101 Physics Jokes
1. What is a fundamental cow particle?
A moo on
2. Why are most physicsts catholic?
They are always dealing with mass
3. What is a physicts favorite movie?
Masster and commander
4-9. Who are some famous barnyard physicists?
Sir Francis Bacon
Sir Isaac Mooten
10. What is a famous broadway number amoung astrophysicists?
One singularity sensation
11.Who are the ladies in a physicists life?
His/her Ma, his/her MOMentum, and his/her GRAMma
12. How do physicists make their cowculations easier?
They assume spherical cows
13. Who composed a really dense statue of the Thinker?
14. Why do deities deal with the angular accelerations and angular velocities?
Because they are the alpha and the omega
15. What do you call a parade of wobbling tops?
16.How do physicists find girls?
By carbon dating
17. What is the opposite of Inert?
18. What do physicists call a couch potato (other than the immovable object)?
Something with an infinite inertia
19. Why didn't the physicist take the meeting seriously?
He didn't realize the situations gravity
20. Why do physicists like really large significant others?
They are attracted to them
21. What is an eastern religion based on balance and change practiced
by many physicists? Tauism
22. What do you despots controlling all of physics?
23. How are physicists nurished?
24. Why do atomic physicists love dealing with electrons?
They get a charge out of it
25. Why didn't the physicists go scuba diving?
He couldn't take the pressure
26.Why couldn't the physicist calculate the centroid?
he/she was caught up in the moment
27. What is a popular breed of dog with physicists?
28. What did the physicist go as for halloween?
A gausst (ghost)
29. What do you call electromagnetic coils that fill a plane?
30. What do physicists call tweezers?
31. Which African wildebeast came up with three universal laws in 1667?
Sir Isaac Gnuten
32. What part of Europe is a shear physicists from?
33. Who is a famous superhero to physicists?
The incredible Bulk modulus
34.Why don't physicists travel much?
They can't go over the c
35.Who was the knighted physicist?
36. Why was the physicist in a sling?
He/she had solder surgery
37.What do you call an army of physicians?
38. What did the professor do when the physicist got an answer of 0?
He crossed his "i"s
39.What do physics sentries ask?
Friend or Photon
40.Why are physicists not camera shy?
They often deal with the photo-electric effect
41. How do physicists make origami?
With an 8 fold path
42. Who treats a scientists alements?
43. What do you call someone who studies soda?
44.What is the pirate law of springs?
Captain Hooke's law
45.What is the famous mathematician's rule for dealing with dairies?
46.What do you call someone who studies weight?
47.How do you calculate the positions of South park Characters?
Using Kenny-matic equations
48.What do you call the speed of a tone producing object?
49.Why are reptiles like energy?
They are both scalar
50. Why is spiderman not a vector?
Because he is a scalar
51.What do you call a moving set of uncles, aunts, nephews, and cousins?
52.Who do pictures look up information from?
A reference frame
53.How do you fix a broken Newton?
With Newtonian Mechanics
54.How do you fix a broken symphony?
With classical mechanics
55.What do you call soldiers on the march?
56.What happened when the physics student bombed his torque test?
He got an F
57.Name another hero in physics?
58.Why didn't the force push the physicist off into space?
It wasn't normal
59.Why couldn't the physicist calculate mass times gravity?
He had to weight
60.What comes before tension?
61.What is the oposite of a pulley?
63.What do you call it if you test the air resistance of female royalty?
A drag queen
64.What physics concept commonly comes from cats?
65.What is a difficult thing to determine in physics?
Weather something is fact or Friction
66.How fast do plugs move?
At Terminal velocity
67.What do physicists give their significant others for their aniversaries?
68.What is the favored airlines among physicists?
69.Are their game preserves set up for the conservation of energy?
70.Why are astronomers good at GRAMmer?
They deal with the law of periods
71.Why is Bernoulli's principle so exciting?
Because it is uplifting
72. Why is studying the shells of atoms so much fun?
Because it is exciting
73.What happens if you throw a small musical instrument?
Its harmonica motion
74.Why was a spring wet?
It was damped
75.Why are trains like electricity?
They both deal with conductors
76.Why are electricians so up to date?
They are up on current events
77.How do physicists meditate?
By chanting the universal ohm
78. Why do physicists like calimari?
IT reminds them of squids
79.What car does a physicist drive?
80.How do you create a society of electromagnetic engineers?
You induct them
81.What is is called when a magnet escapes?
82. What state do many physics professors live in?
A solid state
83.Why is listening to talks about spherical atoms so difficult?
It is Bohring
84. Why are physicists so inquisitive?
They are curie ous
85.How do you treat sick electrons?
With spin doctors
86.How do you know the direction of travel of an electro magnetic wave?
You have to know which way it is poynting
87.What happened to Admiral Scott?
He was Polarized
88.What arachnids do physicists have to worry about?
89.If you divide something twice is it a re-fraction
90.Why do physicist like to play guitar?
They are listening to string theory
91.What happened witht he physicist and the pirate?
The physicist had to walk the Planck
92. Who wrote the physics encyclopedia?
93.What happens when you give an electron general anesthesia?
You get an electron numb-er
94.When do electrons sing?
When they are in a choral
95.When Schrodinger may or may not have liquified his cat what happened?
He was catatonic
96.Why isn't the atom up to date with pop culture?
It lives a shelltered life
97.Why are atoms like horse residents?
Because Atoms are stable
98.How do armies of electrons fight?
99.Why was the superconductor thrown out of the olympics?
It was doped
100.Why was the computer technician so cranky?
He had a chip on his shoulder
101 What do Nuclear physicists do on the weekends?
They go fission