The Alternative Dictionary by John Boom
Many of you know what words mean. Here now is a list of what words "really" mean. I present to the world the first installment of the Alternative Definition Dictionary
1. The Spice Girls
Broadband
- Smoker
Hacker
- The Big Apple
Big Mac
- Stumped
Log on
- UnStumped
Log Off
- Stamp collection
Cut and paste
7. The PTA
A motherboard
- Gamer
- A play boy
- player
- Well Toned and really Buff
One is what you do to a printer the other is what you do to a floor
- Minimize
What Mickey does while they are at home
- Copy machine
The right click button on a mouse
12. Paper Jam
Similar to Pearl Jam but without the edge
- Bra
A fallout shelter
- A
The grade one will never get out of the cranky professors class
- Aardvark
One whose vark is vorse than its vite
Ab The eleventh month of the Jewish calendar
- Abacus
Any obscenities found in the song “Dancing Queen”
- Abate
What you catch afish with
- Abbr.
1. A word whose life was cut short
2. A word that needs Miracle Gro.
- Abduct
See Gastrointestinal tract
Abinitio from the beginning
- Abnormal
Potgut
- Abominable Snowman
Your neighbor’s winter construction that is a mere 2 feet taller than yours.
- About ship
Tacky
- Abrade
Liposuction (ab raid)
Where we looked for weapons of mass destruction
- Abridge
- How you cross ariver
- see “Southern Statistics—Mean”
- Abscess
The term for when elementary school breaks were taken away
- Abscise
The opposite of exercise
- Absence
The kinesthetic awareness of having a potgut
- Absentee Ballot
Votes that don’t really count
- A.W.O.L.
A really bad internet provider
- Absinth
What the school secretary, the one with a lisp, marked you as
- Perfect pitch
The one that won the World Series
- Absolute Value
The name of a local five and dime
- Absolute zero
The grade you got in said professors class
- Absolve
A cleaning fluid for stomachs
- Abstain
What Absolve cleans
Abstemious eating and drinking in moderation, along with facetious, is a word that has all of the vowels in their proper order.
- Abstinence
Sex Ed
- Abstraction
1. Having rubber grip on your stomach
2. A person named Abs when she breaks her thigh
- Abstruse
The opposite of Dr. Seuss
- Abundance
- See also the “Roll Waltz”
- A film festival held in
- Abutment
The act of sitting on gum
- Abysmal
How you did in said professors class
- Acacia
A tree that gets right to the point
- School
A 16-year sentence w/o parole
- Academy Awards
Praising people for not being themselves
- Acaroid
A famous actor (actually a genus of mite)
- Accelerate
Something you have to force yourself to do
- Accelerometer
Something you were forced to measure
- Accent
- Bless you!
- A sign of stress
- What occasionally happens around children
- Acceptance
Usually preceded by an award
- Accident Prone
Getting hit while lying down
- Accolade
Similar to lemonade, but made with accos
- Acid Fast
What hard rockers do on the first Sunday of every month.
- Acupressure
Dealing with pressing demands
- Adagio
When things are going slow
Adamite one who goes naked in imitation of Adam, such as was the practice of some early religious sects
- Adder
Math snake
An Arabic shoe company
- Bureaucrat
Red tape dispenser
- Adroit
C-3PO
- Adolescent
Preoccupied
Adscititious supplemental, added from an external source
- Aerate
To make holey
- Atmosphere
An airy subject
- Aesop
A fabled story teller
64. Affinity
A six year old’s largest number, often coupled with suffices --plus one or --billion
- Afflict
The fly landed on me and afflict it
- Aftermath
The happiest times in most people’s college careers
- Career
The end of the help wanted subscriptions
- Afternoon
Morning
- After taste
Greasy fast food
- Old age
Mortal coil shuffling
- Agonic
A definition with no bearing
- Valentine
Heart felt
Ahimsa the doctrine that all life is one and sacred resulting in the principle of nonviolence toward all
- Aileron
Making decisions on the wing
- Akimbo
Side arms
- Air hose
pump and circumstance
- Non-working air ship
Incorigible
- Air strip
A ghost’s burlesque house
- Air taxi
The only thing you are likely to catch in
How people shop
- Alarm Clock
- A slumber slaughterer
- An annoying ring tone
- Fable
A story where allegory details have been omitted
- Aligator
- An open and closed case
- A snap judgment
Random joke from beyond:
What do you call Halloween in the
Trigger treating
- Allover
A book by Charles Dickens—Allover Twist
Alopecia baldness
83. Alphabet
The fist bid of the night in
Amaranthine Unfading/ undying
- Ambiance
Why your food cost 25$ instead of 3
Ambivert one who is both introverted and extroverted
85. Amateur farmer
Not a pro-tractor
- Ambidextrous
A guy you gotta hand it to
- Ammunition makers
Round people
- Amoral
A type of eel
- Anachronism
Right place, wrong time
- Anagram
A managr
- Analog
See fossil
- Apostrophe
A sign that you got owned
- Amitosis
When ya just gotta split
- Sailing
1. Anchor management
2. A breeze to learn
- The
A city state
- Angler Fish
A deep thinker
- Angelic
What your two year old is not
- Animate
A lively discussion
- Anneal
- A temper tantrum
- A really tall basketball player
- Ante
Your mother’s sister
Apocope to shorten the last letters of a word
Apteryx a kiwi
Arrack strong oriental drink made from rice molasses and coconut milk
Arraign To call into account. To question
101 .Arrack and Arraign
Two countries in the middle East President Bush believes to have weapons of mass destruction.
Bonus definition:
102. Assemble
No directions included
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