Thursday, September 21, 2006

101 Oceanic Puns

101 Oceanic jokes

1. If a cyanobacteria is sick but feels better, what is it?

2. Does Hooke's law of oscilations work for Spring Tides?

3. What is an oceanographers favorite pasttime?

4. Have you heard about the really bad Hollywood movie about the ocean depths?
It was Abyssmal

5. Who do Zooplankton get their Christmas gifts from?
Santa clausi

6.The shortest distance between two bases is an akaline

7. What test did the fish take?
His Final Ex-Salmon-ation

8. Na na na Bat Ray

9. What do oceanographers drive on?
Atoll roads

10.Return to the Blue Legume

11. What is the most powerful ocean armed force?
The Marines

12. Which barnacle can be found in the brain?
The hypo-chthamalus

13. Quotes from The classic Sci-fi movie Ocean Wars:
Luke I am Euphotic

14. What African country is home to a large number of photosynthesizers?

15. What is a song by the BEACH boys?
Kelp Me Rhonda

16. Why can you never tell if an oceanographer is being serious?
They deal with a lot of Sargassum

17. The fish was put on trial. He is now awaiting his herring.

18. Daddy How are aquatic insects formed?
Well a Bouyant meets a girlant...

19.Which cephalopod is a superconductor?
A Squid

20. What was a famous bioluminescent TV sitcom?
I Love Luci-ferin

21. Are drug dealing crusteaceans Dopepods??

22. Where can you find anoxic cattle?
In the depths of the Caria-cow basin

23. Why are low frequency whale sounds able to be heard SOFAR?

24. What tale of intrique at sea was written by Dana the fish?
Two years under the Neuro-mast

25. Are Diatoms good at passing tests?

26.Why do algae have such a fun life style?
Because half of their life cycle is spent in a GAME-tophyte

27. Who was the 22 and 24 president of US coastal forests?
Man-Grove-r Cleaveland

28. Why should you take what marine biologists say with a grain of salt?
Because they are cnidarians

29.What do you call frozen plant like animals?

30. What do you call a gross sea star?
An Ich-inoderm

31. What does a Marine biologist say when he/she is not feeling well?
I feel s-icthyes

32.Who is the ruler of the Egyptian horseshoe worms?

33. How do you clean a horseshoe worm?
With phoro-nine (409)

34. Why do round worms croak?
Because they are nema-toads

35. How do marine biologist bounce around?
By using a pogo-nophoran stick

36. Marine biologists can count to cten

37. If you plan a spatula, is it a planula??

38. How big is a mollusk?
About 1 foot

39. Why is a mollusk like the Earth?
They both have a mantle

40. What is a marine larvae found in your head?
The Cera-velum

41. Who works in aquatics hamlets?
The Veligers (villagers)

42. Why do living organisms go to France?
To see the Paris sites

43. Why was the Marine biologist hobbling?
He walked with limpet

44. What do you call the round worms that never showed up in Louisiana?

45. What do you call mollusks that live in bank vaults?
Safe-lopods (cephalopods)

46. What bread is eaten by a horshoe worm?
A Loaf-ophore

47. What excercise do cnidarians like to do to work on their upper arm strength?
Polyps (Pull ups)

48. What type of paint is found in the polar oceans?

49. Who is the best knight of the vertebrate world?
Sir lancelet

50. Copepod, heteropod, Ipod??

51. Why was the fish a cold hearted killer?
He felt no remoras

52. Make sure you get the Right Whale for the job?

53. The whale slapped the water with his fin, but I think it was a fluke.

54. Do whales get blood flukes

55. What is a 1980s really bad game show on aquatic biology?
The dugong show

56. is an aquatic brawl a fight-oplankton??

57. What is an essential food in an ocean biome?
A plankton turnover

58.upwelling, downwelling, oh welling

59. Walla, Roofa, Flora

60.The animals of the surface of the shallow sea was enlightened.
He had an epifauna

61. How do marine biologists stop arterial bleeding?
With a tunicate

62. The bacteria was stuck converting only nitrogen to usable forms?
According to Freud he was suffereing from Nitrogen fixation

63. What do you call a rock feature made of fish?
An es-carp-ment

64. What did the marine biologist summer from after too much typing?
Carp-el Tunnel syndrome

65. What is fish clothing made from?

66. Why should you not believe any claims about the salt content of
inlets in the caspian sea?
Because they might be Bogaz

67. What do you call a robotic feline that develops in salt water and
matures in fresh?
CAT-Androidous (catadromous)

68. What do you call bad baseball outfielders?
Catch and release

69. Which fish is captain of the "ENTERPRISE"
Jean Luc Pilchard

70. Do professers of acid and base chemistry have their pH.D??

71. What do you call the separating of birds?
Resource Partrige-ning

72. What is a microscope?
A tool for observing biological magnification

73. Which hollywood star dwelt in the oceans?
Haline Hunt

74. What is a person after they retire?
A pension feeder

75. What do you call mutualism and commensalism in the sea?

76. Why was the early sea of Pangaea in so much pain?
It was Tethying (teething)

77. Why can't you trust the organelles responsible for apoptosis?
Because they lysome

78. How much toothpaste can an echinoderm squeeze from the tube?
1 tube foot

79. What is another name for a sea horse?
An equine-oderm

80. What song writen by Carl Orff can be heard in the sea?
O For tuna

81. Who did Dick Cheny sell his SOLE to?

82. The oceanographers shoes were tide.

83. How do biologists measure ocean distances?
With a measuring tape worm

84. What graham cracker, choclate and marshmallow concoction does a fungus eat?

85. What might you see an ocean raggamuffin begging for?
Alms for the poor-iferans

86. Where do tunicates go skiing?
The Swis salps

87. Where in Antarctica can you find Raggae?
From the Ross-tafariis

88. Was Al Crabone a lobster (Capone a mobster)??

89. How do Mangroves deal with hardship?
They Rhizophora it

90. What type of bird did the annelid have?
A polychaet (parakeet)

91. If a 1700s English poet had been a marine organism who would he be?
John Chaets (Keats)

92. What do oceanographers put on their spaghetti?
A Marinara Trench

93. What do you call a galapagos coprophagus marine reptile?
A Marine Iguano

94. What happens if a marine biologist becomes biased?
He begins taking cnides

95. Why are sea cucumbers empty inside?
Because they are hollow thoroidea

96. What do you call the growth gland on a sea cucumber?
A holo-thyroid-ea

97. What do you call the moss like animals that live near fire?

98. Where does the ocean keep its cows?
In the barnacles

99. How are the protists ruled?
With a monerarchy

100. What will our legal happy society likely do for my bad ocean jokes?
The wil T-sue-nami

101. After reading 101 atrocious ocean puns what has your brain become?


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Anonymous said...

These were some of the worst jokes I'd ever heard, yet I could not stop reading them. Some were so esoteric that it actually made me laugh out loud. I applaud the individual/s who spent the time to collate this awful, yet tantalisingly addictive list of bad puns. Good day sir.

Anonymous said...

great read. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did you guys hear that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.