(If you need help getting these try http://www.botany.com)
101 jokes that will Flora ya.
1. Why was the soil so good in school?
It knows its ABCs
2.Where was the plant leaf imprisoned?
In the pennate-enturary
3.Who won in the plant politics race?
4. Who told the story of the plant soil's life?
5. How does a Japanese botanist bid farewell?
6. How to botanists tell computers what to do?
With apogamy language (a programing language)
7. The close fitting leaf was being appressed.
8. Where do monkey flowers live?
On the Ape-planate
9. Which tree did the Japanese bomb on December 7 1942?
The Pearl Arbor
10. Why was there no food around the tree?
Becasue the Arbor-eat-em
11. What gaming system do botanists play on?
12. What class did the tool for drilling holes have to take?
13. Which growth promoting substance can also draw a plow?
14. Why are places capable of consuming cars?
They are Auto-trophic
15. Which sharp apendage will botanists play chess with?
16. What measure of a plants resilience also predicts their evolution?
The Hardy Wineburg equilibrium laws
17. How do botanists catch bartenders?
18. What is a marsh botanist's favoirte movie?
Bog to the Future
19. Neither a lender nor a Bougher be.
20. What does an arborist eat soup in?
21. How do leaf clusters start a duel?
They stand Bract to Bract
22. What is the favorite beverage of a botanist?
23. Which hooded flower married Marc Anthoney?
24. After typing too much what did the botanist develop?
Carpel- tunnel syndrome
25. What do you call an arch that is as wide as it is tall made out of soil?
26. How do botanists and soil scientists listen to satelights?
27. How did the botanist, after dealing with fertilizer, clean her hands?
She had a manure-cure
28. The happy botanist was looking very chipper.
29.Ah go fly a chitin
30. Wacky definitions: bostryx
A city North of New yorkx
31. Why are mosses so grouchy when they all lie on the same plane?
I guess they just like to Complanate
32. How do botanists send mail?
Through the compost office
33. Why did the plant eat meat?
It was coniferous
34. How do relatives of weasels pollinate a plant?
They make it Ferretile
35. The botanist was eaten by a cul-lion.
36. What do botanists run up to get excercise?
37. Which botanist is a Senator?
Senator Hilum Clinton
38. Is a botanist from down South a Hilum Billy??
39. What part of a flower is in a car?
A Calyx converter
40. What does a botanist studying jagged margins shoot from her bow?
41. What do botanists give electronically to show their love?
42. What do botanists wear on Mars?
A Spathe suit
43. What does a successively layered animal need to breathe?
44. What is it called when you blackmail a flower?
45. Why are plant growths so upseting?
They have gall
46. What is a service offered by the phone company to botanists?
47. How are seeds like bacteria?
They are both germs
48. He so gibbous, and he so takeous.
49. How was the botanist able to recognize the nut?
At a glans
50. Is a botanist a grafter??
51. Who is the mother of the mother of a botanist?
52. What is the attitude of many botanists?
Haploid go luckoid
53. Hastate makes wastate.
54. Why will shrubs rule the world?
They will have Hedge-mony
55. What do you call a curly haired monoceous plant?
56. What is a boring plant eater?
57.What do you call a plant eating pig?
58. Why did the flower go to the salon?
To have his hair styled
59. What do you say when a botanist sneezes?
60. How do horticulturists get across bodies of water?
With the help of a a Boat-anist
61. What do you call the study of polyps?
62. What did the tropical weather say when it made a mistake?
I am only Humid
63. How does corn speak?
With a husky voice (and it is al ears)
64. What rank in the army is corn?
65. Which yellow plant flew too close to the sun?
66. What do you call an undressed fruit?
67. What do you call something done accidently by a rolled plant leaf?
68. Why is bach's concerto like a plant?
Both are organic
69. What is the advice of tucan Sam to a botanist?
Follow your node
70. What does a botanists do when he/she finds a new orchid?
71. What is a D&D villain oft encountered by a botanist?
72. The botanist was broke, so she took out a lawn, or was it a loam.
73. The corn followed you, you have been stalked
74. What do you call it if you lick a tree?
Random Scouting joke that came out of no where:
why do scouts feel so powerful when they take the finger printing merit badge?
They realize they have the whole Whorl in their hands
We now return you to you regularly scheduled punning.
75. He forgot to return his library book about ivys, now he has a vine
76. What do you call a plant that is vericose and eats insects?
A venous fly trap
77. What type of drawings do botanists enter in?
78. If Johnathan Swift was a botanist what would his smallest characters be?
79. What is a Sesame Street botany toy?
UTRICLE me Elmo
80. How do florists stay dry in a rain storm?
With an Umbel-la
81. What is a contagious desease common among agriculturists?
82. The tree got married. It wanted to show off its ring.
83. What does a botanist sleep on?
84. An arborist can count to Tree
85. Who stole from the plant?
86. What keeps a botanist going?
87. What is an herbologists favorite soup?
88. Why is the body of a plant so vulgar?
It is a thallic symbol
89. Why was the botanist crying?
She had THYRSE in her eyes (what can I say it was a tendril moment)
90. Why couldn't the botanist see very well?
She had A-stigma-tism
91. How does a botanist clean his/her self?
With a brush
92. Why was the botanist so wise?
He was very sage
93. Which police show do agriculturists watch?
94. Do Botanists support stem cell research??
95. Do botanists have all the anthers??
96. The plant had his car stolon.
97. What was the greenhorn botanist sent on?
A stipe hunt
98. How was the botanist paid?
With a stipe-nd
99. What does a botanist call beurocratic red tape?
100. Who is a plants favorite action movie star?
101. What are these jokes getting to be?
A pain in the aster
I should really revert to plant-o-mime shouldn't I