By special request

So I don't usually post jokes that aren't mine, but because I have had a special request. Here goes. Courtesy of Good Clean Funnies http://www.gcfl.net/funnycd.php

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

6. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

8. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

9. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully
recovered.

10. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.

11. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the
key.

12. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

13. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

14. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

15. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed
in the end.

16. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a
mall.

17. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

18. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.

19. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

20. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of
defeat.