Thursday, September 28, 2006

How To ADD (Vol. A)

The Alternative Dictionary by John Boom

Many of you know what words mean. Here now is a list of what words "really" mean. I present to the world the first installment of the Alternative Definition Dictionary

1. The Spice Girls


  1. Smoker


  1. The Big Apple

Big Mac

  1. Stumped

Log on

  1. UnStumped

Log Off

  1. Stamp collection

Cut and paste

7. The PTA

A motherboard

  1. Gamer
  1. A play boy
  2. player

  1. Well Toned and really Buff

One is what you do to a printer the other is what you do to a floor

  1. Minimize

What Mickey does while they are at home

  1. Copy machine

The right click button on a mouse

12. Paper Jam

Similar to Pearl Jam but without the edge

  1. Bra

A fallout shelter

  1. A

The grade one will never get out of the cranky professors class

  1. Aardvark

One whose vark is vorse than its vite

Ab The eleventh month of the Jewish calendar

  1. Abacus

Any obscenities found in the song “Dancing Queen”

  1. Abate

What you catch afish with

  1. Abbr.

1. A word whose life was cut short

2. A word that needs Miracle Gro.

  1. Abduct

See Gastrointestinal tract

Abinitio from the beginning

  1. Abnormal


  1. Abominable Snowman

Your neighbor’s winter construction that is a mere 2 feet taller than yours.

  1. About ship


  1. Abrade

Liposuction (ab raid)

  1. Plains of Abraham

Where we looked for weapons of mass destruction

  1. Abridge
    1. How you cross ariver
    2. see “Southern Statistics—Mean”

  1. Abscess

The term for when elementary school breaks were taken away

  1. Abscise

The opposite of exercise

  1. Absence

The kinesthetic awareness of having a potgut

  1. Absentee Ballot

Votes that don’t really count

  1. A.W.O.L.

A really bad internet provider

  1. Absinth

What the school secretary, the one with a lisp, marked you as

  1. Perfect pitch

The one that won the World Series

  1. Absolute Value

The name of a local five and dime

  1. Absolute zero

The grade you got in said professors class

  1. Absolve

A cleaning fluid for stomachs

  1. Abstain

What Absolve cleans

Abstemious eating and drinking in moderation, along with facetious, is a word that has all of the vowels in their proper order.

  1. Abstinence

Sex Ed

  1. Abstraction

1. Having rubber grip on your stomach

2. A person named Abs when she breaks her thigh

  1. Abstruse

The opposite of Dr. Seuss

  1. Abundance
    1. See also the “Roll Waltz”
    2. A film festival held in Southern Utah

  1. Abutment

The act of sitting on gum

  1. Abysmal

How you did in said professors class

  1. Acacia

A tree that gets right to the point

  1. School

A 16-year sentence w/o parole

  1. Academy Awards

Praising people for not being themselves

  1. Acaroid

A famous actor (actually a genus of mite)

  1. Accelerate

Something you have to force yourself to do

  1. Accelerometer

Something you were forced to measure

  1. Accent
    1. Bless you!
    2. A sign of stress
    3. What occasionally happens around children

  1. Acceptance

Usually preceded by an award

  1. Accident Prone

Getting hit while lying down

  1. Accolade

Similar to lemonade, but made with accos

  1. Acid Fast

What hard rockers do on the first Sunday of every month.

  1. Acupressure

Dealing with pressing demands

  1. Adagio

When things are going slow

Adamite one who goes naked in imitation of Adam, such as was the practice of some early religious sects

  1. Adder

Math snake

  1. Addis Ababa

An Arabic shoe company

  1. Bureaucrat

Red tape dispenser

  1. Adroit


  1. Adolescent


Adscititious supplemental, added from an external source

  1. Aerate

To make holey

  1. Atmosphere

An airy subject

  1. Aesop

A fabled story teller

64. Affinity

A six year old’s largest number, often coupled with suffices --plus one or --billion

  1. Afflict

The fly landed on me and afflict it

  1. Aftermath

The happiest times in most people’s college careers

  1. Career

The end of the help wanted subscriptions

  1. Afternoon


  1. After taste

Greasy fast food

  1. Old age

Mortal coil shuffling

  1. Agonic

A definition with no bearing

  1. Valentine

Heart felt

Ahimsa the doctrine that all life is one and sacred resulting in the principle of nonviolence toward all

  1. Aileron

Making decisions on the wing

  1. Akimbo

Side arms

  1. Air hose

pump and circumstance

  1. Non-working air ship


  1. Air strip

A ghost’s burlesque house

  1. Air taxi

The only thing you are likely to catch in New York

  1. Ala carte

How people shop

  1. Alarm Clock
    1. A slumber slaughterer
    2. An annoying ring tone

  1. Fable

A story where allegory details have been omitted

  1. Aligator
    1. An open and closed case
    2. A snap judgment

Random joke from beyond:

What do you call Halloween in the Roy Rodgers Museum?

Trigger treating

  1. Allover

A book by Charles Dickens—Allover Twist

Alopecia baldness

83. Alphabet

The fist bid of the night in Las Vegas

Amaranthine Unfading/ undying

  1. Ambiance

Why your food cost 25$ instead of 3

Ambivert one who is both introverted and extroverted

85. Amateur farmer

Not a pro-tractor

  1. Ambidextrous

A guy you gotta hand it to

  1. Ammunition makers

Round people

  1. Amoral

A type of eel

  1. Anachronism

Right place, wrong time

  1. Anagram

A managr

  1. Analog

See fossil

  1. Apostrophe

A sign that you got owned

  1. Amitosis

When ya just gotta split

  1. Sailing

1. Anchor management

2. A breeze to learn

  1. The Vatican

A city state

  1. Angler Fish

A deep thinker

  1. Angelic

What your two year old is not

  1. Animate

A lively discussion

  1. Anneal
    1. A temper tantrum
    2. A really tall basketball player

  1. Ante

Your mother’s sister

Apocope to shorten the last letters of a word

Apteryx a kiwi

Arrack strong oriental drink made from rice molasses and coconut milk

Arraign To call into account. To question

101 .Arrack and Arraign

Two countries in the middle East President Bush believes to have weapons of mass destruction.

Bonus definition:

102. Assemble

No directions included

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