Thursday, November 09, 2006

PUn Bullemia

Due to the Success of my first foal-io I decided I would write a sequel to 101 Cow Jokes. Again, all of my jokes are clean, some require some background information, and none were meant to be offensive. They are all in good fun and if any are hurtful, I profusely apologize. And now for the Cow-pital PUNisment:
101 MORE Cow Jokes

1-7. Cows have many religions around the world including:
Cow-ism (Daoism)
Hind-gnu (Hind-moo)
& Zebu-dism

8. Scientists have discovered a new subatomic cow particle.
They're calling it a Moo-on

9. If there were a herd of African cattle here I would surely be trampled, but I guess No gnus is good gnus.

10. Where do cows go to get a drivers license?
Their local Cow-nty seat.

11. How do you spot a Holstein?
You don't they're born that way.

12. Did you hear about the bullet that almost hit the cow?
The cow was only grazed.

13. Did you hear about the cow that ran track?
Its best event was the herd-als

14. George Fredrick Handel wrote a beautiful work about cattle.
Its called the Moo-ssiah

15. Have you herd about the American composer named after an African ruminant?
Arron Cop-Eland, He is famous for the song Rodeo.

16. What do Moo-sicians play?
The Cow-linet (They are of course lead by a Cow-nductor)

17-22. Places often visited by vacationing cattle:
Puerto Ri-cow
Gnu Zealand (New Ze-Eland)
Gnu York
A-mooo-ba (Aruba)

23. What makes cattle sick?
A-moo-bas and other Mi-cow-robes

24. What do you call a cow who collects coins?

25. A cow having an affair is a?

26-31. What are some jobs for cattle with Ph.Ds?
Cow-smologist or an Astrono-mooo-er

32. If a cow gets his Eagle is he involved in the Boy S-cow-ts?

32. What do you call the brilliant offspring of a cow?
A Cattle Prod-igee

33. How do you take a cow's picture?
With a cow-moo-ra

34. How do you demonstrate change to cattle?
With Beef-ore and after pictures.

35-39 Q: What are the cattle of Greek and Roman mythology?
Zeus and Herda
De-meat-er (Demeter)
Moo-dia (Media)
Moo-lysses (Ulysses)

40. Q: Where was Napoleon's cow killed?
A: In the battle of Water-moo

41. Q: What is the diet of a health conscious cow?
A: Something low in Cow-leries

42. Q: What makes a cow work?
A: His Mooo-tivation

43.Q: Do you know what "pasteurize" means?
A: Farther than you can see

44. Q: What is the name of the only knighted cow?
A: Sir Loin

45. On a cow they have found a number only divisi-bull by 1 and its self.
They are calling it a Prime Rib

46. Q: What do cows drink?
A: Cow-pucchino

47. Q: What else do cattle drink?
A: Brand-y
(What else Al-cow-hol--actually water)

48. Q: What do you call a cow that steals hot new items?
A: A brand-it

49. Q: how do you cure a cow?
A: With a brand-aide

50-53. Famous Mooovie stars:
Cowol Brunette
Beef Midler
Moolan Brand-o
Boris Cow-loff

54-56. What are some famous cow science fiction tails?
Battlestar Cow-lactica by Ben Bovine
Steer Wars and Steer trek
20,000 leagues udder the sea

57. Cows also enjoy reading the Moo testament

58. Q: Have you heard of the barnyard bandits?
A: Butch Cow-sidy and the Sundance Kidd

59. Q: Why was the cow lying on his back with all 4 legs in the air?
A: Dead, naw he was just trying to trip birds

60. Q: What do you call a bovine gang-steer?
A: Cow Cow-pone (Al Capone)

61. Q: What do you get if you throw a black angus into the black sea?
A: One angry wet cow and one tired shoulder

62. Q: What is the difference between a sleeping cow and a cheap tourist?
A: The cow tips


70. Q: What do you get if you cross Swiss cheese and beef?
A: Holey Cow

71-74. And now for a beef (er brief) course in cow biology:
Cows are part of an ecowsystem
The energy producers in a cow are called Mito-cow-ndria
What makes a cow strong are its Moo-scles
& a cow will remain at rest until forced into Moo-tion.

75. Q: what do you call a book written by Cowl Marx?
A: Das Cow-pital

76. Cows-ablanca is a cow's favorite moo-vie

77-82. Barnyard scientists:
Sir Isaac Moo-ton
Cowleleio Galeleigh
Nicolaus Cow-pernicus
Albert Einswine
Sir Francis Bacon
& finally John Ham-Monday

83. What do you call an over pampered cow?
Spoiled milk

84. Q: What do you call a cow that gnus (knows) all?
A: A moo-ru (guru)

85. Q: What is a cow's favorite oriental dish? A: Mooo goo gai pan 86. Q: Why was the cow fired from his job? A: He couldn't cud it

88. How does a cow start a journal? Dear Dairy

89. What do cows put on their spaghetti?
A Bull-onaise sauce

90-93. What do cows like to drink?
A-cow-a (agua)
Anything de-calf

94. Courtesy of Bennett Cerf "In a magical forest lived two families of amiable, hard working gnus, who enjoyed picnicking together. Each family boasted their own mischief maker, and though each mother was convinced her own little gnu was the innocent dupe of his evil friend. You should punish that rascally brat of yours, shrilled one mother finally. A sound spanking might do him some good. Spank My son indeed, huffed the heiffer. Why don't you go paddle your own gnu?

95. The pope, like U.S. President Howard Taft let a cow graze upon his lawn.
It was called the Papal Bull. (not to be confused with the official presidential bull)

96. What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull dozer

97. If a cow can't do something is it impossi-bull??

98. What do you call it when a cow shoots a gun?

98-101+ More famous composers
Noel Cow-ard
Moo-mann (Schumann)
Duke Eland-ton

And as I once read on a cow musical greeting card: 'Moo Jazz Grass-ias"


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