Monday, September 11, 2006
101 D & D puns
1. What game is a role-playing joke?
Pungeons and dragons
2. What RPG does the Spanish Armada play?
Dungeons and Dragoons
3. What RPG do idiots play?
Dunces and dragons
4. Gamers don't DIE they just:
roll a d0
fail to be resurected
5. WHy didi the gamer build a porch?
He wanted to level up
6. What games does the Pilsbury Doughboy like to play?
Any ROLL playing game
7. What games do fishermen play?
Reel time strategies
8. What games do chefs play?
Real Thyme Strategies
9. In D&D which job has the most paper work?
10. What birds do clerics enjoy?
The ability to tern undead
(10b. One of my friends submitted this one:
what do clerics compete in?
11. What determines a D&D characters love life?
His Armour class
12. How does a D&D character get a date?
Based on his hit-on points
13. Beware the level 5 Geek and his masterwork +5 slide rule
14. Will the creators of D&D still play when they are dead?
I think they will be rolling in their graves
15. WHat is the oppocite of a standard?
16. What do D&D characters drive?
17. When dealing with check books what is a helpful skill?
18. When dealing with pets what is a helpful skill?
19.What do you call religious gene knight?
20. What do you call a D&D lawyer?
21. Is a halfling tall fellow really a three-quaterling?
22. In what Asian country will you NOT find a lot of ranged weapons?
23.What do you call a multipurpose halberd?
A guisarmy knife
24. How did the ogre ranged weapon specialist with the "detatch limbs"
feat arrive for work?
With his arm in a sling
25. In D&D what metal is symbolized by the symbol Ko
(I thought of these after I had already started
25 b. What do you call a goblin with no hair?
25c. How does a goblin make his typing stand out?
By highlighting it and making it koBOLD)
26. If you die from an inspire courage attack what happened?
You died of a bard attack
27.When trading for goods and services if you get them for a song,
what system were you using?
The Barder system
28.The minstrel that travel between CA and TX keeping out illegal
alieans are what?
The Barder patrol
29. What do topologists and druids have in common?
The ability to shape shift
30. What do you call a sleeping mage?
31. Why was the halfling wizard slapped on his first date?
He was getting a LITTLE Familiar
32.Why do boils and blemishes pick up the "leadership" feat at sixth level?
So they can attract a co-wart
33. Which D&D class rubbed a lamp from which a genie appeared?
34. Why didi the clutsy fighter specialize in left handed fighting and
left handed archery?
Because he was all left feat
35. Why was the spell caster so badly beaten in battle?
He got schooled (or rather forgot to)
36. When spell casters get old and feeble how do they get around?
With an arcane
37. Why are long computer windows like wizards?
They both involve scrolling and they both run on xp
38. Why is a wizard like an elementary school teacher?
They both have spell books
39. How do D&D characters fix a broken ship?
With a portable hull
(39b. what company makes portable ships out of feathers?
40. Which book of cheese is essential in D&D?
THe munster manual
41. What do rangers like to eat?
Their number one flavored enemy
42. What does a D&D T-shirt say?
Bane there smote that
43. Why was the D&D character in such a hurry?
Because he was hastey
44. Why else might a D&D character build a porch?
To increase his deck-stair-ity
45. After a heard of cattle pass by what does your campaign turn into?
A DUNGeon (sorry)
46. What is the pague of unclean paladins?
47. What happens if you make a ranged weapon mad?
You get a cross-bow
48. How does a crossbow flea?
49.The language specialist blood vessels clogged, what happened?
IT was a poly-clot
50.How do fairies get by?
On Fay-th (faith)
51.Why did the spell caster cast a very colorful and deadly spell behind bars?
He was in prisim
52. What charter was adopted by Wizards of the coast?
53. Why was the wizard convention so successful?
They had a good staff
54. When a weapon is infected with maggots what does it become?
55. How much did the goddess of halflings buy her gear for?
Yondalla (one dollar)
56.Which D&D god is best at stacking wood?
Kord (he is also the best with string)
57. How do D&D characters do their laundry?
With a washer and druid
58. What are the hard drives on really old computers good for?
59. Why did the D&D characters marry a fly?
Because she looked fine
60. What is the oppocite of improved disarm?
61. What is a useful feat for a hurried artist?
62. Which feat requires all other players to say "bless you" afterward?
63. What type of armor did the coward wear?
64.What do you pay heros in?
65. What do you call a characters who paints cloaks?
An es-cape artist
66. What is the D&D leveling up operating system?
67. What is the scienc of classifing gnomes called?
68.What is a popular game played in the land of D&D?
Sissors, paper, roc
69. Why are large very fiercsome birds good at calculus?
Because they can easily find AROCS and IROCS
70. What feat does a 1st level druid gain when she just doesn't care?
71. How does a minstrel excuse himself?
72. Why couldn't the singer get past the door?
It was bard
73. What sings in trees?
A bard (bird)
74. When a bardic song goes horribly awry what is it called?
75. Why didi the sorscoror (?) take out his fishinhg pole in the
middle of a battle?
He wanted to try his hand at combat casting
76. Some useful acronyms to know: cp, sp, gp, pp, TP
77. What do you call an unarmored slobberer?
78.What is the highest degree in gaming?
the Ph. B
79.Why did the fighter carry a stove into battle?
He wanted a RANGEd weapon
80. What do you call a fighter who looses his bow?
81. Why didi the fighter wear lots of belts?
Because he was a profiecient buckler
82. What happened when the adeventuring party ran into very large
They were in dire consequences
83. What do you call a campaign setting around Christmas?
84. What are the philosophical musicings of D&D?
Whether the goblin is half empty of half full
85. What happened when the dwarf, the elf, and the orc challenged each other?
It was a race
86. Why are most prisons offwhite?
Because they are dun-geons (as oposed to Donne-geons those write epic poetry)
87. WHen the DM ran for president what did he do?
He put up campaign posters
88. What do you get if you cross a fighter and a druid?
89. Why is black coffee such a piopular drink in taverns?
It cures what ales ya
90. Why do bar keeps rul on all fights?
Becasue they are the meade-eators
91. How didi the barbarian fell like when he woke up in a tavern?
He was a little groggy
92.Why is death so mad?
He is scything with anger
93.Why are potion containers so evil?
They are just vial
94. What do post office employees hate to deliver?
95. What do fighters eat upon?
96. When a protective suit serves the Spanish court well and in turn
becomes a lord, what is it?
97. What musical duo does armor listen to?
Donning and mari9e
98.The fighter wasn't paying attention while getting dressed. What
happened to his armor?
It donned on him
99.What is a fighter's favorite tiem of the day?
100.. What does a fighter jock wear?
101. As you can tell I have very few RANKs in the perform jokes skill.
What does this usually result in?