1. Do you have to understand everything about geographic information systems?
No, so long as you get the GIS of it.
2. Why was an early 1900s equal area true meridian scale projection so angry?
He had a bonne to pick
3. What do you call an ungulate overhead?
An azi-moose-al projection.
4. If a map is made by little tiny men with long beards from the inside of the globe, which type of projection is it?
5. How do geographers find the girl they are going to marry?
6. How do you cylindriacally project a three dimmensional ocean bird into two dimensions?
Using a sea Gall Stereoscopic projection of course.
7. Why was the 1855 projection having two standard parallels at 45 N and 45 S so gutsy?
It had a lot of Gall
8. How is a map like a fish?
They both have scales
9. How is the US government like a map?
In theory they both have representative fractions
10. Who was a famous knight in space?
11. How is cooking for hire like a map maker?
One is a Catering business, the other is a mercatoring business
12. Who do you hire for a map of a shopping vessle?
13. How to you pictorally represent an automobile?
With a CARtographer
14. Is a cross dressing cartographer a transversite.
15. How is an English essay like cartography?
In both you are asked to draw parallels
16. Is the motto of remote sensing, To ERDAS is human?
17. What is the favorite dance of navigators?
18. Do RS analysts have a favorite band?
19. Image analysts are men of resolve.
20. What is the prominent religion of Jamaican Remote Sensing analysts?
21. Band with the belt size of an RS analysts favorite band?
22. What happens if you give a spectral sensor sugar?
You end up with Hyperspectral images
23. What do remote sensing analysts cook data in?
A Panchromatic image
24. What do you call something difficult to an RS agent?
A pain in the Raster
25. How do you measure distances in GIS?
By Using the ARClength formulas
26. Who audits RS agents?
27. What is a dalmations favorite satellite platform?
28. Why is the space shuttle interferometry data quite trippy?
Because it is SIReal
29. If RS agents get sick have they picked up AVIRIS? And if they have, is it the SAR virius?
30. What are some bad qualities of an RS agent?
AVIRIS and greed
31. When the goings get TIFF, The TIFF get going.
32. How do Remote sensing systems hold up their jtents?
33. Alternative definition: False Color Composite
See also Michael Jackson's skin color
34. What do RS engineers go to the zoo to see?
35. What do image analyst go to Egypt to see?
The great pyramid layers
36. Does imaging of DNA use pyrimidine layers?
37. While roaming do as the roamins
38. How much does history weigh?
39. How do Image analysts turn their pancakes?
With a spatial-a
40. Who is the favorite horror monster of Image interpreters?
41. If you are afraid of the air, is that an atmos-fear?
42. How do you determine how strong someone's ring is?
By measuring the signet to noise ratio
43. How does a Remote Sensor call someone an idiot?
By telling them they are at full wit but only half maximum
44. How do you interpret a hotel lobby?
With Foyer analysis
45. How do you see the atmosphere?
Through atmospheric windows
46. If you heard on the airwaves that America was finally switching to the European system of lengths and measures, would that be Radiometric data?
47. If Mr. Rogers had been an image analyst instead, what would have been his theme song?
Oh Won't you be my nearest neighbor
48. How much does an image weigh?
49. The energy inside an imaging platform joins the Sith?
Is that darkside current?
50. How do geographers sign up for their classes?
51. Who hosts "Who wants to be an image analizer"?
52. Alternative definition: Cubic Convolution
The best way of interpreting Picasso's work
53. The geographer just went down a very steep slope.
It was quite a relief
54. Who is the main villan in Remote Sensing version of Star Wars?
55. Altoids, deltoids, metroids, and spheroids
56. How do you measure how similar two bays are?
No, You don't need Baysian statistics you simply use COVE-variance
57. How do you trademark a satellite?
By writting Landsat TM
58. What does a dyslexic paramedic and a satellite sensor have in common?
They are both ETMs
59. How do image analysts pay for things?
They send each other the BIL
60. What is the difference between satellite imagery and a bodybuilding photoshoot?
One deals with multispectral images the other deals with multi-pectoral images
61. Is a class were everyone fails a low pass filter?
62. Do soldiers have to salute a convolution kernal?
63. Alternative definition: Hyperspectral cube
The means of travel ammong the borg
64. What do you call friendly ticks?
Nice lines (Its the same thing you say at Disneyland)
65. Alternative definition: Look Up table
What you said as a kid while playing hide and go seek while you were hidden under the table. Look up-- table
66. Alternative definition: 12 o clock straight up
67. Who did many image analysts vote for in an election?
68. Who else might be the villan in Satellite Star Wars?
69. How do convolution filters sleep at night?
By using a mask (they also go scuba diving that way too)
70. What do image analysts listen to while they work?
An Apple IFOV
71. Does a Satellite speak with a LISS?
72. If you talk bad about Side Long Radar, is that a racial SLAR
73. Now here's a broad scale all encompassing that is really hot:
Advanced Very High Resolution Radiometer 1.1 km
74. Satellites played a game of musical chairs Radar lost because RADARSAT sat where LANSAT
75. How did lightning travel across a map?
76. ESRI has combined ARCmap with ARC GIS they are calling it ARCweld
77. What do you call the numbers involved cartography?
78. None of the map projections are the best, but their are some that are Goode
79. What disease does an Oblique Conic Conformal projection suffer from?
It is Bipolar
80. What is the math most image scientist deal with?
ADRIing and subtractring
81. Alternative definition: stereo pairs
The speakers on either side of your boom box
82. Alternative definitions: Attitude Control System
See also "principal's office"
83. Who do seahusbands marry?
84. Alternative Definition: Arial Imagery
See also "Disney's Little Mermaid"
85.-88. Alternative definition: Base map
An image of Hill field
The layout of where OH- ions are placed
Showing what are belong to us
89. The geographer fell down. You might say he BIIFed it.
90. Alternative Definition: Bin Function
Son of Bin Laden
91. Alternative definition:bit
How you lead a horse
92. Alternative definition: horizontal overlap
The term for displacement of stomach beyond a belt
93. Alternative defininition: bpi
A factor of b times 3.14159265353...
94. Alternative definition: Buffer zone
A region just outside a Base map
95. Alternative definition: Baby on your doorstep
See also 'Bundle Location"
96. Alternative definition: Byte
What the bundle on your doorstep will do
97. Alternative definition: Cartesian
A C grade Artesian-- in other words a bad painter
See also "Paintball"
99. AD: Dynamic Range
What is lacking in most Jr. High bands
100. AD: a sharpening stone
See :Edge Enhancer
101. AD: exposure station
See also "Strip club"
AD: fast fourier transform
See also Lobby makeovers
AD: File coordinates
Where you left your rass-ter
AD: Ground truthing
President Bush's new term for methods of Torture
LIDAR LIDAR pants on FIDAR
The only fruit an image analyst will eat
AD: Image scale
How you know one image weighs one photgrammetric
AD: monochromatic image
what I say when I need batteries
AD: Reference pixels
The little fairies in the library who find things out for you
AD: Rubber sheeting
Kids read this, so I won't post what you are thinking
Do cartographers like maps?
They like SOM
The latest craze in music
a procedure slightly less painful than a colonoscopy
what you have fixed by a chiropractor
When more than just data is removed ;)
AD: Tie point
just below the neck
What mommy went to the store for
duh what else would it be?
AD: Volume set
Where my radio stays
The half hearted greeting a nerd gets from a popular girl--when he's lucky.
How were these jokes?
over my head
just going round an round
Full of IMAGEination
BAD really really bad!!