Thursday, September 21, 2006

Our society has gone to Bits

101 computer puns

1. What do you call the founder of the computer world's smile?
The pearly gates

2. What is a computer's favorite European city?

3. What is a computer's favorite animal?

4. What do you call an untrustworthy computer (other than a PC)?
a CD character

5. How comfortable is Bill Gates Bed?
Oh, it's very micro-soft

6. What are a computer's two favorite track events?
The Diskette and running

7. What do you call an American drive?
A U.S.b

8. What do you call a tardy computer?

9. What do you call an advanced computer?

10. What is a computer's favorite number?

11. Why was the computer so famous?
It was practically an icon

Sorry if this offends
12. Why is a religious figure like an Instant Messager?
They are both the great IMs

13. What do you call a lucky computer?

14. What grade did the computer programmer get?
A C++

15. Why could the programmer only complete half of his task?
He only had a BASIC understanding

16. What card does a computer literate parent play?
The "come on, I'm not ASCIIng too much" card

17. Why was the surge protector omnipotent?
It could feel the power (it had all the power)

18. How do techy locksmiths get in?
With a key-board

19. What is the favorite musical instrument of a techy?
A keyboard

20. What pest do programmers have a lot of?

21. Where do bachelor computer devices sleep?
In the mouse pad

22. What do computer geeks put in their hair?
Mouse (mousse)

23. What yellow bird do computer geeks often keep as a pet?
A binary

24. Name a computer sound system book written by Orson Scott Card?
Speakers for the Dead

25. What is a traveling form of entertainment for a techy?
The circuits (circus)

26. What do you call an errant computer technician?
A solder of fortune

27. Phrases that have completely different meanings amid computer geeks:
"Wow! Look at the silicon on that one"

28. What did the monitor have to do to become an actor?
Pass a screen test

29. What was a presidential computer scandal a number of years back?
Monitor Lewinsky

30. Why was the disk so successful?
It had a drive

31. What do you call a computer final?
A test Drive

32. How do computers play tennis?
In games, resets and matches

33. Who is the knight champion of computers everywhere?

34. What candy do computer techies like?
Pixel sticks

35. What computer program do people go snorkeling in Australia to see?
The great Barrier Correl Reef

36. There was a computer programmer named Wyatt Earp, where was he shot?
In the OK Correl

37. What does food taste like to a techy?
MMM! Tastes just like Quicken

38. What will computer programmers sink into?

39. If ever, how do computer programmers make their bed (not with the
help of their mommy)?
With spread-sheets

40. What do Microsoft Word users eat diner upon?
A table

41. What do you call a database for the physically disabled?
Wheelchair Access-able

42. Where do computer geeks shop?
In a hardware store (as opposed to a software store)

43. What do techies do if they know disaster is soon upon them?
They ROM for their lives

44. Who was a famous Egyptian king?

45. What do you call someone who rescues a runaway monitor?
A screen saver

46. What Luke and Darth Vader would have been fighting with if they
were a computer game?
A screen saber

47. What a computer geek covered his room in?

48. What every successfully employed computer geek secretly wishes for?
A hot Intern-ette

49. More alternative definitions: The Spice Girls

50. What AOL should really be renamed: LOL

51. What is the title of a motivation speech for techies?
How to be L33+ 3RS N0T F0ll0\/\/3RS

51. What happens if you erase a hacker's email?
It was |)E L33T E|)

52. What a computer geek goes fishing with?
a L33T ER

53. How does a computer geek start a fire?
With L33Ter fluid

54. What do you call a computer connection advertisement with no scrupples?
A shameless plug

55. What type of music do computers listen to?
Music with lots of chords

56. What type of computer do the Finns use?
A Lapptop

57. Why is a computer very UNLIKE a tightrope walker?
For one, being wireless is a good thing …

58. What did the computer geek roast marshmallows on?
A firewall

59. Alternative definition: smoker

60. A game computer geeks often play with beanbags?
Hacker sack

61. What happens to nerds when they age?
They become old hacks

62. What is the medieval melee weapon of choice?
A battle hacks

63. What does a frustrated computer user use to smash an inoperable
computer cooling system?
A fan club

64. What do you call a techy stinging insect?

65. What computers talking about ore communicate in?

66. What is the computer capital of Taiwan?

67. More alternative definitions: The Big Apple
Big Mac

68. What is a computer geek's favorite food?
MAC-aroni and cheese

69. What is a nerd's favorite dessert?
A caramel Apple

70. What does a techy musician type his/her stuff in?
A NOTE-book

71. Why did the nerd go to the beach?
He wanted to fix his Sea drive

72. What do you call a computer geek's reasons for committing a crime?
His modem operendi

73. Who was a famous admiral in the computer world?
Commodore Peary

74. More alternative definitions: Stumped
Log on

75. UnStumped
Log Off

76. Stamp collection
Cut and paste

77. The PTA
A motherboard

78. Gamer
A play boy / player

79. Well Toned and really Buff
One is what you do to a printer the other is what you do to a floor

80. Minimize
What Mickey does while they are at home

81. What do gamers call the right click on a mouse?
A copy machine

82. How is a long computer screen like the Dead Sea?
Both have scrolls

83. How is a computer operating system like D&D?
Both run on XP

84. What will clog both your arteries and your emails?

85. What is a delicious Nerd breakfast?
SPAM and eggs

86. Who is a techy's dream girl?
SPAMala Anderson

87. What did Cinderella exclaim while waiting for the computer to
slowly ink her page?
"Some day my prints will come!"

88. Paper Jam
A nerd's definition of a hard rock get together also Similar to Pearl
Jam but without the edge

89. Who does a gamer go to if he/she runs into international trouble?
The American game consol-ate

90. Which government division is a nerd's favorite?
The Department of Fish and Games

91. What is a gamer's favorite drink?

92. Why is a typist untrustworthy?
They are very shift-y

93. What do you call a gamer that likes to use lots of keyboard shortcuts?
A Ctrl freak

94. What do you have to beware of with gamers?
Their Alt-er egos

95. Why is a military jet like an uber computer?
Because the military has an F16 and an F22

96. What is another name for a very fast typist?
An Esc-ape artist

97. What does a gamer get when he/she goes in for anesthesia?
A Num lock

98. Why is an archery cabinet like a keyboard?
They both have arrow keys

99. Where do computer geeks go to get a drink?
At the space bar (just like the astronauts)

100. What is ANOTHER name for a computer test?
An Enter-ance exam

101. After reading 101 of my computer jokes what is your new motto?
Byte Me!!

(102. after reading these, if you want you can tear them to bits)

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