Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dog days of Summer

101 Dog Jokes

1. What are the rule of being a canine?

2. What do you call a dog that is a sad fruit?
A melon-collie

3. What type of dog goes well with cream cheese?
A Cream Cheese Beagle

4. What dog did Darwin sail aboard?
The HMS Beagle

5. Which American congressional party is sponsored by a dog?
The Re-pug-licans

6. What do you call a dog that likes to fight?
A Pug-ilist

7. Why is a dog's tail like a cart?
Its a wagon

8. Who was a famous canine composer?

9. Why does a dog weigh 16 oz?
Because there are 16 ounces in a hound

10. How does a dog keep the ends of a rope from fraying?
He learned to whippet

11. Which breed of dog has president Bush declaired war upon?

12. Why couldn't the Alaskan sled dog talk?
It was a mala-mute

13. What type of car does a dog drive?
A Hounda civic

14. What is the most patriotic breed of dog?
The star spangled spaniel

15. Which breed of dog helps at the diner table?
The Place setter

16. What did the professional say to the dog lover?
He gave him a few pointers

17. WHich book about dogs at sea was written by Dana?
Two years under the Mastiff

18. What is a dog's favorite type of vegetable?
Collie flower

19. What type of plastic surgery did the dog have?
Collie-gen implants

20. WHen a dog lifts weights what does it lift?
Boerbels (barbells)

21. Why are dogs often hired by Fed Ex?
They need boxers

22. What did the dog win?
World Heavyweight Boxer

23. What do gardening dogs plant thing in?
A pott-weiller

24. Who does a canine see if he is sick?
A Dog-tor

25. Are those who treat war dogs vets?

26. What type of marker does a dog use?
A Shar-pei

27. Not only is it raining cats and dogs, but I think I stepped in a poodle?

28. Which type of dog likes to swim?
A pool dog

29. Why do chinese ugly dogs look so Foo-lish??

30. What is the favorite type of dog among scientists?
A labratory retriever

31. which dog plays for a football team?
The Golden Reciever

32. How do dogs travel?
By Greyhound

33. What do you call a puzzling breed of dog?
A para-doxen

34. Why do dogs like the song Jingle Bells?
Because it has the line Dashund through the snow

35. Why is Hamlet a dog?
Because he is a Great Dane

36. What type of dog will you find in a sword shop?
A pommel-ranian

37. Why are people like dogs on Saint Patrick's Day?
If you are not wearing green everyone turns into a pinser

Dwergpoedel is the German name for a poodle!?

38. Which song by Gordon Lightfoot is about a Norwegian Elkhound?
The Sinking of the Elandhond Fitzgerald

39. Which dog has a bad habit?
The spitz

40. Alternative definition: Euthanasia
Spot remover

41. What is the motto of the US marine corps dog team?
Semper Fido

42. What is the perfect dog for OJ Simpson?
The Stabij

43. Which school for Wizarding pooches does a European dog go to?

44. What do you call a medical dog?
A bone setter

45. Which type of dog was one of the first computers?
The Komondor 64

46. Why don't dogs like quantum mechanics?
Too many cat states

47.Why don't dogs like chemistry?
Too many cat-ions

48. Dogs are like doctors-- They are heelers

49. Which type of dog is a famous blues singer?
Mudi Waters

50. What is a famous Gershwin dog musical?
Corgi and Bess

Xoloitzcuintli is a Mexican breed of dog

51. What is a dog's favorite soup?
Clam Chow Chow der

52. What type of voice does an Alaskan dog have?
A husky one

53. Which dog was a frontiersman?
Spaniel Boone

54. What do you get if you cross a rooster and a dog?
A Cock-er spaniel

55. What type of dog goes milk with milk and honey?
A cracker spaniel

56. What type of dog lives near the ocean?
The Australian Kelp-ie

57. What does a hot stylish dog wear?

58. Why does the dog used for English fox hunts need a shave?
Because it is Harrier

59. Which dog is a famous comic strip character?
Beagle Bailey

60. If superman were a dog where would he work?
The Daily Beagle

61. What does every big band that encounters dogs need?
A Chi-wah-wah- mute

62. What is the motto of a small oriental dog?
Lhasa but not leashed

63. What is an oriental dogs favorite food?
Chow chow mein

64. How should you excercise oriental dogs?
Take them for a wok

65. Do you own that dog?
No, I leash

66. Which dog likes to graph things?
A plott hound

67. What happens in a dog mystery?
The Plott thickens

68. What is the favorite race of among dogs?
The 50 meter dashund

69. Which breed of dog is popular on a farm?
A St. Barn-yard

70. Why is Timex the official watch of dog lovers?
Because it takes a licking and keeps on ticking

71. Which dog is mentioned in the Bible?
Queen Shiba inu

72. How high can a dog count?
Shih Tzu

73. What do you get if you cross a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu??

74. Why are daschunds so successful?
At everything they do they are weiners

75. Dogs have another name for the song "Danny Boy", what is it?
London Terrier

76. Which dog likes citrus?
A Limeraner

77. A dog blew arcoss water?
His owners are calling him fetch (a fetch is an oceanic term for wind blowing across water)

78. What is a popular canine sport?
Dogs ball

79. Dogs always look fetching don't they?

80. MacBeth mentions a dog?
Out Damn Spot Out

81. How do you spot a dalmation?
You don't they are born that way

82. What type of dog do you give a little girl?
A doll-mation

83. What is a fun game played amoung dogs?
Hydrant and go secant

84. What do you call a silent dog?

85. What did the dogs all sign?
A pet-ition

86. What do dogs wait in?

87. K-9. Bingo!

88. Who gave birth to a dog?
His Mut-er

89. Which type of dog covers a chair?
An Afgan hound

90. You know what they say, hound sight is 20/20.

91. What type of window fabric did the street dog purchase?

92. Who did the doggie goe as for Halloween?
Hound Dracula

93. Why did the dog have a sore voice?
Because he was an old Yeller

94. Why was the dog crazy?
Because he was Wago (Whacko)

95. What is the favorite magazine of dogs?
Fur-tune 500

96. Why couldn't the dog go on an Africa safari?
He was a pooch-er

97. What does a dog loving baseball player use to catch things with?
A catchers mutt

98. What is a dog's favorite type of meat?

99. What is a dog's favorite movie?
Mutt-ster and commander

100. Why is tree like a dog?
Its bark is worse than its bite

101. In a wain storm, where can you find a dog?
Under a Woof

No comments: