Thursday, September 21, 2006

101 Botany Puns

(If you need help getting these try

101 jokes that will Flora ya.

1. Why was the soil so good in school?
It knows its ABCs

2.Where was the plant leaf imprisoned?
In the pennate-enturary

3.Who won in the plant politics race?
The Accumbent

4. Who told the story of the plant soil's life?
The N-Aerator

5. How does a Japanese botanist bid farewell?

6. How to botanists tell computers what to do?
With apogamy language (a programing language)

7. The close fitting leaf was being appressed.

8. Where do monkey flowers live?
On the Ape-planate

9. Which tree did the Japanese bomb on December 7 1942?
The Pearl Arbor

10. Why was there no food around the tree?
Becasue the Arbor-eat-em

11. What gaming system do botanists play on?
An Attar-ii

12. What class did the tool for drilling holes have to take?
Auger management

13. Which growth promoting substance can also draw a plow?

14. Why are places capable of consuming cars?
They are Auto-trophic

15. Which sharp apendage will botanists play chess with?

16. What measure of a plants resilience also predicts their evolution?
The Hardy Wineburg equilibrium laws

17. How do botanists catch bartenders?
With Barbates

18. What is a marsh botanist's favoirte movie?
Bog to the Future

19. Neither a lender nor a Bougher be.

20. What does an arborist eat soup in?
A Bole

21. How do leaf clusters start a duel?
They stand Bract to Bract

22. What is the favorite beverage of a botanist?

23. Which hooded flower married Marc Anthoney?
Calyptera patra

24. After typing too much what did the botanist develop?
Carpel- tunnel syndrome

25. What do you call an arch that is as wide as it is tall made out of soil?
A Cantena-ry

26. How do botanists and soil scientists listen to satelights?
With Catenas

27. How did the botanist, after dealing with fertilizer, clean her hands?
She had a manure-cure

28. The happy botanist was looking very chipper.

29.Ah go fly a chitin

30. Wacky definitions: bostryx
A city North of New yorkx

31. Why are mosses so grouchy when they all lie on the same plane?
I guess they just like to Complanate

32. How do botanists send mail?
Through the compost office

33. Why did the plant eat meat?
It was coniferous

34. How do relatives of weasels pollinate a plant?
They make it Ferretile

35. The botanist was eaten by a cul-lion.

36. What do botanists run up to get excercise?

37. Which botanist is a Senator?
Senator Hilum Clinton

38. Is a botanist from down South a Hilum Billy??

39. What part of a flower is in a car?
A Calyx converter

40. What does a botanist studying jagged margins shoot from her bow?

41. What do botanists give electronically to show their love?

42. What do botanists wear on Mars?
A Spathe suit

43. What does a successively layered animal need to breathe?

44. What is it called when you blackmail a flower?

45. Why are plant growths so upseting?
They have gall

46. What is a service offered by the phone company to botanists?
Gall waiting

47. How are seeds like bacteria?
They are both germs

48. He so gibbous, and he so takeous.

49. How was the botanist able to recognize the nut?
At a glans

50. Is a botanist a grafter??

51. Who is the mother of the mother of a botanist?
A Granule

52. What is the attitude of many botanists?
Haploid go luckoid

53. Hastate makes wastate.

54. Why will shrubs rule the world?
They will have Hedge-mony

55. What do you call a curly haired monoceous plant?
A perm-aphrodite

56. What is a boring plant eater?
An Herbi-bore

57.What do you call a plant eating pig?
An herbi-boar

58. Why did the flower go to the salon?
To have his hair styled

59. What do you say when a botanist sneezes?

60. How do horticulturists get across bodies of water?
With the help of a a Boat-anist

61. What do you call the study of polyps?

62. What did the tropical weather say when it made a mistake?
I am only Humid

63. How does corn speak?
With a husky voice (and it is al ears)

64. What rank in the army is corn?
A Kernal

65. Which yellow plant flew too close to the sun?

66. What do you call an undressed fruit?

67. What do you call something done accidently by a rolled plant leaf?

68. Why is bach's concerto like a plant?
Both are organic

69. What is the advice of tucan Sam to a botanist?
Follow your node

70. What does a botanists do when he/she finds a new orchid?

71. What is a D&D villain oft encountered by a botanist?
An Orc-id

72. The botanist was broke, so she took out a lawn, or was it a loam.

73. The corn followed you, you have been stalked

74. What do you call it if you lick a tree?

Random Scouting joke that came out of no where:
why do scouts feel so powerful when they take the finger printing merit badge?
They realize they have the whole Whorl in their hands
We now return you to you regularly scheduled punning.

75. He forgot to return his library book about ivys, now he has a vine

76. What do you call a plant that is vericose and eats insects?
A venous fly trap

77. What type of drawings do botanists enter in?

78. If Johnathan Swift was a botanist what would his smallest characters be?
The Lilly-putians

79. What is a Sesame Street botany toy?

80. How do florists stay dry in a rain storm?
With an Umbel-la

81. What is a contagious desease common among agriculturists?

82. The tree got married. It wanted to show off its ring.

83. What does a botanist sleep on?
A monocot

84. An arborist can count to Tree

85. Who stole from the plant?
Robberulose Biphosphate

86. What keeps a botanist going?

87. What is an herbologists favorite soup?
Tomentum soup

88. Why is the body of a plant so vulgar?
It is a thallic symbol

89. Why was the botanist crying?
She had THYRSE in her eyes (what can I say it was a tendril moment)

90. Why couldn't the botanist see very well?
She had A-stigma-tism

91. How does a botanist clean his/her self?
With a brush

92. Why was the botanist so wise?
He was very sage

93. Which police show do agriculturists watch?

94. Do Botanists support stem cell research??

95. Do botanists have all the anthers??

96. The plant had his car stolon.

97. What was the greenhorn botanist sent on?
A stipe hunt

98. How was the botanist paid?
With a stipe-nd

99. What does a botanist call beurocratic red tape?

100. Who is a plants favorite action movie star?
Silvester Stolon

101. What are these jokes getting to be?
A pain in the aster

I should really revert to plant-o-mime shouldn't I


Anonymous said...

awesome blog, do you have twitter or facebook? i will bookmark this page thanks. lina holzbauer

elinay said...

I love this!

I am a botany major... and my teachers love these jokes.

So a fungi walks into a bar. "We don't serve your kind here!!!' Yells the bartender, "BUT I am a 'FUN-Guy!!!" - My Botany Professor.