101 English Jokes
- What do authors sit in?
- How do you know where an English paper is?
By its com-position
- What does Edgar Allan write?
- What goes on in a literature stock exchange?
There’s lots of Byron and Shelleying
- How do you sell poetry?
First, you must find what a Wordsworth
- How do you search for literature?
You must be very Thoreau
- What must you do to be a good humor author?
You must be classically Twained
- What do authors Thoreau away?
- What Anglo-Saxon epic novel always smells as though it needs a shower?
- What is the capital of Jane Texas?
- What is the name of the tale of the man who traveled the world and no one believed him?
- Homer wasn’t feeling so good I think he has fallen Iliad.
13. What is a Shakespearean play about a king and a jet?
14. What piece of classic anti Rousseau literature did McDonalds write?
Lord of the Fries
15. Can the king whole married his mother and killed his father ever get insurance?
I don’t think so; he’s been in too many rex
16.What happens when a blind English poet founds a game company?
You get Milton-Bradley’s Paradise Lost TM (This one was actually my friend's joke)
17.What book is about a barbeque and a bird? It takes place is the racist South and deals with a famous trial?
To grill a Mockingbird
18.Why is this book so popular at Steiner?
The main character is Scout
19.What is the favorite Shakespearean play of leather workers?
Tanning of the shrew
A Tail of Two Cities
21.Why couldn’t they find Uncle Tom’s Cabin?
Its author was a Stowe-away
22.Why was reading the Inferno such a hard task?
Because it is a Dante-ing task
23.What do you call a gothic novel about things shriveling up?
With a hot irony
25.Why was the English major late for work?
She had to stop and change a satire
Alfred Lord Tennis-son
Because it is a pair o D (parody) (also not originally my joke hence forth *)
They both like parallelism
30. Why is the Steiner waterfront like an unsolvable literary quandary?
Both have a pair o docks
31.I never metaphor I didn’t like.
32. What is an over exaggerated Mathematical conic section?
33. How are mathematicians like English majors?
They both use figurative language
34. How do metrical feet reproduce?
35. What do you call notes by an inmate?
36. How are English majors like construction workers?
They both use concrete language
37. What do you call a donkey sitting on an insect mound?
38. If you thought you saw a literary reference, but really didn’t what is it?
An optical allusion
39. Why wouldn’t the parent let her young children read Animal Farm?
It was too alle-gory
40. What is a popular party game among English majors?
Truth or Consonance
Sorry if this one offends
41. What type of Poetry does Christ compose?
The great I am bic pentameter
42. What form of poetry is also an Egyptian game?
43. How do you enter a locked poem?
With a Tro-key
44. Why are podiatrists so important to English majors?
They are useful for fixing broken metric feet
45. Word: Metric foot
Definition: The distance measure
A Thanksgiving Trochee
47. What do you call a short poem about citrus?
48. Why did the tailor employ the storyteller?
He spun a good yarn
49.Why were the pages of the anthology of an English poet off-white?
They were Donne
50. How is a Middle Ages author different from a chef?
One is a saucer the other is a Chaucer
51. Which English poet owns a comic corporation?
52. Why was the poet able to adapt to any situation?
He was verse-atile
53. Why was the poet zapped?
He ran into high
54. Why do we like poetry no matter its title?
Because a prose by any other name still sounds as sweet
55. Why was the English major so forlorn?
He wasn’t he was just prose-aic
56. How do English majors get married?
57. Prose-prose prose your boat gently down the stream
58. Why is being a musician a lot like being an English major?
In both you need to find the tone and analyze the rhythm
59.Where do anorexic, sad and overly dramatic English majors go?
To a maudlin agency
60. Who is the mother of an English major’s parents?
61. What do you call an English essay written backwards?
De-composition (also likely to be the grade you get)
62.Why did the aspiring English major type the letters “S-A” in 5 million point font?
His teacher asked for a 5-page essay
63. Why is Plato’s book so awful?
It is after all Plato’s Repugnant
64. Euripides, Eumenides (you ripped these, so you mend these)
65. What happens to Oedipus when he gets old?
He has an Oedipus at Colonuscopy
63. Why are the Greek legends so hard?
Because it is all hit or myth
- What pageant did the Greek scholar win?
- What book is about a Black man’s racing dreams deferred?
A racin’ in the Sun
- What subject can you wish for things?
- Why is Peer Gynt so Prim and proper?
He is a regular Gynt-leman
- What happened when the librarian was arrested?
She was booked into prison
- Why couldn’t the librarian get a plane flight?
They were all booked
- What type of fish do mystery writers catch?
- Why do English majors like salmon?
They are book a-fish-ionados
- Why do English majors dress so sharply?
They are book a-fashion-ados
- Why are English majors like basketresses?
They both like to reed
- Why is a broken-down book like a coward?
Neither has a spine
- How is a brand-new book like a sea urchin?
Both have stiff spines
- Why is the theatre production of The Importance of Being Earnest the best pun ever written?
Because it is a PLAY on words
- What is an Oscar Wilde Victorian novel about a 1980s car?
The Portrait of Doloriean Gray
- If you send a book by phone, what is it?
- How do you leave an English major in suspense?
I’ll tell you later
- Why would a talking horse work for a publishing firm?
Because he is a good EDitor
- Why are the works of a Scottish philosopher so funny?
Because they are HUMEorous
- What does a philosopher go shopping with?
A shopping Descartes
- Which late nineteenth century poet made extraordinary bread?
William Butler Yeast
- Which “stream of consciousness” style writer is a control for a game?
- Which English poet is really a fish?
- Which children’s poet can be found on a beach?
- Why is All Quiet on The Western Front such a good book?
It is Remarque-abley well written
- Who is an edible science fiction writer?
- How does the author of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn get around?
By choo-choo Twain
- Why was the person who couldn’t play a barber thrown out of the theater?
He couldn’t be
- What do modern authors keep warm with?
A George Bernard Shaw-l
- What is a very cheap Victorian book?
Cents and Centsability
- Which book has more twists than any other?
- Which book about football was written by Victor Hugo?
The Quaterback of Notre Dame
95. What happened when the quintessential late 1800s author from
The Dickens was literally scared out of him
- What is a Scottish song about a children’s author’s books on varying height shelves?
“You Take the High Roald I’ll Take the Low”
- Which American Author was a sewer
- What is a orienteering instructors favorite book?
War and Pace
99. What is a leatherworkers favorite book?
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide
- Who is a sports figure’s favorite poet?
John Cleats (Keats)
- What might be the book title for this ComPUNdium?
Crime and PUNishment