Monday, September 25, 2006

Time to see a physician

101 Physics Jokes

1. What is a fundamental cow particle?
A moo on

2. Why are most physicsts catholic?
They are always dealing with mass

3. What is a physicts favorite movie?
Masster and commander

4-9. Who are some famous barnyard physicists?
Sir Francis Bacon
Sir Isaac Mooten
Albert Einswine
John Ham-mond
& Cowlileo

10. What is a famous broadway number amoung astrophysicists?
One singularity sensation

11.Who are the ladies in a physicists life?
His/her Ma, his/her MOMentum, and his/her GRAMma

12. How do physicists make their cowculations easier?
They assume spherical cows

13. Who composed a really dense statue of the Thinker?

14. Why do deities deal with the angular accelerations and angular velocities?
Because they are the alpha and the omega

15. What do you call a parade of wobbling tops?
A procession

16.How do physicists find girls?
By carbon dating

17. What is the opposite of Inert?

18. What do physicists call a couch potato (other than the immovable object)?
Something with an infinite inertia

19. Why didn't the physicist take the meeting seriously?
He didn't realize the situations gravity

20. Why do physicists like really large significant others?
They are attracted to them

21. What is an eastern religion based on balance and change practiced
by many physicists? Tauism

22. What do you despots controlling all of physics?

23. How are physicists nurished?
With Nutrients

24. Why do atomic physicists love dealing with electrons?
They get a charge out of it

25. Why didn't the physicists go scuba diving?
He couldn't take the pressure

26.Why couldn't the physicist calculate the centroid?
he/she was caught up in the moment

27. What is a popular breed of dog with physicists?
Labratory retrievers

28. What did the physicist go as for halloween?
A gausst (ghost)

29. What do you call electromagnetic coils that fill a plane?
a tesslation

30. What do physicists call tweezers?

31. Which African wildebeast came up with three universal laws in 1667?
Sir Isaac Gnuten

32. What part of Europe is a shear physicists from?
The bulkans

33. Who is a famous superhero to physicists?
The incredible Bulk modulus

34.Why don't physicists travel much?
They can't go over the c

35.Who was the knighted physicist?

36. Why was the physicist in a sling?
He/she had solder surgery

37.What do you call an army of physicians?

38. What did the professor do when the physicist got an answer of 0?
He crossed his "i"s

39.What do physics sentries ask?
Friend or Photon

40.Why are physicists not camera shy?
They often deal with the photo-electric effect

41. How do physicists make origami?
With an 8 fold path

42. Who treats a scientists alements?
A physician

43. What do you call someone who studies soda?
A fizzycist

44.What is the pirate law of springs?
Captain Hooke's law

45.What is the famous mathematician's rule for dealing with dairies?
Creamers rule

46.What do you call someone who studies weight?
A massochist

47.How do you calculate the positions of South park Characters?
Using Kenny-matic equations

48.What do you call the speed of a tone producing object?
Its Bellocity

49.Why are reptiles like energy?
They are both scalar

50. Why is spiderman not a vector?
Because he is a scalar

51.What do you call a moving set of uncles, aunts, nephews, and cousins?
Relative motion

52.Who do pictures look up information from?
A reference frame

53.How do you fix a broken Newton?
With Newtonian Mechanics

54.How do you fix a broken symphony?
With classical mechanics

55.What do you call soldiers on the march?
Uniform motion

56.What happened when the physics student bombed his torque test?
He got an F

57.Name another hero in physics?
Super position

58.Why didn't the force push the physicist off into space?
It wasn't normal

59.Why couldn't the physicist calculate mass times gravity?
He had to weight

60.What comes before tension?

61.What is the oposite of a pulley?
A pushy

63.What do you call it if you test the air resistance of female royalty?
A drag queen

64.What physics concept commonly comes from cats?
Mew (Mu)

65.What is a difficult thing to determine in physics?
Weather something is fact or Friction

66.How fast do plugs move?
At Terminal velocity

67.What do physicists give their significant others for their aniversaries?

68.What is the favored airlines among physicists?

69.Are their game preserves set up for the conservation of energy?

70.Why are astronomers good at GRAMmer?
They deal with the law of periods

71.Why is Bernoulli's principle so exciting?
Because it is uplifting

72. Why is studying the shells of atoms so much fun?
Because it is exciting

73.What happens if you throw a small musical instrument?
Its harmonica motion

74.Why was a spring wet?
It was damped

75.Why are trains like electricity?
They both deal with conductors

76.Why are electricians so up to date?
They are up on current events

77.How do physicists meditate?
By chanting the universal ohm

78. Why do physicists like calimari?
IT reminds them of squids

79.What car does a physicist drive?
A charger

80.How do you create a society of electromagnetic engineers?
You induct them

81.What is is called when a magnet escapes?

82. What state do many physics professors live in?
A solid state

83.Why is listening to talks about spherical atoms so difficult?
It is Bohring

84. Why are physicists so inquisitive?
They are curie ous

85.How do you treat sick electrons?
With spin doctors

86.How do you know the direction of travel of an electro magnetic wave?
You have to know which way it is poynting

87.What happened to Admiral Scott?
He was Polarized

88.What arachnids do physicists have to worry about?

89.If you divide something twice is it a re-fraction

90.Why do physicist like to play guitar?
They are listening to string theory

91.What happened witht he physicist and the pirate?
The physicist had to walk the Planck

92. Who wrote the physics encyclopedia?

93.What happens when you give an electron general anesthesia?
You get an electron numb-er

94.When do electrons sing?
When they are in a choral

95.When Schrodinger may or may not have liquified his cat what happened?
He was catatonic

96.Why isn't the atom up to date with pop culture?
It lives a shelltered life

97.Why are atoms like horse residents?
Because Atoms are stable

98.How do armies of electrons fight?
They charge

99.Why was the superconductor thrown out of the olympics?
It was doped

100.Why was the computer technician so cranky?
He had a chip on his shoulder

101 What do Nuclear physicists do on the weekends?
They go fission

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