Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Far Out Puns

101 Astronomy Jokes

1. Q: Did you hear about the astronomer who built a telescope using a
facility in the mountains of Arizona?
He built it from a Kitt

2. Q: What holds up the sun and moon? Sun and Moonbeams

3. Q: Where do Astronauts get a drink? The space bar

4. Q: Why is it hard to tell if a being from the Dog Star is joking?
You can't tell if he's being Sirius

5. Q: How do astronomers get married? In Cygnus and in health

6. Q: Where do astronomers take their kids? To Taurus-R-Us

7. Q: How do astronomers greet each other? Hyades

8. Q: How do astronomers ask for something? Pretty Pleiades

9. Q: What do astronomers find just obscure? Clouds

10. Q: When an Astronomer goes to an ice cream bar what does he order?
A tele-scoop

11. Q: When an astronomer goes into the woods what is he likely to
get? Op-ticks

12. Q: What does a female astronomer carry? A Perseus

13. Q: Why did the ancient Greeks think there was nothing in Ursa
Major? They thought it was a barren sky (Bear in sky)

14. Q: What type of camel is in the sky (no not Camelopardis)? An Andromedary

15. Q: Where do astronomers get their milk? Andromedairy

16. Q: Why are some math teachers like the Northern Crown? They are
both Corona Bore-ialises

17. Q: What do you call a scientist who studies soda pop? A Fizzy-sist

18. Q: What do you call a scientist who studies skin growths? A physi-cyst

19. Q: What do you call a person who knows the forces behind why
people work? A physic-tian
20. Q: What is the brand name of the substance that keeps astronomers
regular? Para-lax

21. Q: What is that bright blue star in Lyra? I haven't the Vega-est idea

22. Q: What do all astronomers posses? Altair egos

23. Q: How did the astronomer survive the narrow escape? By the Cetus
of his pants

24. Q: Why was the crow unable to fin the one he loved? Because the
Corvus of true love never did run smooth

25.Q: Why was the astronomer unable to reach the celestial orb?
Because he failed to planet

26. Q: What do astronomers die of? Cancer

27. Q: Why is astronomy such a good job? Because business is always looking up

28. Q: If the world were to suddenly be devoid of the brightest star
in Auriga, what would it be? A-Capella

29. Q: If a star could sing what would it be? A-Capella

30. Q: What does an astronomer make his jeans out of? Deneb

31. Q: Why was it difficult for the astronomer to put together the
puzzle? He didn't have all the right Pisces

32. Q: How do astronomers see? With sate-lights

33. Q: How do astronomers go horseback ridding? With saddle-lites

34. Q: What do astronomers put on babies feet? Boötes

35. Q: How do astronomers sail across the sky? In a Boötes

36. Q: What TV show do astronomers adore? Zenith Warrior Princess

37. Q: Who observes the skies from Atlantis? Astronomeremaids

38. Q: How do astronomers get home? They catch the space shuttle

39.Q: What do you call a lunatic in space? An Astro-nut

40. Q: What do you call a man tied up in space? An astro-knot

41. Q: If an astronomer is goofing off what is he? A pain in the asterism

42. Q: Who was a famous dancer among the stars? Fred Astaire-ism

43. Q: Why is Hollywood a favorite place among astronomers? They like
to look at the stars

44. Q: Why will the world be sad in 5 billion years after the sun
explodes? We will have lost our sol

45. Q: What type of music does the sun listen to? The hottest hits
from sol-train

46. What is the answer to any equation involving inequalities on the
moon? Crater than or equal to

47. Q: How do Spanish astronomers bid each other adieu? Hast moon-ñana

48. Q: Which astronomer led the Golden Horde? Aquila the Hun

49. Q: Why was the Italian astronomer arrested? Because he Spica'ed the punch

50. Q: Why was the volleyball team of astronomers so good? Because
they practiced their Spicas

51. Q: When an astronomer utters an anathema what is it? A cUrsa Major

52. Q: When is there a horse in the sky? On the vernal and autumnal Equine-ox

53. Q: How do spring, summer, fall and winter flavor their food? With

54. Q: why did the north and South Pole join Hitler? They were on the Axis

55. Q: With whom did the astronomer go on a date with? A very nice gal-axy

56. Q: When a female astronomer ages does she turn into Saggy-tarius

57. Q: Have you heard of the Jamaican gang inhabiting the tallest
mountain on mars? They are calling themselves the Olympus Mons

58. Q: Why was Antarctica locked into a safe? Apparently, she tried
pole vaulting

59. Q: Did you know that Dr. Ted Ghistle created a flying horse-like
creature? It's called a Pega-seuss

60. Q: Who rules the feudal system of the skies? Alde-baron

61. Q: What is in the middle of an astronomic circle? It's Centaur

62. Q: Whose room is worse a physicist or an astronomer? An
astronomer, his room is Messier

63. Q: Why is the Earth like Mardi Gras? Because they both processions

64. Q: What is an astronomer's favorite type of rock? SETI-mentry

65. Q: What is the favorite political party among astronomers? Libra-l

66. Q: Who is the favorite band for young astronomers? They Might Be
Super Giants

67. Q: Why was the space probe arrested? It was a Voyeur-ger

68. Q: What type of poetry is told by the cosmos? The uni-verse

69. Q: What instrument does the discoverer of Pluto play? A Tombaugh-rine

70. Q: What does an astronomer put on his hair? Rigel

71. Q: What is the favorite book of an astronomer? Catcher in the Rye-gel

72. Q: What do you call something that lives in a swamp? A Marsh-ian

73. Q: What do you call a potato in orbit? A spudnik

74. Q: Did you know that the governor of California made a movie
about the light and dark side of the moon? It's called The Terminator
(The terminator is boundary line separating the light side from the
dark side of the moon)

75. The sun is a man of much prominence

76.Q: How do astronauts know what they look like? They look in a Mir

77. Q: Why did the cowpoke fire his gun into space? He wanted to see
shooting stars

78. When asked to find a particular star the astronomer declined

79. Q: What is the favorite song of the ancient Greek astronomers?
Why Not Take Ptolemy (Why Not Take All of Me)

80. Q: What is one of the hardest questions for an astronomer to
answer? Whether something is Phecda or Phiction

81. Q: Why is the moon like that? Oh, it's just a phase

82. Q: Do you know what one of the best aspects of the moon is? It
doesn't let anything phase it

83. Q: What do the moon and the weapon from Star Trek have in common?
They are both phasers

84. Q: What elf was famous for his star observations? Johannes Keepler

85. Chemists deal with anions and cations, astronomers deal with Orions

86. Hercules is the 5th largest constellation, but is composed of
largely 4th and 5th magnitude stars. That means the constellation is
just like the legend: big but not so bright

87. Q: Have you heard about the new race sponsored by the National
Atmospheric and Space Administration? They are calling it NASA-car

88. Q: Did you know that there is a grumpy star found in Ursa Major?
It is know as Mizar

89. Q: Did you also know that it is a double binary star? Mizar loves company

90. War of the Worlds is very toxic if you inhale it, it was after all
written by Hg Wells

91.When astronomers play baseball they don't just play in the
outfield, they play in Deep Field

92.In 1992 where the astronauts feared because, they were Hubble rousers

93. Q: Why would the moon be a good place for a horse race? Because
of all the mare-s there

94. Q: Why was the astronomer reluctant to search for the Scales of
Justice? He was a little Lyrae

95. Q: How does the solar system keep its pants up? With a Kuiper Belt

96. Q: Can you name one old lady circling Jupiter? Granny-mede

97. Q: How does an astronomer find out if 2 goes into 6? He uses
Cassini Division

98. Q: If an astronomer wishes to remain silent what does he say? No Comet

99. Q: What do you call a biography of Edmund Halley? A comet-ary

100. Q: Who was the astronomer's vice president? Alcor (Al Gore)

101. Q: After reading 101 of my astronomy jokes, what has your brain
become? A super massive Black Hole

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