101 Remote sensing/ cartography jokes

1. Do you have to understand everything about geographic information systems?
No, so long as you get the GIS of it.

2. Why was an early 1900s equal area true meridian scale projection so angry?
He had a bonne to pick

3. What do you call an ungulate overhead?
An azi-moose-al projection.

4. If a map is made by little tiny men with long beards from the inside of the globe, which type of projection is it?
Gnome-onic

5. How do geographers find the girl they are going to marry?
They datum

6. How do you cylindriacally project a three dimmensional ocean bird into two dimensions?
Using a sea Gall Stereoscopic projection of course.

7. Why was the 1855 projection having two standard parallels at 45 N and 45 S so gutsy?
It had a lot of Gall

8. How is a map like a fish?
They both have scales

9. How is the US government like a map?
In theory they both have representative fractions

10. Who was a famous knight in space?
Sir LandSat-lot

11. How is cooking for hire like a map maker?
One is a Catering business, the other is a mercatoring business

12. Who do you hire for a map of a shopping vessle?
A cart-ographer

13. How to you pictorally represent an automobile?
With a CARtographer

14. Is a cross dressing cartographer a transversite.

15. How is an English essay like cartography?
In both you are asked to draw parallels

16. Is the motto of remote sensing, To ERDAS is human?

17. What is the favorite dance of navigators?
The rhumb-a

18. Do RS analysts have a favorite band?

19. Image analysts are men of resolve.

20. What is the prominent religion of Jamaican Remote Sensing analysts?
Raster-farians

21. Band with the belt size of an RS analysts favorite band?

22. What happens if you give a spectral sensor sugar?
You end up with Hyperspectral images

23. What do remote sensing analysts cook data in?
A Panchromatic image

24. What do you call something difficult to an RS agent?
A pain in the Raster

25. How do you measure distances in GIS?
By Using the ARClength formulas

26. Who audits RS agents?
The IRS

27. What is a dalmations favorite satellite platform?
Spot

28. Why is the space shuttle interferometry data quite trippy?
Because it is SIReal

29. If RS agents get sick have they picked up AVIRIS? And if they have, is it the SAR virius?

30. What are some bad qualities of an RS agent?
AVIRIS and greed

31. When the goings get TIFF, The TIFF get going.

32. How do Remote sensing systems hold up their jtents?
With JPEGS

33. Alternative definition: False Color Composite
See also Michael Jackson's skin color

34. What do RS engineers go to the zoo to see?
TIGERs

35. What do image analyst go to Egypt to see?
The great pyramid layers

36. Does imaging of DNA use pyrimidine layers?

37. While roaming do as the roamins

38. How much does history weigh?
1 Histogram

39. How do Image analysts turn their pancakes?
With a spatial-a

40. Who is the favorite horror monster of Image interpreters?
Count Spatial-a

41. If you are afraid of the air, is that an atmos-fear?

42. How do you determine how strong someone's ring is?
By measuring the signet to noise ratio

43. How does a Remote Sensor call someone an idiot?
By telling them they are at full wit but only half maximum

44. How do you interpret a hotel lobby?
With Foyer analysis

45. How do you see the atmosphere?
Through atmospheric windows

46. If you heard on the airwaves that America was finally switching to the European system of lengths and measures, would that be Radiometric data?

47. If Mr. Rogers had been an image analyst instead, what would have been his theme song?
Oh Won't you be my nearest neighbor

48. How much does an image weigh?
1 photogram-metric

49. The energy inside an imaging platform joins the Sith?
Is that darkside current?

50. How do geographers sign up for their classes?
At Re-GIS-tration

51. Who hosts "Who wants to be an image analizer"?
Re-GIS Philben

52. Alternative definition: Cubic Convolution
The best way of interpreting Picasso's work

53. The geographer just went down a very steep slope.
It was quite a relief

54. Who is the main villan in Remote Sensing version of Star Wars?
Darth Vector

55. Altoids, deltoids, metroids, and spheroids

56. How do you measure how similar two bays are?
No, You don't need Baysian statistics you simply use COVE-variance

57. How do you trademark a satellite?
By writting Landsat TM

58. What does a dyslexic paramedic and a satellite sensor have in common?
They are both ETMs

59. How do image analysts pay for things?
They send each other the BIL

60. What is the difference between satellite imagery and a bodybuilding photoshoot?
One deals with multispectral images the other deals with multi-pectoral images

61. Is a class were everyone fails a low pass filter?

62. Do soldiers have to salute a convolution kernal?

63. Alternative definition: Hyperspectral cube
The means of travel ammong the borg

64. What do you call friendly ticks?
Nice lines (Its the same thing you say at Disneyland)

65. Alternative definition: Look Up table
What you said as a kid while playing hide and go seek while you were hidden under the table. Look up-- table

66. Alternative definition: 12 o clock straight up
Orthorectified noon

67. Who did many image analysts vote for in an election?
Ralph Nadir

68. Who else might be the villan in Satellite Star Wars?
Darth Nadir

69. How do convolution filters sleep at night?
By using a mask (they also go scuba diving that way too)

70. What do image analysts listen to while they work?
An Apple IFOV

71. Does a Satellite speak with a LISS?

72. If you talk bad about Side Long Radar, is that a racial SLAR

73. Now here's a broad scale all encompassing that is really hot:
Advanced Very High Resolution Radiometer 1.1 km

74. Satellites played a game of musical chairs Radar lost because RADARSAT sat where LANSAT

75. How did lightning travel across a map?
It ARCed

76. ESRI has combined ARCmap with ARC GIS they are calling it ARCweld

77. What do you call the numbers involved cartography?
Mapmathics

78. None of the map projections are the best, but their are some that are Goode

79. What disease does an Oblique Conic Conformal projection suffer from?
It is Bipolar

80. What is the math most image scientist deal with?
ADRIing and subtractring

81. Alternative definition: stereo pairs
The speakers on either side of your boom box

82. Alternative definitions: Attitude Control System
See also "principal's office"

83. Who do seahusbands marry?
SeaWiFS

84. Alternative Definition: Arial Imagery
See also "Disney's Little Mermaid"

85.-88. Alternative definition: Base map
An image of Hill field
The layout of where OH- ions are placed
Showing what are belong to us

89. The geographer fell down. You might say he BIIFed it.

90. Alternative Definition: Bin Function
Son of Bin Laden

91. Alternative definition:bit
How you lead a horse

92. Alternative definition: horizontal overlap
The term for displacement of stomach beyond a belt

93. Alternative defininition: bpi
A factor of b times 3.14159265353...

94. Alternative definition: Buffer zone
A region just outside a Base map

95. Alternative definition: Baby on your doorstep
See also 'Bundle Location"

96. Alternative definition: Byte
What the bundle on your doorstep will do

97. Alternative definition: Cartesian
A C grade Artesian-- in other words a bad painter

98.AD: Colorguns
See also "Paintball"

99. AD: Dynamic Range
What is lacking in most Jr. High bands

100. AD: a sharpening stone
See :Edge Enhancer

101. AD: exposure station
See also "Strip club"

Bonus jokes

AD: fast fourier transform
See also Lobby makeovers

AD: File coordinates
Where you left your rass-ter

AD: Ground truthing
President Bush's new term for methods of Torture

LIDAR LIDAR pants on FIDAR

AD:Image pair
The only fruit an image analyst will eat

AD: Image scale
How you know one image weighs one photgrammetric

AD: monochromatic image
Low diverstiy

AD: NOAA
what I say when I need batteries

AD: Reference pixels
The little fairies in the library who find things out for you

AD: Rubber sheeting
Kids read this, so I won't post what you are thinking

Do cartographers like maps?
They like SOM

AD:Specle noise
The latest craze in music

AD:Spectroscopy
a procedure slightly less painful than a colonoscopy

AD: Spline
what you have fixed by a chiropractor

AD Striping
When more than just data is removed ;)

AD: Tie point
just below the neck

AD: Foreshortening
What mommy went to the store for

AD:Unscaled map
No fish

AD: UPS
duh what else would it be?

AD: Volume set
Where my radio stays

AD: Wavelet
The half hearted greeting a nerd gets from a popular girl--when he's lucky.

How were these jokes?
far out
over my head
just going round an round
Full of IMAGEination

BAD really really bad!!