Friday, November 03, 2006

Jokes on the Move

101 Car Puns

1. What is a cars favorite type of guitar?
A fender

2. Which sea of cars can be found on the moon?
The sea of Crysler

3. Which river full of cars exists in Virginia?
The Pontiac

4. How do cars get across a river?
They ford it

5. Alternative definition: Fjord
A Swedish automobile

6. What do you call a dead auto?
A car-cass

7. What disorder do auto get if they type too long?
Car-pool tunnel syndrome

8. Name a famous car comedian?
Chevy Chase

9. What do baby cars play with?
Engine blocks

10-12*. Confusious say man who walk in front of car is wheely tired. He who walk behind car is exhausted and he who stands in the middle of the road is run down.

13. What do you get if you spill hamburger on your turning mechanism?
A steer-ing wheel

14. What is the favorite type of magic of autos?
Car Tricks

15. What is the motto of cars?
Car pe dium

16. Who runs General Motors D&D gaming sessions?
The GM

17. Alternative dfinition: Carpool
A fixture you install in your car that lets you know you have too much money

18. After a very wealthy religious leader accidently ran over one of his congregation they voted to change the Bible. It now reads "Thou shall not Corvette thy neighbor."

19. What is the favorite aven species among cars?
A hummer bird

20. How would you classify that last joke?
Its a real Hummer Dinger

21. How do cars build things?
With a Hummer and Nails

22. How do cars diet?
By controlling their Porcsh-ian sizes

23. How do cars cross a lake?
They take the ferrarri

24. What do cars tell their young to get them to go to sleep?
Ferrarri tails

25. What do UFOs and BMWs have in common?
They are both beamers

26. Why are cars good at second semester calculus?
They can prove that something goes to INFINITY by the Alternator series test

27.* There are over 3,000 nuts in a car, which one is the most dangerous?
The one behind the wheel

28. What do cars put on bread?
A traffic jam

29. What is an ancient French walled city of automobiles?

30. Who were the rulers of European cars. Hint, They followed the Marovingians?
The Car-olingians

31. What type of battteries do cars use?

32-39. Really Bad Car Movies:
Transmission Impossible
The Radiator: Judgment Day
Indiana Jones and the Radiators of the Lost Arc
Jurassic Parallel Parked
Pirates of the Car-ibbean
Mazda and Car-mander
The RV

40. What do you call a dalmation able to park a car?
A parking spot

41. Where are most car races held?
The dashboard

42. What do gas flowers and cars have in common?
They both have gas petals

43. Where do cars go to have fun?
The Car-nival

44. What is a car's favorite food?
Car-ne Asada--They are after all Car-nivores

45. What do Ford hot rods like to put on their hotdogs?
A touch of yellow mustang

46. How are cars like elephants?
They both have trunks

47. Why is a slippery wheel like an controlling mother?
They are both over bearing

48. What is a D&D cleric's favorite part of a car?
The turning signal (Not to be confused with the rebuking signal, that's slightly rude.)

49. How is having something in your eye like a direction indicator?
They are both blinkers

50. What is a cave that an automobile can fit inside?
A Car-st

51. Which model of car by Dodge is the wealthiest?
The Intrepidneur

52. Why do environmentally friendly car owners like trilobites?
They are prius storic

53. What do diet concious cars drink?
Red or green Lite

54. What do you call radioactive traffic?
Stop and Glow

55. What do you call a traffic jam of plants?
Stop and Grow

56. Why are the freeways filled with needles and bongs?
Because their is a lot of drug traffic

59. Why is a car dealer always right?
Because they are ACURAte

60. So I totaled my brand new Swedish automobile.
Its a real SAAB story

61. So is your belly button an inni or an AUDI?

62. What type of car do they drive in the Middle East?

63. What is the favorite Shakespearean play for cars?
Alpha Romeo and Alpha Juliet

64. If you mix an off road vehicle and a bird what does it say?
Jeep Jeep

65. There is a horror movie about off road vehicles--Jeepers creepers

66. What else do cars play with?

67. How do cars solve exponential problems?
With LINCOLN logs

68. What is the name of a car's pet dog?
Land Rover

69. How do cars workout?
By doing deep leg Benz

70. What do you call a car that absorbs its nutrients from its surroundings?
A SAABrophyte

71. If they had the Daytona 500 for physics geeks what would it be?

72. If they had it for calculus nerds?

73. Alternative definition: Mechanic
Lemon aide

74. If you were to somehow get a car from the DNA of Astin Kucher and Ricky Martin, what would it be?
An Astin Martin

75. What is a large weasle like car?
An Aston Martin

76. What is a alcoholic drink served at car parties?
an Astin Matini

77. What do car shows and nuclear powerplants have in common?
They both have hot rods

78. What is the favorite song of COBRA owners?
Shelby comin round the mountain

79. What do you call a really poor car?
A studebeggar

80. Where do cars get bread from?
A studebaker

81. What do you call a car in college?
A student baker

82. Another alternative definition: Shock absorber
The person who has just touched metal after walking down a shag carpet hallway in socks.

83. Tailpipe
See cigarette

84. What feat does a D&D car rouge automatically have?

85. if you combined the authors Roald Dhal and James Joyce, would you get a Rolls-Royce

86. What is the favorite bread of cars?
Sour dough Rolls-Royce

87. What is another way of approximating a car?
With a Maclaren expansion

88. What car do you get if you cross Back to the Future with Lord of the Rings?
De LothLorean

89. Why did the car company go bankrupt?
It was nickled and Daimler-ed to death

90. The bond minicar

This thing has three wheels a motorcycle engine and no reverse. Amazingly it was somewhat popular and was re released not once but for times!

91. To find scout appropriate motorcycles you should turn to BSA motors. (They were the largest manufacture of motorcycles from the 1891 into the period after WWII. they are now defunct.

92. United Arab Emerates is now making both cars and cup cakes .
They are calling themselves Litt-al Dhabi

93. What is the significant other of a car?
Its hubby cap

94. What do baby cars play with?
An Auto mobile

95. What do you call it when a car does origami?
A manifold

96. Wha t is a german car chemical?
Mercedez Benzenes

97. Who is a serial car killer?
Jeffry Daimler

98. What do cartists (car artists) paint on?

99. Which car invented the lightbulb?
Thomas Alva Edselson

100. What do you call a mobile pig?

101. Alternative definition: (N. ) of infinite length can be straight or curved. Having no endpoints.
See also DMV

[incidently a line is a unit of lenght equal to 1/40th of an inch and is used to measure bottons . it is also 1/12 of an inch.]


Boom said...
Bond mini bond. The car that is.

Anonymous said...

This solved my big problem

Anonymous said...

Very useful idea