Monday, September 11, 2006

101 English Jokes

101 English Jokes

  1. What do authors sit in?

A litera-chair

  1. How do you know where an English paper is?

By its com-position

  1. What does Edgar Allan write?


  1. What goes on in a literature stock exchange?

There’s lots of Byron and Shelleying

  1. How do you sell poetry?

First, you must find what a Wordsworth

  1. How do you search for literature?

You must be very Thoreau

  1. What must you do to be a good humor author?

You must be classically Twained

  1. What do authors Thoreau away?


  1. What Anglo-Saxon epic novel always smells as though it needs a shower?

BO wulf

  1. What is the capital of Jane Texas?

Jane Austin

  1. What is the name of the tale of the man who traveled the world and no one believed him?

Gullible’s travels

  1. Homer wasn’t feeling so good I think he has fallen Iliad.

13. What is a Shakespearean play about a king and a jet?

King Leer

14. What piece of classic anti Rousseau literature did McDonalds write?

Lord of the Fries

15. Can the king whole married his mother and killed his father ever get insurance?

I don’t think so; he’s been in too many rex

16.What happens when a blind English poet founds a game company?

You get Milton-Bradley’s Paradise Lost TM (This one was actually my friend's joke)

17.What book is about a barbeque and a bird? It takes place is the racist South and deals with a famous trial?

To grill a Mockingbird

18.Why is this book so popular at Steiner?

The main character is Scout

19.What is the favorite Shakespearean play of leather workers?

Tanning of the shrew

20.What is the longest caudal appendage?

A Tail of Two Cities

21.Why couldn’t they find Uncle Tom’s Cabin?

Its author was a Stowe-away

22.Why was reading the Inferno such a hard task?

Because it is a Dante-ing task

23.What do you call a gothic novel about things shriveling up?

Withering Heights

24. How do English majors get the wrinkles out of their clothes?

With a hot irony

25.Why was the English major late for work?

She had to stop and change a satire

26.Which Author is a great sports figure?

Alfred Lord Tennis-son

27.In Margaret Mitchell’s novel Gone With the Wind, what literary device was the name of the main male character?

Rhet-oric Butler

28. Why is DD so funny?

Because it is a pair o D (parody) (also not originally my joke hence forth *)

29.Why do English teachers love geometers?

They both like parallelism

30. Why is the Steiner waterfront like an unsolvable literary quandary?

Both have a pair o docks

31.I never metaphor I didn’t like.

32. What is an over exaggerated Mathematical conic section?

A hyperbole

33. How are mathematicians like English majors?

They both use figurative language

34. How do metrical feet reproduce?

They spawndee

35. What do you call notes by an inmate?


36. How are English majors like construction workers?

They both use concrete language

37. What do you call a donkey sitting on an insect mound?


38. If you thought you saw a literary reference, but really didn’t what is it?

An optical allusion

39. Why wouldn’t the parent let her young children read Animal Farm?

It was too alle-gory

40. What is a popular party game among English majors?

Truth or Consonance

Sorry if this one offends

41. What type of Poetry does Christ compose?

The great I am bic pentameter

42. What form of poetry is also an Egyptian game?


43. How do you enter a locked poem?

With a Tro-key

44. Why are podiatrists so important to English majors?

They are useful for fixing broken metric feet

45. Word: Metric foot

Definition: The distance measure America will be switching to shortly.

46. What do English majors eat for the holidays?

A Thanksgiving Trochee

47. What do you call a short poem about citrus?

A lime-ric

48. Why did the tailor employ the storyteller?

He spun a good yarn

49.Why were the pages of the anthology of an English poet off-white?

They were Donne

50. How is a Middle Ages author different from a chef?

One is a saucer the other is a Chaucer

51. Which English poet owns a comic corporation?

Alexander Marvel

52. Why was the poet able to adapt to any situation?

He was verse-atile

53. Why was the poet zapped?

He ran into high voltas

54. Why do we like poetry no matter its title?

Because a prose by any other name still sounds as sweet

55. Why was the English major so forlorn?

He wasn’t he was just prose-aic

56. How do English majors get married?

They pro-prose

57. Prose-prose prose your boat gently down the stream

58. Why is being a musician a lot like being an English major?

In both you need to find the tone and analyze the rhythm

59.Where do anorexic, sad and overly dramatic English majors go?

To a maudlin agency

60. Who is the mother of an English major’s parents?

Her grammar

61. What do you call an English essay written backwards?

De-composition (also likely to be the grade you get)

62.Why did the aspiring English major type the letters “S-A” in 5 million point font?

His teacher asked for a 5-page essay

63. Why is Plato’s book so awful?

It is after all Plato’s Repugnant

64. Euripides, Eumenides (you ripped these, so you mend these)

65. What happens to Oedipus when he gets old?

He has an Oedipus at Colonuscopy

63. Why are the Greek legends so hard?

Because it is all hit or myth

  1. What pageant did the Greek scholar win?

Myth America

  1. What book is about a Black man’s racing dreams deferred?

A racin’ in the Sun

  1. What subject can you wish for things?


  1. Why is Peer Gynt so Prim and proper?

He is a regular Gynt-leman

  1. What happened when the librarian was arrested?

She was booked into prison

  1. Why couldn’t the librarian get a plane flight?

They were all booked

  1. What type of fish do mystery writers catch?

Red Herrings

  1. Why do English majors like salmon?

They are book a-fish-ionados

  1. Why do English majors dress so sharply?

They are book a-fashion-ados

  1. Why are English majors like basketresses?

They both like to reed

  1. Why is a broken-down book like a coward?

Neither has a spine

  1. How is a brand-new book like a sea urchin?

Both have stiff spines

  1. Why is the theatre production of The Importance of Being Earnest the best pun ever written?

Because it is a PLAY on words

  1. What is an Oscar Wilde Victorian novel about a 1980s car?

The Portrait of Doloriean Gray

  1. If you send a book by phone, what is it?

Text messaging

  1. How do you leave an English major in suspense?

I’ll tell you later

  1. Why would a talking horse work for a publishing firm?

Because he is a good EDitor

  1. Why are the works of a Scottish philosopher so funny?

Because they are HUMEorous

  1. What does a philosopher go shopping with?

A shopping Descartes

  1. Which late nineteenth century poet made extraordinary bread?

William Butler Yeast

  1. Which “stream of consciousness” style writer is a control for a game?

James Joyce-stick

  1. Which English poet is really a fish?

Rudyard Kipper-ling

  1. Which children’s poet can be found on a beach?

Shell Silverstein

  1. Why is All Quiet on The Western Front such a good book?

It is Remarque-abley well written

  1. Who is an edible science fiction writer?

Ray Brad-berry

  1. How does the author of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn get around?

By choo-choo Twain

  1. Why was the person who couldn’t play a barber thrown out of the theater?

He couldn’t be Seville

  1. What do modern authors keep warm with?

A George Bernard Shaw-l

  1. What is a very cheap Victorian book?

Cents and Centsability

  1. Which book has more twists than any other?

Oliver Twist

  1. Which book about football was written by Victor Hugo?

The Quaterback of Notre Dame

95. What happened when the quintessential late 1800s author from England was scared to death?

The Dickens was literally scared out of him

  1. What is a Scottish song about a children’s author’s books on varying height shelves?

“You Take the High Roald I’ll Take the Low”

  1. Which American Author was a sewer

Ernest Hem-ingway

  1. What is a orienteering instructors favorite book?

War and Pace

99. What is a leatherworkers favorite book?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide

  1. Who is a sports figure’s favorite poet?

John Cleats (Keats)

  1. What might be the book title for this ComPUNdium?

Crime and PUNishment

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