Thursday, September 28, 2006

For the Birds

The Avians are invading! Incidently if any one needs back ground on this I 1. did my Eagle Scout project for a local aviary and 2. Was the nature director at the camp I worked at.

101 Bird jokes

1. How much did the warbler pay for the item?
Not much he got it cheap cheap, for a song in fact

2. What do you call it when a seagull flies over an enclosed body of water=
A bay gull

3. Who did the the seagull marry?
The Gull of his dreams

4. What is a favorite book among the charadriiforms?
Gull-ivers Travels

5. Why was the tern dupped so easily?
It was Gull-able

6. What do birds compete in?

7. What do you call a selfish podipediform?
Grebey (Greedy)

8. Which bird was locked away in an insane assylum?
A Loon

9. What did the bird die of?
A heron overdose

10. What is the motto of a bird?
Beak there done that

11. Why are geese so knowledgeable?
They have all the ansers

12. Which bird is popular amoung the oil industry?
The Petrel-eums

13. Where do charadriiformes go to get an education?

14. What is a popular dance amoung ciconiiformes?
The flamingo

15. What do you call a hot phoenicopterus?
A Flame-ingo

16. What is a popular game involving getting rows and colums of
Flam-ingo its like bingo but for the birds

17. What do you call an inbred bunch of Albatross?
Mixed Medea

18. What is a famous Greek play about an albatross killing her young?

19. What do you call an avian electronic circuit component?
A Diode-medea

20. Why is it dificult to keep secrets in the Antarctic?
There are too many Prion eyes

21. What does an antarctic ornithologist read?
An Adelie paper (Daily paper)

22. What do you call a gracious penguin?

23. When a penguin plays checkers does he get a king??

24. Larry Bird Played basketball. I have his rookery card.

25What type of carpeting does an arctic/antarctic ornithologist have?
Shag carpet

26. The Gannet was Looking Sulan.

27. What is one problem ornithologists face?
Taking took much for gannet

28. Who was a famous Turkish Gannet?
Sula-mon the Magnificent

29. Which bird is a famous rock star?
Mic Jaeger

30. Where can you find coastal charadriiformes?
In Gull-f

31. Did you see the Gullp?
Whats a gull-p
Its like a swallow but bigger

32. What do you call a fast moving cat in water?
A Kitty-wake

33. How do you keep tract of arctic circumnavigating birds at an amusement
Whith a Tern-stile

34. What does a dungeons and dragons bird cleric do well?
Tern undead

35. Why was the Gygis alba being bad?
It was Noddy

36. Which bird is a famous behavioralist?
B.F. Skimmer

37. What do you plug a bird into?
A power Auklet

38. What do you call two bird organic chemistry molecules?

39. What is a chicken's favorite Shakespearean play to act out?

40. What killed a large number of birds during the French revolution?
The Guillemotine

41. Which bird are you likely to find painted on walls?
A Murre-al

42. Which bird has a national forest in California?
The Murre Woods

43. What do you call an avian stalker?
A secret ad-murre-er

44. What is the most common occupation of a Uria aalge?
A Murre-chant

45. What does an ornithologist call a cell phone charge?
A razorbill

46. Which blood sucking count did the Puffin go as for Halloween?
Count Fratercula

47. Why is fratercula corniculata an out of shape bird?
Because They're always huffin and Puffin.

48. What is a ornithologists favorite movie?
Puffin the magic dragon

49. Why is the three little pigs an ornithologists favorite movie?
Because the Big bad wolf threatens to Huffin and Puffin and blow the house

50. Which part of a bird was a president?
Howard Tuft

51. Why are loons so talkative?
They have the gift of gavia (Gab)

52. Where does a gaviiform get its clothes?
They are all handmade on a loon

53. What do you call a latex gaviiform?
A Bal-loon

54. Who was a famous bird photographer during the civil war?
Horace Grebely

55. How does a podipediformes complain?
By airing his/her grebences

56. What do you call a random assortment of birds?
A Grebe Bag 9grab Bag)

57. Why does an Anseriforme like the number 2?
Because it is swan plus swan

58. What do you call a yukon Gay Bar?
A Canada Goose (Sorry!)

59. What do you call it if you cannot choose a particular family of duck?
An Eider or Situation

60. What is a fun nursery rhyme dealing with anseriforms on a rainy day?
The Itsy Bitsy Eider

61. What is a favorite drink among Somaterias?
Apple Ci-eider

62. Melanitta Perspicillata is the scientific name for the Surf Scoter. If
this duck is found in Canada would it be a Nova Scoter?

63. How do ornithologist get around?
On a scoter (scooter)

64. What is a popular James Bond Film based on a duck species?

65. Which bird "wrote" Princess Bride?
Stanly Merganser

66. Which Duck sailed around the world?

67. Which duck discovered the Titanic?
Robert Mallard

68. Where do birds shop?
At the General Stork

69. Which firey letter of the alphabet is really a bird?
The flaming "O"

70. What childhood game do greater flamingos play?
Cops and rubers

71. What is a classic flamingo comeback?
I ruber your glue ...

72. Why is wonder woman a bird?
Because she is a Heron (Heroine)

73. From whom do birds rent cars?

74. Who were the favorite avian characters on Sesame Street?
Bird and Ernie

75. Why are features of bird bill so well versed in mythology?
They know their lores

76. Which part of a bird is in the Bible?
Saul of tarsus

77. Why is on the wing a synonym for running from the law?
Because he doesn't want to be behind bars (wing bars)

78. How does a bird eat?
With a knifula and furkula

79. What does a passiform take camping?
Everything but the kitchen syrinx

80. Where does a bird go if it needs counciling?
To Syrinx

81. If you put a bird in the dryer on extra hot what happens?
It syrinx

81. In ancient Egypt there is the statue of the great syrinx.

82. What type of song bird is always jerking back?
The flinch or possibly the Jamaican Jerk Chicken

83. What is a midevil scholar's favorite bird?
A Knightengale

84. Which bird is also a storm?
A nightin-gale

85. Where do birds put their cars?
In Larking spots

86. What does a rope using bird do?
Whipporwill (Whips well)

87. Which bird can take down a tree?
A sparrow

88. Which member of the Struthioniformes is crenulated?
The Castlewary

89. Which struthioniform is a form of insurance agent?
A Actuary

90. What do you call medievil surf birds?
The Pheasants

91. What do you call a curmudgeonly rallidae?
An Old Coot

92. What do you call a sharpshooting rostratulid?
A Snipe-r

93. What is the luckiest bird?
The four leaf plover

Auks and skua are two diferent types of birds yet they have the same name

94. What happend to the tall chucker?
It hit a grouse spurt

96. Why can't population biologist predict the number of tetronidae?
Because it will always be a grouse underestimate

97. Where do tropical ornithologists go for cheap Mexican food?
Turaco Bell

99. What happens if you cross a canary with a fan?
You get shredded tweet

100. What was a movie made by Mel Gibson about Biblical Song birds?
The Passerine of Christ

101. How does a bird remove a nut?
With wrens (Wrench)

Bonus Joke:
102 What do you call a point just touching once on a bird?
tanager (tangent)

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