervous system if it breathed more?

12. What type of behavioral modification technique involves turning
you upside down?
Inversion therapy

13. If God were a psychologist, what would his biggest commandment be?
Axon and ye shall recievon

14. Where do neural lions live?
In their Den-drites

15. Why are psychologists lobbying so hard in Washington DC?
For equal dend-rights

16. What so you call the distribution of Super sonic planes?
A Bell X-1 curve

17. Why did the psychologist start using a white cane?
To practice a blind study

18. What type of window coverings are in the home of a psychologist?
Double blinds

19. What type of martial artsesque excercise do psychologists do?
Placebo

20. What type of ray gun in Star Trek will leave you speachless?
Aphasia

21. Have you heard about the vocal region of the brain that didn't
have any money?
It was Broca

22. Who is a speech pathologists favorite News Anchor man?
Tom Broca

23. What is the region of the brain associated with the period of art
in Europe from 1600-1750?
The Baroque-a's area.

24. What is the mantra of happy ocean pollip based psychology scientists?
Coral elation does not equal causation

25. How about the mantra for the head of the North Pole Elves association?
Correlation does not equal Claus ation

26. How does a statistical average connect muscle to bone?
By its central Tendon-cy

27. If you burn a thought, is it a cog-ignition?

28. If the region of the brain associated with muscle memory, balance,
and smooth movement were instead made of sheep skin, would it be a
cerevellum?

29. How do memory scientists like their soup?
Chunky

30. If you put A shampoo like product on a violin, is that a classical
conditioner?

31. There are classical conditioning experiments, but are there also
quantum condition experiments.

32. Is understanding how a gear or wheel thinks, COGnition?

33. What type of chords do musical psychologists like?
Cognitive dissonance

34. If you and I went on a date, and you wanted to try to find a
universal meaning about what the absence of daylight meant, what would
I say?
The night is still Jung

35. Which Rudyard Kipling book/Disney movie has the most archetypes in it?
The Jung-le book

36. If all of the world fell asleep at once, would be be collectively
unconscious?

37. I don't have OCD, I have CDO--its in alphabetical order that way.
(Courtesy of my friend Wade)

38. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have disassociative identity
disorder, and so do I.

39. If someone with DID threatened to commit suicide, is that
considered to be a hostage situation?

40. Have you heard about the disassociative Identity disorder murder suspect?
The police think he DID it

41. What did Piaget say about training doctors to be actors?
They need to have an operational stage

42. Have you heard about the felon who founded a random variable institute?
It was Confounded

43. Are today's video game obsessed teens, tomorrows Control group

44. If a computer scientist were studying the effects alt and del on a
computer, what did he forget?
A control group

45. What is the motto of a metal fabrication plant?
Causation is not implied by corregation

46. If you put shampoo on a kitchen counter is that counter conditioning?

47. If you interrupt a musician's practice session, what is it?
A cross sectional study

48. If you analyze a whole series of Spearman's intelligences, are
these a G-string?

49. Which psychologist would get along well with a middle ages prolific author?
Martin Spearman with William Shakespear

50. If you are trying to study the effects of heart confederates in a
study, but can't find any, instead of studying the cohort effect, are
you really studying the ahortic effect.

51. What is the region of a Roman gladiator's brain between their
hemispheres called?
The Corpus Colloseum

52. What is this region called in dolphins?
The porpoise collosum

53. If you cut this region, which constitutional amendment have you
lost? Your right to search and seizure

54. how does a person with seizures choose their clothes?
By their epileptic fit

55. How do electrical engineers think? Reasoning by inductance

56. How do you measure the temperature of a flag?
By its degrees of freedom

57. IF you are trying to study the effects of meteorites and what
affects their impact depths, what would be the depened dent variable?

58. How did the developer of Rational-Emotive Therapy get into America?
Through Ellis Island

59. Which neuro-transmitters keep porpoises happy?
Endolphins

60. What do you call a crazy psychologist, and no normal doesn't count?
An experi-Mental-ist

61. What do you call it if an experimenter always choices a 1960s
female folk singer for his experiment?
Experimenter Biez

62. What is the favorite type of study for lawyers?
A Case Study

63. Does a mathematician have FUNCTIONal fixedness?

64. How much does it cost to become a member of the psychiatric association?
Nothing. It is a free association.

65. Is a very cunning and well planned Mexican wolf, a prefrontal Lobo?

66. What region of the brain do meteorologists use?
Their front-al lobes

67. Is the temporal lobe of your brain your ear lobe?

68. Which neurotransmitter is really a 1980s soft rock band?
GABA

69. What is Fred Flintstone's favorite neural transmitter?
GABA GABA DOO

70. What do transgendered individuals eat?
Lots of gender rolls.

71. Gestalt!
Bless you.

72. What do holistic psychologists put on their food?
Gestalt and gestpepper

73. If a bunch of psychology students were forced to go to the
Antarctic, because no one objected, or differed in opinion, would that
be an example of group polarization?

74. Why do crabs taste so good?
Be they are gustations

75. What do you call a psychiatrist with vision?
Hallucinating

76. Why did Frodo continue to wear the ring?
Because he was hobit-uated to it.

77. Is the Nathanial Hawthorne Effect, the fact that his books are
different by the mere fact you have read them?

78. If two psychologists get married will their towels say on them,
Hisistic and heuristic

79. How are Maslow and Noah alike?
They both have Higher Archys

80. Where do large African mammals go to school?
At a hippocampus

81. Have you heard about the gentleman who transfered nerves from his
olfactory region to his pelvis?
He had hip-noses

82. I think there is a difference between how well you can choose
things versus how well I can choose things. What should my null
hypothesis be?
Your guess is as good as mine.

83. Which psychological disorder had a crush with Jenifer Lopez?
Flat Affleck

84. Has someone who has undergone a lobotomy, lost part of their mind?

85. What do you call it if you think a grasshopper rules your life?
An External Locust of control

86. What motivates twins?
Intwinsic or extwinsic motivations

87. Why did the student lose points on his dream assignment?
He only got half credit for it being latent.

88. What system of emotion has the lowest threshold for what it can be under?
The limbo-ic system

89. What type of dreams do astronauts have?
Shannon Lucid dreams

90. Did you hear about the brainstem that went to war?
It earned the Medulla of honor

91. What type of personality inventory tells you which type of bird you are?
The Minnesota Multphesant personality Inventory

92. Have your heard about the baby that passed the rouge test?
He felt red in the face.

93. What part of the brain is always being picked upon?
The pariah tal lobe

94. Freud has a very old vine covered house, what do they call this
particular species of vine?
Penis Ivy

95. Are male dinosaurs that are envious of their fathers suffering
form Oedipus T-rex complexes?

96. What region of my brain is responsible for all of the terrible jokes?
The puns

97. Where do LDS psychologists go to church?
A psychiatric ward

98. Every emotionally intense action has an opposite and equal
reaction formation.

99. If a monkey is trained to press a button, but then forgets he did
it does he repress?

100. Where do many psychoanalists live?
In a Rorshack

101. What does a psychoanalist do after squashing a bug?
Lifts his shoe and tries to determine what it really is (rorschach bug inkblots)

102. If you can't sleep do you have zero tonin?

103. What is the favorite neural transmitter of copy machines?
Sero-toner

104. What is a musicians favorite neural transmitter?
Sero tuning

105. What do you do with a sex compass?
Find your sexual orientation

106. If the gentleman who wrote Walden 2 were a speed reader would he
be B.F. Skimmer?

107. Is going broke a de-cent-itisation?

Rudolf Goeckel in 1590 is the first recorded use of the term
psychology. It wasn't popularized until Christian Wolff used it in
"psychologia empirica and psychologia rationalis"

7 comments:

Ki said...

loved 97.

Good to see you punning again.

Philomancer said...

These are pretty funny. My Psychology club is trying to raise money by selling shirts. Would you be okay if our club used some of these? Please email me at philomancer@gmail.com.

Boom said...

Sir Philomancer,

I am honored by your request, please feel free to use any/all that you would like. I myself was captain of my school's psychology club. If you do make a shirt out of them, I would like one, I would even buy it. My size is L or XL.

Good luck, best regards!

Boom said...

Much apologies,

...Lady Philomancer.

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