More Alternative definitions (The bold words are real words look them up if
you want, they are too weird to be fiction)
1. Chakra and Aura
President Bush's plan for invading Iraq
Babaurhum A batter cake raised with Yeast and saturated with rum
2. Babel
A word from on high
Babu or Baboo Hindu title for sir
3. Baby
A cry at nights sleep
4. Byzantine
Rome in the fall
5. Bach
1.Opposite of fronth
2. To return --take Bach
6. Bacchus
a real Roman Winer
7. Bachelor
A really bad pioneering guy. One who can't tie the knot or get hitched.
8. Bactrian Camel
One who got over the hump
9. Back bite
Where the mosquito got you
10. Backstroke
How you relieve said mosquito bite
11. Backward
The small LDS group located near the frontward
12. Virus
Its just a phage
13. Badger
See Boy Scouts
14. Baffin Island
A real cool place
15. Baghdad
A city sized crater in Iraq
16. Belch
The Air force
17. Bail
1.What you make in prison
2. When in a boat and this happens see also wet suit
18. Bait
What gets you hooked on fishing
19. Baked Alaska
See Global Warming
20. Baker's Bread
One who feels kneaded
Baksheesh A tip or gratuity in Egypt
21. Baking powder
See Meth Lab
22. Vasco Nunez de Balboa
A Pacifist
23. Baleen
Ya got something in your teeth
24. Ball and socket joint
What will be made of Titanium in 50 years
25. Ballerina
A woman who is always on her toes
26. Ballista
Something worth a shot
27. Ballast
How to balance your checkbook
28. Hot air balloon
See high rise
29. Ballot
A slow love song
30. Balm
What we did to Baghdad
Balneology The science of bathing
31. Baloney
A meat you get fed from the feds
32. Baltic
A Sea average
33. Baltimore Oriole
A team member not likely to win the pennant
34. Bamboo
a growth spurt (bamboo is the fastest growing land plant)
35. Banana
One twisted fruit
35. Temperate
See Three year olds
36. Bandit
something that leaves you wondering whats the hold up
37. Band Saw
a musical group based on a recent horror movie
38. Band Wagon
A group with a large following
39. Bang
!
40. Banyan
An American hero of foklore
41. Banjo
1. Strum thing to do
2. A man who speaks with a twang
42. Bank
Something going through withdrawls
43. Banner
The system at Weber State that is always crashing [for those of you who
don't ge to school here Banner is the name of the computer system and it is
always crashing]
44 Barb
Something leaving you wondering what's the catch?
45. Banquet
Food that is in your face!
46. Baptism
If done by a basketball player, its a slam dunk
47. Barbados
A cleanup on Isle 5
48. The MTC
Tie-land
49. Banister
Is rail
50. Barbarism
A catch phrase or ism used by a cutter of hair
51. Barbell
Something for when you need a lift
52. Barbwire
Snag time
53. Barcelona
A city with some Spaining to do
54. Bard
What guys shave in the morning
55. Barium
What an undertaker does
56. Barnstorm
The scene from the movie TWISTER, if you've seen the movie you know the
scene I am talking about
57. Barrage
Its waht Bwrings us here towether twoday
Barranca A steep deep hole in Southwestern US
Barratry A crime meaning misuse of office
58. Barren
One who rules over a parcel of land
59. Barrier
See undertaker
60. Bartok
The things you say when you have had a little too muck to drink
61. Baseball
A dangerous game chemists play involving spheres of --OH ions
62. Bashful
Full of Bash See Barbarian
63. Basement
Flood zone
64. Base line
The riff played by the guy with the large upright stringed instrument
65. Basil
The country who will probably win this years world cup
The jester being walled up inside a cathedral asked if he was trying to be
made a nave of.
66. Basket
Something to reed
67. Los Angeles Basketball
A lot of HoopLA
Basque A tight fitting womens tunic
68. Battering Ram
A sheep charged with spousal abuse
Basta Enough!
69. Bathing Cap
Slang for the skipper of a ship while cleansing him/herself
70. Battery
An adjective used to describe undercooked pancakes
71. Battle Royal
A war between the Hapsbergs
72. Bawd
The oppocite of good
73. Beading
What will continue until the moral improves
74. Beagle
Goes well with cream cheese
75. Beak
What you will be getting a bill for
76. Bean Caper
The Stealing of a pea
77. Bear Skinned
1. The latest in fashion
2. The rug in a hunting lodge
78. Beard
A time shaver
79. Beast of Burden
Kids carrying school backpacks
80. Beat
What I can't keep
81. Beattitude
The grade little Jimmy received for always talking back but doing it nicely
82. Bebop
The flattening of stinging insects
83. Because
The answer to the question Why
84. Bedaub
George Bush's brother Billy's nickname
85. Bed Molding
What happens to your sheets if you don't dry them
86. Bedridden
He wants to remove his sleeping pad and thus be bed ridden
87. Bedtime story
A real sleeper
88. Water Bed
Bed wetting
89. Beehives
[Beehive--Beeholder--beholder>spectator>specked tater-->Rotten potato]
1. Places where you can get the latest buzz
2. What a bee gets after wandering into poison Ivy
Beetle also means an overhang
90. Befog
A bee with gas
91. Befoul
What happens when your cross an insect with a chicken
92. Begone
The chemicals used to get rid of befouls and behives
93. Before
What an insect yells while playing golf
94. Befriend
What makes bebes
95. Begun
How you shoot bees
96. Behemoth
A flying insect related to the behebutterfly
97. behoove
What you get if you cross a cow and a black and yellow flying insect
98. Beige
A COMPLETELY different color than tan, camel, brown or any of the other
brown like colors
99. Toll Road
A road lined with bells
100. Firetruck
Toll Truck
Bellona The wife of Mars Goddess of war
101. Bell hop
A dance just for bells
2B continued....
Thursday, September 28, 2006
The Alternative Dictionary Letter B
How To ADD (Vol. A)
The Alternative Dictionary by John Boom
Many of you know what words mean. Here now is a list of what words "really" mean. I present to the world the first installment of the Alternative Definition Dictionary
1. The Spice Girls
Broadband
- Smoker
Hacker
- The Big Apple
Big Mac
- Stumped
Log on
- UnStumped
Log Off
- Stamp collection
Cut and paste
7. The PTA
A motherboard
- Gamer
- A play boy
- player
- Well Toned and really Buff
One is what you do to a printer the other is what you do to a floor
- Minimize
What Mickey does while they are at home
- Copy machine
The right click button on a mouse
12. Paper Jam
Similar to Pearl Jam but without the edge
- Bra
A fallout shelter
- A
The grade one will never get out of the cranky professors class
- Aardvark
One whose vark is vorse than its vite
Ab The eleventh month of the Jewish calendar
- Abacus
Any obscenities found in the song “Dancing Queen”
- Abate
What you catch afish with
- Abbr.
1. A word whose life was cut short
2. A word that needs Miracle Gro.
- Abduct
See Gastrointestinal tract
Abinitio from the beginning
- Abnormal
Potgut
- Abominable Snowman
Your neighbor’s winter construction that is a mere 2 feet taller than yours.
- About ship
Tacky
- Abrade
Liposuction (ab raid)
Where we looked for weapons of mass destruction
- Abridge
- How you cross ariver
- see “Southern Statistics—Mean”
- Abscess
The term for when elementary school breaks were taken away
- Abscise
The opposite of exercise
- Absence
The kinesthetic awareness of having a potgut
- Absentee Ballot
Votes that don’t really count
- A.W.O.L.
A really bad internet provider
- Absinth
What the school secretary, the one with a lisp, marked you as
- Perfect pitch
The one that won the World Series
- Absolute Value
The name of a local five and dime
- Absolute zero
The grade you got in said professors class
- Absolve
A cleaning fluid for stomachs
- Abstain
What Absolve cleans
Abstemious eating and drinking in moderation, along with facetious, is a word that has all of the vowels in their proper order.
- Abstinence
Sex Ed
- Abstraction
1. Having rubber grip on your stomach
2. A person named Abs when she breaks her thigh
- Abstruse
The opposite of Dr. Seuss
- Abundance
- See also the “Roll Waltz”
- A film festival held in
- Abutment
The act of sitting on gum
- Abysmal
How you did in said professors class
- Acacia
A tree that gets right to the point
- School
A 16-year sentence w/o parole
- Academy Awards
Praising people for not being themselves
- Acaroid
A famous actor (actually a genus of mite)
- Accelerate
Something you have to force yourself to do
- Accelerometer
Something you were forced to measure
- Accent
- Bless you!
- A sign of stress
- What occasionally happens around children
- Acceptance
Usually preceded by an award
- Accident Prone
Getting hit while lying down
- Accolade
Similar to lemonade, but made with accos
- Acid Fast
What hard rockers do on the first Sunday of every month.
- Acupressure
Dealing with pressing demands
- Adagio
When things are going slow
Adamite one who goes naked in imitation of Adam, such as was the practice of some early religious sects
- Adder
Math snake
An Arabic shoe company
- Bureaucrat
Red tape dispenser
- Adroit
C-3PO
- Adolescent
Preoccupied
Adscititious supplemental, added from an external source
- Aerate
To make holey
- Atmosphere
An airy subject
- Aesop
A fabled story teller
64. Affinity
A six year old’s largest number, often coupled with suffices --plus one or --billion
- Afflict
The fly landed on me and afflict it
- Aftermath
The happiest times in most people’s college careers
- Career
The end of the help wanted subscriptions
- Afternoon
Morning
- After taste
Greasy fast food
- Old age
Mortal coil shuffling
- Agonic
A definition with no bearing
- Valentine
Heart felt
Ahimsa the doctrine that all life is one and sacred resulting in the principle of nonviolence toward all
- Aileron
Making decisions on the wing
- Akimbo
Side arms
- Air hose
pump and circumstance
- Non-working air ship
Incorigible
- Air strip
A ghost’s burlesque house
- Air taxi
The only thing you are likely to catch in
How people shop
- Alarm Clock
- A slumber slaughterer
- An annoying ring tone
- Fable
A story where allegory details have been omitted
- Aligator
- An open and closed case
- A snap judgment
Random joke from beyond:
What do you call Halloween in the
Trigger treating
- Allover
A book by Charles Dickens—Allover Twist
Alopecia baldness
83. Alphabet
The fist bid of the night in
Amaranthine Unfading/ undying
- Ambiance
Why your food cost 25$ instead of 3
Ambivert one who is both introverted and extroverted
85. Amateur farmer
Not a pro-tractor
- Ambidextrous
A guy you gotta hand it to
- Ammunition makers
Round people
- Amoral
A type of eel
- Anachronism
Right place, wrong time
- Anagram
A managr
- Analog
See fossil
- Apostrophe
A sign that you got owned
- Amitosis
When ya just gotta split
- Sailing
1. Anchor management
2. A breeze to learn
- The
A city state
- Angler Fish
A deep thinker
- Angelic
What your two year old is not
- Animate
A lively discussion
- Anneal
- A temper tantrum
- A really tall basketball player
- Ante
Your mother’s sister
Apocope to shorten the last letters of a word
Apteryx a kiwi
Arrack strong oriental drink made from rice molasses and coconut milk
Arraign To call into account. To question
101 .Arrack and Arraign
Two countries in the middle East President Bush believes to have weapons of mass destruction.
Bonus definition:
102. Assemble
No directions included
I am A Knock-ternal Creature
101 KNOCK KNOCK JOKES
So the inspiration for this batch of awful came from that old scout
camp song stay on the sunny side of life. This song involves quite a
few knock knock jokes and the camp was getting bored with the same old
repetoir so I decided i would come up with 101 new ones for them.
Most of these are terrible a few are worse and some are funny though
all are clean.
1. Knock knock
Who's there?
Atilla
Atilla Who?
Atilla Later
2. Knock knock
Who's there?
Harvey
Harvey Who?
Harvey up and oven the door I gotta go
3. Knock knock
Who's there?
Jazz
Jazz who
Jazz open the door
4. Knock knock
Who's there?
Irene
Irene who?
Irene waiting all day for you to oven the door
5. ...
Warren
Warren who?
Warren you like to know
6...
Nora
Nora who?
Nora Idea
7....
Edgar
Edgar who
Edgar you open up or else
8. ...
Nichole
Nichole who?
I'll give ya a shiny new Nichole if ya open up
9. ...
Ima
Ima who?
Ima comin in so ya'd better open up
10. ...
Morris
...
And Morris on the way
11. ..
Bird
Bird who?
Get some new material, I've bird all these before
12. ...
Ma
...
Ma name is forest
13. Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anger
Anger who?
No its pronounced Kangeroo
14. Knock knock
Who's there?
Pa
Pa who?
Patato that's who
15. ...
Boo
Boo Who
Aw don't cry about it
16. ...
Who
Who Who
he's an owl
17. ...
Whoo
Whoo Who
Over zealous sports fan
18. ...
Em
Em Who
Cow lover
19. ...
Cann
Cann who
Yes I can canoe?
20. ..
Hitch
Hitch who
Gesundite
21. ...
Ach
Ach who
Knock knock
Who's there
Bless
Bless Who
22. Knock knock
Who's there?
Thank
Thank who
You're welcom
23. ...
Inca
...
Incagnito that's who
24. ...
Ivy
Ivy who
Ivy wainting here all day for you to open the door
25. Knock knock
Who's there?
Worm
Worm who?
Its cold and I want to be worm
26. ...
Tooth hurty
Tooth hurty who
Naw its only three seventeen not two thirty two
27. ..
tooth
...
But I swear I'm telling the tooth
28. ...
Gwain
...
But ain't you gwain to let me in?
29. ...
Elza
Elza who?
Edgar you let me in or Elza
30. Knock knock
Who's there?
Hat's
Hat's who?
Hat's all folks
31. Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alf
Alf who?
Alf fooled you hats not all
32. ...
ya
ya who
YaHOOOO!
33. ...
Wally
Wally Who
Wally atchee Dooly Doo
34. ...
Walt
Walt who
Walt ya be my neighbor
35. ...
Wilt
Wilt who
Wilt ya please let me in?
36. ...
Bella
Bella who?
For whom the Bella tolls, its tolls for thee
37. ...
Gabon
Gabon who?
Gabon Let me in!
38. ...
Zed
Zed who?
Just zed me in.
39. ...
Panther
Panther who?
Panther no panths I'm goin thwimin
40. ...
Thor
...
Pleathe won't thomone open the thor?
41....
Natalya
Natalya who?
Ya'd better open the door cause I'll Natalya
42. ...
I. Samba
I. Samba who
I.Samba goin ta open tha door or what?
43. ...
George
?
Doot doot doot GEORGE ! (charge)
44. ...
Aspen
Aspen who?
Let me Aspen it to you one more time
45. ...
Solome
Solome who?
I knocked, solome in
46. ...
Alice
Alice who?
Alistened to you, know you listen to me.
47. ...
Horace
Horace Who?
My voice is getting a little Horace
48. ...
Billy
Billy Who?
Billy Ford Tough
49. ...
Robby
Robby who?
Give me all your money its a Robby
50. Tick
Tick who?
Tick em up, its a tongue tied wobber
51. Wallace
Wallace who?
I told ya its a Robby give me all ya wallace
52. Carolyn
Carolyn who?
For Christmas we can go a carolyn
53. Willy
Willy who?
Willy please open the door, I asked nicely.
54. Egbert
Egbert who?
I cooked breakfast, but my egbert
55. Lenny
...
I lenny him money, but he never returned it
56. Knock knock
Who's there?
Zeus
Zeus who?
Ma blue zwade zeus
57. Hera
...
I need a comb for my Hera
58. Demeter
De electrician came to read demeter
59. Perseus
I tried to return something, but needed proof of perseus
60. Trellis
You WILL trellis your name and where they are hiding!
61. Jose
Jose can you see
62. Yanni
I worked all night I have every right to be yanni
63. Matt
I am so Matt at you, you didn't open the door
64. Knock knock
Who's there
Doris
Doris who?
I knocked because the doris closed
65. Zack
Ya wanna play hacky zack?
66. Camp
Camp who?
Camp with any new knock knock jokes yet?
67. Neredeth
Man, last week I had a neredeth experience
68. Colton
Colton who
Eli Whitney, that's who, he invented the colton gin
69. Bobby
Bobby who
Ya wanna fo Bobby for apples?
70. Bess
Its bess if you open the door
71. Santa
I couldn't get to sleep without the help of the santa man
72. hair spray
Hair spray who?
hair spray, gone tomorrow
73. Paul
Paul who?
I Paul down, go Boom!
74. Adam Ant
Adam Ant who?
I am adam ant that you open this door right now!
75. Flora
If ya ain't got no beds I'll sleep on the flora
76. haiti
Be friends and Stop the Haiti
77. Donna
Donna who?
Can somethin be donna bout these jokes?
78. Jaques
Jaques who?
Jaques in the boques
79.Box Brando
Box Brando who?
Box Brando-berg concerto its a really good song
80.Knock Knock
Who's there
...
...
...
...
Door bell ditcher
81. Brian
I gotta go, for breakfast I had a brian muffan
82. Knock Knock
Who's there
Mario
Mario who?
Go Go Mario, Mario and Luigi. Fight for Right ! Fix the pipe! set the
Princess Free!...
83. Phil
Phil Who?
I phil your pain
84. Wilde
Wilde who?
Wilde you were sleeping I found another way in
85. Martha
Martha who?
On your martha, get setha goa
86. Marris
Marris who?
Marris is what bwrings us hwere twogethwer twoday
87. Knock knock
Who's there?
Sally
Sally who?
These knock knock jokes are given me a headache, I need some sallycyclic acid
88. Erin
Erin who?
Can you do me a favor and run me an erin
89. Knock knock
Who's there?
Luke Mark Mattew John
Luke Mark My words I will Mattew John the darkside
90. Erep
Erep who?
'Ere Potter
91. Blonde
???
Wear camouflage Blonde in
92. Blonde
Blonde who?
James Blonde
93. Knock knock
Who's there?
Blonde
blonde who?
Go home where you blonde
94. air
air who?
is air anybody home?
95. Darleen Dunce
Darleen dunce who?
Darleen Dunce with me
96. Knock knock
Who's there?
Mash
Mash who?
Mash hysteria, that's who
97. Tally
Tally who
Tally Whoo!
98. Knock knock
Who's there?
Oprah
Oprah who?
Oprah up its the police
99. Nose
Nose who?
Olny the Shadow Nose
100. Wells
Wells who?
Alls wells that ends wells
101. Lola
My jokes have reached a new LOLa
For the Birds
The Avians are invading! Incidently if any one needs back ground on this I 1. did my Eagle Scout project for a local aviary and 2. Was the nature director at the camp I worked at.
101 Bird jokes
1. How much did the warbler pay for the item?
Not much he got it cheap cheap, for a song in fact
2. What do you call it when a seagull flies over an enclosed body of water=
?
A bay gull
3. Who did the the seagull marry?
The Gull of his dreams
4. What is a favorite book among the charadriiforms?
Gull-ivers Travels
5. Why was the tern dupped so easily?
It was Gull-able
6. What do birds compete in?
Tern-aments
7. What do you call a selfish podipediform?
Grebey (Greedy)
8. Which bird was locked away in an insane assylum?
A Loon
9. What did the bird die of?
A heron overdose
10. What is the motto of a bird?
Beak there done that
11. Why are geese so knowledgeable?
They have all the ansers
12. Which bird is popular amoung the oil industry?
The Petrel-eums
13. Where do charadriiformes go to get an education?
Skua
14. What is a popular dance amoung ciconiiformes?
The flamingo
15. What do you call a hot phoenicopterus?
A Flame-ingo
16. What is a popular game involving getting rows and colums of
phoenicpters?
Flam-ingo its like bingo but for the birds
17. What do you call an inbred bunch of Albatross?
Mixed Medea
18. What is a famous Greek play about an albatross killing her young?
Dio-Medea
19. What do you call an avian electronic circuit component?
A Diode-medea
20. Why is it dificult to keep secrets in the Antarctic?
There are too many Prion eyes
21. What does an antarctic ornithologist read?
An Adelie paper (Daily paper)
22. What do you call a gracious penguin?
Humbolt
23. When a penguin plays checkers does he get a king??
24. Larry Bird Played basketball. I have his rookery card.
25What type of carpeting does an arctic/antarctic ornithologist have?
Shag carpet
26. The Gannet was Looking Sulan.
27. What is one problem ornithologists face?
Taking took much for gannet
28. Who was a famous Turkish Gannet?
Sula-mon the Magnificent
29. Which bird is a famous rock star?
Mic Jaeger
30. Where can you find coastal charadriiformes?
In Gull-f
31. Did you see the Gullp?
Whats a gull-p
Its like a swallow but bigger
32. What do you call a fast moving cat in water?
A Kitty-wake
33. How do you keep tract of arctic circumnavigating birds at an amusement
park?
Whith a Tern-stile
34. What does a dungeons and dragons bird cleric do well?
Tern undead
35. Why was the Gygis alba being bad?
It was Noddy
36. Which bird is a famous behavioralist?
B.F. Skimmer
37. What do you plug a bird into?
A power Auklet
38. What do you call two bird organic chemistry molecules?
ParaKeetones
39. What is a chicken's favorite Shakespearean play to act out?
Omlet
40. What killed a large number of birds during the French revolution?
The Guillemotine
41. Which bird are you likely to find painted on walls?
A Murre-al
42. Which bird has a national forest in California?
The Murre Woods
43. What do you call an avian stalker?
A secret ad-murre-er
44. What is the most common occupation of a Uria aalge?
A Murre-chant
45. What does an ornithologist call a cell phone charge?
A razorbill
46. Which blood sucking count did the Puffin go as for Halloween?
Count Fratercula
47. Why is fratercula corniculata an out of shape bird?
Because They're always huffin and Puffin.
48. What is a ornithologists favorite movie?
Puffin the magic dragon
49. Why is the three little pigs an ornithologists favorite movie?
Because the Big bad wolf threatens to Huffin and Puffin and blow the house
down
50. Which part of a bird was a president?
Howard Tuft
51. Why are loons so talkative?
They have the gift of gavia (Gab)
52. Where does a gaviiform get its clothes?
They are all handmade on a loon
53. What do you call a latex gaviiform?
A Bal-loon
54. Who was a famous bird photographer during the civil war?
Horace Grebely
55. How does a podipediformes complain?
By airing his/her grebences
56. What do you call a random assortment of birds?
A Grebe Bag 9grab Bag)
57. Why does an Anseriforme like the number 2?
Because it is swan plus swan
58. What do you call a yukon Gay Bar?
A Canada Goose (Sorry!)
59. What do you call it if you cannot choose a particular family of duck?
An Eider or Situation
60. What is a fun nursery rhyme dealing with anseriforms on a rainy day?
The Itsy Bitsy Eider
61. What is a favorite drink among Somaterias?
Apple Ci-eider
62. Melanitta Perspicillata is the scientific name for the Surf Scoter. If
this duck is found in Canada would it be a Nova Scoter?
63. How do ornithologist get around?
On a scoter (scooter)
64. What is a popular James Bond Film based on a duck species?
Goldeneye
65. Which bird "wrote" Princess Bride?
Stanly Merganser
66. Which Duck sailed around the world?
Drake
67. Which duck discovered the Titanic?
Robert Mallard
68. Where do birds shop?
At the General Stork
69. Which firey letter of the alphabet is really a bird?
The flaming "O"
70. What childhood game do greater flamingos play?
Cops and rubers
71. What is a classic flamingo comeback?
I ruber your glue ...
72. Why is wonder woman a bird?
Because she is a Heron (Heroine)
73. From whom do birds rent cars?
Avis
74. Who were the favorite avian characters on Sesame Street?
Bird and Ernie
75. Why are features of bird bill so well versed in mythology?
They know their lores
76. Which part of a bird is in the Bible?
Saul of tarsus
77. Why is on the wing a synonym for running from the law?
Because he doesn't want to be behind bars (wing bars)
78. How does a bird eat?
With a knifula and furkula
79. What does a passiform take camping?
Everything but the kitchen syrinx
80. Where does a bird go if it needs counciling?
To Syrinx
81. If you put a bird in the dryer on extra hot what happens?
It syrinx
81. In ancient Egypt there is the statue of the great syrinx.
82. What type of song bird is always jerking back?
The flinch or possibly the Jamaican Jerk Chicken
83. What is a midevil scholar's favorite bird?
A Knightengale
84. Which bird is also a storm?
A nightin-gale
85. Where do birds put their cars?
In Larking spots
86. What does a rope using bird do?
Whipporwill (Whips well)
87. Which bird can take down a tree?
A sparrow
88. Which member of the Struthioniformes is crenulated?
The Castlewary
89. Which struthioniform is a form of insurance agent?
A Actuary
90. What do you call medievil surf birds?
The Pheasants
91. What do you call a curmudgeonly rallidae?
An Old Coot
92. What do you call a sharpshooting rostratulid?
A Snipe-r
93. What is the luckiest bird?
The four leaf plover
Auks and skua are two diferent types of birds yet they have the same name
backwards.
94. What happend to the tall chucker?
It hit a grouse spurt
96. Why can't population biologist predict the number of tetronidae?
Because it will always be a grouse underestimate
97. Where do tropical ornithologists go for cheap Mexican food?
Turaco Bell
99. What happens if you cross a canary with a fan?
You get shredded tweet
100. What was a movie made by Mel Gibson about Biblical Song birds?
The Passerine of Christ
101. How does a bird remove a nut?
With wrens (Wrench)
Bonus Joke:
102 What do you call a point just touching once on a bird?
tanager (tangent)
101 Bird jokes
1. How much did the warbler pay for the item?
Not much he got it cheap cheap, for a song in fact
2. What do you call it when a seagull flies over an enclosed body of water=
?
A bay gull
3. Who did the the seagull marry?
The Gull of his dreams
4. What is a favorite book among the charadriiforms?
Gull-ivers Travels
5. Why was the tern dupped so easily?
It was Gull-able
6. What do birds compete in?
Tern-aments
7. What do you call a selfish podipediform?
Grebey (Greedy)
8. Which bird was locked away in an insane assylum?
A Loon
9. What did the bird die of?
A heron overdose
10. What is the motto of a bird?
Beak there done that
11. Why are geese so knowledgeable?
They have all the ansers
12. Which bird is popular amoung the oil industry?
The Petrel-eums
13. Where do charadriiformes go to get an education?
Skua
14. What is a popular dance amoung ciconiiformes?
The flamingo
15. What do you call a hot phoenicopterus?
A Flame-ingo
16. What is a popular game involving getting rows and colums of
phoenicpters?
Flam-ingo its like bingo but for the birds
17. What do you call an inbred bunch of Albatross?
Mixed Medea
18. What is a famous Greek play about an albatross killing her young?
Dio-Medea
19. What do you call an avian electronic circuit component?
A Diode-medea
20. Why is it dificult to keep secrets in the Antarctic?
There are too many Prion eyes
21. What does an antarctic ornithologist read?
An Adelie paper (Daily paper)
22. What do you call a gracious penguin?
Humbolt
23. When a penguin plays checkers does he get a king??
24. Larry Bird Played basketball. I have his rookery card.
25What type of carpeting does an arctic/antarctic ornithologist have?
Shag carpet
26. The Gannet was Looking Sulan.
27. What is one problem ornithologists face?
Taking took much for gannet
28. Who was a famous Turkish Gannet?
Sula-mon the Magnificent
29. Which bird is a famous rock star?
Mic Jaeger
30. Where can you find coastal charadriiformes?
In Gull-f
31. Did you see the Gullp?
Whats a gull-p
Its like a swallow but bigger
32. What do you call a fast moving cat in water?
A Kitty-wake
33. How do you keep tract of arctic circumnavigating birds at an amusement
park?
Whith a Tern-stile
34. What does a dungeons and dragons bird cleric do well?
Tern undead
35. Why was the Gygis alba being bad?
It was Noddy
36. Which bird is a famous behavioralist?
B.F. Skimmer
37. What do you plug a bird into?
A power Auklet
38. What do you call two bird organic chemistry molecules?
ParaKeetones
39. What is a chicken's favorite Shakespearean play to act out?
Omlet
40. What killed a large number of birds during the French revolution?
The Guillemotine
41. Which bird are you likely to find painted on walls?
A Murre-al
42. Which bird has a national forest in California?
The Murre Woods
43. What do you call an avian stalker?
A secret ad-murre-er
44. What is the most common occupation of a Uria aalge?
A Murre-chant
45. What does an ornithologist call a cell phone charge?
A razorbill
46. Which blood sucking count did the Puffin go as for Halloween?
Count Fratercula
47. Why is fratercula corniculata an out of shape bird?
Because They're always huffin and Puffin.
48. What is a ornithologists favorite movie?
Puffin the magic dragon
49. Why is the three little pigs an ornithologists favorite movie?
Because the Big bad wolf threatens to Huffin and Puffin and blow the house
down
50. Which part of a bird was a president?
Howard Tuft
51. Why are loons so talkative?
They have the gift of gavia (Gab)
52. Where does a gaviiform get its clothes?
They are all handmade on a loon
53. What do you call a latex gaviiform?
A Bal-loon
54. Who was a famous bird photographer during the civil war?
Horace Grebely
55. How does a podipediformes complain?
By airing his/her grebences
56. What do you call a random assortment of birds?
A Grebe Bag 9grab Bag)
57. Why does an Anseriforme like the number 2?
Because it is swan plus swan
58. What do you call a yukon Gay Bar?
A Canada Goose (Sorry!)
59. What do you call it if you cannot choose a particular family of duck?
An Eider or Situation
60. What is a fun nursery rhyme dealing with anseriforms on a rainy day?
The Itsy Bitsy Eider
61. What is a favorite drink among Somaterias?
Apple Ci-eider
62. Melanitta Perspicillata is the scientific name for the Surf Scoter. If
this duck is found in Canada would it be a Nova Scoter?
63. How do ornithologist get around?
On a scoter (scooter)
64. What is a popular James Bond Film based on a duck species?
Goldeneye
65. Which bird "wrote" Princess Bride?
Stanly Merganser
66. Which Duck sailed around the world?
Drake
67. Which duck discovered the Titanic?
Robert Mallard
68. Where do birds shop?
At the General Stork
69. Which firey letter of the alphabet is really a bird?
The flaming "O"
70. What childhood game do greater flamingos play?
Cops and rubers
71. What is a classic flamingo comeback?
I ruber your glue ...
72. Why is wonder woman a bird?
Because she is a Heron (Heroine)
73. From whom do birds rent cars?
Avis
74. Who were the favorite avian characters on Sesame Street?
Bird and Ernie
75. Why are features of bird bill so well versed in mythology?
They know their lores
76. Which part of a bird is in the Bible?
Saul of tarsus
77. Why is on the wing a synonym for running from the law?
Because he doesn't want to be behind bars (wing bars)
78. How does a bird eat?
With a knifula and furkula
79. What does a passiform take camping?
Everything but the kitchen syrinx
80. Where does a bird go if it needs counciling?
To Syrinx
81. If you put a bird in the dryer on extra hot what happens?
It syrinx
81. In ancient Egypt there is the statue of the great syrinx.
82. What type of song bird is always jerking back?
The flinch or possibly the Jamaican Jerk Chicken
83. What is a midevil scholar's favorite bird?
A Knightengale
84. Which bird is also a storm?
A nightin-gale
85. Where do birds put their cars?
In Larking spots
86. What does a rope using bird do?
Whipporwill (Whips well)
87. Which bird can take down a tree?
A sparrow
88. Which member of the Struthioniformes is crenulated?
The Castlewary
89. Which struthioniform is a form of insurance agent?
A Actuary
90. What do you call medievil surf birds?
The Pheasants
91. What do you call a curmudgeonly rallidae?
An Old Coot
92. What do you call a sharpshooting rostratulid?
A Snipe-r
93. What is the luckiest bird?
The four leaf plover
Auks and skua are two diferent types of birds yet they have the same name
backwards.
94. What happend to the tall chucker?
It hit a grouse spurt
96. Why can't population biologist predict the number of tetronidae?
Because it will always be a grouse underestimate
97. Where do tropical ornithologists go for cheap Mexican food?
Turaco Bell
99. What happens if you cross a canary with a fan?
You get shredded tweet
100. What was a movie made by Mel Gibson about Biblical Song birds?
The Passerine of Christ
101. How does a bird remove a nut?
With wrens (Wrench)
Bonus Joke:
102 What do you call a point just touching once on a bird?
tanager (tangent)
Anatomy Jokes, The final cut
101 Anatomy Jokes
1. why did the person fail the cadaver lab?
She just couldn't cut it
2. Why isanatomy so hard?
Because the professor is really sternum
3. Who is this book written for?
Forramin
4. Why are tails so mean?
they just need to be caudaled
5.Why is the spinal column so audacious?
Because he's got nerve
6. Why is the eye like the moon?
They're both in orbit
7.Which part of the human anatomy is president of the galaxy?
Xiphoid Beeblebrox
8.Which part of your anatomy was a the king of rock and roll?
Pelvis Presely
9.I never metatausal I didn't like
10.What are the epic poems about the pelvic region
The Illiac and the oddysey
11.If you cut someone's lower back are you then a lumbar jack?
12. What are these jokes not?
They are not humerus
13.What squaking gland of the digestive tract does long john silver
have on his shoulder?
The parot-id gland
14. In What do you entomb a mummy's throat?
Its sar-esophagus
15.What do you find on tacky tourist anatomy t shirts?
Spleen there got the Tshirt
16.Why must you never loose you fatty fold near you intestines?
Because of the law of conservation of omentum
17. What punctuation mark can be found in the body?
The colon
18.What did the anatomist do to his cars?
rectum
19.What part of the digestive tract was named after a famous
psychologist of the 1800s?
Sigmoid freud
20 Did you know there is an old James Bond movie named after a part of the body?
Liver let die
21.If you see a organ flying overhead what is it?
A gull bladder
22. How do you climb a body?
With a step bladder
23.Who did the colon-ol marry?
His beloved Gal-bladder
24 Name a lymphoid movie star?
Charlie Spleen
25.How do muscles go up and down?
In levators
26. Where do skeletal muscles dispose of their solid wastes?
In levatories
27.What is the main act in an anatomical circus?
The man on the flying trapezius
28.What do you call someone mining minerals on someones chest?
A pros-pectoralis
29.name an old black and white holywood horror film named after a
muscle near the arm?
Nos-serratus (nosferatus was a vampire movie)
30.Which muscle will freshen your breathe?
The altoids
31. What muscle can be found in mississippi/
The mississippi river deltoid
32. What do you call an enemy's police force?
The oponens Pollicis
33.The oponens Pollicis?
Is the anatomy from Poland?
34.How do you hold muscles together?
With super gluteus
35.What muscle will solve profound mathematical equations?
A Riemann Tensor
36.If an anatomist is kidnapped by aliens what does he/she say?
I was adductored by aliens
37. Why is anatomy so hard?
Because its subject matter is so vastus
38.What muscle was a leader of Argentina in the 1940s?
Evita Peroneus
39.How do you confort a grieving muscle?
give them soleus(solace)
40.What do you call something made up by a muscle?
A hallucis-nation
41.What do anatomists store fluids in?
A jugular trunk
42.Michael Crighton wrote a book about dinosaurs in an anatomy lab,
what was it called?
Thorasic park
43.Name a movie about anatomy starring Whoopi Goldberg?
Cistern act
44.What is a lymphatic exclaimation of intelligence?
Inguinious (ingenious)
45.What gland is responsible for hocking luggies?
The spituitary
46.Parsley, sage, rosemary , and thymus
47.Why was the endocrine student so upset?
He failed a teste
48.How did the doctor diagnose the comatose patient?
It was a no brainer
49.What is the favorite music structure of an anatomist?
Anything with Spinal chords
50.What is the unholy nerve?
The one that is sacral-igious to speak of
51.What nerve is the favorite nerve among the forelorn?
The sigh-atic
52.Which arteries have gender?
The male and femoral arteries
53.Why was the boy nerve attracted to the girl nerve?
Because of her cutaneous
54. Why was the nerve always upset?
Its just surally (surly)
55. Why can you never undestand neural art?
Its just sural (surreal)
56. What was the knight of the nerves known as?
Sural
57.What nerve sell peanuts?
Plantars
58.Where will you find a vegetable in your body?
In your carrot id artery
59.Where will you find a chirping insect inside your body?
In the cricoid artery
60. Was was anatomy called in world war II?
The battle of the axilla and allies
61. What many armed monster attacked tokyo?
Axilla
62. Axilla questions you want I'll answer em
63. What do you call a back up arm?
Axillary
64. Name another anatomical herb/
Basilic
65. What animal if you look it directly in the eye will turn you to stone?
A Basilic (basilisk)
66. Which artery is a famous golfer?
arnold Palmar
67.Where can you go spelunking in a human?
In the vena cava (spelunking is also known as caving)
68.What flower is popular with anatomists?
The illialac
69. How do anatomers measure circles?
With radiuses
70. What do computer programers have in common with anatomists?
The both process
71. What call in basketball is the favorite of an anatomist?
Goal tendon
72. Why does it hurt to touch your back bone?
It is a spine
73. What do musical anatomists play?
Notochords
74.What is a punk rock bad liked by anatomists?
Lymph biskit
75. What do you call weak vessels?
Lymp nodes
76. Does an anatomist walk with a lymph??
77. Does an anatomical tourist see all the cyts??
78. What game do anatomists paly?
Hyoid and go seek
79. Where can an anatomist go to get some Chinese food?
The Asiatic nerve
80. What creature stalks the night terrorising young anatomists with its calls?
The Spine-owl chord
81. How do you put a hole in a nerve?
With a spin-awl chord
82. Why couldn't the anatomist shoot the egg?
He ran out of amnion
83. How do anatomists light up the night?
With am-neon lights
84. Why are there arms and legs in the brain?
It is part of the LIMBic system
85. Why is there a sheep in your hippocampus?
It is part of the LAMBic system
86. Why are these jokes so awful?
They are about the limb-ICK system
87. How does an anatomist write?
With a limBIC
88.What is a Russian anatomical jet?
The a-MIG-dala
89. Who is the anatomical queen of Naboo?
Queen Amygdala
90. Where are smelling cells made?
In the Olfactory bulb
91. What is a mythological anatomical bird that is reborn from fire
when it dies?
The fornix
92. What is anatomists favorite musical instrument?
The organ
93. What anatomical feature runs rampant through the Himalayas?
The abdominal snow man
94. What does an anatomist do with a popsicle?
He/she finds the O-lick-ranon process
95. What are there so many shards in an anatomy lab?
Because anatomist tend to brachius stuff
96. Who is the favorite talk show host of an anatomist?
Larynx King
97. Who is an anatomists favorite boxer?
Larynx Lewis
98. What does an anatomist give you when she is mad?
A scowl-ple
99. What is an anatomists favorite basketball team?
The New York Larynx
100. What do you call an anatomical kitten?
A Cat-daver
101. Why are these jokes like a body if you don't put it in formaldehyde?
They are both rotten.
1. why did the person fail the cadaver lab?
She just couldn't cut it
2. Why isanatomy so hard?
Because the professor is really sternum
3. Who is this book written for?
Forramin
4. Why are tails so mean?
they just need to be caudaled
5.Why is the spinal column so audacious?
Because he's got nerve
6. Why is the eye like the moon?
They're both in orbit
7.Which part of the human anatomy is president of the galaxy?
Xiphoid Beeblebrox
8.Which part of your anatomy was a the king of rock and roll?
Pelvis Presely
9.I never metatausal I didn't like
10.What are the epic poems about the pelvic region
The Illiac and the oddysey
11.If you cut someone's lower back are you then a lumbar jack?
12. What are these jokes not?
They are not humerus
13.What squaking gland of the digestive tract does long john silver
have on his shoulder?
The parot-id gland
14. In What do you entomb a mummy's throat?
Its sar-esophagus
15.What do you find on tacky tourist anatomy t shirts?
Spleen there got the Tshirt
16.Why must you never loose you fatty fold near you intestines?
Because of the law of conservation of omentum
17. What punctuation mark can be found in the body?
The colon
18.What did the anatomist do to his cars?
rectum
19.What part of the digestive tract was named after a famous
psychologist of the 1800s?
Sigmoid freud
20 Did you know there is an old James Bond movie named after a part of the body?
Liver let die
21.If you see a organ flying overhead what is it?
A gull bladder
22. How do you climb a body?
With a step bladder
23.Who did the colon-ol marry?
His beloved Gal-bladder
24 Name a lymphoid movie star?
Charlie Spleen
25.How do muscles go up and down?
In levators
26. Where do skeletal muscles dispose of their solid wastes?
In levatories
27.What is the main act in an anatomical circus?
The man on the flying trapezius
28.What do you call someone mining minerals on someones chest?
A pros-pectoralis
29.name an old black and white holywood horror film named after a
muscle near the arm?
Nos-serratus (nosferatus was a vampire movie)
30.Which muscle will freshen your breathe?
The altoids
31. What muscle can be found in mississippi/
The mississippi river deltoid
32. What do you call an enemy's police force?
The oponens Pollicis
33.The oponens Pollicis?
Is the anatomy from Poland?
34.How do you hold muscles together?
With super gluteus
35.What muscle will solve profound mathematical equations?
A Riemann Tensor
36.If an anatomist is kidnapped by aliens what does he/she say?
I was adductored by aliens
37. Why is anatomy so hard?
Because its subject matter is so vastus
38.What muscle was a leader of Argentina in the 1940s?
Evita Peroneus
39.How do you confort a grieving muscle?
give them soleus(solace)
40.What do you call something made up by a muscle?
A hallucis-nation
41.What do anatomists store fluids in?
A jugular trunk
42.Michael Crighton wrote a book about dinosaurs in an anatomy lab,
what was it called?
Thorasic park
43.Name a movie about anatomy starring Whoopi Goldberg?
Cistern act
44.What is a lymphatic exclaimation of intelligence?
Inguinious (ingenious)
45.What gland is responsible for hocking luggies?
The spituitary
46.Parsley, sage, rosemary , and thymus
47.Why was the endocrine student so upset?
He failed a teste
48.How did the doctor diagnose the comatose patient?
It was a no brainer
49.What is the favorite music structure of an anatomist?
Anything with Spinal chords
50.What is the unholy nerve?
The one that is sacral-igious to speak of
51.What nerve is the favorite nerve among the forelorn?
The sigh-atic
52.Which arteries have gender?
The male and femoral arteries
53.Why was the boy nerve attracted to the girl nerve?
Because of her cutaneous
54. Why was the nerve always upset?
Its just surally (surly)
55. Why can you never undestand neural art?
Its just sural (surreal)
56. What was the knight of the nerves known as?
Sural
57.What nerve sell peanuts?
Plantars
58.Where will you find a vegetable in your body?
In your carrot id artery
59.Where will you find a chirping insect inside your body?
In the cricoid artery
60. Was was anatomy called in world war II?
The battle of the axilla and allies
61. What many armed monster attacked tokyo?
Axilla
62. Axilla questions you want I'll answer em
63. What do you call a back up arm?
Axillary
64. Name another anatomical herb/
Basilic
65. What animal if you look it directly in the eye will turn you to stone?
A Basilic (basilisk)
66. Which artery is a famous golfer?
arnold Palmar
67.Where can you go spelunking in a human?
In the vena cava (spelunking is also known as caving)
68.What flower is popular with anatomists?
The illialac
69. How do anatomers measure circles?
With radiuses
70. What do computer programers have in common with anatomists?
The both process
71. What call in basketball is the favorite of an anatomist?
Goal tendon
72. Why does it hurt to touch your back bone?
It is a spine
73. What do musical anatomists play?
Notochords
74.What is a punk rock bad liked by anatomists?
Lymph biskit
75. What do you call weak vessels?
Lymp nodes
76. Does an anatomist walk with a lymph??
77. Does an anatomical tourist see all the cyts??
78. What game do anatomists paly?
Hyoid and go seek
79. Where can an anatomist go to get some Chinese food?
The Asiatic nerve
80. What creature stalks the night terrorising young anatomists with its calls?
The Spine-owl chord
81. How do you put a hole in a nerve?
With a spin-awl chord
82. Why couldn't the anatomist shoot the egg?
He ran out of amnion
83. How do anatomists light up the night?
With am-neon lights
84. Why are there arms and legs in the brain?
It is part of the LIMBic system
85. Why is there a sheep in your hippocampus?
It is part of the LAMBic system
86. Why are these jokes so awful?
They are about the limb-ICK system
87. How does an anatomist write?
With a limBIC
88.What is a Russian anatomical jet?
The a-MIG-dala
89. Who is the anatomical queen of Naboo?
Queen Amygdala
90. Where are smelling cells made?
In the Olfactory bulb
91. What is a mythological anatomical bird that is reborn from fire
when it dies?
The fornix
92. What is anatomists favorite musical instrument?
The organ
93. What anatomical feature runs rampant through the Himalayas?
The abdominal snow man
94. What does an anatomist do with a popsicle?
He/she finds the O-lick-ranon process
95. What are there so many shards in an anatomy lab?
Because anatomist tend to brachius stuff
96. Who is the favorite talk show host of an anatomist?
Larynx King
97. Who is an anatomists favorite boxer?
Larynx Lewis
98. What does an anatomist give you when she is mad?
A scowl-ple
99. What is an anatomists favorite basketball team?
The New York Larynx
100. What do you call an anatomical kitten?
A Cat-daver
101. Why are these jokes like a body if you don't put it in formaldehyde?
They are both rotten.
101 Zoology Jokes
101 Zoology Jokes
1. What replaced the tape worm?
The CD worm
2.How is Michael Jackson like a clam?
Both are child molluscers
3.What uncuttable particle was with eve?
The atom
4.What is the favored means of comunication among biologists?
A cell phone
5.What do you call a desert roaming humped tongue spitting lizard?
A camel-eon
6.What do you call a vegetable with a nucleus and one without?
A eucarrot and a procarrot
7. What ship did the author of the "Origin of cream cheese" and "The
Descent of Spread" sail to the galapagos on?
The HMS Bagle
8. how do objects far from the body like their water?
Distled
9.What do you call a change in frequencies of devils over time?
Evil-lution
10.What do Natural Selection and a power converter have in common?
Both involve adaption
11.What biological concepts can you see on signs along roads?
adapt a highway
12.What clothes do biologists wear?
Genes
13.What geneticist was a pickle?
Gregor Men-dill
14.How do you get fat cattle?
Give them steeroids
15.Why souldn't you mess with lizards?
Because You'll be saur-y
16.What do metabolisms show off their achievements in?
A trophy case
17.You know I never metabolism I didn't like.
18. Why could a chemist no longer fit into his clothes?
They were reduced
19.Why should you never believe the energy unit of a cell when it says its sick?
Because they are know mitochondriacs
20.When a studier of kidneys makes a shot in basketball what does he exclaim?
Nothing but neph
21.What did Mozart compose for someone's stomach?
An organ concerto
22.What are the lyrics to a song sung by The Biologist Jimmy Stewart?
"supposes Mitosis smells like roses"
23.When a cell get hurt where does it go?
to the ER
24. Where di life go after it started in shallow seas?
Onto deeper philosophical matters
25.Why was the cytoskeleton protein so good in the theater?
It had experience with actin
26.What movie can be found outside the cristae of a mitochondrion?
The Matrix
27.How long does a biologist work?
9 to 2
28.What is the Maryland Biologist Baseball team known as?
The Baltimore Centrioles
29.What do you call a small villian inside your intestines?
A microvili
30.Why is the opposite of pinocytosis like a hollywood movie?
Both are ex-cyting
31.What do Native American biologists sleep in?
ATPs
32. How do biologists blow their noses?
With ATP
33.Why is keeping track of the cytoskeletal fibers during mitosis so hard?
It is a pain in the aster
34. How do scientist whiten hirudinea?
They use b-leech
35. Why do people not like to classify earthworms?
Its too annelidical
36.What do cellular biologists eat dinner on?
A metaphase plate
37.What do biologists do on wall street?
Buy and Cell
38.How do you destroy a puddy tat?
With a Cat-abolic reaction
39.Lysis--They have special shampoos for that
40.How do you speed up a reaction involving a cow?
Use a cattle-lyst
41.Why do mathematicians like enzymes?
Because they usually involve co-factors
42.What do lyou call predestination for organic energy?
Phos-fate
44. How do biologists say the 13th-16th letters of the alphabet?
Amino p (M-N-O-P)
45.What part of the day do elementary school biologists like most?
Recessive
46.What part of a gene spilled in the PrinceWilliam Sound?
The Exon Valdez
47.Why did the student fail his history of pre evolution test?
He missed Lamark
48.What do you call a dinosaur in a burrow?
Fossorial
49.Why did the evolutionary biologist take his work to the English department?
He needed help with his punctuated equilibrium
50.On a windy day in the winter what piled up in front of the
geneticist's house?
Genetic drift
51.Several hundred millian years ago what did you call a sharpie?
A permian marker
52.What is the oldest island in the Mediterranean?
The Crete-acious
53.What do you call a monoecius calculus fiend?
Her-math-rodite
54. What do you call the union of a sheep and a Ram?
A zygoat
55.What did the biologist go as for Halloween?
Count Gastrula
56.Why was the jelly labeled a smart alec?
Too many cnide remarks
57. Are ancestral reptiles different from modern mammals?
In theri
58.What do you call a dental mystery?
A who dont
59.What do you call a bird like inner membrane?
A parrot-toneum
60.What were the two biological world powers in the 1940s?
The axons and the allies.
61.Why was the spinal cord so bold?
It had a lot of nerve
62.How do you categorize drosophilia?
By its fly-logeny
63. What is the smartest part of a cell?
its mem-brain
64.What was the premature brain mugged by?
A street gang-lia
65.Why did the chimp have such a terrible head ache?
He was hit on the head with a pan
66.What do you call biological jokes?
silly-a
67.How do biologists get their energy?
Binary Fission
68.How do biologists make things things smoothe?
WIth a file-um
69. What do you call a radiata formula?
A polypnomial
70.What do you call a snail after eating beans?
A gas-tropod
71.What herb do biologists cook with?
A basal metabolism
72.Why was the brain so ancy?
It is a nervous system
73.What rock band do biologists listen to?
The rolling stomes
74.What do you call a picasso painting of a jelly fish?
A cubozoism
75.Who are the followers of the Castro Jelly fish?
The cubozoans
76.Where can you find a cloud in an acoelomate?
In its cirrus
77. What class is related to the lollipop?
The hirudinea, they have anterior and posterior suckers
78.What watch brand is worn by cestoda?
Scolex (rolex)
79.What is the part of a throat related to tape worm?
The e-proglottis
80.Why are round worms so hard to detect?
Because they trichy
81.What country singer is popular with fish?
Vince Gill
82.Why are eagles often found in church?
They are birds of pray
83.How is an earthworm similar to a farmer?
they both have crops
84.How do arthropods get by in life?
By the seta of their pants
85.What part of the anatomy helped relieve New Orleans?
Femur86. Which Swedish 1700s taxonomist consumed large quanties of citrus?
Carolus Limeaus
87. Do biologists still have to pay state and federal Taxons??
88.Why was the marine biologist arrested?
He was Cod red handed and it wasn't a red hering
89.Does hair replacement work for Garibaldies??
90.What did the Marine biologist hang on his wall for the holidays?
A Christmas Reef
91. Why was the botanist so depressed?
He slept on a cot
92. What is the most brittle group of organisms?
The dino-fragile-ates
93. What group of organisms stage the most demonstrations?
The Protesta
94. Which organelle gets in the most fights?
The Rival-some
95. Why are splinter CELLS so dangerous?
They might have nuclear weapons
96. Which polyplacophoran wrote Jurassic park?
Michael Chiton
97. Which group of organisms is best at math?
The Algae bra (good with the ladies too)
98. Which group of organisms will keep coming back to you?
The echo-dermata
99. What was a popular movie about a lost round worm and his father?
Finding Nemotoda
100. How do biologists smooth things over?
With a fine grit phylla
101.If you don't like these here's what I have to say to you-- Zoo what
1. What replaced the tape worm?
The CD worm
2.How is Michael Jackson like a clam?
Both are child molluscers
3.What uncuttable particle was with eve?
The atom
4.What is the favored means of comunication among biologists?
A cell phone
5.What do you call a desert roaming humped tongue spitting lizard?
A camel-eon
6.What do you call a vegetable with a nucleus and one without?
A eucarrot and a procarrot
7. What ship did the author of the "Origin of cream cheese" and "The
Descent of Spread" sail to the galapagos on?
The HMS Bagle
8. how do objects far from the body like their water?
Distled
9.What do you call a change in frequencies of devils over time?
Evil-lution
10.What do Natural Selection and a power converter have in common?
Both involve adaption
11.What biological concepts can you see on signs along roads?
adapt a highway
12.What clothes do biologists wear?
Genes
13.What geneticist was a pickle?
Gregor Men-dill
14.How do you get fat cattle?
Give them steeroids
15.Why souldn't you mess with lizards?
Because You'll be saur-y
16.What do metabolisms show off their achievements in?
A trophy case
17.You know I never metabolism I didn't like.
18. Why could a chemist no longer fit into his clothes?
They were reduced
19.Why should you never believe the energy unit of a cell when it says its sick?
Because they are know mitochondriacs
20.When a studier of kidneys makes a shot in basketball what does he exclaim?
Nothing but neph
21.What did Mozart compose for someone's stomach?
An organ concerto
22.What are the lyrics to a song sung by The Biologist Jimmy Stewart?
"supposes Mitosis smells like roses"
23.When a cell get hurt where does it go?
to the ER
24. Where di life go after it started in shallow seas?
Onto deeper philosophical matters
25.Why was the cytoskeleton protein so good in the theater?
It had experience with actin
26.What movie can be found outside the cristae of a mitochondrion?
The Matrix
27.How long does a biologist work?
9 to 2
28.What is the Maryland Biologist Baseball team known as?
The Baltimore Centrioles
29.What do you call a small villian inside your intestines?
A microvili
30.Why is the opposite of pinocytosis like a hollywood movie?
Both are ex-cyting
31.What do Native American biologists sleep in?
ATPs
32. How do biologists blow their noses?
With ATP
33.Why is keeping track of the cytoskeletal fibers during mitosis so hard?
It is a pain in the aster
34. How do scientist whiten hirudinea?
They use b-leech
35. Why do people not like to classify earthworms?
Its too annelidical
36.What do cellular biologists eat dinner on?
A metaphase plate
37.What do biologists do on wall street?
Buy and Cell
38.How do you destroy a puddy tat?
With a Cat-abolic reaction
39.Lysis--They have special shampoos for that
40.How do you speed up a reaction involving a cow?
Use a cattle-lyst
41.Why do mathematicians like enzymes?
Because they usually involve co-factors
42.What do lyou call predestination for organic energy?
Phos-fate
44. How do biologists say the 13th-16th letters of the alphabet?
Amino p (M-N-O-P)
45.What part of the day do elementary school biologists like most?
Recessive
46.What part of a gene spilled in the PrinceWilliam Sound?
The Exon Valdez
47.Why did the student fail his history of pre evolution test?
He missed Lamark
48.What do you call a dinosaur in a burrow?
Fossorial
49.Why did the evolutionary biologist take his work to the English department?
He needed help with his punctuated equilibrium
50.On a windy day in the winter what piled up in front of the
geneticist's house?
Genetic drift
51.Several hundred millian years ago what did you call a sharpie?
A permian marker
52.What is the oldest island in the Mediterranean?
The Crete-acious
53.What do you call a monoecius calculus fiend?
Her-math-rodite
54. What do you call the union of a sheep and a Ram?
A zygoat
55.What did the biologist go as for Halloween?
Count Gastrula
56.Why was the jelly labeled a smart alec?
Too many cnide remarks
57. Are ancestral reptiles different from modern mammals?
In theri
58.What do you call a dental mystery?
A who dont
59.What do you call a bird like inner membrane?
A parrot-toneum
60.What were the two biological world powers in the 1940s?
The axons and the allies.
61.Why was the spinal cord so bold?
It had a lot of nerve
62.How do you categorize drosophilia?
By its fly-logeny
63. What is the smartest part of a cell?
its mem-brain
64.What was the premature brain mugged by?
A street gang-lia
65.Why did the chimp have such a terrible head ache?
He was hit on the head with a pan
66.What do you call biological jokes?
silly-a
67.How do biologists get their energy?
Binary Fission
68.How do biologists make things things smoothe?
WIth a file-um
69. What do you call a radiata formula?
A polypnomial
70.What do you call a snail after eating beans?
A gas-tropod
71.What herb do biologists cook with?
A basal metabolism
72.Why was the brain so ancy?
It is a nervous system
73.What rock band do biologists listen to?
The rolling stomes
74.What do you call a picasso painting of a jelly fish?
A cubozoism
75.Who are the followers of the Castro Jelly fish?
The cubozoans
76.Where can you find a cloud in an acoelomate?
In its cirrus
77. What class is related to the lollipop?
The hirudinea, they have anterior and posterior suckers
78.What watch brand is worn by cestoda?
Scolex (rolex)
79.What is the part of a throat related to tape worm?
The e-proglottis
80.Why are round worms so hard to detect?
Because they trichy
81.What country singer is popular with fish?
Vince Gill
82.Why are eagles often found in church?
They are birds of pray
83.How is an earthworm similar to a farmer?
they both have crops
84.How do arthropods get by in life?
By the seta of their pants
85.What part of the anatomy helped relieve New Orleans?
Femur86. Which Swedish 1700s taxonomist consumed large quanties of citrus?
Carolus Limeaus
87. Do biologists still have to pay state and federal Taxons??
88.Why was the marine biologist arrested?
He was Cod red handed and it wasn't a red hering
89.Does hair replacement work for Garibaldies??
90.What did the Marine biologist hang on his wall for the holidays?
A Christmas Reef
91. Why was the botanist so depressed?
He slept on a cot
92. What is the most brittle group of organisms?
The dino-fragile-ates
93. What group of organisms stage the most demonstrations?
The Protesta
94. Which organelle gets in the most fights?
The Rival-some
95. Why are splinter CELLS so dangerous?
They might have nuclear weapons
96. Which polyplacophoran wrote Jurassic park?
Michael Chiton
97. Which group of organisms is best at math?
The Algae bra (good with the ladies too)
98. Which group of organisms will keep coming back to you?
The echo-dermata
99. What was a popular movie about a lost round worm and his father?
Finding Nemotoda
100. How do biologists smooth things over?
With a fine grit phylla
101.If you don't like these here's what I have to say to you-- Zoo what
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
101 Weather Puns
1. Where do storms go to church?
An air mass
2. What is a popular sailing movie among meteorologists?
Mass-ter and command-Air
3. What do you call a carnivore who studies the atmosphere?
A Meat-eorologist
4. What are meteorologists afraid of?
The atmos-fear
5. What do you call it when a meteorologist goes fishing?
A dry line
6. What do you call an average weather scientist?
Meteor-cre
7. What plant are meteorologists frond of?
The At-moss-sphere
8. How do meteorologists tell time?
With a weather watch
9.How do feudal atmospheric scientists tell what the air pressure is?
With a Baron-meter
10. Why is a huricane like a cyclops?
They both only have one eye
11. What do you call a genetic copy of a meteorologist?
A cy-clone
12. Who is the relative of a meteorologist?
His Auntie Cyclone
13. What does a climatologist tell someone who is nosey?
This is Nin`o business
14. Where does a meteorologist get a drink?
At the Iso-bar
15. What does a meteorologist call a pigsty?
Squall-or
16. How wide at the base is Lady Liberty?
One Statue Mile
17. Why was the meteorologist so sad?
He was in a depression
18. What was a REALLY bad meteorologist sci fi/ horror flick?
Attack of the Killer Tornados (Tomatoes)
19. Why are there so many lightning storms in Australia?
It is after all know as the land down Thunder
20. What does a meteorologist eat with?
A ty-spoon
21. What do you call the residual weather phenomena after a herd of cattle have past?
A ruminant low.
22. What do you call a doctor near water wind and a low pressure?
The storm surge-on
23. What does a meteorologist practice with his/her kids?
Trough love
24.What does a long term meteorologist who likes to ascend things practice?
Climb-atology
25. Do meteorologists hail taxis??
26. Do they hail to the Chief??
27. If they are healthy are they looking hail or is it hail-thy
28. What is a meteorolgists favorite reptile?
A blizzard
29. How do meteorologists deal with long term weather?
They Koppen
30. What is a work by Samual Colderidge that talks about a frozen sailor?
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
31. What do you call a horse that carries meteorolgical gear?
A snowpack mule
32. What lives beneath a lime?
A sub-lime-nation
33. Who is the antagonist is the meteorological version of Star Wars?
Darth Vapor
34. Why do weather scientists like flying mammals?
Because they like all things adia-Bat-ic
35.Why couldn't the meteorologist talk?
Because he had a fog in his throat
36. What did the father air mass say to the son air mass?
Now son, Don't blow this
37. Why do non geostrophic winds fight dirty?
Because they are always giving low blows
38. What would a weather scientist say to imply that you must now face the consequences of your actions?
You've made your al-bed-o now sleep in it!
39. Which insect has a troposphere, stratosphere, mesoshere and a thermosphere?
The Ant-mosphere
40. What does a meteorologically inclined extra-terrestrial say?
ET fohn home
41. What do you call a long term monkey?
A clim-ape
42. What is the most common question asked by students of meteorology?
When's it dew?
43. Who is the favorite poet of a meteorologist?
Robert Frost
44. LA has instigated a no Hazing law.
45. Why did the meteorolgist erroneously predict the water saturation of the air?
Because he is only humid
46. Who was a Scottish weather philosopher?
David Hume-id
47. What do you call a human eating wind?
canabalic
48. What is measured by a slow meteorologist?
The laps rate
49. If the temperature of two rising air masses were measured simultaneously, would that be a co-lapse rate (collapse rate)??
50. Why did the Thunder storm take material out of a backpackers pack?
He was lightning his load
51. Who is a meterologists favorite old time gumshoe and super lawyer?
Perry Monsoon
52. The meteorologist tried to hit the fog but mist.
53. Why do cookie loving scientists love mountains?
Because the like to study oreo-graphic uplift
54. How do meteorologists type?
In polar fonts
55. If "pre" means before, "post" means after, and "inter" means during, shouldn't rain then be called intercipitation??
56. What does a meteorolgoist say when he listens to the radio?
Hey, they're playing my sonde.
57. Why do high pressures have so much money?
Because they are ridge.
58. How do you grow a cloud?
By seeding it
59. Which layer of the atmosphere is easiest for a meteorologist to span?
The staddle-sphere
60. Which layer of the atmosphere has the most ornately cut hedges?
The tropiary-sphere
61. Which layer is commonly mapped by the USGS?
The TOPO sphere
62. In which layer can you find the most relatives of mice?
The St-Rat-osphere
63. Which layer walks with pride?
The Strut-osphere
64. What do you call a stupid cloud?
A nimbus-cile
65. Thermocline, Pycnocline, halocline, Patsy Cline??
66. What did the atmospheric scientist get on his exam?
An F0
67. Why was solar radiation fired?
For being Insolate
68. If English majors are concerned with rough drafts, what are meteorologists concerned with?
Up drafts
69. How do meteorologists make circuts?
In parallel or Cirrus.
70. What is a cloud scientists favorite comic book?
Calvus and Hobbes
70. What is a meteorologists sign?
Virga
71. Why do RADAR technitions not like wearing pants made of small bits of metal?
To much Chaffing
72. What do you call a flower like sessile sea organism that measures the wind?
An Anenomometer
73. What does a meteorolgoist call a great quantity of things along the same line?
An Iso-plethora
74. What does a meteorologist do when he/she suspects he/she might have a sunburn?
Initiate a red watch
75. Where does a cryologist eat the meal before supper?
On an ava-lunch
76. What do you get if you mix a glaciologist with a fencer?
An avalunge
77. What is the favorite breakfast food of an avalanche scientist?
Eggs and Beacon
78. Why was the avalance scientist so lazy?
He had no inclination
79. What is a common name among meteorologists?
Lee
80. What is the motto of a meteorologist?
To Air is human
81. What is a meteorology song by Eric Clapton?
Albedo Albedo (Alberta Alberta)
82. What is the farthest from a monkey you can get?
The Ape-helion
83. What is a New England meteorologists favorite soup?
Calm Chowder
84. What does a chess playing meteorologist say when he winds (wins) a game?
Cli-mate
85. How does a meteorologist get money?
He takes out a cyc-loan
86. The meteorologist specialized in temperatures. He got his degree in degrees.
87. How does an equatorial meteorologist keep rhythm?
By beating a dol-drum
88. What is a meteorologists bank account?
A down draft
89. What is a twilight meteorolgist's favorite mamal?
A dusk rat
90. How does a glaciologist climb a building?
With a graupeling hook
91. What does one meteorolgist say to another?
You're gust is as good as mine.
92. What is the Beauty and the Beast theme song for meteorology?
Be our gust be our gust be our gust
93. What is the favorite movie of a meteorologist?
Gust busters
94. What is a favorite weather book by Jon Swift?
Gully washers travels
Haboob is the Sudanese name for a dust devil?
95. How do meteorologists say high?
With a heat wave
96. What did hercules study?
Hydra-ology
97. What game do meteorologists play?
Hygrometer and go seeketer
98. If weather invades, is it an inversion??
99. Winds are tachy.
100. Why is a meteorolgist so good at rope work?
They measure knots
101. Why is a meteorologist never on time?
Because so much of what they do is Late-nt heat.
1. Where do storms go to church?
An air mass
2. What is a popular sailing movie among meteorologists?
Mass-ter and command-Air
3. What do you call a carnivore who studies the atmosphere?
A Meat-eorologist
4. What are meteorologists afraid of?
The atmos-fear
5. What do you call it when a meteorologist goes fishing?
A dry line
6. What do you call an average weather scientist?
Meteor-cre
7. What plant are meteorologists frond of?
The At-moss-sphere
8. How do meteorologists tell time?
With a weather watch
9.How do feudal atmospheric scientists tell what the air pressure is?
With a Baron-meter
10. Why is a huricane like a cyclops?
They both only have one eye
11. What do you call a genetic copy of a meteorologist?
A cy-clone
12. Who is the relative of a meteorologist?
His Auntie Cyclone
13. What does a climatologist tell someone who is nosey?
This is Nin`o business
14. Where does a meteorologist get a drink?
At the Iso-bar
15. What does a meteorologist call a pigsty?
Squall-or
16. How wide at the base is Lady Liberty?
One Statue Mile
17. Why was the meteorologist so sad?
He was in a depression
18. What was a REALLY bad meteorologist sci fi/ horror flick?
Attack of the Killer Tornados (Tomatoes)
19. Why are there so many lightning storms in Australia?
It is after all know as the land down Thunder
20. What does a meteorologist eat with?
A ty-spoon
21. What do you call the residual weather phenomena after a herd of cattle have past?
A ruminant low.
22. What do you call a doctor near water wind and a low pressure?
The storm surge-on
23. What does a meteorologist practice with his/her kids?
Trough love
24.What does a long term meteorologist who likes to ascend things practice?
Climb-atology
25. Do meteorologists hail taxis??
26. Do they hail to the Chief??
27. If they are healthy are they looking hail or is it hail-thy
28. What is a meteorolgists favorite reptile?
A blizzard
29. How do meteorologists deal with long term weather?
They Koppen
30. What is a work by Samual Colderidge that talks about a frozen sailor?
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
31. What do you call a horse that carries meteorolgical gear?
A snowpack mule
32. What lives beneath a lime?
A sub-lime-nation
33. Who is the antagonist is the meteorological version of Star Wars?
Darth Vapor
34. Why do weather scientists like flying mammals?
Because they like all things adia-Bat-ic
35.Why couldn't the meteorologist talk?
Because he had a fog in his throat
36. What did the father air mass say to the son air mass?
Now son, Don't blow this
37. Why do non geostrophic winds fight dirty?
Because they are always giving low blows
38. What would a weather scientist say to imply that you must now face the consequences of your actions?
You've made your al-bed-o now sleep in it!
39. Which insect has a troposphere, stratosphere, mesoshere and a thermosphere?
The Ant-mosphere
40. What does a meteorologically inclined extra-terrestrial say?
ET fohn home
41. What do you call a long term monkey?
A clim-ape
42. What is the most common question asked by students of meteorology?
When's it dew?
43. Who is the favorite poet of a meteorologist?
Robert Frost
44. LA has instigated a no Hazing law.
45. Why did the meteorolgist erroneously predict the water saturation of the air?
Because he is only humid
46. Who was a Scottish weather philosopher?
David Hume-id
47. What do you call a human eating wind?
canabalic
48. What is measured by a slow meteorologist?
The laps rate
49. If the temperature of two rising air masses were measured simultaneously, would that be a co-lapse rate (collapse rate)??
50. Why did the Thunder storm take material out of a backpackers pack?
He was lightning his load
51. Who is a meterologists favorite old time gumshoe and super lawyer?
Perry Monsoon
52. The meteorologist tried to hit the fog but mist.
53. Why do cookie loving scientists love mountains?
Because the like to study oreo-graphic uplift
54. How do meteorologists type?
In polar fonts
55. If "pre" means before, "post" means after, and "inter" means during, shouldn't rain then be called intercipitation??
56. What does a meteorolgoist say when he listens to the radio?
Hey, they're playing my sonde.
57. Why do high pressures have so much money?
Because they are ridge.
58. How do you grow a cloud?
By seeding it
59. Which layer of the atmosphere is easiest for a meteorologist to span?
The staddle-sphere
60. Which layer of the atmosphere has the most ornately cut hedges?
The tropiary-sphere
61. Which layer is commonly mapped by the USGS?
The TOPO sphere
62. In which layer can you find the most relatives of mice?
The St-Rat-osphere
63. Which layer walks with pride?
The Strut-osphere
64. What do you call a stupid cloud?
A nimbus-cile
65. Thermocline, Pycnocline, halocline, Patsy Cline??
66. What did the atmospheric scientist get on his exam?
An F0
67. Why was solar radiation fired?
For being Insolate
68. If English majors are concerned with rough drafts, what are meteorologists concerned with?
Up drafts
69. How do meteorologists make circuts?
In parallel or Cirrus.
70. What is a cloud scientists favorite comic book?
Calvus and Hobbes
70. What is a meteorologists sign?
Virga
71. Why do RADAR technitions not like wearing pants made of small bits of metal?
To much Chaffing
72. What do you call a flower like sessile sea organism that measures the wind?
An Anenomometer
73. What does a meteorolgoist call a great quantity of things along the same line?
An Iso-plethora
74. What does a meteorologist do when he/she suspects he/she might have a sunburn?
Initiate a red watch
75. Where does a cryologist eat the meal before supper?
On an ava-lunch
76. What do you get if you mix a glaciologist with a fencer?
An avalunge
77. What is the favorite breakfast food of an avalanche scientist?
Eggs and Beacon
78. Why was the avalance scientist so lazy?
He had no inclination
79. What is a common name among meteorologists?
Lee
80. What is the motto of a meteorologist?
To Air is human
81. What is a meteorology song by Eric Clapton?
Albedo Albedo (Alberta Alberta)
82. What is the farthest from a monkey you can get?
The Ape-helion
83. What is a New England meteorologists favorite soup?
Calm Chowder
84. What does a chess playing meteorologist say when he winds (wins) a game?
Cli-mate
85. How does a meteorologist get money?
He takes out a cyc-loan
86. The meteorologist specialized in temperatures. He got his degree in degrees.
87. How does an equatorial meteorologist keep rhythm?
By beating a dol-drum
88. What is a meteorologists bank account?
A down draft
89. What is a twilight meteorolgist's favorite mamal?
A dusk rat
90. How does a glaciologist climb a building?
With a graupeling hook
91. What does one meteorolgist say to another?
You're gust is as good as mine.
92. What is the Beauty and the Beast theme song for meteorology?
Be our gust be our gust be our gust
93. What is the favorite movie of a meteorologist?
Gust busters
94. What is a favorite weather book by Jon Swift?
Gully washers travels
Haboob is the Sudanese name for a dust devil?
95. How do meteorologists say high?
With a heat wave
96. What did hercules study?
Hydra-ology
97. What game do meteorologists play?
Hygrometer and go seeketer
98. If weather invades, is it an inversion??
99. Winds are tachy.
100. Why is a meteorolgist so good at rope work?
They measure knots
101. Why is a meteorologist never on time?
Because so much of what they do is Late-nt heat.
Far Out Puns
101 Astronomy Jokes
1. Q: Did you hear about the astronomer who built a telescope using a
facility in the mountains of Arizona?
He built it from a Kitt
2. Q: What holds up the sun and moon? Sun and Moonbeams
3. Q: Where do Astronauts get a drink? The space bar
4. Q: Why is it hard to tell if a being from the Dog Star is joking?
You can't tell if he's being Sirius
5. Q: How do astronomers get married? In Cygnus and in health
6. Q: Where do astronomers take their kids? To Taurus-R-Us
7. Q: How do astronomers greet each other? Hyades
8. Q: How do astronomers ask for something? Pretty Pleiades
9. Q: What do astronomers find just obscure? Clouds
10. Q: When an Astronomer goes to an ice cream bar what does he order?
A tele-scoop
11. Q: When an astronomer goes into the woods what is he likely to
get? Op-ticks
12. Q: What does a female astronomer carry? A Perseus
13. Q: Why did the ancient Greeks think there was nothing in Ursa
Major? They thought it was a barren sky (Bear in sky)
14. Q: What type of camel is in the sky (no not Camelopardis)? An Andromedary
15. Q: Where do astronomers get their milk? Andromedairy
16. Q: Why are some math teachers like the Northern Crown? They are
both Corona Bore-ialises
17. Q: What do you call a scientist who studies soda pop? A Fizzy-sist
18. Q: What do you call a scientist who studies skin growths? A physi-cyst
19. Q: What do you call a person who knows the forces behind why
people work? A physic-tian
20. Q: What is the brand name of the substance that keeps astronomers
regular? Para-lax
21. Q: What is that bright blue star in Lyra? I haven't the Vega-est idea
22. Q: What do all astronomers posses? Altair egos
23. Q: How did the astronomer survive the narrow escape? By the Cetus
of his pants
24. Q: Why was the crow unable to fin the one he loved? Because the
Corvus of true love never did run smooth
25.Q: Why was the astronomer unable to reach the celestial orb?
Because he failed to planet
26. Q: What do astronomers die of? Cancer
27. Q: Why is astronomy such a good job? Because business is always looking up
28. Q: If the world were to suddenly be devoid of the brightest star
in Auriga, what would it be? A-Capella
29. Q: If a star could sing what would it be? A-Capella
30. Q: What does an astronomer make his jeans out of? Deneb
31. Q: Why was it difficult for the astronomer to put together the
puzzle? He didn't have all the right Pisces
32. Q: How do astronomers see? With sate-lights
33. Q: How do astronomers go horseback ridding? With saddle-lites
34. Q: What do astronomers put on babies feet? Boötes
35. Q: How do astronomers sail across the sky? In a Boötes
36. Q: What TV show do astronomers adore? Zenith Warrior Princess
37. Q: Who observes the skies from Atlantis? Astronomeremaids
38. Q: How do astronomers get home? They catch the space shuttle
39.Q: What do you call a lunatic in space? An Astro-nut
40. Q: What do you call a man tied up in space? An astro-knot
41. Q: If an astronomer is goofing off what is he? A pain in the asterism
42. Q: Who was a famous dancer among the stars? Fred Astaire-ism
43. Q: Why is Hollywood a favorite place among astronomers? They like
to look at the stars
44. Q: Why will the world be sad in 5 billion years after the sun
explodes? We will have lost our sol
45. Q: What type of music does the sun listen to? The hottest hits
from sol-train
46. What is the answer to any equation involving inequalities on the
moon? Crater than or equal to
47. Q: How do Spanish astronomers bid each other adieu? Hast moon-ñana
48. Q: Which astronomer led the Golden Horde? Aquila the Hun
49. Q: Why was the Italian astronomer arrested? Because he Spica'ed the punch
50. Q: Why was the volleyball team of astronomers so good? Because
they practiced their Spicas
51. Q: When an astronomer utters an anathema what is it? A cUrsa Major
52. Q: When is there a horse in the sky? On the vernal and autumnal Equine-ox
53. Q: How do spring, summer, fall and winter flavor their food? With
season-ings
54. Q: why did the north and South Pole join Hitler? They were on the Axis
55. Q: With whom did the astronomer go on a date with? A very nice gal-axy
56. Q: When a female astronomer ages does she turn into Saggy-tarius
57. Q: Have you heard of the Jamaican gang inhabiting the tallest
mountain on mars? They are calling themselves the Olympus Mons
58. Q: Why was Antarctica locked into a safe? Apparently, she tried
pole vaulting
59. Q: Did you know that Dr. Ted Ghistle created a flying horse-like
creature? It's called a Pega-seuss
60. Q: Who rules the feudal system of the skies? Alde-baron
61. Q: What is in the middle of an astronomic circle? It's Centaur
62. Q: Whose room is worse a physicist or an astronomer? An
astronomer, his room is Messier
63. Q: Why is the Earth like Mardi Gras? Because they both processions
64. Q: What is an astronomer's favorite type of rock? SETI-mentry
65. Q: What is the favorite political party among astronomers? Libra-l
66. Q: Who is the favorite band for young astronomers? They Might Be
Super Giants
67. Q: Why was the space probe arrested? It was a Voyeur-ger
68. Q: What type of poetry is told by the cosmos? The uni-verse
69. Q: What instrument does the discoverer of Pluto play? A Tombaugh-rine
70. Q: What does an astronomer put on his hair? Rigel
71. Q: What is the favorite book of an astronomer? Catcher in the Rye-gel
72. Q: What do you call something that lives in a swamp? A Marsh-ian
73. Q: What do you call a potato in orbit? A spudnik
74. Q: Did you know that the governor of California made a movie
about the light and dark side of the moon? It's called The Terminator
(The terminator is boundary line separating the light side from the
dark side of the moon)
75. The sun is a man of much prominence
76.Q: How do astronauts know what they look like? They look in a Mir
77. Q: Why did the cowpoke fire his gun into space? He wanted to see
shooting stars
78. When asked to find a particular star the astronomer declined
79. Q: What is the favorite song of the ancient Greek astronomers?
Why Not Take Ptolemy (Why Not Take All of Me)
80. Q: What is one of the hardest questions for an astronomer to
answer? Whether something is Phecda or Phiction
81. Q: Why is the moon like that? Oh, it's just a phase
82. Q: Do you know what one of the best aspects of the moon is? It
doesn't let anything phase it
83. Q: What do the moon and the weapon from Star Trek have in common?
They are both phasers
84. Q: What elf was famous for his star observations? Johannes Keepler
85. Chemists deal with anions and cations, astronomers deal with Orions
86. Hercules is the 5th largest constellation, but is composed of
largely 4th and 5th magnitude stars. That means the constellation is
just like the legend: big but not so bright
87. Q: Have you heard about the new race sponsored by the National
Atmospheric and Space Administration? They are calling it NASA-car
88. Q: Did you know that there is a grumpy star found in Ursa Major?
It is know as Mizar
89. Q: Did you also know that it is a double binary star? Mizar loves company
90. War of the Worlds is very toxic if you inhale it, it was after all
written by Hg Wells
91.When astronomers play baseball they don't just play in the
outfield, they play in Deep Field
92.In 1992 where the astronauts feared because, they were Hubble rousers
93. Q: Why would the moon be a good place for a horse race? Because
of all the mare-s there
94. Q: Why was the astronomer reluctant to search for the Scales of
Justice? He was a little Lyrae
95. Q: How does the solar system keep its pants up? With a Kuiper Belt
96. Q: Can you name one old lady circling Jupiter? Granny-mede
97. Q: How does an astronomer find out if 2 goes into 6? He uses
Cassini Division
98. Q: If an astronomer wishes to remain silent what does he say? No Comet
99. Q: What do you call a biography of Edmund Halley? A comet-ary
100. Q: Who was the astronomer's vice president? Alcor (Al Gore)
101. Q: After reading 101 of my astronomy jokes, what has your brain
become? A super massive Black Hole
1. Q: Did you hear about the astronomer who built a telescope using a
facility in the mountains of Arizona?
He built it from a Kitt
2. Q: What holds up the sun and moon? Sun and Moonbeams
3. Q: Where do Astronauts get a drink? The space bar
4. Q: Why is it hard to tell if a being from the Dog Star is joking?
You can't tell if he's being Sirius
5. Q: How do astronomers get married? In Cygnus and in health
6. Q: Where do astronomers take their kids? To Taurus-R-Us
7. Q: How do astronomers greet each other? Hyades
8. Q: How do astronomers ask for something? Pretty Pleiades
9. Q: What do astronomers find just obscure? Clouds
10. Q: When an Astronomer goes to an ice cream bar what does he order?
A tele-scoop
11. Q: When an astronomer goes into the woods what is he likely to
get? Op-ticks
12. Q: What does a female astronomer carry? A Perseus
13. Q: Why did the ancient Greeks think there was nothing in Ursa
Major? They thought it was a barren sky (Bear in sky)
14. Q: What type of camel is in the sky (no not Camelopardis)? An Andromedary
15. Q: Where do astronomers get their milk? Andromedairy
16. Q: Why are some math teachers like the Northern Crown? They are
both Corona Bore-ialises
17. Q: What do you call a scientist who studies soda pop? A Fizzy-sist
18. Q: What do you call a scientist who studies skin growths? A physi-cyst
19. Q: What do you call a person who knows the forces behind why
people work? A physic-tian
20. Q: What is the brand name of the substance that keeps astronomers
regular? Para-lax
21. Q: What is that bright blue star in Lyra? I haven't the Vega-est idea
22. Q: What do all astronomers posses? Altair egos
23. Q: How did the astronomer survive the narrow escape? By the Cetus
of his pants
24. Q: Why was the crow unable to fin the one he loved? Because the
Corvus of true love never did run smooth
25.Q: Why was the astronomer unable to reach the celestial orb?
Because he failed to planet
26. Q: What do astronomers die of? Cancer
27. Q: Why is astronomy such a good job? Because business is always looking up
28. Q: If the world were to suddenly be devoid of the brightest star
in Auriga, what would it be? A-Capella
29. Q: If a star could sing what would it be? A-Capella
30. Q: What does an astronomer make his jeans out of? Deneb
31. Q: Why was it difficult for the astronomer to put together the
puzzle? He didn't have all the right Pisces
32. Q: How do astronomers see? With sate-lights
33. Q: How do astronomers go horseback ridding? With saddle-lites
34. Q: What do astronomers put on babies feet? Boötes
35. Q: How do astronomers sail across the sky? In a Boötes
36. Q: What TV show do astronomers adore? Zenith Warrior Princess
37. Q: Who observes the skies from Atlantis? Astronomeremaids
38. Q: How do astronomers get home? They catch the space shuttle
39.Q: What do you call a lunatic in space? An Astro-nut
40. Q: What do you call a man tied up in space? An astro-knot
41. Q: If an astronomer is goofing off what is he? A pain in the asterism
42. Q: Who was a famous dancer among the stars? Fred Astaire-ism
43. Q: Why is Hollywood a favorite place among astronomers? They like
to look at the stars
44. Q: Why will the world be sad in 5 billion years after the sun
explodes? We will have lost our sol
45. Q: What type of music does the sun listen to? The hottest hits
from sol-train
46. What is the answer to any equation involving inequalities on the
moon? Crater than or equal to
47. Q: How do Spanish astronomers bid each other adieu? Hast moon-ñana
48. Q: Which astronomer led the Golden Horde? Aquila the Hun
49. Q: Why was the Italian astronomer arrested? Because he Spica'ed the punch
50. Q: Why was the volleyball team of astronomers so good? Because
they practiced their Spicas
51. Q: When an astronomer utters an anathema what is it? A cUrsa Major
52. Q: When is there a horse in the sky? On the vernal and autumnal Equine-ox
53. Q: How do spring, summer, fall and winter flavor their food? With
season-ings
54. Q: why did the north and South Pole join Hitler? They were on the Axis
55. Q: With whom did the astronomer go on a date with? A very nice gal-axy
56. Q: When a female astronomer ages does she turn into Saggy-tarius
57. Q: Have you heard of the Jamaican gang inhabiting the tallest
mountain on mars? They are calling themselves the Olympus Mons
58. Q: Why was Antarctica locked into a safe? Apparently, she tried
pole vaulting
59. Q: Did you know that Dr. Ted Ghistle created a flying horse-like
creature? It's called a Pega-seuss
60. Q: Who rules the feudal system of the skies? Alde-baron
61. Q: What is in the middle of an astronomic circle? It's Centaur
62. Q: Whose room is worse a physicist or an astronomer? An
astronomer, his room is Messier
63. Q: Why is the Earth like Mardi Gras? Because they both processions
64. Q: What is an astronomer's favorite type of rock? SETI-mentry
65. Q: What is the favorite political party among astronomers? Libra-l
66. Q: Who is the favorite band for young astronomers? They Might Be
Super Giants
67. Q: Why was the space probe arrested? It was a Voyeur-ger
68. Q: What type of poetry is told by the cosmos? The uni-verse
69. Q: What instrument does the discoverer of Pluto play? A Tombaugh-rine
70. Q: What does an astronomer put on his hair? Rigel
71. Q: What is the favorite book of an astronomer? Catcher in the Rye-gel
72. Q: What do you call something that lives in a swamp? A Marsh-ian
73. Q: What do you call a potato in orbit? A spudnik
74. Q: Did you know that the governor of California made a movie
about the light and dark side of the moon? It's called The Terminator
(The terminator is boundary line separating the light side from the
dark side of the moon)
75. The sun is a man of much prominence
76.Q: How do astronauts know what they look like? They look in a Mir
77. Q: Why did the cowpoke fire his gun into space? He wanted to see
shooting stars
78. When asked to find a particular star the astronomer declined
79. Q: What is the favorite song of the ancient Greek astronomers?
Why Not Take Ptolemy (Why Not Take All of Me)
80. Q: What is one of the hardest questions for an astronomer to
answer? Whether something is Phecda or Phiction
81. Q: Why is the moon like that? Oh, it's just a phase
82. Q: Do you know what one of the best aspects of the moon is? It
doesn't let anything phase it
83. Q: What do the moon and the weapon from Star Trek have in common?
They are both phasers
84. Q: What elf was famous for his star observations? Johannes Keepler
85. Chemists deal with anions and cations, astronomers deal with Orions
86. Hercules is the 5th largest constellation, but is composed of
largely 4th and 5th magnitude stars. That means the constellation is
just like the legend: big but not so bright
87. Q: Have you heard about the new race sponsored by the National
Atmospheric and Space Administration? They are calling it NASA-car
88. Q: Did you know that there is a grumpy star found in Ursa Major?
It is know as Mizar
89. Q: Did you also know that it is a double binary star? Mizar loves company
90. War of the Worlds is very toxic if you inhale it, it was after all
written by Hg Wells
91.When astronomers play baseball they don't just play in the
outfield, they play in Deep Field
92.In 1992 where the astronauts feared because, they were Hubble rousers
93. Q: Why would the moon be a good place for a horse race? Because
of all the mare-s there
94. Q: Why was the astronomer reluctant to search for the Scales of
Justice? He was a little Lyrae
95. Q: How does the solar system keep its pants up? With a Kuiper Belt
96. Q: Can you name one old lady circling Jupiter? Granny-mede
97. Q: How does an astronomer find out if 2 goes into 6? He uses
Cassini Division
98. Q: If an astronomer wishes to remain silent what does he say? No Comet
99. Q: What do you call a biography of Edmund Halley? A comet-ary
100. Q: Who was the astronomer's vice president? Alcor (Al Gore)
101. Q: After reading 101 of my astronomy jokes, what has your brain
become? A super massive Black Hole
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)