Monday, October 29, 2007

Infectious Laughter

The Best Medicine, hope you don't overdose.

Because two of my very close friends have had or a currently battling cancer. This post is for them!

1/2. Why didn't the rhino virus go to the ball?
He had cold feet and gave his date the cold shoulder.

3. If a fruit and a dog get sick, is that a melon collie?

4. If a fruit gets terminally ill is that melon-noma?

5. If a fantastic imp gets cancer is that a melan-Gnome-a?

6. To help compromised immune system people to hear should we send them hearing AIDS?
Sorry.

7. Who were the physicians of the 1600s in Italy?
The Medicines

8. Why was the Greek doctor fired?
For being asclep on the job.

9.Which pugilist doctor finally came out of the closet?
Gaylen

10. Who treats riverhorses?
Hippo-crates

11. Who treats gangsters?
Tupoc-retes

12. WHich bird is a medic?
Florence Nightengale

13. Which inventor of the microscope goes fishing?
Robert Fishhook

14. Where does the count of monty cristo go for a good skin doctor?
To his local Dumastologist

15. What is the favorite medical branch of poker players?
Cardiology

16. What's the oppocite of oncology?
Offcology

17. Who treats sick farm birds?
A duck-tor

18. What closes a clam shell?
The adductor muslce

19. Who does Old MacDonnald go to see when he is sick?
A farmacologist

20. Are Middle Eastern Archaeologists URologists?

Keraunomedicine is the medical study of lightning casualties. According to Wiki
21. What is the zodiac sign for People in your condition?
Cancer.

22. What do you call optical surgery?
Eye opening

23. What type of experience was reported by the plastic surgeon’s patient?
An uplifting one.

24. What is the favorite type of poetry of RNs?
Nurse-ery Rhymes

25. Where do you treat Equines?
At a horse-pital

26. If given to cattle would the medicine you are on be cow-madin?
27. If it were given to a sad cow would it be cow-maudlin?
28. If it knocks you out will it be coma-din?
29. There was a Beetles song written about your treatment—VAC in the USSR!
30. What is another name for orienteering? Pathology
31. Is a knight with melanoma a can-sir?
32. Does Pepsi promote Can-cer research?
33. Is a cancer in an Arizonan desert a Sonoma?
34. If a section of lymph is vibrating at 0 amplitude, is that a Lymph node?
35. If a cancer spreads and uses a T-Test, is that metastatistic cancer?
36. How does a cancer patient win at Bingo? With the number B-9
37. If you have cancer of muscle connections is that a maligament tumor?
38. Which country is often visted by cancer cells? East Tumor
39. What do cancer cells drive? A Car-cinogen
40. How do cancer cells flavor their egg nog? With car cinnamon
41. If the guy who invented the rotisserie grill were found to be a genetic source of cancer would he be a Roncogene?
42. In traffic do you often find Honk-ogenes?
43. If you take two tissue samples from a Cyclops would they be a biclopsy?
44. What do you call a scientist who studies FM and AM? A radiologist.
45. I suspect Picasso had cancer. But I don’t know if he was ever Diagnal nosed
46. If the protagonist of the Matrix had cancer would that be a Neo-plasm?
47. What types of growths do you find in the marshy fens of England? Tum-moors
48. What type of growth did Othello have? A tum-moor
49. What type of growth did King Tut have? A tumb-mor
50. If this is your penultimate surgery what do you have? Two more
51. Are US Postal service growths Mail-ignant?
52. Do the chondrichthyes experience sharkonomas?
53. What do microbiologists study? Germ Cells
54. What type of tumor was studied after World War I? Germany cells
55. If you can’t walk well is it limp-oma?
56. Do sea shells get limpet-phoma?
57. What illness will a Starwars Character probably get? Lukeima
58. If this “:” got sick, would it be colon cancer? And would “;” be semicolon cancer?
59. What type of cancer is treated with dynamite? Blastic tumors
60. If the Great Lion in the sky succumbed to cancer would it be Leomyoma?
61. –Oma, -Oma on the range.
62. If you fall flat is it prostrate cancer?
63. Do biochemists get substrate cancer?
64. Do fencers get lungecancer?
65. Do non pig relatives get non-hog-kins lymphoma?
66. Is endometriosis of Latin poets caused by Ovid-arian cancer?
67. Is another common cancer of starwars Xwing’s sarcoma?
68. What is the cancer of the Midwest? Oklahoma
69. If you built a monument to track the sun out of ruptured blood cells, would that be Hemorrhenge/
Cachexia is the medical term for wasting!
70. If someone diagnoses a cancer of the mind are they psychopath-ologists?
71. If the doctors screw up the tumor analysis is that a biopsy?
72. If a highly religious D&D character undergoes extreme cancer surgery, is that a Pallidinative treatment?
73. If your cancer is treated with small glass shelled marine organisms, have you been treated using radiolarian therapy?
74. Which two muppets are really a cancer treatment? Ebrt and Ernie
75. What part of a plant is the healthiest? The stem cells.
76. What do the cells that cause breast cancer call the medication used? Hearse-ceptin
77. If a queen had breast cancer would it be treated by her-septor?
78. If you treat cancer with antibodies from a Spanish cow, would it be a vacca-cine?
79. How do you treat bovine pain? With Ox-ycodone.
80. How do you treat pain in your RNA? With Oxy-codon
81. What is a cancer patients favorite C.S. Lewis book? The Chronicles of Nausia
82. Which Spice girl works as a nurse? Hospice
83. What is the opposite of oncology? Off cology
84. How do you treat a small northern albeit extinct penguin-like flightless bird with cancer? Via Aukology
85. What type of martial arts work out program do doctors use to test medicines? Placebo
86. If Monty Python had been written by the National Institute of Health what would have been one of their more famous lines? We are now the Knights of NIH.
87. Is buying someone a pair of pants to help them feel better, Jean therapy?
88. What is the first book in the cancer Bible? CarcinoGenesis
89. Who was a famous cancer comedian? Johnny Carcin
90. What caused Greek cancers? DNA ┬Átations
91. What causes dog cancers? Mutt-agens
92. What causes cancer of the remote? Mute-agens
93. What causes skin cancer of Sport Utility Vehicles? S-UV rays
94. What killed the ewoks? Endor-metrial cancer.
95. What killed the main character of Orson Scott Card? Endermetrial cancer
96. What kills large ratite birds? Ostrichsarcoma
97. What is the cancer of toilets called? Lew-kemia
98. What treatment is used in treating tubers? Potato-oncogenes.
99. I never metastasis I liked.
100. What is every cancer student’s dream test? A self-examination
101. How are sodas tested for cancer? With a pop smear

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